Chapter Fourteen: The Big 'Ol Softy
A/N: I have had such a horrible day today. I woke up this morning and found out that my grandfather was being life flighted; he has congestive heart failure. Does anyone know if that is extremely bad? What kind of percentage would he be able to make it?
Yesterday I was so happy, I felt as if my life was slowly sewing itself back together but now I just don't know what to think, it feels like someone viciously ripped out the strings that were keeping my life together and now those strings are just hanging there. I don't even know why I am so worked up about this because it's not like my grandparents loved me anyway, they never did anything with me, they never told me they loved me to my face without looking away as if their eyes burned; so why am so worked up?! It's not like if he dies I'm going to be missing something in my life, he wasn't in my life to begin with, he didn't want to be in my life!... But he is my only grandfather and I have always wanted him to love me like he should, I've always wanted him to just tell me he was glad to have a grandchild like me; but I doubt that's going to happen. Maybe I should just ignore this pounding pain in my chest; ignore the little voice in my head that's telling me to pick myself up and move on; I'm not sure if I want to move on... Where am I supposed to move on to? What do I have to look forward to? Surely not anything I can think of off the top of my head. Maybe just maybe I don't exactly care.
As much as I hurt at the moment and as much as I want to ignore that voice I know I need to move on, I know I can't linger on what could have been; what should have been. I can't wish for things that I know aren't going to happen. So for now I am just hoping and praying for his safety and his health.
Someday, someway this will get better... Hopefully.
~S.A
As soon as his feet touched the ground he sighed in relief and left himself collapse onto the ground. The smell of the grass was intense and the wind slowly blew around his body which was crumpled on the ground. The wind licked his face, chilling the tears that were trailing down his cheeks and dripping off his chin.
Somewhere off in the woods a bird was singing a soft melody. Severus stiffened at the sound and began to listen to the song as he left his nerves calm. He needed to be calm before he entered the school; no one could know how much that trip hurt him! No one knew the true extent of his father's abuse and he wasn't going to suddenly tell everyone just because he took a sweet trip down memory road. Does that make him a hypocrite though? If he wants Harry to open up and talk about his abuse... And yet he won't open up himself? No, it's definitively different... Right?.. Maybe he did need help and he just didn't know it. Maybe he should open up and speak to someone about it. But who would listen to a Greasy bastard like himself? Surely no one in their right minds...
With a sigh Severus slowly stood and began his trip up to the castle doors.
Harry glared at Minerva fiercely and shook his head, "I don't wanna! Where's my daddy?! I want my daddy!" Harry practically screamed at his "Auntie" Minerva.
Minerva sighed as she looked up at Harry who was currently sitting on top of a Library bookcase, "Harry just come here so I can get you down." Minerva said for almost the fifth time that night. She would use magic but since Harry was supposed to take the potion that Severus was currently brewing she couldn't use any magic on him.
Harry just scooted farther away from the edge and shook his head, "I don't want you! I want my daddy!"
'Daddy?' Minerva couldn't help but smile at that small statement... But then she remembered the child was on top of a bookcase in harms way... Severus was going to kill her! "Harry, dear-"
"I'M NOT A DEER!" Harry screamed in frustration. How could she mistake him for a deer?! Does it look like he has a tail?!
Minerva sighed as she realized she was getting nowhere, "Harry James you come down here this instant!"
Harry glared at her mischeiviously then said, "Make me."
Minerva's eyebrows rose as fast as a shotgun, "Excuse me?"
Harry smiled at her and began to bounce up and down on the bookcase, "You're excused... What's up with everyone asking to be excused? It's weird!" Harry giggled then looked at her for an answer.
Minerva closed her eyes and counted to ten.
Severus bent over the potions book to read the directions:
The Secret of Age
1. Bezoar -1 5. Smashed up Pixie Wings - 2 tbsp.
2. Hellibore -1 6. Add the Aging Potion
3. Powdered Griffin Claw - 4 tsp.
4. Asklorine - 3 petals
Stir counterclockwise after every time you add an ingredient. Make sure to use a golden stirring rod and a silver cauldron!
Severus cocked his eyebrow at the book, "Well that didn't go into big detail... How am I supposed to know if it's done right?!" Severus huffed in annoyance then turned back to his bookcase and began shuffling through his potion books in hopes he would find something that could help.
Minerva glared up at Harry and said in a stern tone, "Come here, now!"
Harry shook his head and smiled; this was a fun game... The most fun he's had all day. Apparently the Library isn't that boring of a place.
Minerva saw the smile and raised her eyebrows, "I am not playing Harry James. You come here this instant or I am telling Severus!"
With a sad sigh Harry slowly made his way over to the edge of the bookcase. As soon as he was in hands reach Minerva grabbed him and landed a firm swat to his behind making him yelp in surprise. "Next time I tell you to do something Harry James I expect you to do it! I am not playing around Harry, and you knew that! Now we are going back to my office and you will stand in the corner for fifteen minutes." By the end of her lecture Harry was in tears. It took all she had to keep her strict posture and continue with her consequences, it wouldn't do to say you're going to punish him then not follow through with the threat, now would it?
