A/N: wowie, I got a lot of longer reviews this time! I'm still amazed at how many people are reading this! Mostly because there are a lot of people who don't see Ikki and Kazu being together but let's face it - they should be. They're better than other pairings in Air Gear, in my opinion (I could write a novel on this so don't get me started)
If you've read Wind At Your Back you might pick up on a thing or two in this chapter that inspired it.
WARNINGS: Kazu being emo. This chapter was close to being titled "Kazu's Emo Chapter" before I laughed and said no. Possible slight OOC (again, not on purpose but I'm covering my ass) Uhm, me always missing SOME kind of spelling or grammar issue - try to ignore them. Also, other normal warnings like language and whatever the hell else I end up writin' in here.
I think I like to torture Kazu just a little too much. Oh boy, the things I have planned for him (bwahaha) anyway...
Thank you !!
RoxasIsReal13: Thanks so much for the review. Yeah, Sano's a perv, but sometimes I feel like even he knows when its a bad time. That's just me though, heh
minoki: Trust me, I'M happy I updated. I hate making people wait too long.
Slifer: yay one of my loyal readers! Thanks a lot for your kind words. It's hard to write characters in situations they've never been in before and keep them in character. Oh and I love to torture you all!
Flawless Beauti: lol thanks! That's why I love Ikki so much. You can tell he cares but he's not all mushy about it. He's a boy, after all. And Kitten chan's art is simply amazing, isn't it!?
DevaGlenn: Drat - I always miss some sort of spelling, haha, and omg you have NO idea how much it means to me about the characters still being believable and true to themselves. Thanks!
Jenova-chan: aww cliffhangers can be a real pain sometimes, you know? But even more so when you get no update afterwards! I love you for reading!
Emi Sue: Thank God you still think so well of the story. You love me and hate me? I'll take that as a good thing - Thanks !
maru: No need to bow my dear, I live to serve ! Your comments mean tons to me!
LavenderShell: I hope you didn't feel like you had to wait too long for this chapter!
Senket: Yeah... Yeah, I've noticed that too, about my notes having more or less the same worries in them. (Though I could NEVER write enough Kazu lol) and thank you for the compliments on the way I write him.
rei yamata: Ohh addicted! That means I'm doing a good job! Make sure you go check out my friends fan art, she's fantastic. You can find her stuff through a link on my page.
AnonyMouse: Oh my oh my how I LOVE long reviews. And you made me feel so GOOD about everything, I hope the next chapter makes you just as excited!
Massie: wow. It means a bunch to me when someone who supposedly isn't into these types of stories, reads and reviews mine! Thank you thank you thank you!
BlackFlameRose: first of all, let me thank you for critisizing in a mature way, and second of all, thank you for the wonderful review! (for FaS and my oneshots !)
readerfreek: By all means, go for it! I do not have a preference, I don't want to limit your creativity.
Oh my dear Blizzy I didn't see a review from you but you've been super nice to me and I know you read it. I love you!
And again, lovely Kitten chan I can NEVER thank you enough for the wonderful art you've been drawing! I know you tell me there's no need to thank you so much but seriously - THANKS!
And now my readers... (throws pokeball) emo Kazu, I choose you !
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Air Gear
a fiction by Crimson Vixen
In My Defense
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Something interesting about the sun and the moon; Regardless of their purpose in life, they share the same sky.
During the day time, the sun will rise and linger, spreading light and warmth. During the night, once the sun retires, the moon replaces it, sharing its beauty and mystery.
Then there are moments where they both show their faces at the same time. The moon sits out of reach like it's watching and waiting. For with the sun so naturally bright, the moon is harder to notice. Overshadowed by the light. But most definitely there.
Ikki sometimes wondered if when that happened – when the moon and sun were both visible in the sky at the same time – just how many people noticed the moon first, if at all.
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"I never saw you as the kind of person to skip school," Onigiri laughed nervously.
Yayoi shook her head, smiling a little.
"And I never saw you as the type to treat a girl."
The stout boy grinned ear to ear, lifting his chin a little higher in pride. She was a pretty perceptive girl. He never did treat other people if he could help it; Yayoi was the first person he had ever willingly offered to pay for. It actually felt kind of nice. He didn't mind wanting to spend his money on her.
