Edward POV

I couldn't remember the last time I fed on anything besides the rats that shared the dark hole of an attic I confined myself to. There was no desire to go out and hunt for something more substantial. Each day after I had left Forks bled into one another until they were just a massive blur of pain. Leaving Bella was the hardest thing I ever had to do. If I had a soul like she believed I did, I had left it with her. There was nothing left of me anymore. Even now, I deliberated going back, I imagined myself entering her open window enveloping myself in her sweet, scented embrace and begging, on my knees if I had to, to take me into her heart once more. I would spend decades if needed to convince her of my love.

But no, I couldn't do that. I had left for a reason and those reasons had not changed. I was still a vampire and only brought danger into her life. I could not go back knowing I would put in her harm's way, again. I couldn't allow myself to be that selfish. But, oh, how I was tempted. Just to see her face again. She wouldn't even have to know I was there. I banished the thought as soon as it entered my head. No, I couldn't do that. If I went back, nothing on heaven, earth or even hell could drag me away again.

The phone rang for what it seemed was the 25th time in 24 hours. As tempted as I was not to answer it, someone was trying desperately to get in touch with me. Perhaps something was wrong.

"Hello" I answered the cell. Was that my voice? It sounded almost rough with misuse.

"Oh, so you can answer the phone..I had wondered." It was Rosalie. Her sarcastic tone reassuring me that there was nothing dire I needed to worry about.

"What is it Rosalie? I don't have the inclination to play your games."

"Oh can it with the attitude, Edward. I…"

I hung up on her not in the mood for her petty games. The phone rang again. I answered it, knowing I should just let Rosalie sat what she needed to say so I could be done with her. Otherwise she would keep calling.

"What is it Rosalie?" I hissed.

There was a brief hesitation on the other end of the phone. "I just wanted to let you know that Alice was in Forks."

I closed my eyes pinching the bridge of my nose with my fingertips. Alice just couldn't let it alone, could she? Maybe she saw a vision of me going back and wanted to beat me there first to ease the way for me. No, I thought. I hadn't made the decision yet. Didn't you? A little voice inside my head asked.

"Edward, Are you there?"

"I'm here" I said.

'Well, you know how Alice thinks she knows everything. Like You." She laughed humorlessly then. Something was off about her voice. It had a nervous edge to it that I couldn't place. "Don't' you care why Alice is in Forks?"

I did but I didn't want to let her know that. "Not particularly" I said. Meanwhile my mind was racing. Alice in Forks, why?

"Well she is not exactly breaking the demands you placed on everybody." She sounded smug now. I wondered briefly if she became schizophrenic in my absence. "You only wanted us to stay away from Bella, right? Forks was never the issue."

I tried to wrap my head around this new tidbit of information. Bella was not in Forks. Where was she? Did she perhaps move back with her mother in Florida? Part of me was glad that she would be in the sunshine again; the selfish part of me despaired at the idea, knowing I could never follow her there.

"So really, there is no need to be upset with Alice." She said.

"So then, why the hell are you calling me?" I asked angry then. Did she think that changed anything? That I would go back if the rest of them did? Did she not know that Forks would be filled with painful memories for me? In every corner, in every shadow, there would me a vivid painful memory. Even here, in the depths of Brazil, I was overwhelmed with memories.

"You can come home now" She said. It was just as I suspected. "Everyone is depressed here without you. We all, myself included, miss you."

"There is a reason why I left everyone. I was not fit to be around anyone. That reason remains."

"But I thought once this Forks thing was finished, you would get over it."

And now I had to explain the real reason why I could never set foot in Forks again but I doubted Rosalie would understand. "Look, Rosalie. Forks was never the issue. Just because Bella..." the pain of saying her name out loud was nearly my undoing. '…just because Bella moved to Florida doesn't mean I am able…" Forget explaining, I thought. I was done. "I am not just fit to be around anyone" I finished.

"Um"

There was that nervous edge again. Something was definitely off.

"What is it Rosalie? Is something wrong with Carlisle? With Esme..?"

"No, no" she rushed. I sensed that she didn't want to give me the wrong impression. "It's just, well; it's just that I didn't say Bella moved, Edward."

What did she mean, Bella didn't move. Isn't that what this whole conversation was about? Bella moved so we could go back. Isn't that what she said? I felt like I was missing some vital piece of information. There was something not right about this and I couldn't put my finger on it.

She continued on in a rush. "No one thought you should know, but I thought that was crazy. I mean the sooner you knew, the sooner things can get back to normal again"

She was circling around something, something important and I couldn't put my finger on it. The way she was speaking, it sounded like I should've known right away, that it was that obvious. Only it wasn't.

"I don't know what you are getting at Rosalie." I said tiredly wishing she was off the phone already.

She paused then and I waited for her to continue. "She's dead Edward…I'm sorry. I thought you had a right to know. She threw herself off a cliff yesterday. Alice saw it and tried to get there in time but she called saying it was too late. She stayed to see what she could do for Charlie. You know how…"

I hit the "end" button on the phone effectively cutting her off. Bella, dead? No I refused to believe it. It was a lie, a mistake. It had to be. Because if it was the truth, my whole reason for existing was gone. There was nothing else.

With trembling hands I dialed a number, I didn't intend on dialing again. If Bella answered, I would hang up. If Charlie answered, I would get the information I needed.

"Swan residence" A young male voice answered.

'This is Dr. Cullen." I said in perfect imitation of Carlisle's voice. "Is Chief Swan there?"

"He's not here." The boy answered anger evident in his voice.

"Where is he then?" I asked getting impatient.

"He's arranging a funeral"

I shut the phone again feeling it crush to dust in my fist. More than my hands trembled now. My whole body shook. Bella was dead. No, No No. It couldn't be. She promised nothing reckless.

"YOU PROMISED!" I screamed flipping over the bed in my rage and fury, making the rats scurry in fear. Nothing in the small attic room was left undamaged in my wrath of grief. Loud sobs wracked my body as I destroyed the entire contents of the room.

Memories assailed me.

Bella and I in the meadow for the first time. Her marveling at how my skin glistened in the sunlight.

Watching her sleep

Our first kiss

All of it, everything came back to me in perfect clarity making the pain all the more severe including that very last day...the day I left her in the forest, one of the most painful memories I had with the exception of how I found her in the Ballet studio after James' attack…until now.

"You…don't...want…me"

I could still feel the anguish in her small voice.

But nothing compared to this.

I sunk down to my knees amongst the rubble that was my room, my hands pulling at my hair. Tearless sobs shaking my body.

"You promised." I said brokenly.

Suddenly I knew what had to be done. There was only on course left to me now. The Volturi. I hoped they took pity on me and would put me out of my misery. There was no point in going on in a world if Bella wasn't in it.

I jumped from the window, not caring who saw me and made my way blindly through the noisy streets to the airport. Everyone gave me a wide berth. I could only imagine what I must've looked like to them. Perhaps a man that has seen hell. That would be apt, I thought humorlessly. Bella dead was my hell and I needed to escape it.

I was fully intending to purchase my ticket on Alitalia to Florence but somehow, without any premeditated thought, I found myself at the American Airlines desk purchasing a ticket to Seattle. It was as if some unseen guide was leading me back to Forks, to where it all began. And I knew I needed to go, to say one last goodbye to Bella. No matter what pain it cost me. I owed her that much.