Chapter 22: A New Man

A/N: No, I did not kill Chiaro, calm down. Cesare just thought I did. Actually, I killed Cesare… but don't worry, just read.

A/N 2: I was originally going to do this chapter just from Chiaro's perspective, until I started wondering how it would feel to get a new body. And then, of course, I had to write about it. I was thinking about when Chiaro freaked out over how light Cesare was when he was holding him after Cesare tried to kill Juan. I think as the demons took over him more and more, Cesare's human body was gradually becoming more shadow than substance, just a cover for the demons rather than a true body. Pisano, for instance, was almost entirely shadow, which was why he could heal himself instantly, and why he simply dissolved at Chiaro's touch. So basically, Cesare went from a body that was half shadow to a body that's all substance, which is why everything feels so different.

Chiaro felt a little dazed waking up, and he was a bit afraid to open his eyes. He didn't feel like he was in hell. Actually, he felt pretty good, considering he'd just been shot. Even not considering. Was he in heaven? But he was pretty sure he was lying on cold earth. Did that mean he was alive?

"Chiaro?" It was a child's voice, and Chiaro opened his eyes to see Sebastian's face over him. "You're alive!" Sebastian cried.

"I am?" Chiaro sat up, feeling for the arrow. It was gone, and there was no wound to show where it had been. Even the gash across his chest was completely gone, as were all of his remaining wounds from being tortured. "I am," he said, wondering a little. "Where's Cesare?" But looking around, he saw. Cesare was lying on the ground nearby, covered in blood. "Cesare?" Chiaro moved over and knelt beside him.

"It's okay… he's not dead," a little boy said. "He's not even wounded."

"Really?" Chiaro rolled Cesare over to see that his face was grimy with dried tears, sweat, and blood. "Cesare?"

…

Cesare felt his consciousness returning. People were talking. "…he's not dead. He's not even wounded." Were they talking about him? He didn't want to not be dead. Chiaro was gone. Chiaro was gone, and Cesare couldn't bring him back, and it was all Cesare's fault. Why had he believed God would save Chiaro? Everything was lost.

He felt himself being turned over, and light intruded through his closed eyelids. He put up a hand to cover them. "Leave me alone," he murmured. Someone shook him insistently, calling his name. If it was Volpe, Cesare would kill him. "Go away," he moaned. Why was this person still shaking him?

"Cesare, it's me. Wake up."

The voice sounded vaguely familiar. "Tagio?"

"No, Chiaro. Wake up." The voice sounded amused.

"Chiaro?" Cesare opened his eyes. The light from the stained glass window nearly blinded him and he blinked several times. A moment later, he could make out Chiaro's face, raising an eyebrow. He tried to sit up, still blinking. His body felt heavy, like he'd suddenly become a thousand times more solid.

"You okay?" An arm wrapped around him, pulling him into a sitting position. There were Sebastian, Marco, the medicine woman, and a man he vaguely recognized, all gathered around, looking concerned. Well, Cesare definitely wasn't dead. The arm was still wrapped around him, warm and strong. Hesitantly, he turned to see the face of the person holding him. It looked like Chiaro. But it couldn't really be, could it?

"Cesare…." Chiaro's face looked nervous. "You do recognize me, right?"

"Chiaro… yes, but…." Was Chiaro a ghost? Gingerly, Cesare reached out to touch his face. It felt solid, yet somehow different from before. Everything felt different from before. More real, like Cesare had just woken up from a dream. "You're… you're alive?" Cesare asked.

"Last time I checked. Believe me, I'm as surprised as you are. What happened? I don't understand."

He didn't understand? "I… I'm not sure…." Cesare's mind was having a very hard time processing everything. He didn't want to believe Chiaro was alive. He was afraid it would turn out to be a cruel joke. And his body felt very strange, which was distracting. He felt more confined, and weaker, but somehow stronger. Empty, but somehow full. His mind was impossibly quiet, which was unnerving. Suddenly, Cesare understood. "They're gone," he said. "But… if they're gone… then how…?" A tiny beam of hope broke through his cloud of despair. "Why do you think you're limited to only one mercy?" the bright figure had asked.

"Cesare, who's gone?" Chiaro asked.

