Ok first off I want to say; THANK YOU! To everyone who wrote me a personal message and all those comments on my note. You all made me cry with all your sweet words and I cannot thank you all enough for being so supportive of me and understanding. I just cant find the words right now to tell you all how much it truely means to me to have you all backing me on what happened! It means more then words can say, really! So again from the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much!! -On that note, I felt guitly and selfish after reading what some of you have writen, you were right it wasnt fair to you all to take so long and stop writing my stories, but I did lose my mojo for writing, I still dont know if I have it back or not? This chapter I guess will determine that? -hides under the sheets- Haha, seriously though, I'm sorry if this is a bad chapter as you can tell I wrote it before last Thursday because of the time frame, but 4x25 is in this too. So from here on out, I'm just going with it seeing how the season is about over. The whole baby thing I've done that already I think in like chapter 7 or something? I'm not sure, but you'll see what I mean once you read it and see tomorrow nights episode, at least I hope so. The sanerio is different though. Anyhow I'm babbling now, sorry! There is SOME RATED M things in here so some of you beware. And again, I'm truely sorry for taking so long to post this and I'm sorry for it being not the best chapter I've ever written, but I'm trying. I really am! Thank you all again! SO MUCH!

Much Love, Monique.

Chapter: 18

All About Loving You;

As much as Temperance wanted to give in to Booth and her feelings for him she couldn't do it. So much had happened with them in the past few months it was making her head spin. The past four years were great, they started out as partners then he became her best friend. But in between all that time, Temperance had fallen in love with him. The Sexy FBI Agent had stolen her heart and she wasn't even sure if she knew that had meant? It was impossible to steal someone's heart unless they were dead, but then it would seem pointless? But according to Angela it was an expression of how much someone felt for someone else, a metaphor for love? Although it was explained to her she still wasn't sure if she understood it, but that didn't matter to her now what did was the fact she was in love with someone who may have not wanted her now.

Telling Booth that what had happened between them at his apartment that night was a mistake, was one of the hardest things she had ever said to anyone and not to mention it was a lie. She hated lying, so why did she do it? Because she was afraid. She was afraid to take what they had to the next level, it was only natural for her to feel that way, but she knew that in her heart it felt right when they were together. She just had to pull herself together so she could figure out someway to make things right with him again.

The tension between them now had been far worse then the tension they had when they had kissed. Booth wouldn't even really look at her unless he had to; he didn't call her giving her any information on what was going on the cases they had. Angela or Cam had to tell her because Booth wasn't cooperating and really she couldn't blame him. She knew she bruised his ego and heart with her lies, and that was something she was paying for now. The possibility of losing him for good scared her. He had become a very comfortable and needed part in her life, everything was off balance now. Their daily rituals together were no longer in play at least they hadn't been in the past few days. She didn't like it; she felt alone and not wanted.

Even yesterday when she and Booth had to visit a fraternity to collect evidence in the case they had for a boy who was found inside of an Otter Mascot costume dead, in the middle of socially interrogating the boys for evidence, Booth left her there to fend for herself. Which she could handle herself, that wasn't the problem even though one of the boys asked to get her a drink after she stripped them all of their toga sheeted costumes, in which Booth probably would have said something smart to the boy trying to defend her, Booth did have a good reason to leave. She had over heard him speaking to one of his friends from Pittsburg; apparently he had gotten Jared a new job, head of the Criminal Intelligence Unit. Jared was dishonorably discharged from the Navy a month back so Booth had been trying his best to help Jared out. Which Bones didn't see the point, why help someone when they weren't willing to help themselves not to mention family.

But none of that matter to her now, not the case, which had already been solved, not Jared… nothing. All that matter to her was Booth.

What is wrong with you Temperance? It's not natural for you think about someone so much… to have them consume every part of your being… I can't even do my work, what is wrong with you?

She didn't have to ask herself that question, she already knew. She was in love. According to Angela this was what love felt like, you get a tingling feeling in the pit of your stomach, some people called them butterflies, she called it craps only it didn't feel like cramps, it felt like she was on a high. Her heart raced and like now, he was all she could think about. Although the feelings of love scared her half to death, she knew that she could never feel this way again. Even the concept of being in love with someone was something she never really thought about, it was just hormones at their best, but now she was more then certain she was wrong.

If it wasn't for Angela helping her through all this, helping her guide with her feeling towards Booth, she would have gone crazy by now with her logical thinking.