Coming to the movies was a great idea. No one was there since everyone was at school, and the people that worked at the theatre didn't question two kids showing up during school hours because they got paid either way. It was nice to be able to have someone special that he could hang out with. Buccha was always off doing… whatever, and Ikki and Kazu seemed to be bickering or something he wasn't sure of but he didn't care. Those two always ended overcoming their differences eventually. Akito wouldn't even want to come if Ikki wasn't and as far as Agito.
Out of the question.
Onigiri shook his head. Why was he wasting his time thinking about those jokers when he had a pretty girl waiting for him? With so very few people standing in line, Onigiri told Yayoi to take a seat and rest while he stood in line and got the tickets and snacks.
Yayoi only rushed to help him when he came back with a giant bag of popcorn and two drinks. He blushed when her soft hand touched his when she grabbed for one of the drinks.
"You got it?"
"Y-yeah…"
"Movie starts in a few minutes. Let's go find our seats."
Onigiri nodded, wanting to loop an arm around the girl's and escort her the proper way but couldn't with popcorn in one hand, a drink in the other, a ticket spurting out from between his middle and pointer finger.
When they sat down in their seats, they sat in the very center of the theatre. No one else had come to watch the thriller that they had come to see. Onigiri was half convinced that it must not be that good if the rating was low enough for him and Yayoi to get into. Either way, at least he was alone with her, which was much more than he ever thought he would get to experience. The movies were the perfect place for a first date. You got to be alone with the person you went with, but there was no pressure for conversation since you both locked eyes with a movie screen. Well, that's not what he had heard but…
Yayoi seemed cozy in her seat, nuzzling her back into the chair and staring up at the screen while the previews started. She absentmindedly reached over for her drink but bumped it instead, and it fell to the floor with a splash.
"Crap," she muttered under her breath, gazing quickly at Onigiri since he was the one that paid for it in the first place. The boy just shrugged and laughed, making Yayoi feel a little more at ease after being what she considered to be so damn clumsy. She excused herself and was about to get up to buy herself a new drink, when Onigiri caught her tiny wrist and sat her back down.
"Unless it bothers you…" he started, picking up his own drink and offering it to her. "I mean… if you don't like drinking after people, I would totally understand."
"I don't mind," Yayoi cut in, taking the drink without hesitation and taking a drawn out sip. Her eyes slid to the side and watched Onigiri as he blushed. This was strange, the girl mused. Of all the people in the world, of all the boys in their school, she never thought in a million years that it would be Onigiri that captured her attention. He was one persistent pig, that was for sure. The day she had caught him in mid-crime of skirt chasing, he's been blushing up a storm and fidgeting like he had no control of his body. He held back a little at first, refusing to give her any information on anything, like he was actually ashamed of what he'd done. But when he did give his reasoning for doing something so filthy…
Well, Yayoi loved honesty – thought it was an admirable quality to possess. She just never imagined that Onigiri would be one of those truthful people. In a way it was flattering to her. He was a boy after all, and he could have made up any excuse to get out of the situation. Instead, he said he knew what he was doing and that he was sorry, and then proceeded to tell her things about herself and why he chose to look up her skirt that day. Like the way her lower lip pouted a little when she was angry or upset, or the way her voice sounded when she was scolding or lecturing. Onigiri said he liked a girl who could take control of a situation or problem. He thought it was… of all the words to describe it… cute.
She had never been called cute before.
Yayoi set the drink back down and took a small handful of popcorn. Her hand brushed against Onigiri's for the second time that day, but neither of them jerked their hands away. They lingered, though only for a moment.
The previews were ending and both of them turned their attention to the screen. Onigiri wasn't so keen on his logic from before. A movie wasn't that good of a first date anymore, since he didn't really want to watch the movie. He wanted to watch Yayoi, and maybe even just talk with her. Interact with her one way or another.
He set his arm on the armrest, deliberately inching it towards Yayoi's until their forearms lightly touched. He was testing the waters, seeing if she reacted negatively or positively. So far, she didn't do anything, which was both good and bad in his eyes. At least she had agreed to go with him. That alone said wonders.
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Kazu slouched in his seat. Ikki had more or less dragged him to school and even though he knew he had to go to class, he really didn't want to be there. The teacher was talking about things he didn't care about, and in turn, she didn't care – or rather just didn't have the nerve to say anything about it – about the fact that Kazu was staring out the window instead. He rested a delicate chin on his palm, fingers gently curling and pinky just touching his plump lip. His body still ached in places, although more faintly now, and it was still hard to meet people's eyes with his own.
