Hello my friends. There is a bit of drama in this chappy, but I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I have loved writing it!

A huge thank you to Mabindawannabesme, she is the fab Mab's who is beta'ing for me, and who is also a kind and thoughtful friend. You are brilliant woman!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters, but I did make a Twilight Diary for myself because I couldn't find one to purchase. It looks good too!

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Edwards POV

I had a really shitty night's sleep.

Come to think of it, I couldn't remember a night that I had slept well since Bella had arrived.

She haunted me night and day; she was under my skin and I couldn't purge myself of the feelings I had for her.

I got up and I paced in my room until I thought I heard some noise next door.

I waited five minutes, and decided to go see if Bella was alright.

I knocked on the door and waited. I couldn't help but think about how frightened she looked and how badly I wanted to be the one to take her to bed and hold her all night, effectively chasing all her monsters away.

I sensed the door move slightly and I turned to see her watching me.

'Hey.' I said quietly, not wanting to be too exuberant.

'Hey,' she said opening the door in a silent invitation for me to come in.

I tried not to stare at her in her pastel camisole and yoga pants. She looked good enough to eat and she smelled divine too.

I could tell she had had a rough night of sleep, and we made small talk before I handed her my cell phone number, telling her to call me if she needed anything.

I really hoped she would. I really wanted her to trust me enough to let me be the one to save her when she needed help. I just wanted to be the one she needed, like I felt I needed her.

She thanked me, telling me that she really appreciated me giving her my cell number and then she touched my arm. I felt warmth travel up my arm and swirl around my heart and my dick tried to launch itself out of my pants; all I could manage to say was a soft 'Not a problem' with a smile when I really wanted to pull her to me and have our lips touch for the first time.

Emmet turned up then, letting himself in and flopping down on her lounge, looking very at home.

I felt confused for a moment and looked from Emmet back to Bella.

I took that as my cue to leave and headed out almost immediately, hearing Bella calling her thanks out the door as I left.

I really wanted to spend some more time with her, maybe get the chance to hold her and comfort her. I wanted to show her that I was the kind of guy that wanted to take care of her, and let her know that she was, in actual fact, REALLY important to me. I hated to see her afraid; it tore me up inside. I wanted to bring her to my room and keep her safe with me, but how could I communicate all of this to her when she always had her other friends hanging around?

I could see that we were all like moths and she was the flame. We were in the desert and she was the oasis, but for me, she was the gravitational force. She was something more and I felt like I couldn't stay away, like she pulled me to her.

My heart lurched again as an image of Emmet and Bella together, flashed through my mind. It wasn't hard to imagine. I had seen them hug before, and he was the sort of guy that the girls went for, all happy and fun and bulging biceps.

I showered and changed and decided to listen to some relaxation music on my iPod, while checking my emails.

There was one from my parents, saying things were well and not to worry about anything.

I managed to do some research on the net with future menus, before heading to work.

When I got to the kitchen, Bella was already there, working like a fiend and keeping things flowing incredibly fast. She was amazing.

Alice turned up for lunch before I could ask her to sit with me. I needed to go and see Aro anyway with some changes and some new orders. I grabbed my papers and left.

When I knocked at the door, I heard 'come in' and I entered.

Aro was sitting behind the desk and motioned for me to sit.

I let Aro finish whatever he was doing on the computer while I checked over the orders, making sure everything was there.

'So, how is everything working out in the kitchen Edward' Aro finally spoke.

'Really good Aro. Bella is an Amazing chef, really accomplished, and fast. I don't know how we ever got by without her actually.' I replied honestly, trying not to go on and on about how fantastic I thought she was.

'I'm very glad to hear that. Jane assured me she was brilliant and would do well here, but it warms my heart to hear it from someone who has had to work closely with her.'

This guy says the weirdest things sometimes.

'So can I ask how Jane would know if Bella was brilliant or not?' I enquired. How curious?

'Ahh, that is a story for her to tell you, my friend. So you have the order sheet?'

I passed it over the desk to him, and he perused it.

'Thankyou Edward, I'll put this through momentarily.' He looked up, and said 'Is there something else you wanted to say Edward?'

