Disclaimer: JE owns all the characters in this story.
A/N I want to give a special thank you to DyanSwan for editing this chapter and for encouraging me to post it. Everyone needs a "Brava" once in a while. Thank you, Diane.
Chapter 1
"It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now." the song on the radio seemed to mirror my own situation. It was a quarter after one and I was all alone and I really needed Ranger right now. Before I even realized what I was doing I reached for my phone and hit speed dial one. After two rings I heard a sleepy "Yo." I held my breath and heard "Babe?" I quickly disconnected and put my phone back on the nightstand. It had been two months since I broke up with Joe for good. I've been waiting for Ranger to make good on his promise to fill my bed if Morelli left it. But instead of moving in on me, he has been backing off.
My phone rang and I cringed. What am I going to tell Ranger? I answered my phone and Ranger said "Babe, what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, Ranger, I dialed by mistake. I didn't mean to call you. I am so sorry I woke you. Just go back to sleep. I am so sorry." I knew I was babbling but couldn't help myself.
Ranger just said "Babe" and disconnected. I put down my phone, feeling sorry for myself and started to cry. Ten minutes later, I was sobbing so loudly that I didn't hear the locks tumbling or the door opening. Ranger sat on the edge of my bed and caressed my cheek.
"Babe, Tell me what's wrong. Why are you crying?"
"Ranger," I said. "It has been two months since I broke up with Joe. You told me once that if Morelli was out of my bed for long you would be in it. But, instead you have completely backed off. No more stealing kisses. No stopping by my cubicle. You don't even talk to me anymore and today I saw you change directions so you could avoid me. What did I do to make you hate me, Ranger? Whatever it was please give me a chance to fix it. I...I'm so lonely. I feel like I have lost my best friend."
"Babe, How long has it been since you broke up with Morelli?"
"I told you. Two months."
"It has been exactly 59 days. And how long are you usually broken up before you get back together with him?"
"I don't know. I guess it's usually around two or three months."
"It's always been between 58 and 64 days. Friday will be the 64th day. If you hadn't reconciled with Morelli by then I was planning to ask you out on a date on Saturday night."
"Really?" I said sitting up and looking hopeful. "A real date? Like a movie or something?"
"Yes, a real date." Ranger answered, chuckling as he wiped the tears off my face. "But I was thinking more like dinner and dancing."
"That sounds wonderful, but if you were planning on asking me out, why have you been so distant lately?"
"I am really sorry if I seemed cold or distant to you, Steph. I wanted to make sure you weren't going to go back to Morelli before I asked you out so I decided I would wait the longest amount of time you took to go back to him before I made a move. The problem was the longer you were single, the harder it was for me to stay away from you. So I started to avoid you so I could avoid temptation."
"You couldn't just speed up your timeline a little bit?"
"Babe, you know when I make a plan, I stick to it. But I didn't realize I was hurting you so badly. I never meant to do that," Ranger said as he leaned in to kiss me softly on the lips.
"I was hurt, Ranger. I felt like my whole support system had disappeared. I felt like I was on a high wire without a net. Your friendship is so important to me. I didn't even realize how much I depend on you. When you say "Proud of you, Babe," it makes me feel like I could do anything. When you show up when one of my cars blows up just to make sure I am all right, it makes me feel so special because you care enough to stop whatever you are doing and come. You give me confidence because you believe in me. I need you, Ranger. I need you now."
Ranger took me into his arms and held me close. "I guess I will have to change my timeline because I need you now, too."
And then Ranger showed me how much he needed me and I showed him how much I needed him. Our lovemaking was incredible, amazing, spectacular and so sweet I almost cried. He had officially done it. He had ruined me for all other men.
I woke up on top of Ranger. My mouth was tucked into his neck and without thinking I started nuzzling him and kissing his neck. "Mmm, you smell sooo good." I whispered in his ear. Then I licked him. "And you taste good, too."
Then Ranger flipped us over and started kissing his way down my body. And this is the thing about Ranger. He loves to kiss. And he kisses everywhere. A lot. After I came down from my Ranger induced orgasm, Ranger suggested we shower and dress. He said we had some talking to do. UH OH. Delay! Delay! Delay! My brain was telling me. In my experience nothing good ever came when someone said, "We need to talk."
So when we got into the shower together, I started to put my delaying tactics to the test. And what do you know? It turns out I'm pretty good in the shower, too.
Of course, all too soon, the hot water started to run out. Nothing puts a damper on passion like ice-cold water. So we turned off the shower, dried off and got dressed. Once we were settled at the kitchen table with coffee, Ranger started to talk.
"Babe, I still want to take you out for dinner and dancing this weekend, but since we have put the cart before the horse, so to speak, I think we need to talk about what we each want and need out of a relationship."
I looked at him hesitantly and asked softly, "Are we going to have a relationship, Ranger?"
He reached over and tucked a curl behind my ear. " I would really like to have a relationship with you and since I know you don't do casual sex it would seem that you want one too."