What a month it had been. As if things weren't crazy enough already, what with his first losing race and the humiliation of his best friend finding out he'd been beaten senseless, Ikki had filled him in on something that didn't… seem real. He knew that being Storm Riders brought up some pretty dangerous and let's face it, sometimes life threatening circumstances, but he never anticipated having to deal with something as serious as murderers. And apparently, that was why Sano had made himself at home there. To baby-sit them, as Ikki had put it.
The blonde pursed his lips and knitted his brows. It almost hurt to know that Ikki had kept something like that from him for so long, even though he really didn't have the right to be angry about that, when he himself had yet to tell Ikki a handful of things that had been going on…
Great… Kazu started grinding his teeth, hard.
Kazu's fingers curled a little tighter for every minute he contemplated. Eventually his nails started poking at his skin. He hated it when he started thinking like this, because once he started there was no telling where it would go or when it would end. He closed his eyes tightly and opened them again, feeling a headache starting to spread, starting from the back and slowly coiling around the sides. He didn't have to look to know that Ikki was giving him one of those dissaproving glances, and he could feel Emiri's eyes on him too, from across the room as per usual, and he tensed slightly.
Thankfully, he managed to go through the whole day without being called on, or called out for spacing out all day, and when the bell rang, he gathered up his things and left the classroom without a word, making sure to avoid eye contact with his classmates to prevent any kind of confrontation. He'd never felt like such a coward before. And he was pretty sure Ikki didn't like cowards.
No one followed him when he made his way to his locker. Not Ringo, not Emiri, not Ikki. Nobody. He hadn't even seen Onigiri today – the kid was probably faking sick since they had a test at the start of class. A test which Kazu was pretty sure he bombed. With a giant sigh, he pried his locker open and shoved his books inside. If there was any homework assigned to them, he didn't catch it. And he didn't care.
He needed to get stronger. Faster. No matter what. Redeem himself and then get out of whatever faze he'd thrown himself into. Best of all, reclaim his lost pride and status and Ikki would never have to know.
Kazu took his ATs out of his bag and put them on. He'd already weakened himself by not using them the right way in the past couple of days and he had some serious catching up to do. With a grim look upon his face, he slammed his locker shut and was about to march out those double doors when a feminine voice reached his ears. He knew that voice anywhere.
"Emiri…" he said, turning around to greet the girl that had followed him in the end. Somehow she made his expression soften. "You're wearing your ATs."
"Yeah!" the girl giggled, no longer struggling to stand up straight or move forward for that matter. She skated a quick circle around him to show off her improvement.
Kazu had to admit, Emiri had gotten a lot better since the last time he saw her wearing those things. She was much more confident. Her footing and form were still sloppy but it looked like she had the basics of going, stopping and turning down pretty good. If she kept this up, she'd be really good.
"That's great! I was about to head out and practice myself…" he told her honestly. Then his face adopted a more serious expression. "Hey Emiri… about the other day…"
Oh shit, Emiri mentally panicked. He was going to ask her about the kiss. She wasn't ready to explain herself just yet! Her mouth moved, open shut, open shut, and just as her vocal chords started making noise, Kazu's light blue eyes flicked just a fraction over to the side, like something else had captured his attention.
"We'll have to talk about this later. I gotta go," he said tersely, offering a pathetic wave and then running for the doors.
Oh thank god... She was no way ready to touch that subject - it hadn't even crossed her mind that Kazu might bring it up. Releasing a huge breath, Emiri turned around to see what had scared the boy off, but only saw a pissed of looking Ikki. And he was coming her way.
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"Damn!"
Kazu had lost track of how many times he cursed in the past hour. He eyed the wall bitterly, lower lip jutting out in a sour pout. He was pissed about being pissed, because getting angry only makes you worse and being worse only made you angry. The boy let out a short, aggravated yell, one that hurt his throat for a minute afterwards, hands balled into fists.
The wall was high and smooth. Sturdy and perfect for practicing wall climbing. Climbing walls was never something he had taken the time to learn. But he figured if he could learn something hard like that, it would be easier to practice other things, like increasing his speed. Not to mention, when he went back for a rematch, perhaps he could use wall climbing to his advantage. Buccha had already had the skill when they all met him. Ikki picked it up like it was nothing. Onigiri had no desire to learn such a skill, already content with staying low to the ground. So it was just him. Kazu made a determined face.
