Ok here's the next one!! Enjoy!!
Btw, it is slightly weird but I couldn't help adding in the shoulder angel and devil, it was just so fun to write.
This is all about what Bella feels. It's only short but… I just wanted to write it so you could get in her head a bit more. It is quite important really.
Bella POV
I sat at Charlie's sleeping side for hours, just thinking. I had had a real epiphany today; it took a near death experience for me to realize what I really thought of life. I guess I had always known this, but would never truly admit it to myself. I was unhappy and I didn't want to become a vampire for the Volturi. Of course, I didn't have a choice. My mother had given up her life so that I could have mine, but even she can't protect me from what is going to come.
What I really wanted to do was run outside screaming to the sky that I wanted to live my life my way and end my life my way, not by some pompous gits, who think they are the bee's knees. The experience had also taught me something else, which I hadn't realized until several hours after. I really liked Edward Cullen. I mean I really, really liked him. I hadn't ever really fallen for a guy before, but today I had. When I'm with him all my other problems seem unimportant and nothing to worry about, he makes me feel full, something I haven't felt since I was 10.
Me, Bella Swan, falling for a vampire. Great, Felix will get a right kick out of this, I thought sarcastically to myself.
But why do they have to find out? It's not like they run your life, another voice in my head said. Was I going crazy or something? I had never had voices floating around my head before, why start now? Oh well.
They won't find out, a second voice said, because this isn't going to get any further than a crush. It's not worth it, when you have to go back to Italy you will have to leave him, and never see the guy again. You already have to leave Charlie don't make it harder for yourself.
I was getting confused. I imagined two little me's on my shoulder; one in an angel costume and the other wearing a devil suit. The angel one was for me becoming a vampire, working for the Volturi and doing right by my mom. The devil one was for me to forget my commitment and fall for this guy. I thought it should probably be the other way round for the fact that joining the Volturi would surly be worse as it was damning your soul and working for power hungry psycho's, but, somewhere inside me, something was saying that going there would be more kind. I had no idea why, but the choice of costume was right. Then the angel and devil had a fight over what I should do.
Now this might sound slightly weird and crazy, but remember, it was only my imagination and I knew they weren't actually real. All it did was help me lay out my options (though deep down, I knew I didn't have any).
"We should stay and live life to the fullest. Then fall in love and have a happy life, not become immortal and psychopathic. Screw the Volturi, we can just run away," said the little devil.
"No we cant just run away, they will track us down in seconds. Plus what type of life are we expected to live with a vampire anyway?" The angel argued back.
"A happy one. He will change us anyway. We have nothing against being changed, just being changed and living with the Volturi," he replied.
They continued like this all through the night, looking at all the pros and cons of the situation. Have you ever had that situation where your head is telling you one thing, but your heart is telling you another? Well that's what I was going through. It wasn't that I was madly in love with Edward. Sure I had a small crush on him. I liked being around him; he made me feel like there was a reason to live. But, it's nothing that I should really pay much attention to, right? It was mostly that I had finally realized that I didn't want to become a monster for them. I wanted to live.
By the end of the night I had come to a conclusion. The angel had won. I was just going to have to live the rest of my young life in Forks and then die when I had finished school. I didn't think that Edward Cullen would come into that picture at all. Like I said, it was a crush and I couldn't love him, it would become nothing more the just more heartbreak when I had to leave him.
Next chapter will come soon! Please review loads more then you are at the moment or I will lose the motivation. Trust me it happens a lot and I don't want to let anyone down but will if I don't get more reviews! Please review now and you will get next chapter very soon.