Temperance sighed and closed the lid of her laptop. The night was still early but lately there was no reason for her to stay up, Booth hadn't come by for their nightly chats and arguments, and she found that she was more tired now then she had ever been. So catching up on her sleep the past week or so had been good.

X/X/X/

6:45 a.m.

Booth looked over at his clock reading the time, he had been laying in bed for eight hours tossing and turning. His mind was spinning and not just with thoughts of his partner or the fact that his bed still smelt like her and it drove him nuts the point of a hard on, but he was having pain again. The medication the doctor gave him two weeks ago when he was admitted for passing out was helping but still the pain was almost too much for him to handle. He didn't even feel like a man anymore and not just because Bones had branded his heart with iron darkness, but because he couldn't fend for himself at times.

He couldn't even play with Parker yesterday, he had his son for a few hours and it was Parker asking if he could him anything? It should have been the other way around, Booth taking care of his son not his son taking care of him. He knew Parker must have been frightened because Booth had never cried in front him before and yesterday was the first time he had ever done that and Booth would make sure it was his last.

Seeley just felt so lost now; there was a big void in his life. Nothing seemed normal, not that his life was ever normal, but he felt apart of him missing and he knew what part that was.

It was her. His Bones.

Being without her the past week or so was really killing him inside. Sure she hurt his feelings, it felt like she had ripped his heart out and stepped on a few times before inserting it back inside his chest, but he didn't care. He knew deep down she was lying to him, but the pain still lingered with just mere thoughts that she would even think to say such a thing to him after all they had been through.

Seeley looked up at the ceiling and shut his eyes tightly, a throbbing pain shot through his head, he knew it would pass, the pain always did but while it lasted it was like someone was stabbing him with a knife. With a small whimper he slowly sat up and clutched the edge of his bed. Only ten minutes had past since he had last looked at he clock, he had to be up in twenty minutes anyhow for work, so he figured he would just get an early start. As Booth stood he stumbled slightly and blinked a few times to correct his vision. Once he did he stumbled down the hall shielding his eyes expecting the sun to come beating through his window, only it didn't.

He walked over looking outside, it was so dark and dreary, he could hear the rain beat down against his window. It was spring so they had been having this kind of weather lately or so he imagined? The past week and a half after work Booth had spent his time in bed… alone with the scent of his beautiful Bones.

Pull it together Seeley…

For the rest of the morning while he got ready for work, Bones circled his mind. He felt like a love sick teenager all over again only this time he knew that he would never feel this way again.

X/X/X/

Bones stood outside the lab waiting for Booth; he called her a few minutes ago and said to be waiting for him that he was on his way. She had rode with Angela this morning to work and now Booth was offering to take her home? She knew that something was up, she knew Booth all too well. As the rain poured from the sky she stood outside with her hands in her pockets, she was soaked to the bone almost. She forgot her umbrella this morning and her jacket, spite the rain it was hot out. As Booth pulled up she could see the slight anger and worry on his face.

Before she could even step towards the SUV he was out jogging towards her pulling his jacket off.

"What the hell are you doing Bones?" he shouted over the rain.

"Waiting for you!"

Booth shook his head and put his jacket around her shoulders ushering her to his truck. Once she was inside he slammed the door shut and jogged back to his side, his body soaked from the rain too. He shook his head putting the car into drive as he looked over at her, she looked tense?

"You of all people should know better then to stand outside in the rain without a jacket or umbrella… what's with you Bones?" he said casually.

Temperance looked at him and chuckled, he sounded like the same old Booth. "Well you said to wait for you … that you were just around the corner…" she trailed off. Her eyes searched his body momentarily, the way the white shirt he wore clung to his body made her tremble.

"Yeah sorry… I swear people don't know how to drive when it rains… you ok? Cold?" he asked cranking the heat up some.

"No, I'm fine."

Booth looked over and at her nodded, the tension was still high, but he didn't say another word he just drove back to her apartment.

X/X/X/

"So why did you want to drive me home?" Bones asked as she slipped the key into the door opening it ushering him to come inside.

They were both dripping wet from the rain, she could see Booth shivering and rubbing his hands together. She frowned looking at him, she wanted to reach out to him not just because he was cold and she wanted to warm him with her body but because she could see pain in his expression. Pain that she had caused him, not only that she knew he had something to tell her.

