Chapter Eight: Sometimes the pieces are too small to put back together

A/N: Yesterday.... Yesterday sucked, tremendously. And I don't think today will be any better....

I don't think I have ever been as mad or depressed in my whole life. People need to watch what they show in schools.. Some people aren't yet healed from 9/11, some people like me.

~Severus Addicted

Sometimes the pieces are too small to put back together...

Harry sighed as he looked up at his ceiling. He was lying on his bed waiting for his new guardian to come and retrieve him for his punishment of disobeying him.

The silence was tugging at Harry's mind. It was driving him insane. It was at these moments he wished his life was normal, at this moment he wished his parents were still alive. But they weren't and there is nothing he can do about it... But move on. Sometimes it's hard to move on though, sometimes you just have to wonder how life would be with them in it, sometimes you have to linger on the past. He will always miss his parents, his parents gave him life so of course he is going to miss them. Many people wonder how he can miss people who he barely remembers but he does, it's as if a huge piece of his heart is missing and nothing can fill it in. Sometimes the pieces are too small to put back together, but maybe he just doesn't want the pieces back together, because those pieces are a reminder of what could have been... What should have been.

His parents should still be alive today, they should be living happily with him. But no they left him, they left him with his horrid relatives. It wasn't their fault they died, but sometimes he can't help but wish he went with them. Families stick together, they don't tare apart and disappear. A family is someone you can go to in the darkest of nights just so they can hold you and tell you everything will be alright, even if they know deep down nothing will. A family is someone who loves you no matter what happens, you could blow up the house on accident and they will still love you and make a house out of all the tiny pieces left. A family is someone who never leaves each other... So why did they leave? Why did they die and leave him alone? That's not what a family does....

Harry angrily punched his bed as he glared up at the ceiling. It was too silent. The silence was killing his sanity, it was taking its dear time to do it as well. Harry jumped from the bed and got into his trunk, he gave a small smile of relief when he found what he was looking for. He pulled the CD player he stole from Dudley then grabbed some of the CDs then quickly plugged it in and cranked the volume to as loud as it could get.

Three Days Grace suddenly came on and made the room shake as the music played.

Harry glared at the wall as he listened to 'Animal I Have Become.'

Instead of singing alone he screamed the lyrics as he jumped on top of his bed to dance along crazily, "I can't escape this hell, so many times I've tried. But I'm still caged inside. Somebody get me through this nightmare. I can't control myself!" Harry jumped from the bed and smashed his hands off his floor as he left out a scream. "So what if you can see the darkest side of me? No one will ever change this animal I have become. Help me believe it's not the real me. Somebody help me tame this animal!" Suddenly things all over the room began to spin around the room from accidental magic. "I can't escape myself! So many times I've lied. BUT THERE'S STILL RAGE INSIDE! SOMEBODY GET ME THROUGH THIS NIGHTMARE! I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF!!!!" Harry jumped back onto his bed and began to bounce up and down still screaming out all his anger, all his feeling of being left in the dark, left alone. As he screamed he felt tears leave his eyes but he continued to bounce up and down. "SO WHAT IF YOU CAN SEE THE DARKEST SIDE OF ME? NO ONE WILL EVER CHANGE THE ANIMAL I HAVE BECOME! HELP ME BELIEVE IT'S NOT THE REAL ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME TAME THIS ANIMAL I HAVE BECOME! SOMEBODY HELP ME THROUGH THIS NIGHTMARE! I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF! SOMEBODY WAKE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE! I CAN'T ESCAPE THIS HELL!" Harry fell to the floor in a heap as he cried in frustration, then he whispered, "So what if you can see the darkest side of me? No one will ever change this animal I have become. Help me believe it's not the real me."

Harry continued to lay on the floor as another song turned on, this time it was 'I Hate Everything About You!'. He silently listened to this song as his mind wandered.

Maybe it would be better if he wasn't even alive, wasn't even here. Maybe just maybe no one cares anyway, he is only a piece of a game that can be moved anyway. But no longer will he allow that, he is taking over. He will no longer be that game piece.

Harry choked on a sob as a memory filled his mind of when he was little. It's a wonder he can remember this since he is one in this memory but he does... Maybe it's because it is the last memory he has of both of his parents.... Happy.

James laughed as he threw baby Harry into the air making Harry giggle. "Lily look I got him to laugh!" James smiled triumphantly as he looked over at his wife happily.

Lily chuckled and nodded her head, "I'll go put it in the baby book."

James watched his wife leave the living room then turned his attention back to his son, "Mommy and Daddy loves you with all our hearts.-" Harry shook himself out of memory lane. If they loved him like they said they do... They wouldn't have left.

Harry shook his head as he listened to 'Never Too Late.' He slowly began to sing along, "This world will never be what I expected. And if I don't belong who would have guessed it. I will not leave alone everything that I own. To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late! Even if I say it'll be alright. Still I hear you say you want to end your life. Now and again we try to just stay alive. Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late, It's never too late." Harry shook his head in denial "But it is too late... It always has been." Harry stood and turned the skip so the next song began. 'Just Like You' turned on making Harry bang his head like a guitarist as he screamed the song letting his tension disappear, "I could be mean. I could be angry. You know I could be just like you. I could be fake. I could be stupid. You know I could be just like you! You thought you were standing beside me, you were only in my way! You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you! I could be cold. I could be ruthless. You know I could be just like you. I could be weak. I could be senseless. You know I could be just like you! You thought you were there to guide me, you were only in my way. You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you! You thought you were there to guide me, you were only in my way! You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you!!" Harry kicked a stack of books that were beside the desk as he left out a depressed, angry scream. "I don't want to be like you, I don't want to look like you! I want nothing to do with you!" Harry whispered to himself as he looked himself in the mirror. "You left me... But it's my turn to leave you!" Harry opened up the window and called for Hedwig when she finally got there she shook her head at the loud noise that hurt her ears. Harry quickly wrote a letter then tied it to her leg and she happily left.