At any rate, if he could learn this, he would be that much better as a Storm Rider.
He took a deep breath and slowly released it, mentally counting to three and bursting forward in an explosion of speed. His long legs sprang him upwards, where he curled his body and bent his legs to put them to the wall. He had hoped that on contact, his already spinning wheels would thrust him upwards and he could ride the wall like a regular grind.
Instead, his wheels were spinning a little too fast, and sent his legs forward while the rest of him fell back. He hit the ground hard, shoulder first and he let another curse fall from his lips. Crawling to all fours and then using the wall he was starting to despise to stand up, he gave it another menacing glare.
Maybe this time if he could do the same thing, only lessen the speed of his wheels. And maybe if his leaned forward a little to balance his weight…
Kazu stepped back, ignoring the twinge in his shoulder and the other parts of his body that were screaming at him to fully heal before doing such stupid things, but he had to do this. He knew he was obsessing but he had to get a rematch and win so he could move on.
When he jumped again, he made sure he had much less momentum to it, but this time when he hit the wall, his bruised leg slipped and flung to the side. His arms moved to catch himself, which was hard at such and angle, elbow banging against the barricade before he really felt himself fall. He prepared himself for the impact, knowing what to expect by now but the impact never came. In fact, he wasn't even falling anymore.
Kazu opened one eye first, then two when he realized where he was, and awkwardly so.
"Shit, let me go," Kazu flailed and scrambled out of Ikki's arms. How did the boy catch him so smoothly? He hadn't even realized the crow was there. Ikki easily let the blonde scuttle out of his hold and take two steps before turning around to face him, eyes wide and full of too many emotions for Ikki to pinpoint any single one.
"What the hell are you trying to do?" Ikki's shoulders quivered when he laughed a little, somewhat entertained with the way Kazu's cheeks puffed out when he was caught in these kinds of situations.
"What does it look like I'm doing," the blonde retorted, finding it pointless to avoid the subject all together since it was pretty damn obvious. Still, he hadn't expected Ikki of all people to follow him here, or interrupt him as such. Lately it seemed that Ikki was always there when he least wanted him to be.
"Well, I see that. What I mean is… why?"
Kazu blinked. What a stupid question.
"For the same reason anyone else does anything. To get better."
Ikki tried to suppress the frustrations he came here with when he opened his mouth to speak. A little earlier he already had to keep a calm tone when he spoke with Emiri. He shrugged.
"Nothing better than your best"
"Well then my best isn't good enough."
Then Ikki spoke without really thinking about it, hands in his pockets and face solemn. At first, he wasn't even aware that he'd spoken out loud.
"...You just don't get it, do you? How amazing you are."
Kazu took a single step back, unsure how he was supposed to retaliate. He swallowed the lump in his throat and finally found his voice.
"Were you following me?"
Ikki knew the way Kazu spoke. He'd known the boy since they were kids and when Kazu said yes he meant yes. When he said no he meant no and when he shrugged it usually meant he wasn't paying much attention to the question. So when he asked were you following me, Ikki was pretty sure he was asking why.
The crow kept his expression and temper steady. If he started yelling, they might not get anywhere, and Ikki was trying any means necessary now to get the answers that were starting to plague him. Kazu knew about the murders now, and why Sano was staying at his place, and yet even after sharing this important and furtive information, the blonde's behavior hadn't changed in the least. Common sense said it had something to do with the blonde suddenly going MIA and coming back looking like he'd returned from a war. Ikki's patience was wearing thin, but if he could get answers by just acting like it wasn't that big of a deal, then all the better.
"Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you for a while, actually. But even if you're living under the same roof, you're impossible to get a hold of."
Kazu felt a wave of guilt swallow him and he briefly looked to the ground before meeting Ikki's dark eyes.
"I've been – "
"Busy, I know," Ikki said for him, trying harder now to urge the edge in his voice to disappear. His fingers fidgeted within his pockets. He had to do this right or he'd be back to square one.