"Because… I wanted too… Is that ok?" His tone wasn't mean or sarcastic, just casual.

"Of… of course it is." She swallowed hard and sniffed a little running her fingers through her wet hair, "wait here."

Booth stood there and slipped his shoes and red and white stripped socks off and walked barefoot towards her laundry room. Once inside he slipped his white shirt off, both shirts he had on leaving him bare chest and cold.

"Booth?"

"I'm in your laundry room."

As Booth started to unzip his pants she walked in drying her hair with a towel and wearing one of his shirts, that just barely covered her thighs. Booth swallowed hard letting his eyes play on the curves of her body he loved so much. As his pants dropped he turned his back to her, his Scooby Doo boxers were still dry so he was ok, it was just the throbbing erection he had that he didn't want her to see.

"Here… as you can tell by now I've confiscated a few articles of your clothing," she said softly handing him one of his button up shirts.

"Thanks." He chuckled slipping the shirt on without buttoning it up at first. He turned slowly to see her bent over picking up his clothes he dropped on the floor. He tilted his head to the side to see the luscious curves of her bottom.

Not now you idiot! You came here to talk to her, not get some bedroom action. She'll only shoot you down anyhow.

"These shouldn't take long to dry." Temperance stood to see Booth red and flushed as he looked at her. She walked over to him and put her hand on his forehead, "you ok?" she asked innocently.

He pulled away and nodded, "fine." Total lie.

She studied him for a moment and just nodded, "I put some tea on it should be ready any minute…" she trailed off and let her eyes avert downward seeing his bare chest being exposed by the thin strip the button up made where he never buttoned the shirt up. She took a shaky breath and turned around quickly with him following behind her.

She had to gather her thoughts right now, how was she going to tell him that what she said to him at his apartment that morning … that it was lie and that she in fact felt what he was talking about. They did make love… it wasn't just sex.

It could never be just sex with Booth. It was so much more.

As Temperance poured the hot water into the cups she watched Booth, he just stared at her, his mouth opened but he didn't speak. Bones frowned and handed him cup of tea, she followed him into the living room and watched as he plopped down on her couch. She took a sip of her tea and set it on the coffee table in front of the couch and sat down next to him. She pulled the blanket from the back of the couch off and draped it on top of her looking over at him.

"What's going on Booth?" she whispered. When he didn't answer her at first she frowned again and moved closer to him, her body just barely brushing his as she draped the blanket over him as well.

He looked at her with a faint smile in thanks and sighed. "We have to talk, Bones…" he said quietly.

Bones' breath hitched for a moment, this was it, this was the moment she had been waiting for, for him to bring up what had happened. She cleared her throat and bit her bottom lip looking straight ahead.

"I was afraid of this…" she whispered more to herself but Booth heard.

"Bones I need -," he started only to be cut off by her.

"I've been trying to prepare myself these last few days for this talk…" she babbled on and pushed the blanket off of her and stood up prancing across the room to her window to see the downpour the of the rain. She kept her back to him. "Every since that day at your apartment… I've been lost, ashamed and scared." She confessed with a shaky tone, "I've never had someone make me feel the way you do," she whispered slowly turning around to see that he was right behind her.

"Temperance…"

She shook her head and looked up at him, tears threatening in her eyes, "'no… give me this time, Booth." As he nodded she carried on, "all my life I've believed that love was nothing more then just a ridicules emotion that people wanted to believe in. To think and feel that it was an everlasting thing, but the more I think about it the more I want to understand it… the more I want to believe it myself."

When she looked down a tear fell and Booth put his fingers to her chin lifting it, "you don't have to do this… you don't have to say anything, Bones. I understand."

She closed her eyes with a small tremble as his hand went to her cheek, "no, you don't understand, Booth." She opened her eyes and blinked a few tears away, "it's because of you I think and feel this way… I've never had someone watch over me or care about me as much as you do and sometimes I don't know how to take it, so I push you away to make myself feel better, so I can feel that I am in control of my emotions."

Booth chuckled with a faint smile. "Doesn't work does it?"

She shook her head, "the more I push you away, the more I find myself wanting to reel you back in."

Temperance took in a deep breath stopping herself, this was all coming out too fast, but it's what she wanted. She had to let him know how she felt now or she knew she would never say it. Booth stepped closer to her as though he couldn't get close enough, one arm snaked around her thin waist while the other tucked some hair behind her ear. She just looked up at him; her blotchy face was red but beautiful.

