A/N: You should prolly read this, mmhmm.
I know it's been a while, and I have excuses, but I'm not going to give them to you 'coz they don't matter. You all know I'm busy, anyway, I'm pretty sure...
So ok! Yikes, this chapter is longer than the others! 17 pages, 7 of which I wrote just before editing this. I tried this and that and it was either going to be too short or too long, and since the last chapter was short, I kept this one longer. Sides, I have this really strong feeling that this chapter just has to end where I ended it. Listening to a pretty song over and over really helped write it too, lawl. (Gravity by Sara Bareilles, if you want to know)
This chapter should probably be called "The chapter the prove everyone just wants a piece of Kazu" but it wouldn't fit!
Uhmm yeah, so ffnet has been kinda messing with my fics, I think. I went back to look at some of my other stories, and ffnet kind of just... omitted my transition marks, so all the scenes ran together and I'm like "why ffnet why do you do thatttt?" but I'm going through and trying to fix it. It's also been trying to center all of my paragraphs... So very stubborn. Oh, AND repeating paragraphs! Sheesh...
So let this be a warning, if there are no transition marks/scene changing marks, or if the display/set up of the actual fic looks wonky, or if parts repeat themselves that obviously are not supposed to (mainly, it seems to do this with the first sentence of a story), don't panic! Just let me know, alright? I'll see what I can do.
I was watching Air Gear and realized I missed an entire episode!! Takes place around chapter 90 of the manga, it doesn't even have an episode number, its just called "special trick" - if you wanna find it, it takes place right after episode 21, I think... It's Kazu-centered. (try youtubing episode 21.5, maybe it's still there? if you haven't seen it...)
Lets see, what else... oh god I think this chapter moves really fast - like I feel as though the story just takes a major jump but if I didn't do it now, who knew when it was bound to happen. I think we'll be ok though.
Holy crap, more and more Ikkazu fics on ffnet!! I get giddy every time something new shows up. I haven't gotten around to reviewing each one just yet but give me time and I will! And so many people are telling me they've been inspired to draw and write and I'm taken aback every time. You guys are just too awesome for your own good.
And, I know it's a ways away but, does anyone here know if they're going to Otakon?
omg and thank you to anyone who actually read through all of that. Now!
Warnings: possible missing transision marks, normal warnings like grammar issues, perhaps slight Ikki OOC at one point... (cough) the story maybe moving way too fast in this one chapter!! It's super late so errors may become present! (stupid fingers when tired)
But I have a feeling you'll like it.
Disclaimer: I forget this sometimes. As much as I think I may own/control them... theyarenomine.. ahem.
FaS current stats:
281 reviewsas of right now. OMG we're almost to 300! I can't believe it! You guys are too amazing! 35473 hits, 112 favs, and 117 alerts. You guys, I am seriously super flattered, you have no idea
Speaking of stats, the last chapter had the second smallest number of hits but the second most number of reviews! And as much as thanking reviewers will bulk up the A/N before the story, I want to thank you all anyway! (most of you will find your name and skip the rest anyway)
So here we go! Thank You:
ranchan-akari: eehhh they may be figuring it out a lot sooner than you think. Perhaps a bit too soon?? But Kazu being a "part of another team" is needed for teh dramaz! I'm glad you seem to be enjoying it, at any rate.
MindFuel: aww, that's wonderful! To give FaS such priority makes me feel so honored as a writer. But don't be late for class anymore, silly - cuz then it's my fault! lol
rei yamata: lol well we have to sometimes remind ourselves that Ikki and Kazu are boys, and boys like them have a hard time dealing/reacting to the L word. You made pins and pictures? Does I gets to see, I hope?
TheaBlackthorn: Playing with emotions is what I do best! (is God) But Ikki and Kazu make it easy to target them.
Flawless Beauti: 'self-sacrificing' is one of the many words that label Kazu, but it's part of why so many of us love him and understand the depth of him that is often overlooked. I'll admit, I smiled when I wrote the line that made you laugh, my friend.
Dhew: omg, wow, thank you so much. There are lots of really talented writers out there (on ffnet and in the AG section) so for you to say that really makes me happy. So cute! - Your english is very well spoken (or typed) for it not being your native tongue. And you had so much to say! Thank you!
Jen Sweden: Sorry the chapters have been updating so slow as of late - lots of schoolwork, you know. Ouuhooo, from sweden, how cool! I sure hope this chapter satisfies.
Slifer: I tend to try to keep running/ongoing themes throughout chapters when I can - glad you noticed that with the confrontations. Denial sure is fun to write, but one of my favorite stages of writing denial is what comes after it. I'm eager and nervous to write Kazu's new, secret life.
DL: lol most things we write are meant to mess with characters' heads, and we all love it. Sorry for the wait, love, but this ones longer!
ALt6913: aww, better and better, alright! I personally think I stray OOC sometimes but when I'm sure I'm IC, its usually Ikki and Kazu's own doing. But writing situations you are not used to writing is a great way to expand your writing skills.
Flarrua: I sure HOPE everything reaches a climax and comes together in the end somehow. There is a semi-climax in this chapter that I think/hope you'll love.
Cataclysmic Disaster: I guess I write cliffhangers even when I don't realize/think about it, sorry lol! But I didn't leave any cliffhangers in chapter... at least... at least I don't think I did.
iKat.13: You do that too, huh? Yell at screens, I mean. Kazu's "I dont love him but I think about him every waking moment" mindset sure is frustrating, I'm sure. Imagine how worked up I get just writing it, lol.