'Uh, yeah actually. Bella has had a letter left in her room, anonymously, with the times she was out running errands yesterday. She's a little freaked out by it. Do you know what it could be about?'

'No. How very strange. And only bella? No one else?'

'No. Just Bella. None of us know anything about it...Do you think we could get some surveillance cameras put up around the employees rooms?'

'I'll look into it right away, make some enquiries. If anything else happens, please let me know.' Aro said, slightly concerned.

'Sure Aro, thank you.' I said standing. 'I'd better get back to the kitchen. I'll let you know anything ASAP'.

'Good bye Edward. Come again soon.' Aro called as I left.

I walked back to the kitchen, shaking my head about how odd Aro was at times.

When I got back, Bella was hard at work again, so I got stuck into my jobs, starting with a huge pile of chicken thigh to debone and stuff with a herb filling.

I felt the weight of someone staring at me and I looked up quickly.

Bella was watching me and I smiled at her. She returned the smile and warmth spread throughout my body, creating a whole lot of heat around my crotch.

'You're really good at that' she said pointing to the mountain of chicken.

'Thanks. Your work is pretty awesome too, if I may say so.' I felt another flush of heat flow through me at being able to say those words to her.

'Thanks' she replied happily. We grinned at each other and then got back to work.

The night went off without a hitch and we soon found ourselves walking toward the exit together. My fingers twitched with the urge to reach out and hold her hand, but I resisted.

Emmet appeared when we were heading out the back door. I had never been so unhappy to see someone in my life.

Is this guy TRYING to be a fucking cockblocker?

'Hey' Emmet said to us cheerfully.

'Hey' I managed, only just, without aggression.

'Hey, how was your day?' Bella asked him, as we all started moving toward our rooms again.

'Yeah, real good. Tell you about it later though. What I really want to know is: How was your day? No dramas?'

'None yet.' Bella replied with a smile.

'I told Aro about the note and he is looking into it. I've been keeping an eye on her too' I said to Emmet while I was looking at Bella and I smiled at her, trying to let her know I wanted her to feel safe, and I wanted to look after her also.

'Thankyou' she said, reaching out and touching my arm. My breath hitched. Her touch ignited a voracious hunger within me. I felt primal and fought to control my urges, but I managed to give her a small smile.

We reached Bella's room, and did a quick sweep through her rooms. Being in her bedroom, in the actual place she got undressed and dressed, was a treat that I would savour later in private. The memory of her arching her back and moaning on the bed nearly brought me undone.

I was hoping to be able to spend a little time with her tonight but Emmet was still hanging around.

I excused myself, telling them that I was going to shower, and I might as well because Emmet didn't look like he was leaving any time soon.

As I was leaving I heard some conversation that I wish I hadn't but at the same time, I was thankful I did.

Are you all ready for tonight? I'm going to make you so sore; you won't be able to stop thinking about me tomorrow!' Emmet said in a voice that felt to me like it was very flirtatious.

I stood frozen just outside the door, out of sight, trying not to bend over and expel the contents of my stomach as bile rose in my throat.

'Is that a threat or a promise Emmet?' Bella replied laughing.

'Take it however you want, cookie! I might take it easy on you tonight, but I'll still make you sweat and every night we can, we are going to do something different. You'll feel good at the end though'.

'Ahh, promises AND threats. Well, just let me get into something more appropriate, and I'll be with you in a sec.' Bella called back to him, obviously moving toward the bedroom, and then the front door clicked closed and I heard no more.

An angry black cloud descended over me.

I felt like a thousand types of fool and mentally called myself as much.

I thought about all the times they had been together, pretending to be friends and all the while planning to fuck like rabbits.

My head started to pound with repressed emotion and I let myself into my door and went straight to the shower.

I stood under the hot spray and let out a long guttural growl, trying to release all the rage and devastation I felt.

I started to ache all over, but the place I hurt the most radiated out from my chest. I couldn't believe she would smile at me and talk to me, all the while not telling me about her and Emmet. I mean, they look really good together. He looked like he could take ANYTHING on and win because it would be for her. I was furious at myself for getting sucked in and not being able see all the signs until it was slapped in my face.

I felt sick at the thought of not being able to be anyone special to her and I could never show her how I felt. She was a witch that had invoked all sorts of feelings within me that I could never release. I should have listened to Rosalie. I should have taken heed of the warning she gave me weeks ago.

