A/N: I'm going to say something that I mentioned to a reviewer in an email, 'coz I feel like you should all know. My other fics in other fandoms get reviews but nothing like the ones I get here from the Air Gear section. Lol I've gotten really attatched to you guys - The AG reviewers are the kindest, most supportive, most flattering reviewers I've ever seen. You leave really long, meaningful reviews while other fandoms consist mainly of "omg update" or "this is great plz update soon plz!!1!!" etc etc... So I really do feel like the reviews you guys give me inspire me to keep going because I feel like it's worth it.
Anyway, if I can manage to stick to my outline, FaS only has like, 6 to 8 more chapters left! Then again, we'll have to see where it goes. I'm tired so I can't think of much to say Just that, you guys have been waiting for Ikki and Kazu to start doing more than passing glances and suggestive situations, and I hope this chapter makes up for waiting so long. Teehee
I think they turned out pretty good so um, if anyone wants to see my Kazu cosplay pictures, lol, just PM me!
OH! And guys! Seriously! I'd love getting to know you so if anyone here has MSN messenger and would like to talk to me, PM me for that too.
Warnings: the usual. Grammar stuffs, possible messed up formatting due to ffnet's retardedness blah blahhhh
Disclaimer: (sing song) not minnneee!
I love the long and plentiful reviewwwsssss - omg how am I going to do this when I'm already yawning!? (I'm very sorry if some responses are shorter than others. If a review is small and doesn't say much, there is not much I can give back to you. I say this because I've actually gotten an angry PM about getting a short response compared to others and I'm like "well you didnt really say... bahh I'm sorryyyy x.x") - but I want you all to know that I appreciate every single review I get.
Thank You!
Cataclysmic Disaster: Well I have no intention of abandoning this story. I've seen (and sadly have written a few of my own) that just never get finished. But FaS is having such a great turnout that I'm sure it will be seen through to the end. Ah yes the being afraid of death bit! I'm glad you paid attention to that. It's a point I wanted to play with and you'll probably see more of it later on. Thanks for the review, hun!
Misguided Angel of Death: lol, as soon as I saw how 'short' your review was I crinkled my nose and said "well thats odd for Misguided...' and went straight to my email to check for a PM and ta da! There's one from you, lol. Unfortunetly my email isn't working right now so I can't look back on it but I remember what you said anyway. And I thank you soooo much for taking the time to PM me the rest of what you wanted to say. That means a lot and says a lot!
iKat.13: I'm happy you're still there lol! That's something I get nervous about (people getting bored and moving on) but to have you and so many other stick around this long makes me really happy. LOL I considered having Emiri say something like "legit!? thats something Ikki would say! Not Kazu!" but managed to resist the urge. And I think Sano was in the story in the first place so I could give Ikki something to be jealous over. God, I planned that far ahead - thats kinda sad.
DL: Yus fast update. And I'm not sure but I think this one was pretty good as well. (I don't remember...) and hurrah for you loving the story - I've super glad you do! I hope you stick around to the end.
Tohru Daihikashousha: Thank you! Me hopes you enjoy the next chapter, love.
Blizzy: I'm past calling you Blizzaris if you didn't notice, cuz you are my Blizzy-dear. I CAN. NOT. BELIEVE. you read the whole damn thing over again. I wrote it and I don't even have the patience to read more than two chapters in one sitting. There should be pics from Otakon when I get back, so if you really wanna see, I can just email them to you. Girl bonding is fun to write, but too easy seeing as I am one. I like writing boy interaction more because it's more complex and interesting. You wouldn't believe how long it takes me to read and reply to every single review, lol, and, um, yus, the couch is prolly a no-no from now on for Kazu. We should make fanfics a catagory in bookstores. Let's do it!
Slifer: eehee aww you stayed up late for it, how sweet! Even though this story has a lot of unrealistic features and such, I like to keep a sense of realism in the story, at least as far as interactions and emotions go - thank you for seeing it! Rainbows and sunshien, blech, lol. You're right, the aftermath of a first kiss is not always perfect and la-dee-da with little to no confusion. Confused Kazu is really a joy to write, anyway, har har.