For a moment, Ikki felt the moment to be rather depressing. Never in his life did he feel the need to step on eggshells around Kazu before, and the feeling wasn't something he thought he could get used to. Kazu was on the edge of something that Ikki couldn't put a name to and he wondered if making a wrong move would only send him further away. They had known each other for most of their young lives, were able to share anything, so why this sudden shift? Ikki liked change, but only if it was for the better.
But they were both suffering, and if Kazu wasn't going to do anything about it, Ikki wasn't going to sit around and wait for things to reach an irreversible climax.
"Every time I do see you, you're training. That's great and all but you need to loosen up."
Perhaps, Ikki thought only after the words were already spoken, he could have gone about it in a much more appealing way. But he'd always known Kazu to appreciate words that weren't sugar coated, no matter how much they stung. Though when he looked at the boy, he appeared taken aback.
"I have to be better…"
"This again…" Ikki groaned and rolled his eyes, making sure Kazu caught it. He was conscious of the fact that his anger was starting to shine through, but he still did his best to keep his cool. No matter how much he wanted to grab Kazu's shoulders and shake the boy until he regained his senses.
"Come on," Ikki said. He was about to add on something along the lines of is it really that important to you or why are you so set on matching everybody but before he could even try, Kazu cut in, voice noticeably deeper. That usually signified that he wanted to be taken seriously, so Ikki shut up, reaching out towards Kazu's arm to steady him.
"You come on!" He violently jerked away from the other boy's touch. "Whatever you say, whatever I tell myself, in the end it does bother me! It always has! I train harder than everyone else and I still feel like I'm always a step behind!"
He growled deep in his throat, something hot and untamed bubbling underneath his skin. He bore into Ikki's eyes, unwavering, blowing himself over now and finding it harder to go back.
Ikki swallowed the lump in his throat. This was something totally different than what he was expecting. He'd wanted to solve the mystery of Kazu's dissaperaence, but this was another issue entirely, albeit one that had been around for some time now. Apparently, it had been festering and growing to this point. Kazu had gradually been growing more and more hostile over time, to the point where for a moment, the crow didn't recognize him. Yeah, the jet always had a temper on him when you pushed the right buttons, but now..?
Well, it was no longer something he felt would eventually fix itself.
It was at that moment, gazing deep into Kazu's burning blue eyes, that he realized...
…he really didn't understand this boy as well as he assumed he did. There were layers he hadn't even begun to fathom, secrets he'd yet to unravel, pieces of him he'd overlooked and had yet to see. It felt somewhat embarrassing, having something right in front of you for almost your whole entire life and never see it until it really mattered. In the past, he'd seen Kazu's rage, (there have been times where he had lit that short fuse) but he'd never seen Kazu's eyes as they were now.
The air around him felt cold now, like there was a shift in aura. Had Kazu's temper really shot up that quickly? And what happened to his own?
"K-Kazu, I..."
Did he just stutter? Ikki put a finger to his lips, furrowing his eye brows and plastering a pure look of confusion on his face, almost not knowing that he was able to make such incomprehensible sounds. He was being put in his place in a way, but Ikki didn't like being pushed back and told he was wrong, nor did he like not being in control of a situation. Clearing his throat, he dared himself to approach the fuming boy, bringing their faces close, stubborn and refusing to back down, even when a part of him was telling him that now was not the time to.
His mind was pounding, screeching for him to forget about dominating the situation and just sit down and listen to what his friend is trying to tell him because it has obviously been on his mind for the longest time. Just. Back. Down.
But Ikki… even if he wanted to, he didn't know how.
"Do you expect me to be a mind reader?" he shot back in his defense, regretting the words as they came. "The things that bother you don't bother everyone else."
"I never said they should. And what – you want me to be just everyone else now?" Kazu showed little to no sign of backing down. He stood up against his leader, something he'd done before but never so abrasively, only making Ikki feel like he knew even less about him. He was in his face, and they were yelling, almost screaming enough for spit to fly, faces going pink and necks straining. Ikki already couldn't recall the moment or word that started the downward spiral. "Just forget it!"
But how could he forget it now?
That's right; Ikki mused. He was the one that drove them to this in the first place. A long time ago in fact. And he was also the one that believed that those who start something should see it through to the end. But that also meant that Kazu didn't start it, giving him the legroom to not necessarily back down, but to run away.
Sometimes, he was sure Kazu felt running was all he had.