I slapped the shower wall hard, my hand smarting painfully after the effort.

Fuck you Emmet.

Why couldn't I have been the one to pick her up that day? Things could have been different.

I would be asking Rosalie what she knew about it tomorrow for sure.

I got out of the shower and dressed quickly. I stayed in my room for a while, listening to heavy music on my IPod, trying to let go of the anger and resentment that I was stewing in.

After what seemed like hours, I angrily pulled the plugs from my ears and jumped off my bed. I was so worked up I couldn't stay still. I walked out of my room and spotted Emmet walking past my window, care free and whistling.

Yeah, I noticed his hair was damp and face was shiny with moisture, and he looked completely spent and sated.

My fury bubbled to the surface and my eyes narrowed at his departing back.

Fuck, I'm a stupid ass.

I had my suspicions. I should have damn well listened to myself.

Bloody everlasting hell.

I had never felt this way about a girl before, no one had been worth the effort previously. She was so beautiful, like no one I had ever seen. My stomach lurched with the pain of something I couldn't put my finger on, and I felt like retching again. I berated myself once more for my stupidity, irate that I had tried to be a gentleman with her and wanted to treat her like a lady, understanding her pain of her break up, and not coming on too heavy and strong. . Maybe she was just a shallow person and I had misjudged her.

I spent the next hour, feeling angry over what could have been different and I paced all the while.

By 1am, a cold knot had settled in my stomach and I felt numb.

I had suppressed my anger and devastation to the point that I felt I might be able to function normally.

I went to bed and turned my mind away from any further thoughts, forcing myself to sleep, not well, but sleep I did.

I awoke early, sluggish and tired, but thankfully still numb.

I got up and showered again, trying to wash this woman from under my skin to no avail.

I took my time dressing and decided to go find some coffee.

I left my room and locked up, remembering that I was going to speak to Rosalie. I walked to her door and knocked. She opened the door after a moment.

'Hey, want to go get coffee?'

'Sure, let me grab my shoes, and I'll be there in a sec.' She replied. She was wearing some yoga pants and a loose shirt. She looked good but I was far from interested.

'So...Is Jasper joining us?' She asked.

'I'll stop and ask him now.'

I knocked on Jasper's door and he poked his head out, wearing no shirt.

'Hey man, want to go for coffee?' I said

'Uh, well...I was actually waiting for Alice. We'll be over soon.' He said with a slight apologetic smile.

'Cool. See you there' I replied and Rosalie and I walked toward the dining room.

We grabbed coffee from the many pots set up, and took a seat. I couldn't wait any longer and asked:

'So, what's the go with Emmet and Bella? Do you know what's going on there?' I tried to sound normal, not how I was actually feeling -nauseous and pissed off.

'Well, I kind of thought they might be together because I saw her all over him a couple of days ago and then another time, I almost interrupted them while they were sharing lunch. He was feeding her and they were laughing and looking like a really happy couple. Stupid little slag can't even feed herself.' Rosalie spat that last sentence with venom.

It was on the tip of my tongue to defend Bella but I stopped myself, and then it dawned on me that Rosalie must really like Emmet to feel so strongly about Bella, just as I was insanely angry at Emmet for getting in first.

'Huh, so you really like him hey?' I said to her quietly, getting the uncomfortable subject off Bella.

Rosalie turned her blue eyes on me and said 'What... Did you only just work that out?'

'Yeah, I guess... I just thought you didn't like a lot of people.'

'No just people that look super happy together and make the guy I want to get to know better, run after them.' She said dryly.

'Speak of the devil' she added quickly. Her demeanour had changed and I glanced briefly over to see the subject of Rosalie's wrath walk in.

There pausing in the door way was the objects of our desires. I had thought previously that I could handle anything so long as she was happy, but seeing these two people happy together, I realised then..... I was wrong. My anger raised its ugly head again to simmered and bubbled within, not giving me a moments rest.

'I overheard something last night....'I began, pausing before going on... 'I overheard Emmet saying that he was going to try a whole lot of different things on her, make her sweat and sore and she would be remembering him all day.' I confided to Rosalie, with quiet vehemence.