In the office...
As Harry stood in the corner with his nose against the wall Minerva paced behind him lecturing him about the dangerous stunt he just did. "You do not climb things bigger then yourself; understood?"
Tears were still rolling down his face as he stared at the area where two walls met, "Yes Auntie Minerva..." Harry sniffled and whiped the tears away that were collecting on his nose ready to drip.
"Why don't you climb them?" Minerva asked as she turned on her heel to start pacing the other way.
Her pacing was beginning to freak Harry out... "B-because it was d-d-dangerous of me... And I-I coulda gotten h-hurt."
Minerva stopped pacing and walked over to the distraught child, "Very good." Minerva slowly turned Harry around to face her then she pulled him into a hug, "I care too much about you, child, and I will not see you get hurt from climbing things for the fun of it. Alright?"
Harry nodded his head just happy that was over.
Severus ran his fingers through his greasy hair as he stared at the frustrating book in front of him. Every potions book he looked through did not have this potion listed in the index, nor did they have anything close to it!
The Aging Potion was simmering on the counter as Severus heated the water in the silver cauldron. He decided to just go with the potion as the directions say and hope it turns out okay... It's the only thing he really can do.
The water began to boil so Severus grabbed the golden stirring rod and slowly added one Bezoar then stirred counterclockwise once. After that was done he quickly added one Hellibore then stirred once again counterclockwise one time. A puff of black smoke came from the potion, the odor coming from the potion so far was gruesome; he will definitely have a hard time getting Harry to take this, hell people would have a hard time forcing Him to take the potion. As he poured in the four teaspoons of Powdered Griffin Claw the black smoke turned a grayish purple color but the odor was still vulgar. As he stirred the potion once counterclockwise he uncapped the vile that held the Asklorine petals, he quickly took out three petals and threw then into the thick liquid, he stirred the potion then added the two tablespoons of smashed up Pixie Wings; this concluded in the smoke turning a lighter purple color and the odor become less foul. Now came the final stage in putting the potion together, he slowly poured the Aging Potion into the silver cauldron then stirred for the last time counterclockwise.
Severus cautiously bent over the cauldron to see what it looked like. The liquid was thick and looked as if it were moving... The potion looked alive! "And I'm feeding Harry this?" Severus curled his lip in disgust but turned off the flame to let the potion simmer.
With a sigh Severus cleaned up his mess then left his potions lab to get his four year old ward from Minerva.
When he arrived at her office he found Harry fast asleep on her couch. He nodded to Minerva in greeting, "I take it you transformed this?" he indicated the couch with his head to show what he was talking about.
She nodded her head and pushed her papers to the side of her desk, "Yes but I rather like it in here so I think I'm going to keep it.."
Severus looked at her in confusion, "Won't you miss the thing you transformed it from?"
Minerva dismissed the question quickly, "Of course not, do you really think I would use my own things for transforming something I may actually like?"
Severus tilted his head to the side to stare at her in amusement, "Who does it belong to then?"
She smiled at him and replied, "Why Sybil's of course; she won't even notice it's gone."
Severus couldn't help but laugh at that, "You never know Minerva she would've seen it coming..."
This got a laugh out of both of them.
"If she saw that coming the world must be coming to an end..." Minerva said with a chuckle.
Severus just stared at her for a minute then asked in a hushed voice, "Are you sure you're a Gryffindor, Minerva?"
Minerva slapped him on the shoulder and gave him a playful glare, "Are you sure you're not Hufflepuff? I mean you are warming up to the little tyke lately, not to mention you have been actually smiling and laughing at times lately."
If looks could kill she'd be dead over twice, "I am not a Hufflepuff!"
Minerva only smiled at him, "Oh come now Sev, you're just a big softy and you know it!"
Severus' face paled more if that was even possible as he stared at her, "I am not a softy."
"TEDDY BEAR!" Minerva smiled slyly at him.
Severus glared at her which just made Minerva smile even more.
Harry slowly began to stir awake. Severus was at his side in an instint making Minerva mutter "No you're not a softy at all... Nope don't see it..." this of course just made her receive another glare from Severus.
Harry used his fists and rubbed his eyes. When he finally decided to open them he saw his "daddy" standing above him, "Daddy!!!" Harry smiled excitedly and jumped up to hug his "father".
Severus unknowingly hugged the child back as his mind whirled. 'Daddy?! I'm not his Dad... Although... No. I can't be a Dad... I would be horrible at it! This poor child can't truly believe I'm his f-father... But why did I feel so warm and cozy when he called me that? What is this feeling growing in my chest? Why do I feel happy about being called something I am not? I don't understand... Maybe.. No I couldn't... But maybe it wouldn't be too bad... No I'd suck at it! How could I be a father when I have no one to look after to find out how to accomplish this task? I'd probably turn out to be like my father; cold and hurtful. My past is cold and hurtful... Just like a knife. A knife that stabs into my heart and tears at the seams I carefully sewed together. No, Harry carefully sewed together. This child is the reason for my slowly mending heart.. Maybe it wouldn't be too hard... But what if I lose it and become abusive? Doesn't being abusive run in the blood? I am not my father... Am I?!' Severus stared down at the little boy clinging onto his robes... He probably would be just like his father and he didn't want anyone to have to go through what he did. He slowly pushed the little boy back down onto the couch then turned to stare at the shocked Minerva McGonagall, "I-I can't take him back to my rooms tonight.. May he stay with you?" Without waiting for an answer he turned and left.