T.J.: Thank you! Well... everyone seems to be wanting and waiting for Kazu to get 'captured'!! Waitwait! The last chapter didn't count - just wait a little longer and you'll love whats in store for the future.
KidAngel: haha, sorryyyy. holy crap if you plan on drawing more I hope you also plan on showing me, cuz I adore your art and I adore you. Thanks muchly for the review darling.
Blizzy: I will never tire of your reviews, not by a long shot. And I'm sorry to hear about that lost review - I've had that happen before and with people like us who write lengthy comments, it's an irritating loss. Thank you for taking the time to make it up in that last reivew - you're simply awesome. Did I ever tell you that I get a kick out of making you fangirl. Mebbe it'll happen again this time around? and omg I have Ikki and Kazu sims, as well! XD
Sladinji: everyones mad about the cliffy! (hides) no but really, heh, thanks for the review and the compliments. I hope this chapter serves you just as well!
Kattrin Ray: Make your day? Your hero? (strikes amazing, super fantastic heroic pose) why thank you! I'll try not to fail you!
BlackFlameRose: (wriggles) may I pretty please see this picture?? Kitten's work is amazin but you shouldn't try to compare yourself to other people. We are all unique and have our own styles, so I'm sure yours is great! And as always dear, thank you for the review. Boys are dumb and oblivious as we eat it up.
Versus: trust me, I get a lot of reviews that I have to read through two or three times and I've yet to do that for yours, lol. I'm sure even without 3rd parties, Ikki and Kazu would have come to their senses, but this way it's faster! hehe, you and all my other "I want to see Kazu torture" reviewers were prolly thinking that. lol, raep.
omg its 3 in the morning, I need a small review reply break (stretches) I hope I can read through this thing and get it up before I go to bed. (yawn)
nonday: Yeah, originally, the whole story of FaS was going to be about 10 chapters or so, just to give you an idea of how much slower things have actually gone. Oho, Sano Ikki Kazu interaction is definetly already in the cards, my friend. Hang tight.
Jess: Simca is not only a bitch sometimes, but shes a bitch to write! Like, so much! Thanks for the good luck wishes, I need it! Ikki and Kazu's thick-headedness starts to fade this chapter! ...is that a spoiler?
Ikichi: spaz away, that's what I'm here for! To write the things that will never appear in manga and anime even though we KNOW it really happens! I think I've done my job, when readers actually make noises when they read.
melchan13: yey action!! I'm about as relieved as you are! Writing chapters with little to no action is really hard for me to do! More action to come eventually.. I hope.
Sagri: Kazu being called a 'queer' is my way of touching on more realistic problems in the world. And as much as we all love the baddie who likes to molest and tease their victim in order to get even with some other third party, I wanted to keep the baddies in FaS straight and close-minded.
Emi Sue: Don't worry about it, dear, you're one of my most loyal readers so I never worry about things like that. Oh dear, if your mind get fried from plot leaps, who knows what this one'll do to you...
firedraygon: I'm a sucker for stories where friends try to protect one another, so I guess it's natural it would sneak so strongly into my stories. Realizations are soon! Not quite yet, or at least nothing official, but we get a major push this time around.
Misguided Angel of Death: aw sweety don't even break a sweat about it! Simca is sooo hard to write so hearing that means tons to me. yey balance! omg the tag scene was so fun for me because Ikki and Kazu were kind've in their own little world. Don't worry about 'short' reviews (but really, it wasn't that short!), I'm just happy you take the time to do so.
Peachie Bunni: Ikki is one of those people that can be super wise and still be an idiot. A fun combo to write, really. Finding the right mix of cocky and serious is the hard part. Like in this chapter. I hope it's up to standards.
bigfatsamantha: I don't mind being lurked, really! I still can't believe people who have never heard of AG still take the time to look at FaS. and You had so many kind things to say and I really appreciate everything you had to say. And isn't Kitten's work just to die for!?
flying.on.red: hurrah! Another one hooked! This job is getting all the more satisfying! Keep on reading!
Forgetfull: refreshing! There's a word I could get used to. Good taste in pairings, my friend - Ikki and Kazu are meant to be together. I'm not being bias, I swear. Thanks for the review!
Chubby-King-Chocobo: Your name makes me smile. I think Kazu's in one of those downward spiral positions that he knows he's on but doesn't know how to stop. The poor dear. Hopefully by the end he'll find his place in the world (coughinIkki'sarmscough)
AnonyMouse: There you are! tbh I was starting to worry about you! Glad to see you among the world of the living, and of course, your wonderful, long reviews just make my freaking day! omg I'm tormenting you with Kazu's cliffy, lol, so sorry love! Tag always strikes me as "their game" when they were younger. And wow, you're really freaking about what happened to Kazu, huh? A knife? Well, I dunno about that (cough) In any case, You'll see the result of it in this chapter.
Endy: my darling, where did j00 goooooo!? I may call you tomorrow just to hound at you for not getting back to me. I lub you
Kitten: (cling) This chapter is going to suffer since it did not pass under your wise eyes first! But try to look past it and enjoy it anyway, yus? I loves you, dear! You are my other half.
OMG that took forEVER to respond to all of those!
But you're all worth it, me thinks.
I'd be nothing without you.
My dorm room smells like kimichi. Mmm...
Air Gear
a fiction by Crimson Vixen
Airborne
Perceptive and always one to be honest with himself, Kazu's mind provided him with many truths, harsh as some of them may be, yet in spite of the knowledge he'd gain, he still sometimes felt like he was the biggest idiot on earth. Thoughts that, to the public's eyes were not the norm, or feelings that confused him too much, were automatically assumed not to truly be his own. But he wasn't oblivious to his connection to Ikki; fiercely loyal and borderline obsessive with thoughts of the boy, and the unquenchable lust to impress him at every given opportunity.