Dobu: If you were in Twisted Perception's gallery, I hope you were kind enough to leave her comments, she does amazing work. haha I'm glad you decided to 'stoop low enough' to read FaS, and even more glad that you found it was worth the read! I'm the same way sometimes, I'll be unsure if I wanna read something and then.. it just kinda goes from there. You and a friend as Ikki and Kazu!? Please lemme see pictures? XD
Arrow.Aero.Air: AHA! I got the name right on the first try this time! I think... yeah, yeah I did. Sweet. ohh backtingling huh? I think Sano being perverted is part of why we all love him so gosh darn much, and in this fic because he just adds both drama and humor and a reason for Ikki to flip (we all knew it was coming, we really did). I got you into Air Gear? I can't believe how many people who have never seen or read AG are reading this fic and liking it. It's so hard for me to read a fic about characters I don't know. Thank you!
ranchan-akari: lol I really WAS clueless as to how to write it! When that chapter was still a blank page on Word, I literally stared at the white screen and mumbled "ok so... now what?" cuz I've never had to write that kind of situation before. Usually when it comes to that I just picture myself in that scenario and eventually things start to roll on their own once I get going. I haven't been about to dish out many Ikkazu oneshots lately, sorry. I'm out of ideas right now and I have to wait for a new wave of inspiration to crash over me. I'm dying to write one though...
Masi-no-Ichigo: lol was it really in one week? I didn't even notice. I don't really space things out, I guess. I just update when its ready. I wish I could have seen your face though! And mumble to yourself, that would be fun to see. I would love to just be a fly on the wall and watch people do these funny reactions I keep hearing about, hehe. I'm soooo eagerly waiting for your next chapter (and yus I need to review the first one, I'm so sorry!!) but seriously, take your time. Rushing a story is bad! It gets harder as you go on, sometimes, but I'll be happy to help you if you ever need it.
TheaBlackthorn: I'm right there with you! I wanna see them get hit by karma but we have to wait a little longer!! I can't wait mainly because writing pissed off Ikki is really really fun for me. Is that a bad thing to say? lol.
KidAngel: darling I just want to say I saw your newest Ikkazu picture on DA and I LOVE IT TO PIECES SO MUCH I REALLY DO I LOVE ITTTTTT and I'll be commenting soon. I like to hold back on commenting pictures and stories until I'm in the mood. If I'm not in the mood the comment will be short and I want it to be a decent length for you! But I did see it, and I think its amazing. If anyone else is reading this, you should go look, and leave comments. I also saw the scene from FaS you drew. I must kidnap you.
Jen Sweden: Hurray! I'm actually surprised and a little shocked to see how strongly FaS is still standing, and at how many readers have remained loyal to it. Thank you so much!
Sagri: Thank you! Feels are a very difficult but enjoyable thing to play with, and omg you seem to understand that there is sooo much temptation to just write them jumping each others bones and announcing their love for each other in each chapter! Hopefully I won't have to resist for too long. Sorry that one part was confusing. If you need/want explination, it takes placel later after the kiss, and Emiri was more or less running through the events and thoughts in her head and when we jump back to present time she is on her way to Yayoi. I hope that made sense.
melchan13: aw omg so cute, hang on no more the next chapter is here!! I updated as fast as possible, as always - hope its worth the wait.
Jess: yus, a fic for you. Be sure to read the footnotes at the end of this chapter and do what that says tho, ok? Cuz it'll probably be a while before I have time and inspiration. For some reason I'm really excited and FLATTERED that you'd wanna get inside my head like that. Happy the rooftop scene worked for you, it was cute to write for me.
Cellophane Rainbows: Thanks! oh dear, karma better exists, because those baddies really do deserve a piece of it, don't they? All in good time though, hun. Allll in good time. XD
BlackFlameRose: I saw your picture! And much like KidAngel I have to wait to comment for when I feel like I can leave on lengthy enough for you. But do not be ashamed, love, I adored it! I feel like if I focus on JUST Ikki and Kazu things would get real dull real fast so I switch it up withtout losing sight that this is an Ikkazu fic in the end. Sorry you can't make the con. There will be pictures though. God your scattered "im going to dinner im back but you dont know i was gone" reviews make me giggle.
Forgetfull: Yus just a little bit of info from the guy to keep him, and you guys, satisfied. I live to write and I write to serve. I rather like Ringo when she isn't going emo and crying over things that contradict her strong character. I use a lot of commas too... It just goes to show we're cool like that.
