Chappy number two is up! I meant to add it along with the first one, but my Internet crashed. I hope you enjoy it. It has far more humor than the first one.
This one is in the third person, so there's no Byakushi's POV- apparently Yachiru's been using my body as a gigai :D – unlike the first one.
Disclaimer: All Bleach characters are Kubo-san's property. If they were mine some wicked things would happen.... Like writing "Hit me I'm stupid" on Tousen's glasses. I own nothing.
---------------X--------------
The usual suspects were all together. Of course they were all doing the usual thing they did when together. Drink sake!
Renji, not being particularly a fan of sake stood outside the bar wondering if he should enter, since if he did he would be coerced into drinking. Unluckily for him, he had no choice. Inside the bar resided Kira, Shuuhei, Iba, Ikkaku and Yumichika, and they were chattering the night away between sips of their favorite beverage.
"Damn it! They're all there, drinking as usual. What am I going to do?" He thought to himself. "I have to find someone who can replace me for as long as I'm gone. And Kuchiki-taicho was very specific. I must select one of the fukutaicho's. And they are probably already very busy with their own work to be concerning themselves with mine"
Renji continued to stand in front of the door thinking hard about his present situation, until a solution came to mind.
"Maybe I should just try and convince the taicho to take this off my hands. He's very strict with training, and if I'm able to convince him that there's no one suited for the job, he'll have no choice but to do it himself"
Renji was sure his plan would work, albeit it would take a lot of begging on his part. He knew his taicho wouldn't be pleased at his lack of capability in resolving such a simple matter.
Just as he was getting ready to leave towards the sixth division, he was spotted.
"Renji!" she said, hugging him from behind.
"Rangiku-san?"
"You came to meet with the gang! How nice of you to join us"
"Actually, I was just about to turn in for the night" he said, smirking at the blonde fukutaicho.
"Hmm…" she sounded, thinking to herself.
"Argh…Don't be such a spoilsport! Come on, let's have us a drink Renji"
She dragged him inside the bar, and it was then when he realized there was no escaping Matsumoto Rangiku's hold. Amongst the male shinigami population it was referred to as the suffocating boobs bear hug, and there was no known way to break free from it.
From the minute he was walked – or dragged - inside the bar, he knew his night would not end well. As soon as he sat down on the table, he was handed his first cup of sake. And it seemed to him as if everyone was expecting him to finish, only to refill his cup as soon as it occurred. He could feel the pressure. Even Rangiku took her first cup and swigged it with such ease as if it were a cup of water.
Renji sipped on the sake, knowing there was no escaping the situation.
As he continued to hang with the usual suspects, drinking his third cup of sake, he could feel the next day's hangover starting to build. Regardless of it, he listened carefully to the conversation at the table. Shuuhei and Kira were babbling on about who had more skills with the shinigami women between the two of them.
"You haven't scored a date in four months Shuuhei, how could you even consider yourself a ladies man, or a man as a matter of fact?" Kira said smugly.
"You have no idea how much work I've to go through lately. Since Tousen left, I have to handle my duties and his too. Well I guess they're not his duties anymore"
"Don't play that card on me Shuuhei. My captain left too. I've got just as much work as you, if not more"
Renji sat there thinking, sipping away at his fourth cup of sake. He knew there was no way he could face his taicho the next morning with a hangover and without a solution to his problem. So he started to go in his head through all the possible candidates.
"Boys stop fighting" Yumichika said "It's not pretty"
"Leave them be Yumichika. Anyways, neither of them is any good with women" Ikkaku uttered.
"That's it!" Renji said to himself.
"Madarame Ikkaku. Third seat of the eleventh division" - Renji stopped his train of thought only to discover - "Oh crap, He's not a fukutaicho! I guess that crosses Yumichika off the list too"
"Kiddies, he's right!" Rangiku said. "Neither of you is any good with women! There's a bar filled with beautiful shinigami women and you're here talking to the other. Hell, even I'm sitting with you and no one is paying any attention to me"
Renji carried on thinking, oblivious to what happened around him.
"I can't ask Omaeda cause he's always with his finger up his nose, and that will irate Kuchiki-taicho. Kira and Shuuhei are too busy with practically running their divisions to be subbing for me. Same goes for Hinamori. Iba drinks pretty much all nights, so he's bound to go half drunk to train and then I'll never hear the end of if from my taicho, even considering that he's not a man of many words. Isane is fourth division, that's enough reason cause they're not too skilled in combat. Kyouraku-taicho won't spare his lovely Nanao-chan for even a day. Same goes for Nemu, cause Kurotsuchi-taicho can't live without her. Who does that leave then?"
"Don't be so jealous Ran-chan, they're secretly in love with each other. There's no way they'd pay you any attention with the other in the same room" Yumichika stated.
"Yeah Ran-chan, don't take it personal. Like I said, they're both losers" Ikkaku replied
"Whatcha saying there light bulb? You're no different from them" Rangiku said smirking at Ikkaku.
"Who do you think you are Rangiku, Yachiru-fukutaicho?" Ikkaku replied annoyed at Rangiku's remark.
That's when it hit Renji's mind.
"Crap! There's only one option for me. I can't ask Yachiru to sub for me, Zaraki wouldn't hear of it. Plus, she constantly annoys Kuchiki-taicho and that means I will suffer all the consequences of her harassments towards my taicho once I place one foot in Soul Society. And being cut up into a million little pieces by a tide of infuriated pink is not my idea of a warm welcome… Oh man, I guess I'll have to beg"
"Rangiku-san" Renji said shyly, looking at the busty shinigami.
"The man dares to speak!" she retorted.
"I have a huge favor to ask of you" he stated, slapping in his face the best representation of puppy dog eyes he could score.