It was thoughts like these that brought him to wonder if friendships had limits and if was it possible, if it was ok, to cross them? Then he wondered why he was even wasting his time thinking of such things.
He took short, deliberately slow steps, not entirely ashamed and guilty like he figured he should have felt. It was more of a nagging, confusing, questioning bulk prickling around within his belly.
Running for two teams… Kazu would readily admit that this was not his greatest moment. And knowing he was going to have to lie to Ikki about it wasn't helping him. Ikki couldn't know though, because he couldn't risk the boy's safety. Without a doubt if Ikki found out about what was going on it would only be in his nature to get himself involved.
Which in turn, Kazu dreadfully mused, if something were to actually happen to Ikki, it would all be his fault.
Kazu pulled his hat down as far as it would go without blocking his vision, making sure to cover his ears the best he could, before stepping through the door.
The Noyamano household was quickly becoming a place he could refer to as a second home. There were of course, his occasional stops at his real place of residence to make sure the place was still in one piece, but walking through Ikki's front door gave him a much more raw sense of warmth and belonging. Kazu assumed it had something to do with the place almost always baring company – he couldn't remember how long ago he'd gotten used to the idea of entering an empty house – and there was something wonderful about being able to walk into someone else's home and knowing he'd be welcome.
Sometimes, Kazu wasn't sure he even ever wanted to move back home.
Though today those familiar faces that he'd quickly grown accustomed to were not around the front door when he stepped in, he still felt perfectly comfortable making his way through the house unannounced. He could hear people off in the distance and decided to just make himself cozy in Ikki's room until someone found him. He had too much to think about to settle into idle conversation at the moment, anyway.
Ikki's room always smelled musky, in a way that didn't bother the senses but heightened them instead; the crow had a distinct smell that Kazu could recognize in a heartbeat, and he almost had to double check the room to make sure Ikki wasn't actually there.
It wasn't just his smell he'd memorized. It was the way he spoke, the rumbles, dips and rises, and articulation of his voice, and the gestures he used to match his moods – they were different with each emotion he carried. He had a hard time memorizing each individual smile and grin since each one was slightly different than the one before, and his mind shifted like the wind, but Kazu somehow managed to follow along with all of it…
Ikki's favorite color was red. Blue on particularly clear, inspiring, cloudless days. He'd grab ramen whenever he could afford it, ate it like it was the blood in his veins but his weak spot was really for meat – meats of all kinds because that's what men ate. His left leg was slightly weaker than his right and Ikki claimed, swore, he could feel the difference. He dreamed about AT at night, and breathed it during the day. His eyes, much like his hair, changed with the seasons – light to dark, dark to light, but it was a very faint difference that you had really pay attention to in order to catch.
And Kazu realized he was doing it again when he threw himself onto Ikki's bed, on his back with his arms and legs spread wide. Even trying to get away from thinking about Ikki couldn't stop him from thinking about Ikki, and the frustrated blonde threw and arm over his face and released a heavy breath into the fabric of his sleeve.
He jumped when his phone rang. Patting around his pocket, he grabbed the damn thing and threw it to his ear without bothering to see who it was that was calling.
"Yeah?"
There was no sound coming from the other side. Curious, Kazu sat himself up on the bed and pressed the phone closer to his ear.
"…Hello?"
"Yes! Hi!" a voice piped up suddenly.
"…Emiri?"
"What? Yeah, it… it's me," the girl managed, fumbling. "I was actually, uhm, hoping we could get together to talk?"
"Now?" the blonde quirked a brow. The track runner had given him her number a while back but had never actually dialed him before, and her sudden need to meet up with him wasn't entirely comforting. She was a girl after all, so Kazu assumed she was going to want to talk about something he didn't, or rather, something he wanted to avoid altogether. He looked to Ikki's door and stared at it as he spoke. "Can't you just tell me now?"
"No, I need to see you."
Kazu took in a slow, deep breath and let it out as softly as he could. His nature wasn't allowing him to refuse. The girl almost sounded distressed, or at least he thought she did, and he couldn't deny a friend in need, if that was in fact the case.
"…Yeah, where are you?"
"I'm uh, outside."
"What? Why are you…" Kazu blinked, glancing towards the window now. Then he shook his head. "Know what? Never mind. Give me a minute."
He snapped the phone shut, fixing his knit cap and rolling out of Ikki's bed and out the door. He trotted down the stairs, feeling a strange tension building up in his chest – he hated not knowing what was going on. Or what to expect.
When he reached the front door and found Emiri standing outside in the middle of the road, he approached her, bundled with his hat down low and his hood slipped up over his head for once. When he was close enough, her hands immediately flung to his shoulders and her eyes blinked up at him eagerly. The streetlights were casting odd figures across her face, making shadows dance and expressions hard to decipher. Kazu was taken aback when Emiri's hands clutched firmly at him, startled by her strange behavior and unsure how to react to it at the same time.
"Is everything ok? You're shaking," the blonde mentioned, slipping his hands out of his pockets and grasping as her shoulders as well. Emiri nodded her head ferociously.
"I had to call you, Kazu-sama! I had to see something once and for all and I knew if I didn't do it now while I had the courage, I may not get another chance!" she blurted out at once, never pausing to take a breath, desperate to get it out before something had the chance to stop her. Kazu froze, trapped. He knew it would be something like this – knew it!
"Look, Emiri, I..."