MisakiTsuki: Did you give it a try? Writing about something you've never written before? It's actually kind of a fun exercise to do, if you ask me. And gives you more experience as a writer - if you write just what you know, you'll never improve. I'm so happy you liked the chapter, too! Hope the update didn't take to long to wait for.
Flawless Beauti: Thank you, the interactions between characters is something I thrive on, but it can be hard sometimes so knowing that you like it makes it worth it in the end. Thank you for the good luck wishes as well! Once I'm done with school maybe I can get more Ikkazu things done! Lets hope!
Nightshade47: amused, are we? it didn't matter that you said great that many times, great is a great word to use when you greatly think something is great. I greatly appreciate your review and your reader-ship. ...Great!
silentrapture: oh dear god two days? What the hell is wrong with all you people, lmao! How can you read this piece of crap, the whole thing, in such a short amount of time! I'm shocked and impressed and flattered all at once! Thank you for appreciating the build up, and for, god, reading it all like that. I really loved your review, you know, because once you said 'over the top' and it being kinda rightfully so, I smiled really big. lol up the shorts scene, hur hur...
OMG YOU GUYS I NEED A SMALL BREAK x.x
...
Ok humm let's do this.
Udyjay: hey there dear, how goes it? You need to stop slapping yourself, lol, FaS isn't worth getting THAT worked up over, is it? heh, but I guess I'm taking it as a compliment in the end, anyway. I'm with you there on Kazu being so cute in everything he does, making you want to stick that boy into a glass box and just watch every little thing that he does. Even in anime and manga, I pay attention to the tiniest details and gestures and every little thing I see means tons to me. So I fangirl really easy.
nonday: jealous Ikki is so much FUN! Honestly, I don't like muchy gooy scenes and things like that, at all, in fiction or in real life - in fiction its only ok when theres drama with it too, or the situation just really calls for it - but Ikki and Kazu make it easy to avoid cuz they're both such manly men, lol. I HAD to have them sleep together. Something in my mind was just focing me to make it happen, and Ikki doesn't really seem like the kinda guy to really care what it looks like hes doing and OMG wake up wet, lol!
GrayFox2k7: Hi!! I very much enjoy sending and recieving emails from you and I thank you for taking the time to want to contact me personally. And thank you even more so for reviewing and sharing such lovely and complimentary input and comments. As always, your english is well enough that I can easily grasp what you are trying to convey, and I must say, it means the world to me that you would take the time. You brought about so many nice things to say about FaS that I almost don't feel worthy of the review, lol - I hope the wait for this chapter wasn't too long. It should be worth it though.
bigfatsamantha: surprise you and wright realistically. That's an odd combination, really, but thank you thats really cool, aha!
Dubya See: I was wondering the same thing, really. I was so nervous to post the last chapter since I hate to dissapoint but I'm so happy you enjoyed it! Checking every day? yay! That makes me even happier! Sorry though hunny, I'm not really that into FMA and it is hard for me to read fanfiction about series that don't interest me very much. Nothing personal, love, but I'm sure your fic is wonderful.
SleepyKat99: I'm nor sure why, I'm really not, but your review made me laugh a little. Must be the short spurts of almost sentences, lol. No need to worship tho! I love providing fanservice and a decent read for people.
AnonyMouse: Thanks for warning me about that typo. When I'm not so lazy... MAYBE one day I'll go fix it. ahem. I know, these review replies are getting insane, don't you think? You wouldn't think by looking that they take long to reply to but I'm playing a CD of mine the third time through already since I started! I still love that you can understand certain aspects of the story, and as always, your reviews are a joy to read since you wax poetics so easily. You flatter me beyond REASON my friend. Actually after reading the part about words fluttering off Kazu's lips, I started pondering what I'd have to do to convince you write a fic, since I feel like you could make amazing work. (waves arms) gooo to Otakooonnn...
flarrua: Thank you very much! I do hope you didn't feel like you hate to wait TOO long.
rei yamata: I did! The pins were simpley too adorable for words! I squeed, I actually cooed. Don't 'oops' me for forgetting. I forget them sometimes too, lol. I forgot about Buccha COMPLETELY, which is why he's in this chapter.
I hope I didn't leave anyone out! Thanks everyone!