"And dammit!" the blond continued to seethe, ripping his hat from his head and at first, Ikki thought he was going to throw it to the ground in aggravation. But it meant too much to him, still, and he hit Ikki's shoulder with it instead. Ikki was glad he didn't toss it – it would be another thing he wasn't ready for; Kazu being... unpredictable. It was kind of new and exciting, but not all at once, being pushing onto him all in one setting. It was an explosion of discoveries and unlabeled emotions, good and bad – it was almost overwhelming.
"I can only do so much. What else do I have to do to - !?"
…stand out to you!
Kazu gulped, somehow able to control himself enough to stop. He wasn't sure anymore how this all started. He was practicing, Ikki showed his smug face and caught him as he fell. In other words, he witnessed another moment of weakness in him. Kazu couldn't stand it. It was no longer just about becoming stronger but also Ikki's ignorance to it all. He never thought he was mad at the crow about it, but here they were, moments away from going at each other's throats because he couldn't just keep quiet about it anymore.
"You get… All that attention. All that glory. Sometimes I can't stand it!"
It was all coming out now; things he didn't even know his own mind possessed. And even though they were his own words, Kazu grew speechless. So did Ikki. He blinked. Then he blinked again, mouth slightly open as if he'd just witnessed something horrible.
"Wake up," Ikki abruptly muttered under his breath. After all this time, after all the times he's told Kazu himself that he never gave himself enough credit, this was the degree to which Kazu lowered himself.
"What was that!?"
"I said wake up, already!" Ikki exploded. "You idiot..."
Instead of shrinking back and gritting his teeth like Ikki expected him to, Kazu got close, put his chest to Ikki's in a challenge and glared up at the slightly taller boy. Ikki could only stare back. They've bickered before but never like this…
"You wake up, moron! Of course you don't get it; you're too high on the fucking chain!" Kazu's eyes flashed red as he used his hands to illustrate what he was saying, as if the chain was dangling from his fingers as he spoke. "You're so high on your throne that your shadow covers everyone else! I'm just another faceless stranger in the crowd of the people under you and whenever you – !"
The sharp sound of skin again skin rang out into the night, and Kazu's head snapped to the side as his vision flashed white and then swam as he stumbled back, hand cradling his now burning cheek. Ikki had never struck him like that before, so all he could do was gawk at Ikki with a hand to his face, mouth agape and shoulders rising and falling with his unsure breath.
"Don't get the wrong idea, Kazu," Ikki breathed steadily, meeting those confused blue eyes. He kept his voice low and serious, making sure that the blonde heard him and heard him good. "I am moving towards the top. I won't stop until I get there."
Kazu thickly swallowed all the rage that was trying to bubble up his windpipe.
"But it was never my intention for a second to do it alone." The crow continued. "I'm taking my team with me."
He took a step closer, and watched as Kazu moved his gaze from him to the ground up to him again. His light brows were lowered dangerously but his eyes showed nothing but confusion.
"A shadow only covers you if you let it. If it bothers you so damn much, sidestep it."
Sometimes things were never clear as they should be until someone else pointed it out for you. Kazu blinked and gritted his teeth, absorbing Ikki's words and trying to block some choked sound, hand still cupping the side of his stinging cheek. Sidestep the shadow. And into the light. It sounded simple enough. Maybe he had been too concerned about being in the dark that he couldn't see...
That Ikki was trying to offer him the sun. Perhaps he always had been.
"You're a part of my team, last time I checked," Ikki added, somehow managing to smile. If he smiled, maybe this would be that much easier. "Kazu, you're right up there with me!"
A silence fell upon them both, the cool air teasing their clothes and hair. It was an awkward but acceptable silence of uncertainty, like the silence found at a funeral. All Ikki could hear was the leaves rustle and soft slow breaths Kazu was heaving. He stepped forward, taking the blonde's wrist and lowering it so he could see the cheek he had voilated. He wasn't angry as himself for striking his best friend. Instead, it was that somehow, somewhere in all of this he forgot to keep his game face.
Tenderly he put his own hand over his friend's reddening cheek. He only hoped it would express the things he couldn't say.
Surely you can understand…
Ikki scowled; he couldn't let culpability get the better of him. Hitting Kazu had been the only way to get him to listen. The boy was spiraling and Ikki wasn't sure how else to stop it. Only now he had to look at that distressed, vaguely conflicted face.