Emiri didn't give him a chance to say more; she gave him a giant pull, making him stumble forward where she was greedily waiting. Her lips crashed with his and lingered there – she was kissing him full on the lips. Kazu thought he may have felt her tongue asking for entrance and in his stupor he had no wit to accept or deny anything, and soon she was in his mouth and exploring.
She was slow and careful to pull away, making sure to gaze into her crush's blue eyes to look for any kind of reaction, excited, exhilarated, and terrified all at once. She was breathing heavily, mostly out of nervousness, eyes wedged wide as if they were afraid to blink and miss anything.
But Kazu wasn't saying a thing, he wasn't doing anything, he was hardly even moving; he looked too shocked to do so. He licked his lips briefly and Emiri tightened her grip on him.
"Anything?" she asked carefully. She felt like maybe she was ruining the mood by asking but damn, Kazu was like a statue. "Kazu-sama?"
The blonde blinked harshly and pulled his arms free to touch at his face, at his lips. He looked at her with an unreadable expression. Now he wondered if maybe he wasn't entirely oblivious to Emiri's feelings, but unconsciously (or consciously, who knew?) chose to ignore them instead. Because he hated upsetting girls with things they didn't want to hear. And there was no doubt in his head that Emiri was an attractive girl, but he'd never felt that pull towards her.
Not like a girlfriend. But his best girl friend.
Kazu opened his mouth, unsure. Kisses were supposed to feel nice, and it wasn't that Emiri's didn't feel… well, good, but he finally, fully understood what Ikki was talking about. Sure, Emiri's courage had landed him in just the kind of lip-lock he had explained and imagined – fast, sudden, bam! – but something was noticeably missing. It didn't take him long at all to figure out what that thing was.
He didn't realize he'd spoken it out loud until Emiri blinked at him and tetchily asked him to repeat himself. And looking at her with honest, but desperately apologetic eyes, he mouthed it again, voice barely even a whisper.
It is the very next day in which it starts to really, visibly bother the girl; her eyes, the gait in which she moved, stiff and deliberate, fists clenched and lips shamelessly jutting out in an angered pout. Adachi Emiri was angrier than she wanted to be, but she didn't deny herself the privilege either.
It wasn't so much that he didn't even return the kiss, but he had the nerve to say… that thing he said, before he left her standing in the middle of the street with nothing but an apology and a tingling sensation on her lips. And in her heart, Emiri knew it was just like the boy to walk away from something he felt he had little to no control over, that there was no real cruel intention behind it, but he'd done so anyway and like an idiot she had let him.
But that thing he said to her after she kissed him…
Looking for him now, she had no idea what she was going to say or how she was going to say it, or how exactly she was going to keep someone with the nickname 'Stealth' from getting away, but none of that even mattered at the moment. Lately her bravery had been doing her miraculous favors as far as getting things done was concerned. No guts no glory, Yayoi had once told her. And now that same bravery was sending her on a hunt for a familiar white beanie and the boy that would undoubtedly be tucked too far underneath it.
Emiri wasn't sure how or why she didn't expect it, but when she did find Kazu, he was walking alongside Ikki. They were doing nothing out of the ordinary; walking home alongside each other, talking the way boys talked, with the occasional punch to the other's arm.
Against her better judgment, and cursing her girlish ways, Emiri didn't feel like letting them get away, so she followed them. She made sure to stay a safe distance away; close enough not to lose them but far away enough that she couldn't make out any of their conversation. But she watched them closely; terribly, intently close…
At first she thought nothing about the way Ikki would keep reaching over to mess with Kazu's hat and hair, or nudge him a little on the arm and sometimes grab him to keep him from falling because of it… but then it kept happening. Almost as if Ikki was making up excuses to touch the other boy and the whole time, Kazu had done nothing to prevent it. In fact he sometimes returned the gestures.
Emiri didn't know how long she'd been spying on them until she realized she'd tailed them all the way back to Ikki's house, where both boys stopped to have some sort of exchange of words.
Emiri suddenly wished she could read lips, since the two of them seemed to be saying an awful lot, and Kazu's expression was changing often and drastically from calm to offended to angry to relaxed again. She'd never been able to make his face convey so many different things in such a short amount of time like that – not like Ikki could.
And as she watched the two interact, she recalled the way they walked closer than two people who were just friends should have and the way their hands grazed here and there and how it emanated little to no reaction out of either of them. And when she saw them standing at Ikki's doorstep with barely any space between them, and Ikki reached out and grabbed Kazu's arm and Kazu did nothing to shake him off – but just looked straight into the crow's eyes instead – it hit her. Slapped her across the face, really.
Suddenly it was no wonder Ikki was all Kazu could talk about. Think, eat, breathe about. It no longer seemed strange that Kazu was the only one who could take such an unknowingly strong hold on the crow's emotions; making Ikki so angry, so upset, or so unbelievingly happy at any given turn. It became painfully obvious when Ikki went inside the house first, and Kazu lingered back for a moment to stare after the crow before finally following him, like Emiri was sure he always would.
The next time Ikki was alone was the next day, right after school had let out. Kazu was mysteriously missing from class again, much to her annoyance and worry, and it seemed that Ikki felt the same. He had that irritable jut of his lower lip and dipped brows as he walked, bag slung over his shoulder and one hand in his trouser's pocket. His eyes were narrowed and pointed forward but at a glance they appeared to be slightly cross-eyed. The crow was obviously pissed, but Emiri was convinced that she was more so.