"I…." Cesare's heart began to beat a little faster, and he felt the pulse, solid and strong, sending real, clean blood through his body. It made him feel almost dizzy, and he took a deep breath. Never had the air felt so fresh or made him feel so alive. He gripped Chiaro's arm and felt his pulse. He was warm and alive. Chiaro was alive! "You're alive… and they're gone… I… but… but that wasn't what…."

"Aren't you happy Chiaro's alive?" Sebastian asked, looking confused.

"Yes, but…." Cesare turned to Chiaro again and touched his face, then gripped his hair. This was impossible. God couldn't possibly have healed him and given him Chiaro back. "Are… are you sure you're not a ghost?"

"As sure as I am that you're not."

No. It wasn't impossible. Nothing was impossible. Cesare suddenly hugged Chiaro tightly. "He healed us both," he whispered, then realized hugging Chiaro was premature. He kissed Chiaro's forehead then let go. He got to his feet, marveling at how alive and whole he felt as he walked to the altar and knelt, his mind scrambling too much to come up with anything but liturgy. "O God, of your mercies there is no number, and of your goodness the treasure is infinite… I render thanks to your most gracious majesty for the gifts you have bestowed upon us…." Suddenly there were tears in his eyes, and even liturgy failed him. "Thank you," he said. "Thank you. Thank you!" He was vaguely conscious of everyone in the room staring at him, but he didn't care.

…

Chiaro got to his feet and walked to the altar, where his master and friend was profusely thanking God, a sight he never would have expected to see. He was trying to piece together what had happened, but he could only gather that he'd somehow been miraculously healed, though Cesare hadn't expected he would be. But what did he mean when he said, 'He healed us both'? Then his mouth fell open. He sharpened his sight to see the demons, but there weren't any. Not one. "Cesare," he said slowly, "When you say, 'they're gone'…."

Cesare looked up at him with a smile, his eyes warm and full and absolutely human. He looked a bit plainer than before, though Chiaro couldn't say what exactly had changed. He just knew that the plainness was much more pleasant than the unearthly beauty had been. "You wanted me to stay with you," Cesare said. "I think I can now."

Chiaro blinked. How had Cesare known about that? He hadn't said anything. Had he? He felt his cheeks grow a little warm. What had he said during the time he was sick? Cesare rose and came and hugged him tightly. He was solid and much heavier than before, and suddenly Chiaro's heart exploded with joy. He wasn't going to lose Cesare to the demons? He wouldn't have to kill Cesare? Cesare would never have to be tormented again, would never have to struggle against them? It was too much to hope for, but it was true, right in front of him. He hugged Cesare tightly, his eyes suddenly wet with tears. He was beyond words. He managed to blink back his tears enough to see the crucifix. "Thank you," he mouthed through his tears. "Thank you."

"Are you all right?" Cesare asked, looking a bit concerned.

Chiaro nodded, smiling, but he still couldn't speak.

"Um…" Sebastian said hesitantly. "What… happened? Who's gone?" He looked curiously at Cesare. "You look different."

Cesare smiled. "Do I?"

"Yes. You look nicer."

Cesare laughed. "You said… this is God's house. He is a generous host."

Sebastian smiled and nodded firmly.

"What… happened, signore?" the medicine woman asked. "How is it that this man is alive?"

"God saved him, of course," Sebastian said. "Right, Chiaro?"

Chiaro nodded, finally managing to speak. "Right."

"Was Signore Cesare sick? Is that why he said, 'He healed us both'?"

"In a way," Cesare said. He turned to the blacksmith. "Who are you?"

"The blacksmith," the man replied with a smile. "Fillipo Rinaldi. I've shoed your horses a few times. If you're wondering why I'm here, I'm a friend of the boys, and it's my horse you borrowed for your friend."

"Oh. Thank you."

"Not at all. It isn't every day one witnesses a near resurrection."

Not to mention an exorcism, Chiaro thought.

Cesare took out a few gold pieces. "Here… for the use of your horse."

The man waved his hand. "I couldn't."

"Please, I insist. You also," he said, holding out money to the medicine woman. "Please, God can't use the money, but I'm sure you can."

The blacksmith smiled. "Well, if you insist." He and the medicine woman both took the money.

