Chapter 5 people.

I want to thank all of those who have reviewed. I can't tell you how happy you've made me by leaving a comment. It's nice to know you're liking things so far.

Before you hate me and curse me out I must say that I KNOW this chapter is short. But, a couple of things play into this. One, this was really hard for me to write. You'll see it once you've read it. Number two, there's no reason to embellish this, it's very straight to the point but if you ask me, the point is a big one. No reason to beat around the bush.

Disclaimer: All Bleach characters are Kubo-san's property. If they were mine some wicked things would happen.... Like a candy eating contest between Ukitake, Urahara and Yachiru. I'd pay good money to see that. I own nothing.

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"I thought I could find you here"

"Good morning"

"You're up early. I was hoping we could have breakfast before you left for work, but I guess we'll have to dismiss it"

"I only wanted to admire the gardens for a while before leaving"

"They do look beautiful, don't they?"

"Here, I picked this for you"

"A flower. Did you pick this from the garden?"

"It's the first one to bloom in the season. I don't make a habit of cutting flowers from the gardens, but I saw it and it reminded me of you"

A smile

"Happy anniversary, my dear Hisana"

A kiss

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After I left the tenth division, I decided to return to the office and immerse myself in the pile of paperwork on my desk. Work always provided me with a distraction, as well as an alibi to avoid contact with others. I was in no mood to be around people.

I know such a petty problem should not disturb me so deeply, but I was beyond understanding. I do feel Hitsugaya-taicho is right. I must have patience instead of letting the issue get to me. I could try and reason my way out of it, say that it's all Renji's fault for letting things get so far, but I know that's not the case. All divisions seem to have similar problems so replacing the officers, though it would peace me, could only aggravate the situation.

I know all of this. I understand all of this. In fact, I don't truly worry over it. This is nothing but the reflection of my inner turmoil upon my work.

This damned season.

I signed and signed papers, sure that if someone were in the office they would hear my brushings. I needed to vent, but I didn't have the time to indulge in such desire.

My wall was cracking right in front of me. I felt so vulnerable. I was only glad there was no one else in the office to witness my state. They would only regard it as anger, not deception, not sadness, not loneliness.

What do they know about emotions? They're always speaking of how sullen I seem, how I am deprived of emotion. They never try to see past my haughty appearance and see me.

She saw me. She understood me. She gave me answers to my problems.

She was my light, but it fainted slowly in front of me, leaving me in the dark.

Why did she have to die? Why couldn't I go with her? Why must I be forced by fate to fend my way through this season when all it does is remind me of her?

My brush fell from my hand as a tear made it's way down my cheek.

I had lost all control over me. I couldn't think straight and felt choked by emotions. I was wilting right in front of my desk, that place that always provided me comfort.

I tried breathing. Once. Twice. Until it stopped. I picked my brush and resumed work.

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"Hello"

Her picture rested in the shrine, motionless as all objects do.

I tried speaking, getting as far as opening my mouth. All that came was a sigh.

"Give me an answer Hisana"

A sigh.

"How do I move on from this? How can I feel normal again?"

A pause.

"I know you wouldn't want this for me. You always cared for me. I can't feel anything but lonely without you. And I know you don't want me to suffer. So please tell me, how do I move on from this?"

I bowed my head in silence. So many thoughts were racing in my head that I couldn't hear any of them.

"My usual methods have failed me. I can't hide behind my work anymore. I can't throw my feelings aside as I usually do. I'm disarmed Hisana. And I want to blame you. For leaving me. For not being strong enough. I defended you until the end, and—"

One breath.

"You still left, and I couldn't help you. I gave everything for you"

I frowned, trying my best to close the door that spilled all my secrets into the air.

"I loved you with all my heart Hisana. And I've never regretted it for a second. But I need peace"

I got up from my position knelt in front of her shrine and stood in my feet.

"I need to leave you behind. I need to think of my future. I can't drown on these feelings anymore"

And that line made its way through my mouth once again, as it did every spring.

"This year my spring won't be so dark. I need this"

I walked towards the door, feeling rested after releasing all those thoughts into the night, although one remained.

"I still love you, but you can't love me back… So I'm moving on"

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Ok, I don't know if after reading this chapter you feel the same way I did after writing it. I don't want you to be down but our poor Byakushi is feeling alone =(

Next chapter up by Sunday I promise. I'm almost done with it. I was hoping I could do a double post for chapters 5 and 6 but I lost the file, so I had to write chapter 6 all over again. I think it's going to be better than the original though. Nice surprise coming on chapter 6 =D

Anyways, leave your comments and tell me how you like things so far. Comments cheer me up, and I've been having a string of bad days, so they would help.

Comments = Faster writing… But no pressure. Really!