So she didn't hesitate very much when she stomped over to the boy, grabbed a hold of his sleeve and spun him around to face her, which was easy to do since he was standing on wheels. For a moment they just stared into one another's eyes, determined to silently prove that one was more ticked off than the other.
"We need to talk," the track runner finally broke the silence when she remembered she was dealing with a boy, and not just any boy but Ikki, and that meant he wasn't going to back down easy. "It's about Kazu."
The crow's features lightened only a fraction but at least Emiri knew he was listening.
"I don't know where he is, so…" he huffed almost bitterly, and Emiri crossed her arms. This was going to be very ugly unless Ikki took a hold of that annoying temper of his. It was hard enough that she didn't want to do what she was about to do. Or say what she was about to say. She only had a night to prepare herself, and it wasn't nearly enough time.
After all, as a girl madly in love, she only wanted what was best for her crush. She wished him nothing but happiness and as selfish as she wanted to be with him, her heart was telling her it just wasn't the right way to be. The power of love was something she was always spouting about anyway, wasn't it; who would she be if she went ahead and went against all the things she claimed to stand for?
Perhaps it wasn't as dramatic as she was making it seem, but if anything, it sure felt that way.
Swallowing thickly, she bore into Ikki's eyes, determined to let the boy know she didn't intend to back down either.
"So if that's all you nee-"
"No," She cut him off. "I don't want to know where he is; I want to talk to you. About him"
When Ikki stared at her blankly, Emiri came to realize that this was going to be a lot more difficult than she'd originally thought. He was just… giving her that clueless look, mouth hanging open just slightly.
"Are all boys this stupid or are you just a special case?" She muttered testily, running her hand through her hair.
"You gonna talk to me or are you going to insult me?" Ikki grumbled. "Because if you're just going to stand there and put me down, I'm out of here."
And as if to prove his point, the crow turned on his heel but Emiri grabbed at him again. As greatly satisfying as it felt to know she could crawl under the skin of someone like Ikki – and selfishly, she concluded the boy deserved it for stealing away her crush – she had to have her say.
"You're a dense, intolerable, stubborn idiot, Minami Itsuki, and you don't have a clue," she began. She figured if she was going to have this chat, she was going to give it to him straight. "Have you ever even paid attention to how he acts around you? For you?"
Ikki sniffed once. Wiped at his nose with his sleeve, looked off to the side and remained silent; he'd always known Kazu to be somewhat of a people pleaser but he'd always chalked it up to another one of the boy's insecure habits. He stiffened when Emiri nudged him to get his attention. And when he met her eyes again, he nearly wished he hadn't.
"Ikki. You mean everything to him."
For a split second the girl was sure she'd struck some sort of chime in the crow's thick skull, but instead of acknowledging anything, he tore free from her.
"What are you on?" he barked. "You make it sound like…"
"Now you listen to me!" Emiri griped, bumping her chest against Ikki's and jamming her finger into him to make her point. "You can't tell me that you don't notice the way he hangs on your every word. The way he'll do anything to please you. Or how about the way you're all he talks about? All he thinks about?"
She shook her head slowly, seemingly at herself.
"I don't even know why I'm bothering; you obviously don't give him the attention he craves, or else he wouldn't be trying so damn hard!"
Ikki actually, audibly growled from within in throat. Who was this girl to judge? The crow put his bag on the ground now, adopting a sneer and towering over Emiri the best he could.
"What do you want me to do? The guy doesn't stay put for five fucking minutes; I don't even know where the hell he's at right now," Ikki retorted hotly, fists clenching and temper boiling. It was evident he was bothered by the lack of this knowledge, and Emiri had obviously triggered something that had been building for some time. "But you know, he doesn't need people like you trying to smother him."
Emiri was about to snap right back at him. Had her jaw dropped and her chest swelled with air, but something inside stopped her before she lost sight of her goal. The reason Kazu kept getting away from them was because they were letting him. And if they kept letting him, it was never going to stop.
A retreating complex, Emiri bitterly mused.
Excruciating as it was, Emiri has the strong feeling that Ikki was the only one capable of putting it to an end.
Arms now crossed over her chest and eyes downcast to her feet, she muttered her next words.
"You really don't deserve him," she sighed, rubbing at her arms as if she was cold. "But for some reason, you idiots have already made up your minds."
"…You're losing me, Adachi."
"You don't know where he is right now, right?"
Ikki only stared.
"Doesn't it bother you?"
He hesitated before rolling his shoulders forward and then back, making a sneer with an upturned lip.
"No way. He's a big boy."
"Oh come off it," Emiri growled, succeeding in keeping her tone down but not from taking up an offensive edge. "It bugs you; I know it does."
Ikki mashed his hand to his face and rubbed at it ferociously as though trying to ease away all the stress that may have been visible there. Of course it bothered him; nearly every time Kazu disappeared, he came back with cuts and bruises, a colder attitude and a deader look in his eyes. Things like that became hard to ignore after a while.
"I do worry," Ikki admitted ardently, finding little ignominy in disclosing such a thing. "But believe me; Kazu doesn't want people trying to take care of him."
Wanting more than anything to end this conversation and head home to where maybe, just maybe, Kazu was waiting, he picked up his bag and turned away. He began his march home but didn't get very far before Emiri spoke up again, and it stopped him in his tracks.
"But you want to. Don't you?"
It hardly even sounded like it was a question. Ikki's shoulders sank and he dropped his bag again, taking steps that closed the distance between them.
"What?"
"You want to. You want to take care of him."
There was a long pause and Ikki, not wanting to be totally distrustful about it, gritted his teeth.
"Well somebody has to. He sure as hell won't."