'Fucking little slapper.' Rosalie breathed ,shaking her head slowly, and I could feel the ferocity of her fury, radiating out.

I cut a quick glance over and noticed Alice and Jasper had arrived. I sensed rather than saw that they all moved to a different area to sit.

I ignored them and sipped my coffee, enjoying the heat sliding down my throat, trying to glean some comfort from both the caffeine and the ritual.

We both got up and left as soon as our coffee was done. Rosalie didn't feel like eating either. We still had an hour to kill before she had to go to work so we went and sat on one of the garden seats by the pool.

'Well, they do look good together I guess' I said glumly.

'You really like her don't you?' Rosalie finally spoke.

'Yeah, I thought I did. I only feel anger now. Why did they have to hide that shit?' My resentment was resurfacing and I was desperately trying to squash it down.

'I'm really sorry Edward' Rosalie said softly. 'For what it's worth, I feel your pain.'

'Yeah, I know. I'm sorry too. We should have done something sooner to interest them.' I said with a sardonic smile.

Rosalie reached over and put her arms around me, burying her head in my shoulder. I rested my cheek on her head as we tried to absorb some sort of comfort from each other, to no avail.

Rosalie got up to get ready for work and I just sat, trying to cleanse the ache from my chest.

After a little while, I got up and headed back to my own room, to change. I had made the decision to go to work early. I couldn't stand my own company any more.

I passed Jasper on the way.

'Hey man, you starting early today?'

'Yeah' I replied simply.

'Hey, is everything ok? You seemed a bit off this morning, unapproachable.' He said, looking directly at me, trying to read my thoughts.

I didn't want to talk about it, and especially now that Jasper and Alice had formed some sort of bond. It looked like Rosalie and I were on our own.

'Yeah, everything's fine. We'll catch up later ok?' I ended the conversation abruptly and headed toward the kitchen. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't imagine letting the words out of my mouth right now, fearing the pain of rejection it most probably would invoke.

I found a few jobs to begin and tried to busy myself and I sensed almost immediately when Bella arrived.

'What the fuck time do you think this is?' I spat out. I knew her shift didn't start until ten o'clock, and if I was truthful, she was five minutes early, but my anger was boiling over and I could hardly contain myself.

'Um, Ten? When I usually start my shift?' She replied warily.

'Just get to work. These carrots need to be julienned and top and tail these beans.' I know I was giving her demeaning tasks to do. Normally the kitchen staffs that weren't qualified would do this job, but my anger and resentment took on a life of its own.

'God almighty, can't you cut things properly? I said SLICE the beans diagonally. Do you need ME to show you?' I knew I wasn't being nice, but even now, being this close to her, my desire was simmering and I still wanted her, even though I knew she belonged to someone else.

I couldn't help it; I knew I was being demeaning and condescending. I didn't mean it, because I knew she was brilliant at her job, but imagining Emmet's big burly hands on her, sweating all over her delicate body.... it made me burn with jealousy even though he was her choice.

By the end of the day, she wouldn't even look at me, and guilt was warring with dejection mixed with fury. I was filled with so many emotions that I wanted to roar like a wild animal.

Emmet came and collected her as soon as her shift was done.

What, are they in sync now?

I scowled at their retreating backs.

'Emmet- the luckiest arse hole in the universe' that's what the dictionary would say if you wanted to look it up.

I went to my room and paced for another half an hour until Jasper arrived.

I really didn't feel like any company, but I could hardly tell my brother to piss off could I?

'Want to talk about it?' Jasper said, standing in the doorway.

'Not really. Come in then.'

'Uh, Alice says hi.' He began.

'Hi Alice.'

'I'll let her know you said hi.' he was grinning like a fool whenever he mentioned her name.

'So, you guys look pretty cosy. Are you an item now?' I tried hard to act and sound normal, probably failing, but I did NOT want to talk about Bella with my brother.

'Yeah, I guess we are. She is wonderful Edward! Oh, she is smart, everything I could ever want in a woman!' Jasper burst out with enthusiasm.

'I'm really happy for you man.' This is torture...

'I think Mum and Dad will really love her. I think they are going to love Bella too.'

'Ah, I don't think they will ever meet Bella, and I am sure they will love Alice. Our mother and Alice will have a lot in common I think.'