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Air Gear
a fiction by Crimson Vixen
Folly and Sin
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The world was a pleasantly warm and cozy place when Ikki started to crack his eyes open. There were many times where Ikki couldn't bring himself to get back to sleep once he was awake, but today, this morning, was a particularly special case because he was just so heavy and sluggish and restful and warm that moving seemed almost idiotic.
Ikki closed his eyes and hugged his pillow closer. Froze for a moment. Opened his eyes again, wider this time, when his pillow hummed softly.
He could smell the ocean, and he realized his nose was buried in a sea of golden locks, soft to the touch and brushing against his cheek when Kazu's head moved. In his morning daze, it took him to this exact moment to understand that he had been holding Kazu in his sleep and was still holding him now.
One part of his brain told him to recoil, let go, turn the other way, pretend nothing happened and speak nothing of it to the other boy when he woke. But another part of his brain, and admittedly the part that reached him first, told him that Kazu was sleeping and shouldn't be woken by such a gesture. And he was warm, and he was comfy, and for the second time in his life Ikki was brutally reminded on how perfectly Kazu's body fit into his, into his shape, his curve, his arms.
There was nothing weird about it. He just... fit.
It actually confused him on several levels. For another boy to slide into his figure like an overly simplistic puzzle piece and emit such a fulfilling amount of comfort and body heat, nearly baffled him. Deeply curious about this discovery, Ikki listened to that part of his brain that told him to stay put, and he actually slid his arm further around the other boy, pressing his stomach fully to Kazu's back and tucking his chin into the crook of Kazu's neck.
In his experimentation, he was both amused and alarmed with how content it made him feel.
Kazu didn't seem to be aware of what was happening – and even if he was, Ikki decided he would just pretend to sleep and Kazu might just pretend to believe him – since he was too out of it to notice anything. But his hand still found its way to Ikki's before he stilled again, and Ikki, finding a new level of comfort in this new position and with the knowledge that no one had to know, easily managed to slip back to sleep.
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Yayoi didn't know if it was irony or just stupid luck, but on the way to the ramen shop, she, Ringo and Emiri ran into Buccha, who offered to share his table with them. Not wanting to be rude and figuring there was no harm, the three of them accepted the invitation.
The girls sat opposite of the very large rider, hair fixed up pretty but not overdone and nails buffed and painted. Buccha took immediate notice of his. He wasn't any expert on girls, but he did know that girls spruced themselves up in groups like that only after they've spent an extended amount of time together, and that usually meant they'd been talking about the things that girls talk about, and that usually meant they were what people called 'boy bashing.' Suddenly, Buccha's comfort level dropped.
Still, feeling the need (especially now) to be a gentleman, he offered to pay for everyone's meal, which the girls reluctantly allowed. Soon the tables were filled with bowls of ramen and it was then that the conversation started rolling, with Ringo's diffident utterance.
"Thank you, Buccha. For the meal."
"Yeah, thanks!" Emiri chirped while slurping up a particularly long noodle. At her side, Yayoi silently nodded at the large boy with equal gratitude before sticking her chop sticks into her bowl.
After she'd had a chance to swallow, Emiri paused, then looked to Buccha.
"Hey, so, you're a pretty honest guy," she said carefully, unable to really resist. "What's the deal with Ikki? Does he ever talk to you about that stuff?"
Buccha only stared for a moment before his eyes crunched in a way that showed he didn't fully understand. Disgruntled, Emiri gave it another go.
"I guess I'm just going to come right out and say it. Do you guys ever talk about girls?"
Ringo choked on her food and pounded her chest with her fist to assist her coughing. While she reached for her drink, Yayoi blinked and stared disbelievingly at Emiri. Since when had the girl started blurting out such bold questions like that? Apologetically and intriguingly, Yayoi forced herself to look at Buccha to gather his reaction. Ringo did the same. After all, the question was already thrown out there; might as well soak up the answer.
Nervously, Buccha rubbed a finger at his chin in thought, eyes gazing at the ceiling.
"Come to think of it, there was a period where all he could talk about was Simca," he answered honestly, pointedly avoiding eye contact with the girls in fear of what he was getting himself into. When girls started asking questions like this, it never ended well. Still, as a friend, and an honest friend at that, Buccha remained in his seat and entertained these girls' questions. "But that was a while ago. He hasn't said much about her lately."