"And you're the one that has to do it. Out of all the people in the world, you're the one he's most likely to listen to."
"How the hell do you figure that?"
The girl frowned deeply, giving him a light but meaningful shove on the arm.
"You really are dense. He loves you. And Ikki!" She waited until the boy looked directly at her. When he did, she could see something in his eyes that wasn't there when they started. "You love him too."
How dare she! And he'd repeat it; how dare she accuse and point her finger and tell him where he stood and what he was thinking. It was such a horrid, girl thing to do to explain to him his own feelings and try to make sense of his denial of those accusations. He didn't need some track runner to tell him what he was doing wrong in his personal life, let alone the relationship with his best friend. After all, boys weren't supposed to let girls – girls like Emiri, Ikki fumed – get in the way of anything.
And it wasn't like Ikki was actually taking her words all at face value, no, of course not… but he practically raced back to the house and threw the door off the hinges and hollered Kazu's name. He wasn't sure why he was so angry, and above all else angry at Kazu, but he was, and he shouted the blonde's name again. Part of him was inclined to believe that the jet was actually hiding from him as if he knew by instinct the crow was on the hunt – because Ikki could come to terms that Kazu knew him well enough, all too well – and if that bothered him Ikki didn't even know anymore. Right now, he just had to find the idiot. See him with his own eyes, touch and strangle him because god the world was a big confusing mess and Kazu seemed to be the cause of all of it.
'You love him too.'
And maybe, even though Kazu was oblivious to all the shit that had been going on in his life and in his head, if he stopped Kazu, everything else would stop with it. But he didn't know what he was going to actually do to the boy when he found him – if he found him because he hadn't responded back yet.
Ikki tore through the house, ignoring the fact that he was acting desperate over something as stupid as some girl telling him he was in love with his best friend. The feeling it gave him was foreign and therefore, threatening. Threatening meant he was out of control, and Ikki loathed such a feeling.
It was as he was going up the stairs that he realized everything around him reminded him of the boy. His history was everywhere; here, the front door was where he stumbled when Ikki dragged his sorry ass in from the rain. He hiccupped on the fifth step of the stairs and then sneezed. They were in the kitchen when they fended off Sano, and over there in the living room watching television on the nights when Kazu stayed in one place.
As he went upstairs and checked the bathroom, there was the memory of when Kazu was sick, and there, right there was where he stood to hold his hair back. Ikki dropped a curse and stormed down the hall, past the place he held Kazu's hand while trying to get past a jealous Akito, and into his room where, good lord, signs of Kazu were just everywhere. His smell, a gentle twinge of the ocean and if you were close enough, raw autumn mornings – a faint but definite smell. The sheets were mussed and there was a small rip in the sheets over his mattress from trying to get the guy out of his wet clothes and there, right there was where he'd fallen asleep…
"Kazu!" Ikki seethed stormily, almost desperately. He whipped his head around as if Kazu would be standing right there, snickering at him. But he wasn't. "The hell are you now!?"
That was about the time it hit him. Emiri didn't have to be right about everything but she was right about one thing at least; it bothered him to no end when Kazu did this. When he didn't know where he was. He knew he wasn't the blonde's caretaker and he certainly wasn't able to keep him under lock and key but it wasn't ok for him to keep running off in the middle of the night as if he has some big ass secret.
Ikki ceased his rampage, pausing to stare at the bed, specifically where Kazu had once occupied it. What was he doing...? If he stayed silent and allowed Kazu to continue whatever he was doing, coming home worse than when he left and never speaking two words on the matter unless he was cornered, did he really expect it all to go away?
His head was swimming when he crashed on the bed and stared accusingly at the ceiling above. His fingers cramped with the way he was clutching at the front of his shirt since he didn't have a neck to throttle and Kazu was of course missing again.
"Fuck," he spat, drilling his hand into his pocket, tugging out his phone and pulling Kazu up on speed dial. It rang once… twice…
Ikki was certain the boy wasn't going to pick up. Tonight was one of the rare nights he hated being right. It went straight to Kazu's voicemail, which Ikki didn't leave because it wasn't going to give him the instant results that he wanted. He snapped the phone shut. Was about to try again when his ears picked up on the front door opening.
Feeling like a dog eager to greet his master, Ikki sprang to his feet and sprinted downstairs, catching the one person he'd been wanting to see as he was shutting the door quietly behind him and dumping his AT's on the floor.
"You!" he shouted nearly comically, pointing a rigid finger and causing the other teen to jump.
"M-me?"
"Yes, you, dumbass," Ikki growled, noting the paleness of Kazu's skin and the bags boasting under his blue eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in ages, but Ikki didn't comment on it. "Where the hell did you go? Or better yet, where the hell have you been going?"
Kazu blinked, taken aback. His brows furrowed in a way that showed he wasn't prepared for this type of interrogation, so Ikki wasn't entirely surprised when the boy was unable to give him a direct answer. It couldn't be that big of a secret, could it? Big enough that he couldn't tell the one person he trusted most in the world? Kazu leaned all his weight against the door, hand blindly searching for the handle. Ikki captured his arm before anything could be done…
But released it immediately when Kazu hissed in what could only be pain.
"The hell?" the crow grumbled, taking Kazu's wrist now with one hand and sliding his sleeve up with the other. There were bruises, much like before but ones that were definitely not there the last time. Ikki's eyes flashed red when he jerked his head up to meet Kazu's. "What, you goin' to some damn fight club or something?"
"Huh?" Kazu piped up, making an incredibly exasperated face. "No, dude."
"Then what? What in the world could you possibly be doing that you… What the hell is this?"