Ikki felt moister leak onto his fingers, and when he looked closely he could see blue eyes glisten. The crow could not say he was surprised. However prideful and brash his friend could be, when he was happy he was happy, when he was sad he was sad, and his emotions showed him as he was, regardless of any attempts on his part to stop it. He could tell the blonde was even more embarrassed now, and before he knew it, Kazu's golden head had fallen into his jacket against his chest, just over his heart.
Kazu's humiliation hit a limit, and he let his walls crumble just a little, and he let a select few tears fall. He did not sob. He made no noise. He did not get hysterical and he did not plead or beg for anything; he just let his face press against the crow's body.
His shoulders were trembling only slightly and what words he did finally let escape were lost into the soft material of Ikki's jacket. His arms hung limp at his sides, refusing to claw and clutch for anything, so Ikki raise his own and wrapped them around the other boy.
By no means did it feel awkward in any sense. They were boys, and boys were only human. Kazu needed this, in spite of whatever it looked like to a third party, and the other boy fit strangely well in his arms.
"Kazu," he started, but that was all it took for Kazu to shake even more, though not by much, wracking with things he wanted to hold back, cursing loudly at himself for being so weak.
Ikki wasn't too sure why his friend suddenly felt so fragile, (maybe it was because he'd never been forced to witness it before) or why he felt responsible, or if Kazu was angry at him or himself or both, or even if he was just overjoyed with some sort of realization or relief – he just didn't know. He wasn't even aware of how they'd both fallen so far in their friendship. All he did know, was just how blind people in general could be to those they thought they knew best.
Kazu shifted a little, seeming as if he wanted to pull his head back but when Ikki let his arms drop, the jet stayed put.
"Ikki," he mumbled wetly.
If he was going to apologize or if he wanted to explain himself, it never came. He just threw himself further into the older boy and stayed there, as if silently thanking him for existing at that moment, for being the pillar he so desperately needed at the time, even if he hated him all the same. He dribbled words into Ikki's jacket again, shaking his head and repeating himself over and over again.
This time Ikki could make some of them out.
'You have no idea. You have no idea. If only you knew. If only you knew!'
Really, Ikki normally hated moments like this. An emotionally draining day full of bleeding hearts and shattered shells and him being stuck somewhere in the mix. He didn't like this kind of drama, or the responsibility of involvement. It wasn't his scene. Wasn't him.
Yet today, although he could never properly recite the lesson out loud if asked, he knew he had learned something valuable. And he did not accomplish what he had set out to do tonight, but perhaps something more important had transpired. Maybe he just happened to be in the right place at the right time, or maybe it was just something long overdue. Ikki made it a point not to question this night. He was not just holding another boy. He was holding his best friend. And Kazu was not weakening as he let himself go. He was silently thrusting trust onto the crow. Ikki figured that this was the way it should have been from the start.
Without really thinking - because why not? If you want to, why not? - Ikki lowered his head, about ready to rest his chin atop Kazu's fair locks when the jet finally squirmed out of his hold, wiping his face vigorously and then standing tall. His face was clear of any distress previously shed and dismissed to be forgotten. Ikki knew Kazu hated himself right then, but he couldn't bring himself to offer any more comfort. He wasn't sure what Kazu wanted anymore.
"I need to be alone for a while," he said stubbornly.
Ikki almost lost his balance. After all that, Ikki's questions were still left unanswered, and Kazu was still…
It wasn't long before the jet was running, flying, with full knowledge that Ikki wouldn't be able to follow him. He gave chase regardless, red flags waving in his head and heartstrings wrenching in his chest.
Don't let him go!
His arm stretched out as if he could catch the lightning bolt Storm Rider. As expected, he only grabbed air.
The feeling in his chest suddenly getting hot, Ikki screamed Kazu's name at the top of his lungs in attempt to stop him, neck burning with the strain.
It wasn't that Kazu was defenseless. It was his short fuse, his low confidence and constant lust to prove himself... To tell the truth, Ikki always thought Kazu to be just a little... emotionally unstable. Anyone could see it, really, if they looked. And that's probably what worried the crow the most.
Ikki looked up to the sky, looking for answers that wouldn't come. It was a full moon tonight, bright and gloating in all its glory. Yet somehow, Ikki still couldn't help noticing just how lonely the moon looked that night.