"As for you two…" Cesare said, looking at the boys. He looked at Chiaro and raised his eyebrows, silently asking a question. Chiaro blinked and his eyes widened. Was Cesare suggesting what he thought Cesare was suggesting? He grinned, and Cesare smiled. "Do you have anyone you stay with who can't spare you?" he asked Sebastian.

"No, sir. We live by ourselves."

"Well, then, would and your brother like to come with us? We're going to Florence, and I'm going to try to start a school. I could teach you how to read, and how to fight."

"Florence," Sebastian said, sounding awestruck. "Really?"

"If these fine people can spare the both of you."

The medicine woman smiled. "I think they would both enjoy it a great deal."

"Marco, what do you think?" Sebastian asked.

Marco nodded firmly. "When can we go?"

"As soon as I've gone back and collected some supplies for the journey," Cesare said.

"I can do—" Chiaro began.

"No!" Cesare interrupted, staring at Chiaro like he was out of his mind. Which, in light of recent events, he probably was. "Stay here."

"Are you going to kill him?" Chiaro asked, not feeling it necessary to say who.

"I don't know. He still has his uses."

Chiaro smiled. Some things never changed.

…

Cesare was a little nervous as he approached home. He was approached by Pedro as soon as he entered. "Master Cesare, Signore della Volpe wishes to speak with you."

"I'm sure he does. Tell him I'm home."

"All right." Pedro ran off and returned a few moments later with Volpe, who bowed.

"Tagio," Cesare said coolly.

"Is it your intention to kill me, Cesare?"

"That depends."

Volpe came closer. "I realize this will probably be difficult for you, but the constant struggle was wearing on you."

"I understand exactly why you killed Chiaro," Cesare said.

"Indeed?"

"I only hope you can understand why I still wish to leave Rome."

Volpe stared at him. "But… Cesare, I…." He broke off. "Will you take me with you?"

"No. I want you to take over for me here. That will be your punishment for killing Chiaro, or your reward if you choose to see it as such. Dye your hair and wear a mask. My father already understands the situation and has promised to explain it to my sister."

"What should my reasoning be for wearing a mask?"

"Come up with something. You're an intelligent man."

"You want me to do this for you? If I am serving you, I will do anything."

"Yes. I want this to be your service to me. I may write you with advice from time to time, depending on what I learn of your activity."

"Thank you."

"I may not see you again face to face, however."

"I… I understand."

"Now if you will please not interfere while I gather my possessions, I would appreciate it." Cesare went and gathered enough money for four people and two horses to live on comfortably for a few months, several sets of clothing for himself and Chiaro, food for the journey, and Chiaro's Bible, then bade farewell to Volpe, who still looked confused, and left.

Half an hour later, he was back at the church, where Chiaro was chatting with Sebastian. Chiaro sighed with relief when he came in and hugged him.

"You were worried?" Cesare asked, amused.

"Well, I didn't know what he'd do to you. You're not immortal."

"No, I'm not," Cesare said with a smile. "I brought your Bible." He handed it to Chiaro.

"Hey, thanks." He looked at Cesare curiously. "So… are we leaving tonight, or not until tomorrow morning?"

Cesare hesitated. "Tonight would probably be best… everyone will be looking for us in the morning. Unless you're too tired?"

"Not me. The boys might be, though. Marco is already asleep."

"We'll manage," Sebastian said stoutly. "We just need to get out of town, right?"

Cesare nodded. "Are you ready, Chiaro?"

"More than ready."

"Then let's go."

This had to be the craziest thing Cesare had ever done, which was saying something. He was giving up everything. All of his plans, all of his ambitions, his title, everything. He couldn't help looking back a few times as they rode out of the city, and when they reached its limits he stopped altogether. He remembered standing on a hill just like this one with Chiaro. "I'll show you how big the world is… no place shall go untouched by my conquering hand!"

"Cesare?" Chiaro moved his horse so he was beside him. Marco and Sebastian were both sleeping now. Cesare turned to Chiaro, and smiled at this crazy, friendly kid who had joined him so long ago when he'd been filled with despair and had striven to make something out of his impossible fate. But he was human now, and he had his whole life ahead of him. He didn't want to destroy anything anymore.

"Are you all right?" Chiaro asked. "We… could go back."

Cesare smiled at him again. "Do you want to go back?"