Kazu hiccupped a short breath of air and tensed up when Ikki reached out and cradled his right ear with bewildered fingers. His eyes stared disbelievingly at the shining golden loop that now clung to the blonde's lobe.
"You… pierced your ear?" Ikki quirked a brow.
"Uh! I… I didn't… I mean, it's not…" Kazu tried at first before roughly shoving the crow away.
He tried to back away but was reminded of the door blocking his exit. His mouth had a hard time forming that dreaded three letter word. Any second now, he was sure Ikki was going to start laughing it up because how could he explain that it was thanks to the team he was riding for behind his best friend's back that his right ear was pierced, and that it apparently meant he was a fag.
The very concept of it sent those flags in his head right on up again, and with one short-lived look into Ikki's unreadable eyes, he gripped the loop between his thumb and forefinger. He'd just remove the damn thing – rip it right off if that's what it took, and he was about to give the piece of jewelry a mighty jerk in his trepidation, but just as he was about to grit his teeth and do it, Ikki's hand quickly migrated to his and kept him from doing so.
"Ikki, what?"
"What the hell are you doing? I think it… It looks good on you, man."
Kazu made an indefinable sound from his throat and slowly lowered his hand, which Ikki never released.
"Right?"
"Yeah," the crow breathed and then regained his serious face. "But getting your ear pierced doesn't usually result in things like this."
Once again, Ikki slid Kazu's sleeve up his arm to reveal those nasty looking marks. Kazu eyed them, then Ikki, which he immediately regretted because he'd never seen the crow look as pissed as he did right there. If he wasn't speechless before, he surely was now. He hadn't thought about excuses, so he resorted to the only tactic that made sense to him at the time.
"Leave it alone!" he sparked, shoving Ikki with both hands this time, but Ikki shoved him right back.
"I won't leave it alone! Kazu, there's someone out there trying to kill people like us," Ikki reminded him. He didn't think the blonde could be so stupid as to forget about something like that. "And you keep coming and going and I have to keep seeing shit like this." Briefly he lifted Kazu's arm in between them so they could both get a good look at it. "So if you were ever planning on filling me in, now's a pretty damn good time."
But Kazu couldn't. Telling the crow would be like sending him to his death, and that wasn't something he was willing to risk.
Kazu wasn't sure what he was doing; it was like his body was moving of its own violation, but he balled up his fist and drew it back as far as it could go, before sending it rocketing at Ikki's face. There was a sharp sound neither boy wanted to identify as a pair of knuckles met with cheekbone, and as Ikki cradled his face and stumbled back, Kazu took advantage of it to head out the front door.
Ikki breathed heavily into his one palm, reaching blindly with the other for the door. Kazu probably thought he was home free for another night, but Ikki was determined not to let that be the case. He shook his head to clear it and semi-stumbled out the door. He saw Kazu racing down the street, only visible when he passed under the streetlights.
Something started swimming in the pit of Ikki's stomach. He had no idea where Kazu was headed, when or even if he'd be back and in what condition. It restricted his throat and twisted his chest into something excruciating. He could give Emiri credit where credit was due; it bothered the hell out of him. It made it hard to sleep at night, hard to focus during the day and all because of that guy.
The thing that stood out to Ikki the most as he watched the jet's retreating back was the very sound of the soles of Kazu's shoes smacking the pavement, meaning there was a chance to…
Quick as his fumbling fingers would allow, Ikki slid his AT's over his feet and zipped out the door, hitting the ground with a burst of speed that caught Kazu's attention. The boy started to move with a new level of speed but in spite of being fast on his feet, Kazu wasn't a match for Ikki's wheels when he himself only had sneakers.
It's for your own good, Ikki kept repeating to himself. I'm doing this for your own damn good.
Kazu skidded to a stop when Ikki caught up and blocked him off. He attempted to turn to another direction but Ikki reached out, balling his fist in the front of Kazu's sweatshirt and throwing him up against the closest thing; in this case, trunk of an old tree. The bark dug into the blonde's back but he was too petrified to really react to the sharp twinge it gave him.
"Shit, Ikki, I'm sorry," he sputtered angrily but sincerely. "I didn't mean to-! I mean, I don't know why I–"
"Just shut it for a second," Ikki commanded, and Kazu, forever bound by the habit of blind loyalty, did. He lowered his head but raised his eyes to look at his team leader. Ikki scowled daggers, even with a slightly swollen cheek and faintly straining eye. "Why are you acting this way?"
"What way?"
"You know! This… this way!" Ikki struggled. "You act like I'm out to get you. You're avoiding me, man, and I don't get why."
With the last word he pushed Kazu harder against the tree, while at the same time very mindful of the way the other teen winced from it.
"You wouldn't get it even if I explain it to you," Kazu finally lifted his head. And after he was given a short moment to really take in Ikki's expression, he spoke cautiously. "Ikki… Are you… Are you worried?"
Ikki blinked, mouth going slack as he stared at Kazu in total and utter disbelief. Kazu knew his question was a mistake by the way Ikki's fingers were starting to crack one by one with his increasingly tight grip.
"Are you fucking insane? Do you really think I'm the only person I give a damn about?" Ikki growled, fisting his hand so much he was close to feeling his own fingernails through Kazu's shirt. "Of course I'm worried! And I'm pissed the fuck off because you keep giving me reasons to. Kazu, you won't even tell me where you go at night."
It was Kazu's cue to jump in and defend himself, ask and raise some more complicated questions and enrage his friend further, but he looked off into the distance behind Ikki as if struck with a realization before wetting his lips and shakily opening his mouth.