Harry stared at the retreating back with watery eyes, "Did I do something wrong?" Slowly warm tears made their way down his cheeks as he watched his hope fade away around a dark corner.
The door flew open automatically as it sensed his anger. Severus stumbled into his rooms oblivious to the world around him, all he was conscious to was his thoughts. 'Would I be good for him? Should I become his father? Maybe not, he'd be better off without me.. Right? Why would the child want to go from one abusive family to another? I wouldn't force anyone to do that.' Severus grabbed his bottle of Firewhiskey and quickly chugged it empty, he threw the empty bottle against the wall and slid to the floor in a heap. The light from the fire glittered off all the little pieces of glass from the broken bottle. Severus stared at the reflection of the fire as his mind wandered, "Maybe just maybe I won't be like my father... I am not my father... I'm not abusive. I won't be abusive. I am not my father, I have already proved that many times and more to come." Severus pulled himself across the floor to the broken pieces of glass, when he reached them he picked up one and stared at the sharp edges, "I won't become a monster like my father, I am not a villain..." Severus smiled as he remember Harry asking him if he was a superhero, "I'm a superhero! Not a villain. I can do this, I can prove that I'm not my father... What my father was, what he did; I don't have to be like him. I have chosen my own path, my own choices and none of them are my father's. I am not my father, I am a superhero. A four year old's superhero." Severus smiled and closed his eyes. His heart fluttered with happiness as he thought of the little boy in Minerva's office. Suddenly he remember the hurt look in his eyes as he pushed him away.. The look as if he was unloved. Severus knew that look all too well for comfort. He quickly jumped up from his spot on the floor and ran the whole way back to Minerva's office. When he reached the door he heard crying coming from the room, he slowly opened the door and came face to face with a glaring Minerva McGonagall holding Harry in her arms in tears.
"Severus Tobius Snape explain yourself as to why you suddenly left without taking Harry?! Do you know he thinks you're his father? Do you know how hurt he looked when you turned your back on him and left?" Minerva yelled and pulled Harry closer to her to try to comfort him.
Severus felt another knife stabbed into his heart ripping the seams apart... He hurt his child... The child that thought of him as his "superhero". "Oh Harry I'm so sorry!" Severus slowly pulled Harry from Minerva's death grip and hugged him close, "Please forgive me, child, I am so sorry! Daddy just had to go and think for a few minutes."
Hearing Severus call himself "daddy" put a smile on Minerva's angry face.
Harry looked at the man he now called "daddy" and blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall, "Y-you said you would never leave me..."
Severus choked on a sob as he stared at the emerald eyes that were filled with hurt, "I-I know I did and I'm sorry Harry! P-please, I love you..."
Harry tilted his head to stare at his face to see if he could find anything but all he found was regret and love... "I forgive you, Daddy."
Suddenly Severus pulled Harry into a bear hug and repeated over and over again, "Thank you." Making Harry get a smile on his face that spread the whole way across his face.
Minerva suddenly felt tears well up in her eyes so she quickly scrubbed them away and looked away from the scene.
Severus and Harry sat like that for a few minutes both just happy to have each other. After another few minutes Harry leaned back and said with a smile, "Daddy can we go flying?"
Minerva's eyes widened at the thought of Harry flying on a broomstick, "Severus, I don't think that would be a intelligent idea."
"No child, you are much too young and could fall off the broom easily. Maybe when you get a little bit older, okay?" Severus said while he stood from his position on the floor.
Harry stared up at him in shock, "But I want to!"
Severus shook his head in denial, "Harry you are too little, you could get hurt and Daddy doesn't want you to get hurt."
Suddenly tears sprang up in his emerald eyes as he whispered, "But Daddy... Pawease?" Harry stuck his lip out in a pout and he stared intently at Severus with his watering eyes.
With a sigh Severus scooped the child up in his arms and replied, "Alright, one trip around the castle then it is bedtime for you, young man."
Harry smiled happily and clapped his hands together in excitement, "YAY!"
Severus chuckled and gave Harry a small noogie, "Alright, little one, let's get going."
As they were halfway out the door Minerva laughed and shouted after them, "Not a teddy bear at all... Nope I don't see it, you big 'ol softy."
Severus groaned as he realized it was the truth.
A/N: Hey guys I know this is shorter then the other chapters and everything but I wanted to stop it there sooo yea. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please don't forget to review!
I hope you all had a wonderful Turkey Day!
Thanks!!!
~Severus Addicted