Ringo shifted oddly. Just hearing Simca's name sent tingles through her spine and jealousy in her gut. Whether Ikki talked about the swallow or not wasn't the case – what really got to her was that the damn slut's eyes were narrowed in on Ikki and there was no way that damn migratory bird's intentions towards the crow were good ones. Ringo tightened her fists within her lap, only taking comfort in Buccha's declaration of Simca becoming void from Ikki's verbal thoughts. She was sure Emiri could sense her discomfort, or at least considered it afterwards, but still, for some reason the track runner didn't feel the urge to let up.
It was an opportunity and she wasn't going to pass it up.
"Right, and Kazu?"
Buccha hesitated in responding. Disclosing information about his friends felt odd, but then again, it wasn't as though they'd sworn him to secrecy on the matters presented to him. So technically he wouldn't be betraying anyone's trust by providing answers to these girls who apparently needed to know. And he wasn't born yesterday – he knew of both Emiri and Ringo's crushes, which was why he feared the worse by the end of the meal.
Since Emiri seemed to be glaring at him with a sharp look in her eyes, Buccha was surprised to find that the tone of his voice was not the one he himself was expecting to dribble out of his mouth.
"Kazu… never really talks about things like that," he supplied, hoping it was as painless of an answer he could give without resorting to lying. And it was true; most of the time, the only things Buccha had ever heard pop out of Kazu's mouth was AT's this, Ikki that, got to get better, yadda yadda...
Emiri didn't seem horribly offended by the answer, but she didn't look to be satisfied with it either. She sat back in her seat, slurped up a few more noodles without saying a word, and Buccha eyed Ringo, then Yayoi, who could only offer a remorseful shrug of the shoulders.
"You know, Emiri," Yayoi eventually piped up after having time to think. "All those boys ever think about is AT. Maybe they feel like they don't have time for girls right now."
Of course all three girls knew that Yayoi was hinting at letting the subject go; they've talked about it all last night and this morning and they could talk about it more later on but right now, pressuring the Storm Rider with questions like that wasn't fair. She didn't think Buccha would add his two cents, however.
"That's a definite possibility," he said, rubbing at his belly, not yet full, but content. "I know Storm Riders that have been riding for way longer than those two that don't talk about AT nearly as much as they do. Especially Ikki."
Ringo blushed a little, trying to hide it by taking another long sip of her drink. Ikki had talked to her briefly about things like this; things like girlfriends and having time for them. What did he say? If it happens, it happens? It wasn't like a girlfriend was totally out of the question for Ikki. She set her cup down when her mouth could hold no more liquid and then she forced it down her throat in one, big, audible gulp.
Boys were hard to read. She knew this much. After all, Ikki had given his jacket to her at one point or another when she was cold and she figured it meant more than just an act of kindness; she'd eventually concluded that giving up their jacket was something that boys did only with girls they liked. That little assumption apparently was a little off, since Ikki made it painfully clear that he could give her his coat, and love her but not that way. Another thing about boys that she knew and perhaps had always known was that they hurt you easily, even when they never meant to. Said stupid things, did them too, and rarely considered feelings by being recklessly blunt. He had confided in her on several occasions, a sentiment that made her feel indescribably special and unmatched. But sometimes boys…
They just aren't worth the effort.
Ringo sighed heavily and downed the rest of what was left in her cup.
She supposed she should force herself to be happy, though. For even though Ikki had denied her feelings, he didn't push her away, and he didn't forget she existed. He was still there, still with her, just like things had always been. At any rate, she supposed that was better than losing him altogether. Still, the idea of Ikki landing in anyone else's arms was a terribly hard thing to think about.
As long as it was anyone but Simca, though, she would somehow force herself to survive.
Ringo realized she was losing herself in thought and she was probably starting to raise suspicious by suddenly slinking into such silence. It was hard not to; whenever Ikki crept into her mind, it was hard to focus on anything else. There was just something about that Baby Face crow of his – something that attracted Storm Riders from all around like Simca and even herself, not to mention all the clueless girls at school. Hell, even Ikki's friends felt an unquenchable need to be near the crow at all times.
Even his friends…
Her mind wondered back to Kazu, and how the blonde had unwittingly stripped her of the time she'd have Ikki all to herself, then she shook her head to keep herself from getting mad at the guy. It wasn't like he was trying to steal him away or anything. She almost had to hold her breath to keep herself from laughing. Now she was just being silly.