'What do you mean they won't meet Bella? I thought you guys were getting your shit together?'

'Anyway...I'm really happy for you man, and I wish you all the best.' I tried to change the subject without being too rude, but I'd had about enough of this conversation.

He could tell I wasn't in the mood to talk and he stayed for a short time longer to tell me a few titbits from the office and then left because he wanted to say goodnight to Alice.

I was relieved when he left. It took a lot of energy to try to act happy when I really wasn't.

I jumped into the shower for a long hot soaking wash, and scrubbed myself vigorously. I may have lost half of the hair off my body with the way I was scouring myself, but I needed to keep myself busy.

Throwing a towel around my body, I went to my room and grabbed my laptop, turning it on to load while I threw on some clothes.

I checked emails, made outlines for some new menus and downloaded some more music.

It was getting late, so I got up to switch the lights off and as I did, a movement caught my eye. Walking away from Bella's room was Emmet again, looking sweaty and spent, very similar to the night before.

I felt like I could explode, I mean, the bastard didn't even spend the night holding her, letting her feel loved and special after intimacy. He just used her like a disposable item. If she where mine, I would never leave her side.

My anger simmered away, along with dejection about having to live through watching someone that you covet, fall in love with someone else.

I awoke early the next morning feeling sick from lack of food and an abundance of gut wrenching emotion.

I dressed quickly and started to head out for a jog. I needed to work this dark feeling out of my body.

As I was locking up, Emmet was just leaving Bella's room, looking worried.

'Maybe they did hold each other all night long' my traitorous mind whispered.

Emmet nodded to me and kept going.

'Everything ok?'I called out after him, mentally kicking myself for giving a shit.

'Yep. No problem' He said over his shoulder and kept going.

'Fucker' I said under my breath.

I ran and ran along the road until I was winded and feeling nauseous again. I bent over, with my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath, then turned around and almost sprinted back to the ranch again, trying to feel pain somewhere else in my body except for the general vicinity of my heart.

I still kind of felt like shit, and let myself into my room to shower off the sweat. I did feel marginally better for the run if I were honest with myself. My mind was still going like a train, but my body felt numb. Good.

I dressed and headed out again for breakfast. When I got to the dining room I spotted Emmet and Bella immediately.

He was leaning back with his arm slung across the back of her chair and she was leaning forward, talking in whispers to Alice.

I poured some coffee and went over to sit by Jasper, looking around the table, silently challenging anyone to say anything to me.

Everyone just picked at their food and made small talk.

Maybe they could feel the animosity of my mood.

I turned to Jasper 'Hey, I got an email from our parents. They are thinking about coming over in two months. It will have started cooling down by then...'

'Yes, I received an email too. I meant to mention it to you last night but the subject didn't come up.' Jasper replied.

I cut a quick glance to Bella and she was staring at me. She turned away quickly.

Bella, Emmet and Alice got up and left then, disposing of their used items by the kitchen.

'What's gotten into you Edward? Alice says Bella has been really down and Bella mentioned that you had been in a bit of a mood? Can you please tell me what's going on with you?' Jasper whispered heatedly to me.

'I'm ok. Just stressed is all. I'm not sleeping and so I'm a bit short. That's what happens in kitchens I'm afraid. If she can't stand the heat, then she shouldn't even come to the kitchen.' I replied, just as heated.

'I thought you liked her man? She's a really nice girl.' Jasper said, upset showing on his face.

'Yeah, I do. I know, and I don't want to talk about it right now'. I said, standing up, feeling frustrated, running my hand through my hair.

'I'm only asking because I care.' Jasper added as I took a step to walk away.

I sighed. 'I know. I'm just feeling messed up at the moment. I'll talk to you about it when I can, just not now.' I looked at him, trying to get him to understand.

'Cool' he said quietly with a nod, and I left to go get changed to start work early again.

The next week at work passed similarly, with me taking out my frustrations on Bella at work again.

On one day during the week, she asked me if I was ok in her soft caring voice. She may as well have poured acid over me, with the discomfort and agony it created. I ended up telling her, after I got my yearning body under control, that it was none of her god damn business. I knew it was a lie, because it was ALL about her, but there was no way I was going to tell her that I was still pining over her.

