Same an as last time. Too tired to change it. Enjoy.
All things considered, this isn't that bad an update. I had time to write, so I did. Without further ado, enjoy. And don't forget to review!
Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, would I be here? Think about it, really. I don't own twilight, or the characters. I just like to exploit them for my own entertainment. Is that so wrong!? Yes? It is? Oh, well, ah hem. On with the chapter. Oh, and don't forget to review, or Bella get's it! Heeeehehehehheheh
I need professional help, but don't we all?
BPOV
It had been a week since that fateful event. When I had imagined that Edward had been in my room. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I was beginning to believe that I was indeed insane. Edward had asked me on numerous occasions what was wrong. How could he help? Had he done something wrong? Which somehow made things all the worse. I needed time to think. Time to be alone with my thoughts. Time to reorganise my confused mind. We were in the cafeteria. It was lunch time. The room around us was filled with the constant chatter of our peers. However, there was an air of tension at our table. Edward was trying desperately to lift it. He had been since it had appeared last week, when I had realised that I might be sliding down the slope of insanity. The tension had begun then. Ever since it had hung like a shroud between us. Always there, refusing to be ignored. I had to pull myself together before I didn't have to worry about the shroud between us. Because he would be gone. And I would be left to deal with the demons of my self-doubt and, eventually, self-loathing. I wouldn't blame him, in all honesty, if he were to leave. I was surprised he had endured me for so long. But I suppose, as they say, people do crazy things for love. The stray thought brought an unfamiliar smile to my face. How long had it been since I last smiled? Not that I had much to be smiling about. Charlie still refused to speak to me, the majority of people in the school glared at me and I felt that I was on the brink of insanity. What a joy.
I was snapped abruptly from my thoughts by Edward. He was shaking me.
''Bella!'' His voice was full of concern and.. Pain? ''Bella, please. You have been extremely distant with me for the past week. Please! Tell me what's wrong. Have... I done something to upset you? Is it my fault? Please, tell me what I can do to make it right. I... I love you.'' His voice took on a desperate and somewhat hysterical note at the end. I looked into his beautiful eyes, which seemed to be glistening with unshed tears. Though I could be imagining it. And I realised something. Whilst I had been drifting in my own world the past week, completely oblivious to the outside world, Edward had been enduring his own personal hell. He had thought that I was pulling away from him. He had thought that I no longer loved him. And I realised that, whatever I was going through. Whatever this crisis of self doubt and insecurity in my own sanity was, I had to push it aside and show Edward how much I truly cared for him. The magnitude and depth of my feelings for him. A sensation that was so all-consuming it often scared even me.
So I managed a smile, a weak one but a smile nevertheless, and reached up to stroke his cheek. He leaned against my touch, as if it were his lifeline, and grasped my hand to hold it there like a dying man. His eyes closed and he relaxed into me. The entire cafeteria simply floated away and we were in a world of our own. ''I love you too.'' I whispered softly and then we descended into silence.
The drive home was also spent in silence. I didn't know what to say and Edward seemed content to allow the silence to prolong. So that it did. Things were so different. I couldn't think of a way to fix it either. Lunchtime had seemed to break the ice somewhat, but more of the same did not seem to be forthcoming. When we arrived at my house I simply sat there for a moment, thinking. Then, acting upon impulse, I invited Edward in. I needed to sort this out, once and for all. I loved him and I needed to lift the tension. He nodded and followed me inside.
We sat down in the living room and I was unsure of how, or where, to start. So I decided to go with the flow and began.
''Edward. I know that I have been acting extremely strange this past week. First of all, I want to know that this has nothing to do with anything done on your part. I've been... struggling to come to terms with some things.'' I didn't know where to go from there. I didn't want to come right out and tell him that I thought I was insane, but how else would I explain my downright unsociable behaviour. An unexplained look of guilt washed over his face, as if something horrific had just dawned upon him. However, he quickly wiped his face clean of it, as if he were afraid I would see it. Strange.
''It's just.'' I continued. ''Everything is starting to take its toll on me. Charlie not speaking to me. Everyone at school hating me. Everything. I feel like I'm losing my mind.'' I omitted the part about my actually thinking I was crazy. I hadn't noticed, but I had started to cry. Edward took me into his arms and comforted me.
''I'm sorry.'' He said continuously. Over and over again. ''I'm sorry.'' ''I'm sorry.'' ''I'm sorry.'' ''I'm sorry.'' ''I'm so, so sorry.'' I didn't know exactly what he was apologising for but just the sound of his voice seemed to calm me and set my mind at ease. So I let him continue his torrent, never once silencing him or interrupting him. I felt safe in his arms. At home. Comfortable. Myself. I felt myself begin to drift off and welcomed the obliviousness of unconsciousness with open arms.
The next thing that I was aware of was someone clearing their throat. I dragged myself from my sleep haze. I sat up slowly and stretched. To my complete surprise, Charlie was standing there, looking apologetic. Before I could open my mouth, Charlie began.
''I'm really sorry for how I have been acting. I'm not saying that I condone what you did, but I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. Anyway, I'm sorry. Edward seems..fine.'' He grunted, looking uncomfortable beyond belief. ''You're telling your mother.'' He grumbled. Then he grunted my way once more and abruptly left the room.
A smile worked it's way onto my lips. Charlie was speaking to me again. Things were sorted out with Edward. I lay down and drifted off again. And for the first time in over a week, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
Okay, not my best, or longest work. But I'm tired. And am currently experiencing a bit of writer's block. I hope you enjoyed it, let me know. don't know when I'll be able to update. Another long week of exams coming up. Sorry!
Kate