Chiaro paused. "No."

Cesare raised his eyebrows, grinning. "Good for you, Chiaro, you learned to say no." He looked back at Rome. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and as he let it out, he let Rome go. He didn't have to own the world, or even Rome. It was enough to have Chiaro and these two boys, and the promise of a future without the demons. More than enough. "Well, I don't either." And with that, he turned his back on Rome.

It was several hours before they stopped again. Cesare was feeling unusually tired, and he realized he would need to learn to live within the limits of a normal human body. Strangely, though, this didn't really bother him. This tiredness he was feeling wasn't from the agony of fighting with the demons all day; it was just clean physical exhaustion. They managed to find an old ruin that offered some shelter from the wind, and Chiaro lit a fire.

Fortunately, Chiaro had bought some blankets during the time Cesare was retrieving their possessions, rightly assuming that Cesare wouldn't think to pack them. He made a bed for Sebastian and Marco, then one for himself and Cesare. A knot in Cesare's stomach relaxed. Apparently Chiaro wasn't going to stop sharing a bed with him just because he no longer needed Chiaro to. When they lay down, he gathered Chiaro close. For once, Chiaro didn't object, but snuggled closer.

Cesare didn't know how long he'd been sleeping when something woke him up.

"Cesare Borgia?" said a familiar voice. "Will you speak with me?"

Cesare gently released Chiaro to sit up. The bright figure was standing a few yards away, and for some reason Cesare could almost look at it now without being blinded. Cesare rose to his feet, took a few steps closer, then knelt and bowed. "Thank you," he said.

"You are more than welcome," the figure replied.

"Although I had a question." Cesare straightened a little, but still knelt. "If you meant all along to save us both and give Chiaro back to me, why did you imply that you would kill me and promise to send Chiaro to someone who would love him and protect him and care for him?"

The figure smiled. "Don't you see that's exactly what I did?"

Frowning in confusion, Cesare shook his head.

"You were right. It was impossible for you to survive your exorcism. That is why Chiaro could not heal you. Your link to life was lost when the demons fled at my command."

Cesare blinked. "So… I died?" That was a little disconcerting. "I'm not dead now, am I?"

"No. I raised you, making you a new man, and giving Chiaro a new master in the process. One who I believe will do just what you wished."

"Oh." Cesare smiled. Was he really able now to be the master Chiaro deserved? Well, there was no reason why he couldn't be.

"So, now that you are a new man," the figure said, "I came to ask if you would consider a change in your allegiance. Accept a master of your own, perhaps."

Cesare blinked a few times, feeling surprisingly pleased by the question. Was this how Chiaro had felt when Cesare had invited him to serve him? He smiled. "Are you going to show up like this on a regular basis?"

"This may be the last time, on this side of eternity. I believe you're strong enough to follow me on faith now."

"But why would you want me to follow you?" Cesare asked. "I… I can't even count how many times I've sinned. I never cared until now."

"Your sins were gone the moment you confessed them in the church yesterday night."

Cesare blinked. "Are you serious?"

"Yes."

Cesare hesitated, then straightened again. "Then I am yours."

The figure smiled. "I'll remember that."

"Can…" Cesare paused. "Can… can I hug you?"

"When next we meet," the figure replied with another smile. "It would break your mind if I touched you now. But we shall meet again. Until then, remember that I love you."

Cesare blinked. "I… oh…." He felt sure he was bright red. Was that the way he was supposed to react?

The figure laughed again and disappeared.

"I love you too," Cesare said quietly into the darkness. He took a deep breath and let it out

slowly.

"Cesare?" Chiaro murmured. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Cesare replied. He lay down, pulling Chiaro close again. He had so wanted to keep Chiaro by his side. "I love you."

"Love you too," Chiaro whispered, falling asleep again within seconds.

A/N 3: It just occurred to me, I think I'm the only Cantarella fanfic author who actually takes away Cesare's demons. Is that weird? Is it too bizarre with a happy ending?

Yeah, I know I just created a major historical paradox; I'll fix it in the next chapter.

As for the mysterious figure of light… I'm still trying to figure out if it's an angel or a theophany. I'm thinking the second. If you have no idea what I'm even talking about, don't worry about it. Whatever it was, God was speaking through it.