"If there were a true definition of love…" she carried on resting her hands on his chest looking up into his dark chocolate hues she loved so much, "I believe you'd be it."

Booth's heart raced so fast in his chest he had to take a moment to catch his breath. His arm tightened around her body as he brought her closer, he leaned his head down and whispered against her lips, "What are you saying, Bones?"

Her lips trembled against his, "I …" she trembled more trying to get her words out.

Booth knew what she was getting at with her words, he just wanted… needed to hear her say to him.

"I… I love you, Seeley."

That was all it took, the moment those words dripped from her mouth he kissed her. He held her so tightly she gasped into the kiss as their tongues caressed against one another's. She had never called him Seeley, before the sound of his name didn't sound right when she called him that, but right now, it sounded perfect.

As they both pulled away they smiled in unison and Booth ran his fingers through her long dark hair looking into her eyes.

"Don't hit me for asking… but you're sure this is what you want?" He smiled at her innocently while his eyes scanned every inch of her gorgeous face.

Bones laughed lightly sniffing up her tears nodding, "I've never been more sure about anything, Booth."

He smiled and kissed her once more, wow well if this wasn't a scene out of a movie or what? But it wasn't it was real and pure, which was all either could ask for.

As they continued to kiss she walked him backwards before he gripped onto her and guided her legs to wrap around his waist. She squeezed him tightly and felt his erection through his boxers brush between her legs. He wanted her just as much as she wanted him, and right now feeling him inside of her was all she could think about.

Booth groaned hard into the kiss and walked towards her bedroom. He kicked the door open with his foot and walked towards the bed, as he dropped her down carefully he fell on top of her, his lips never parting from hers. They kissed feverishly while her hands ran up his chest and she ripped his shirt away. Booth trailed his lips from her own, down along the front of her throat and down along her chest. He ripped the shirt of his she had on, open and kissed a vale along her breasts.

When he heard her pant his name he stopped and looked up at her. He removed his body from hers and sat on the edge of the bed breathing slightly heavy. Bones sat up instantly and pulled his shirt around her chest and she crawled towards him.

"Booth?"

"As much as I want this right now… I can't. I need to tell you something… ask you something."

Bones frowned and moved to sit next to him; she took his hand in her own and moved her other hand to the side of his cheek making him look at her. "What's the matter?" she asked seriously. Sure she was aroused and more wet then she had ever been, but her feelings of making love to him right now were slowly washing away by his face and tone.

"I went to see my doctor again…" he started then sighed as he looked at her. "They want to do surgery… to remove the tumor." He swallowed hard seeing her face fall, it mirrored his own.

"I –is it spreading?"

"They can't tell right now, that's why they need to go in and take the piece they do see, out." He explained watching her nod.

"W –when?"

"Thursday." Two days away.

"Do you need… I mean…" she stumbled on her words and leaned back onto her bed, very slowly and softly.

"Will you be there with me?" he asked watching her closely seeing her eyes shoot up to his. "When I go in for surgery, will you be in there with me?"

She leaned up again and cupped his face, "of course. I'm with you every step of the way, Booth," she whispered feeling him leaning into her touch as she leaned forward more and sat up on her knees feeling him turn his body.

She kissed the top of his head where the tumor was and kissed down the side of his face and jaw line then to his lips. It was a soft and tender kiss as Bones felt her back hit the cold sheets again, Booth slightly on top of her. When he pulled away she could tell he was scared by the look on his face and sorry at the same time that right now he wouldn't be able to perform the act of love making.

"It's ok, Booth," she whispered softly and pulled him down brushing her lips against his, "it's ok."

Booth swallowed hard and closed his eyes leaving a chaste kiss against her lips before resting his hand against her chest. She held him close to her; she felt protective of Booth and always had, but right now more then ever. She would be with him through all this no matter what, the good damage was done, she had confessed her love to him and now there was no turning back. She wouldn't want to anyways.

Dont hate me! Tell me what you think? Good? Not so good? I'll have the next chapter up as soon as I write it and from my reviews telling if I need to take more time off cause this isnt that great? Again, I know I've said this a millionnnn times, but you all have NO IDEA how much it means to me that you all support me like you do, its a great honor to have readers and reviewers like you! Its YOU ALL that keep me going!

xox