I knew I was being short with her, and a little arrogant, but I was hurting and I was even getting sick of my own company. I felt dark and moody and couldn't shake myself out of it.

The nights were also the same; me, torturing myself, watching and waiting for Emmet to leave Bella's room late at night, sweaty and exhausted after making the beast with the two backs.

Every time I thought about it I felt sick.

After more than a week of stewing in the dark cloud, I decided to talk to Jasper about it. He seemed to be part of their group and maybe he could help me with my issues.

It was still early in the morning, so I knocked on his door and heard him call 'Come in'.

I stepped inside and was greeted by the sight of Jasper in his boxers and socks, ironing his shirt on the fold out ironing board.

'Bit early for house work isn't it?' I tried to joke with him.

'Uh, yeah, but Alice and I are going to spend the day together. She moved her day off to coincide with mine. I just wanted to make a little effort.'

'That's really great man. I really am happy for you' I said, sitting down on his couch, with my head in my hands, gripping my hair.

'You feeling ok?' Jasper asked.

'No. I don't think I am.' I said looking up at Jasper, with all the turmoil of the past week showing in my eyes.

'Woah, what's going on man? What's got you so upset?' Jasper turned off the iron and stood in front of me, dressing in his now crease free clothing.

'It's Bella...and Emmet I guess.....' and I told him everything about how I felt and how sick it made me to see Bella being treated like a sexual object by Emmet, and the fact that I totally missed out and how devastated I was and angry that they sort of hid their relationship and I even told Jasper what I had heard through the ajar door, when I left that night more than a week ago now. I told him how I felt more strongly about this woman that I had ever felt for another person...ever.

Jasper just stood and listened, and his expression became more and more horrified.

'Oh my fucking...Edward, You have got it all wrong!'Jasper exclaimed.

'Emmet and Bella are just friends! Emmet is pining over Rosalie who will hardly give him the time of day at the moment and wants to rip Bella into pieces, and Bella...well Bella is sort of depressed or something. She's had a few more odd envelopes that are getting worse and worse and she's scared. And if that's not enough, YOU have apparently been quite the arse to her for a while now. Emmet is teaching Bella self defence, and because of their conflicting work arrangement, they have to work out at night. Emmet is looking after her! There is NOTHING going on. Gees I hope you haven't stuffed anything up.' Jasper looked frustrated now.

A huge wave of guilt washed over me and I felt overwhelmingly ashamed.

I had been cruel to her. I hadn't meant to hurt her, but I was just so destroyed at the thought.

I stood quickly, determined to go to her and grovel in my apology if I had to.

We both left Jaspers place and headed to Bella's. The door was open to her room and Emmet was standing inside, looking around bewildered.

When I stepped through the door, Emmet turned and scowled.

'What the fuck did you do to her?' he growled out.

'Nothing...Why? What's going on?'

'I don't know, but all her stuff is gone, and she won't answer my calls or messages. You know she's got some lunatic stalker right? She could be in danger!' Emmet said, getting louder and more urgent by the second.

A cold fist of dread hit me powerfully in the stomach.

She's gone?

I drove her away? Fuck I'm a moron. How could I have gotten it all so wrong? And she's got a stalker? There was more to that story? Like what... and why did no one tell me?

We all stared at each other for a moment, panic registering on all of our faces.

We all said 'Aro' at the same time and bolted to the office.

When we reached the door and knocked, we were all breathing hard, from exertion and panic.

A terse 'Enter' followed.

We opened the door to find Jane reading over a letter.

'What is the meaning of this?' Lifting the letter, she looked at us all intensely, with her eyes coming to rest on me.

'Um, I don't know?' I said, fear gripping me hard.

'Maybe you should read it Edward.' She said as she handed the letter to me. 'This may hurt just a little.'

I started reading, and I suddenly felt sick, my stomach roiling and making me want to heave, while Emmet and Jasper read over my shoulders.

I was frozen in place, my eyes unable to move from the first two sentences.

It was a letter of resignation, effective immediately from a Miss Isabella Marie Swan.

Sweet mother of Mary.... What have I done?

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Naughty Edward.

How are we going to fix this?

Let's get these two together.....