"I… I'm sorry," he said carefully, shrugging his shoulders feebly, hating the way he could never speak the way he wanted to speak when it mattered the most. "…for making you worry. I didn't even think that you'd, I mean…"
Kazu took in another breathe but didn't get the chance to use it.
"But," Ikki mumbled aloud, ducking his head down to where all he could see was their feet; his own legs shaking and feet pointing straight, Kazu's slightly pidgin-toed. "It's not anything I can really explain. I care about everyone on the team. And the people in my family, and the kids at our school…"
Kazu felt Ikki's grip loosen considerably, but he never let him go.
"But god, Kazu…" his head went low again, bangs shielding whatever expression his face bore. It didn't… have to be the L word that Emiri had so haphazardly thrown at him, but it didn't mean every word she said was a lie. He didn't know what it was he was feeling and didn't necessarily feel like he had to put a name to it just yet, but he knew there was something there that he was just starting to come to terms with. "With you, I didn't know… I didn't think so damn much."
He realized he wasn't making much sense anymore, that he'd strayed from where he was and only making a fool of himself, and he whipped his head up with a ferocious need in his eyes, coming face to face – nose to nose – with Kazu, who had the most preciously confused eyes and a beautiful shade of sunrise pink blooming across his fair cheeks. The blonde was holding his breath, Ikki could tell, probably not sure what he expected the crow to do.
In actuality, Ikki wasn't so sure himself.
"I think…" Ikki tried, attempting to taste the dangerous thoughts that were in his head on his tongue.
But Kazu ripped away from him for yet another time and Ikki could hear the boy breathing heavily as he pushed his legs to carry him faster. And Ikki fumed enough to cause his skin to heat; he'd lost count of the times Kazu had chosen to run away from his problems, his life, him, and he was dead set on putting and end to it once and for all. This time, Ikki was going to chase the blonde until his AT's fell apart on his feet.
And why? Well he couldn't say. The possibilities were simply too terrifying and perhaps that was why Kazu had opted to run again – maybe he could sense those possibilities and they scared him, too. But Ikki was never fond of ignoring things like this, or letting uncomfortable feelings sit, simmer and boil. No, he liked to understand and control them, and that's just what he was going to do. It sent his heart racing and his mind buzzing, vision practically blurring when he looked upwards with all the things swarming inside of him. The feeling sitting dormant inside was not a bad one, not something to hate and avoid, but it was something he wanted to cure before it took him over completely.
When he was finally able to shake his head and focus on where he was and remember what was going on, he realized he'd lost sight of the boy causing everything. But even if he could no longer see him, Ikki remembered what direction he'd taken off to, and he gave chase for the second time that night.
Kazu headed for the busier parts of town, crowded with night owls, traffic and the like. As pointless as he knew it was – for Ikki was bound to catch up to him eventually and he had to return to the house some time – his legs couldn't stop moving. Refused to. They took him to the school grounds, where he chose to take refuge in the bleachers facing the playing turf that lay cradled in the center of the track field. Scrambling up to the very top, he flattened himself to his belly to hide from sight.
"Look at me," he muttered to himself. A shameful sight, he was sure, but there was just something about facing Ikki when he was like that that just sent his senses and rationality out the window. It had always been that way.
But no matter how long and hard he hid from the crow, that wasn't going to mend all the mistakes he'd made. Avoiding Ikki like the plague was doing nothing for his image and reputation, and it most definitely wasn't going to keep him any safer from the Devil and his team if they ever found out who he was. Why couldn't Ikki just stay out of it and make it easier for him to protect the guy?
He heard the resonating sound of a tiny but powerful AT motor before he actually saw Ikki. He landed on the opposite side of the bleachers, grinding quickly along it and closing the distance they shared between them. In an unreasonable panic, Kazu jumped to his feet and ran to the edge of the bleachers. Looking down, it was about a good 30 or 40 foot drop or so to the ground, but Ikki was just behind him and closing in, so he took a deep breath…
And jumped.
His limbs flailed ungracefully; flying without AT's on his feet was nothing but falling.
His ears easily picked up on Ikki jumping right after him, and his body went instantly weightless when Ikki's hands grabbed at him. Kazu loved and loathed the feeling it handed to him; it seemed like Ikki was always catching him, but instead of just catching him and leading him skillfully and safely to the ground, he tugged him even higher into the sky along with him. Like a bird plucking a scrap of bread off the ground in a single swoop.
Just when they'd reached the highest point of their 'jump', Ikki's hands once again tightly clenched in Kazu's sweatshirt, the crow could only focus on three things: one was the way Kazu's hair and skin glowed under the moon's light. Secondly, what a ridiculous notion it was – that Emiri had given to him, of course – to love the very person that sometimes made him hate himself.
And the third thing, the ever-repetitive thought that if he was curious about something… if he wanted something, then why not?
But Ikki was silently assured that it wasn't Akito's innocent advice or Emiri's officious advocating that made him crane his neck, but his own body moving of its own conscious will that gently led his lips to Kazu's.
And he didn't pull away, but lingered because he was memorized by how well their lips fit together and how Kazu seemed to be experiencing the same perplexing wonderment by staying there as well. Ikki lazily opened his eyes only for a moment, noticed the way Kazu's eyes were desperately closed, that there was no longer an up or down, no such thing as objects or colors, and that there was no longer a difference between and flying and falling. Easily he swept his hands under the other boy to hold him as they began their descent.
The most amazing thing to Ikki that he noticed before he let his lids drift shut was the wind blowing at his hair and the way his feet were still nowhere near the ground.