"I'm listening. But first, another one" Rangiku mouthed, serving him yet another cup of sake. This served him well since he needed the courage.
"I'm leaving in two days for Karakura on assignment. I need someone to sub for me in training the officers of the division while I'm away, since my taicho's far too busy with his work to do it himself. So I—''
"What's in it for me Renji?" She said flirtatiously. "I do have my own work remember?"
"Ok! What's it going to take for you to say yes?" Renji replied with a very serious look on his face, aware that the blonde was blackmailing him.
"You're going to Karakura, right?"
"Yes"
"There are a few errands I need you to take care off for me then" she said slyly.
"That's all! Just a few errands?" Renji replied cutting his eyes at her.
"A few errands"
Little did Renji know the blonde would start dictating him a really long list of chores he was to address once in Karakura.
"Are you kidding me Rangiku!?" Renji shouted, irritated by her incredible list of demands. "Completing this will take all my time while I'm there, and then a little more. Please tell me that you're kidding!"
"One question Renji. If I asked you such a huge favor, wouldn't you take advantage of it? You did put yourself at my disposal" Rangiku replied seriously.
"No I would not! It's lacking in compassion. I couldn't do that to a friend"
"So then, I'm your friend Renji?"
"Of course"
"Very well. I'll do it. You don't even have to do the list. I'll throw this one in for free my friend" She retorted, smiling widely at Renji.
A sweat drop ran down Renji's face, flabbergasted at Rangiku's response. After such an unselfish act, all he had left to do was simple.
"Thank you Rangiku-san"
"Don't mention it" she winked at him "Oh, but haven't I told you to call me Ran-chan? What's with all that formality between friends?"
"Thank you Ran-chan" he corrected.
Once Renji had resolved the matter of his absence, he actually was able to enjoy the rest of the night with the usual suspects, drinking and chatting the night away.
---------------X--------------
"Renji!"
"Rangiku-san!?" Renji replied, looking up at the blonde fukutaicho standing in front of his desk.
"I thought we had an agreement Renji. I told you, it's Ran-chan"
Renji cleared his throat "I'm sorry, Ran-chan".
"See!? Much better"
"What are you doing here Rangiku?" he answered, looking around the room as if she was not supposed to be there.
"You asked me for a favor didn't you? Well here I am, reporting for duty"
"But Rangiku, I don't leave until tomorrow, you can go to your office and handle your business"
"My taicho is not expecting me to be there for at least half an hour from now" She said nonchalantly "Plus, I think it might be good that you talk to Toshiro before you leave. If not he'll really think I'm skipping work, and even he can tell the difference between fashionably late and not coming to work altogether"
"Fashionably…?" Renji thought to himself, lost from the conversation.
"Do you always do this Renji? Space out while others are talking to you? Or are you hung over?"
"What!?" He replied annoyed at her comment.
"Hung over it is then"
"I am not hung over! I'm perfectly fine. Anyways, is your fault that I—"
Renji stopped talking for a moment, fully aware of what was coming. Better said, who was coming.
"Shh. My taicho's coming" He whispered to Rangiku.
"So? Are you really that afraid of him?"
"I'm not afraid of him!" He said arrogantly "It's just that Kuchiki-taicho doesn't like noise, especially in his office"
"But he's not here yet"
"Can you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"Exactly! See, when the officers and recruits sense Kuchiki-taicho's coming, they all stop talking"
"So they're afraid of him?"
"Well yes of course, but that's not why they keep quiet"
"Why is it then?"
"They're trying to impress him"
"How does keeping quiet helps?" She answered puzzled.
"They want him to think that they've been working hard even before he arrives. Of course, he doesn't buy it. But I don't complain. That way I can tell he's coming and be prepared"
"Why do you need to know he's coming?"
"Do you always ask this many questions Rangiku? Ikkaku's right, you're—"
"Abarai-fukutaicho" Byakuya said.
"Taicho!?" Renji answered surprised, nodding at Byakuya.
Byakuya turned his head briefly to glance at Renji, noticing he was accompanied by Rangiku.
"Matsumoto-fukutaicho"
"Good Morning Kuchiki-taicho" She retorted in her usual demeanor.
Byakuya sat at his desk focusing on today's paperwork, while Renji and Rangiku stood silently staring at him.
"What business brings you here, Matsumoto-fukutaicho?" Byakuya asked, still looking at his desk.
"She's here looking for me Taicho" Renji replied. "Matsumoto-fukutaicho has agreed to replace me in practice while I'm gone, so she's asking me to notify her taicho"
Byakuya kept looking down at his desk. Although they couldn't read it in his face, he was surprised by Renji's choice.
"Very well then Abarai-fukutaicho. You should respond to Matsumoto-fukutaciho's request and notify Hitsugaya-taicho of the situation"
"I'm on it taicho. I'll be back as soon as I can talk to Hitsugaya-taicho and explain the situation" Renji retorted, getting up from his desk. "We'll leave you to your work then"
Byakuya briefly looked up at Renji in his usual cold manner as the vice-captains proceeded to leave the office. He didn't know much about Matsumoto Rangiku, but she was indeed a vice-captain. These next few weeks would be interesting.
---------------X--------------
So that was chapter two. I hope you got a few laughs at least. I thought it was funny when I wrote it but I do tend to have a wicked sense of humor.
I think I wrote Renji a little silly, but it seems to me that he acts like that around his friends, so I'm okay with it. He's serious while he fights, but outside of shinigami matters he's just a sweetheart.
Once again, I invite you to put your hand on the mouse (or your finger on the touchpad), move that little arrow thingy toward the little button at the end and leave me a comment. As usual constructive criticism is welcomed.