In my head I did a little happy dance. Maybe this talk wouldn't be so bad after all. But, I needed more information. So I asked, "What happened to, my life doesn't lend its self to relationships? Has something changed?"
"Well, my government contract is almost done and I have decided not to renew it. My life will still be dangerous, but the missions I went on were by far the most dangerous part of my life. I have loved you for a long time, Babe, but I didn't think it would be fair to you to start something when there was a better than average chance that I wouldn't make it back from one of my missions."
"I 'm a big girl, Ranger. I don't need you to make my decisions for me. I've loved you for a long time, too. You should have trusted me with the truth and let me decide whether I wanted to take a chance on us even if it might mean ending up with a broken heart. I could still wind up with a broken heart if we try this thing and it doesn't work. Of course it wouldn't be as bad as you being killed, but I would still be devastated. I kept going back to Morelli, trying to make it work because I didn't think there was a chance in hell to ever have a relationship with you. But breaking up with him didn't break my heart. Thinking I had lost your friendship did." I was working myself into rhino mode, but I really didn't want to lose it with Ranger so I quit talking.
"It wasn't that I didn't trust you with the truth, Babe, and it wasn't only that it wouldn't be fair to you if I came home in a body bag. When I am on a mission I can't afford any distractions. If we were together and I knew you were waiting for me to come home, that could be a distraction that could get me killed."
That, of course, killed my mad so I said, "Okay." Because I would never be able to live with myself if I thought I had contributed to Ranger's death.
"Well" I said, "Okay Okey dokey. This was a good talk but I need to get to work. So I'll see you later, right?" I started to get up from my seat.
"Not so fast, Babe. We're not done here yet," Ranger said as he pulled me back down.
"What do you mean," I said. "I think we covered everything."
"Not by a long shot, Babe."
"Okay. What else do you want to talk about?"
"Well," Ranger said, elbows on the tables with his fingers steepled together. "To begin with, I think we need to discuss what we each need in a relationship. Tell me, what is the most important thing to you in a relationship?"
"That's easy…Love."
"No, Babe. Love is a given…and it is only a starting place for a relationship. Love alone won't sustain it."
"Oh, I think I understand what you mean. Probably for me, the most important thing would be trust. I would need to trust my partner and I need to be trusted."
"Exactly. Trust would be at the top of my list, too. Get us each a pen and paper and let's each make a list of what we need to make a go of it. Then we can compare lists."
So I hopped up and grabbed some pens and paper and Ranger and I got to work. After what seemed like a few minutes, Ranger put down his pen and went to the living room to make some calls. Either he had a very short list or he had already given this some thought. I had a few things under trust (like fidelity…Duh) but I knew there were things I couldn't quite grasp. Then I started to think about what went wrong in my marriage and with Morelli and all of a sudden I was on a roll. Thinking of what I hated made me realize what I needed. When I told Ranger I was finished he sat back down at the table to compare our lists. Just as I suspected, his was short. What can I say? Ranger doesn't need much.
Ranger's List
1. Trust
2. Honesty
3. Respect
4. Fidelity
Stephanie's List
1. Trust
2. Fidelity
3. Honesty
4. Communication
5. Respect
6. Commitment
7. Support
8. Understanding
"Well", Ranger said as he compared the lists. "It looks like our values are compatible since everything on my list is also on yours. Let's discuss the other things on your list. I understand communication. I'm not very good at it but I do understand it."
I glared at him and he raised his hands up as if backing away.
"Sorry, Babe. I do know communication is very important to you and I will try to be more forthcoming. You'll just have to be patient with me because I've always been a very private person. Then participating in so many secret missions and also being in the security business, which requires absolute discretion, I have become more and more uncommunicative. But I promise I will try."
"That's okay, Ranger" I said. "I know sharing doesn't come naturally or easily to you. As long as you try, that's all that matters."
"Back to your list. I thought commitment was a given since we are entering into a committed relationship and I have always supported you."
"That's true, Ranger. But this is generic remember? These are things I need to be happy and secure with anyone. But, I know that won't be a problem with you because you have given me your trust, respect and support for a long time."
"And you always will have it, Babe. But the last one on your list…what do I need to understand?"
"Not do….be."
"What!"
"You know how I screw up sometimes? Well, everyone does once in awhile, but I seem to do so more than most. I need to have understanding because I really don't screw up on purpose. At least most of the time it really isn't my fault. But sometimes I screw up when I did something I knew I shouldn't do and that's when I need understanding more than ever."
"Babe" Ranger said as he gently cupped my face in his hands. "It's not so much that you screw up a lot, it's that you are a magnet for trouble. And I will be understanding if you promise to be understanding about my need to protect you."
I rolled my eyes. "It isn't the same thing, Ranger," I said.
"It is exactly the same thing," Ranger replied as he kissed me.
Okay, I thought. Maybe I can be understanding, too.