Harry turned back to the mirror and glared at himself. He then went to his trunk and got out a pair of scissors then went back to the mirror. Harry screamed song lyrics as he slowly began to style his hair. Changing his appearance from one James Potter to Harry. Soon Hedwig came back with a package tied to her leg. Her eyes widened when she saw his hair. His hair was still it's normal shaggy length but he now had bangs that went across his face covering her scar and his left eye. Harry gave Hedgwig a small smile as he untied to package then left her leave. Inside the package was hair dye. Harry pointed his wand at the bottle of pitch black then muttered a spell which turned his hair the exact color. Harry slowly made his way over to the mirror to look at his new self... He looked... Hot. Harry smiled at himself then said, "Look out its the new Harry Potter and I'm not gonna put up with shit."

Harry took off his glasses and opened up another box that was inside the package, inside that box was a small box of contacts which he put on. Making his emerald eyes stand out like a blue man in a crowd of people.

A knock at the door caught Harry's attention and he slowly made his way over to the door and opened it only to see his new guardian.

Severus had to take a double look at Harry, "What did you do to yourself?!"

Harry smiled as he touched his hair, "Do you like it? I do."

Severus shook his head, "No go change it now!"

Harry gave him a glare as he said, "I don't give a fat arse if you like it or not, it's staying!"

Severus glared right back as he replied, "I am your guardian and you will do as I say. Now change it or I will change it for you!"

Harry huffed in annoyance then he glared at him and said, "I DON'T CARE! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" with that he slammed the door in Severus' face then he went to the CD player and turned the music back up to as far as it can get.

Severus saw red as he slammed the door open in anger. "POTTER! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT SLAMMING DOORS IN MY FACE?!"

Harry didn't answer him instead he said, "Leave me alone!"

Severus shook his head and said, "No! Turn that music down!"

Harry smirked as he turned on the other speaker and cranked it up. "I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that."

Severus glared at him as he yelled, "POTTER!"

Harry shook his head, "I'm not a Potter."

Severus walked over to the plug and pulled it making the music shut off and Harry get mad. "You will knock this off and do as I say immediately!"

Harry picked up a book off the floor and threw it at him, "Or what? Huh? It's not like you can do anything that hasn't already been done to me! It's not like I care! You aren't my father so stop acting like it! I have no father, I never have!"

Severus picked the book from the floor and sat it on the desk as he took a step closer to the obviously stressed out child. "Harry you need to take a breath and calm yourself down."

Harry threw another book at him as he screamed, "I DON'T CARE!"

Severus calmly took another step towards the child and said in a patient voice *well as patient as he could* "Harry calm down."

Harry again picked up a book and threw it at him, "LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU DON'T CARE!" he was about to throw another book at Severus but Severus was standing above him now and he calmly pulled the boys' hands to his sides and pulled him into his arms.

"Harry, take a breath." He ordered as he tried to figure out what set this off.

Harry's body violently shook as he tried to catch his breath. Severus just held him close to his body and ran his fingers through his now pitch black shaggy hair. "Shh it's okay, everything will be alright." Severus whispered to the distraught child.

Harry's body shook as a violent sob over took his body, "No it won't... Nothing will be alright. Nothing has ever been alright!"

Severus shook his head, "Harry don't speak just breathe."

Severus as surprised when Harry did exactly what he told him. After a few minutes Harry's breathing was back to normal and his sobs turned to hiccups.

Severus put Harry at arms length away then asked, "Are you okay now?"

Harry embarrassingly looked down at the floor as he silently nodded his head, "I-I'm sorry."

Severus sighed as he took a seat on the bed. He patted the spot beside him and Harry slowly made his way over too and sat down. "Care to explain to me what happened?"

Harry sighed. He was very angry at himself for getting so angry and worked up over something he couldn't change. "I-I don't really know. I was just laying on the bed waiting for you to come in and get me when suddenly all these thoughts took over my head... Why did they leave me?"

Severus felt his heart break as he looked into the sad emerald eyes, "Harry you do know that they loved you with all their hearts right?"

Harry sighed in frustration, "If they loved me they wouldn't have left me! If they loved me they would have taken me with them!"

Severus sighed, "Harry don't think like that. Someday you will meet up again with your parents, but that day won't be for a while. And your parents did love you, they loved you more then I could explain."

Harry choked on a sob. "Then why did they leave?"

Severus pulled Harry into his arms as he said, "Harry it wasn't their fault they died. It was the Dark Lords fault. Do you understand?"

Harry shook his head, "NO I DON'T UNDERSTAND! WHY DID HE HAVE TO KILL THEM?! HE HAD NO REASON!" Harry began to cry once again in frustration.

Severus' heart began to melt for this fourteen year old who desperately wanted his parents back, who desperately wanted to understand. "I know Harry, but you have to understand it was dark times back then-"

"I DON'T CARE! WHY?! HE HAD NO REASON TO COME IN AND KILL MY PARENTS! HE RUINED MY LIFE!" Harry yelled angriliy through his tears.

Severus nodded his head but he didn't know what to say, so he just pulled Harry closer to him and left the child cry it out. Soon Harry was fast asleep on his stomach but he didn't stop stroking his hair not until he fast asleep as well.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this. Please review it will make my last few days worth it...

Obviously I suck with children.. I hate them all! Not too happy with my guardian either!! :(