When she blinked herself back to the real world and found that Emiri was staring at her with a rather peculiar look in her eyes, Ringo smiled at her.
Darn that Ikki for drilling into her head like that in public.
In any case, Ringo figured, even if Ikki and Kazu were spending more time together than Ikki and herself, at least she didn't have to worry about losing to the blonde. Then Ringo really did laugh, raising eyebrows from the people at her table. Even if it was Kazu, anyone was better than that damn swallow.
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For the second time that day, though Ikki knew it was much later in the day, possibly late afternoon, he opened his eyes. He found that his arms were still wrapped protectively around Kazu's torso and the blonde, to his surprise, was still sleeping as well.
Ikki had never felt more rested.
But even though he was awake and his legs were itching to move around, Ikki still couldn't help but want to stay put because he knew the second he stood, he was going to be a few fractions colder. The very idea made him hug Kazu closer, then loosen his hold right after.
What was he doing..? What did it mean if he was thinking such thoughts so freely in his mind?
Kazu grumbled something softly and started to squirm. Ikki lifted his arm and hovered it over the blonde, unsure whether to move or not but decided to stay put and watch. When the other boy actually parted his lids and rolled onto his back, their eyes met. Ikki kept the same, content expression and stared lazy-eyed at the blonde while Kazu's widened greatly and the boy nearly jumped out of his skin.
And promptly fell over the edge of the bed with a thud.
"Shit man, that's twice now, I think," Ikki drawled, scooting closer to the side of the mattress to look over it. Kazu was staring up at him with a confused and dazed expression, one arm tucked under the bed and the other flung out to the side.
"Yeah, and both times were your fault," Kazu retorted, pulling himself up to a sitting position and scratching at his temple. He looked up at Ikki, not even bothering to get up. "What were you doing?"
"What do you mean? We fell asleep, remember?"
"Yeah but you were… Forget it," Kazu shrugged, thinking it better to ignore the matter than know the truth. He noted how incredibly warm he felt right then, body in near perfect temperature and enclosed in a sense of fulfillment without any reasonable explanation. He wasn't stupid though. He hadn't minded sharing Ikki's bed, and he was surprised to find the crow so close to him when he rolled over but he couldn't say it was a bad surprise.
If he did, he would just be lying to himself.
And, since he'd had a night to sleep on it and years to let it inadvertently fester inside of him, the idea – as risky as it still was to speak out loud – didn't seem so strange anymore; Liking Ikki a little more than he was supposed to. His heart thudded one giant whomp! against his ribcage as he stiffened his fingers and finally inched his way back onto the bed to sit down on something more cushioned.
Ikki grinned a little; Kazu was actually incredibly fun to watch when the boy was shifting through thoughts in the morning, looking cranky but still innocent at the same time. He didn't even know people could have such expressions on their faces, ever; never took the time to really look. In the time it took him to actually fall asleep the night before, Ikki was able to consider this: there was nothing embarrassing or demeaning about considering love as long as it stayed in your head.
And he'd said so himself, to Ringo, if he remembered correctly.
If it happens, it happens. I don't think love is really something that can be helped.
At least that was how he'd always assumed it worked. Unexpectedly. Unpredictably. The only thing he hadn't considered at the time was who it'd be with. One look over to Kazu told him wonders – it was amazing to know he was able to just glance at the blonde and pick up on so much of what was running through his head. It was a skill he was starting to pride himself in, since the guy was so damn secretive these days.
"Hey, Kazu," Ikki said calmly. He didn't know why he was so frighteningly relaxed, or why he was lightly smiling and unable to stop, but he didn't try to make up any justification for it. When Kazu didn't respond or at least didn't look directly at him, Ikki tried again. "Hey."
This time, he did look, arms folded over his lap and lips thinning while he swallowed a bit of his own spit.
"Whatever happened, whoever did what… It happened."
It was in the past. This was the present. And the future was whatever they chose to make it. Suddenly, Ikki felt like this moment, this day, was going to be one of importance.
Kazu could only nod. He got what Ikki was saying; the fact that it took place meant nothing. What did matter was how they chose to decipher and treat it.
"I know it seems sudden, but I don't feel like myself," Ikki continued, deciding not to scoot closer because he didn't know what that was implying. "At first I thought that maybe… well, wait. What do you think?"
"I think this is the hardest conversation I've ever had in my life," came the honest reply, a little bitter. But even though it was hard for him, Kazu forced himself to say words that made his tongue thick and hard to move. "It was just a kiss though, right? That doesn't have to, you know, mean anything."
The words seemingly came out on their own accord, and whether he agreed with them or not was something that would remain a mystery to him. But Ikki on the other hand, was slightly taken aback by it. Kazu seemed a lot more defensive about the entire thing, which was understandable, sure, but still irksome.
"I guess, but…"
"What?"
"But how do we know for sure? It's like you said; it was just a kiss," the crow pressed dangerously, very much aware of how thin the wire was that he was walking on, and very unaware of how he'd gotten there, because he was still curious and unsure and had to know so why the hell not?
Kazu's small chest heaved.
No way, there was just no way that Ikki of all people – cocky, manly, stubborn, too cool for you Minami Itsuki could… But then…
"Ah, Ikki… What are you…"
But Ikki wasn't paying attention anymore. His eyes were wide and focused; entranced as he reached out, and at first he figured it was wrong, that it wasn't supposed to feel right. They were young, they were rebellious, and if there was a line they weren't supposed to cross, Ikki was tempted enough and rebellious enough to want to cross it. Ikki didn't know why, but that creamy skin was calling to him, begging him to touch and feel all over just to make sure if it was something he wanted or not, so he did make contact, with a trembling hand, and when he ran his fingertips over Kazu's cheek, it was so soft. Kazu flinched at the contact but didn't pull away. Probably too shocked to move at all.
There was an eruption of something in his chest; the crow spared a quick glance to the door. They were alone for now but who knew for how long. So he worked fast, even though it was his first time – like this, with another boy, with him, Kazu – doing something like this, somehow it didn't slow him down. He didn't have a reason he could call valid. But since when did he ever need reason to do anything?
Ever so carefully, Ikki placed his hands on Kazu's shoulders and slid them down the boy's arms before skipping to his waist, where after a short pause, he snuck his hands under the fabric and touched the skin of Kazu's belly. While he lost himself in the sensation of touch, he kept his eyes glued to Kazu's, who was looking at him with immensely blue orbs of stupefaction, and Ikki pressed a little harder, moved up a little further, all while never breaking eye contact. It almost felt as if Kazu was trying to keep him from looking anywhere else. He could feel Kazu continuously tremor under his touch but showed no resistance when Ikki moved to lower him onto the bed.
The blonde's breaths were quivering and so were Ikki's, yet still he very slowly slid his hands up Kazu's sweatshirt and to his surprise, Kazu didn't ask him to stop. He hardly said anything at all, just set his jaw and sucked air in through the spaces between his teeth. Hitched when Ikki scratched his hands down his sides a little too hard, shuddered when fingers ghosted over his collar bone, moaned when teeth nibbled at his neck.
When did Ikki get close enough to do that?
He closed his eyes and sighed. How did it ever come to this? Why was Ikki moving and touching him like that? Why wasn't he saying anything about it? This was all going so fast. They had yet to come up with the answers they've been looking for and already they were at a level that Kazu never even fathomed to be possible between Ikki and someone like him.
Kazu tried to block the questions from his mind as Ikki raked his fingers through his golden hair. He'd always known Ikki to be a little possessive, a little bit aggressive, thought it was selfish and childish, but this was something different.
Ikki finally released a growl and rolled off the bed to stand. It took only seconds for him to drag Kazu along with him and throw him to the wall. Kazu yelped when he hit, his back rubbing raw against the wall.
"Let's figure this out right here, Kazu," Ikki said, voice only a whisper and noses so close to touching. Kazu stared cross-eyed to meet Ikki's eyes since they were such a small distance apart. "Right here, right now. What do you say?"
"Ikki…" Kazu breathed, head turning to the right and sucking in a breath because he needed to think and yet didn't need to think at all. A hand took his chin and turned his head back to where it was, and Kazu's mouth was only capable of making the same sound over and over again. "Ikki…"
"Don't get me wrong, man," Ikki mumbled. Kazu could see Ikki's entire body shaking like mad, like he was cold and shivering in that heated room. "I have no fucking clue what the hell I'm doing."
"Ikki," Kazu said again, a little more desperate, getting irritated with himself for being so damn repetitive with it. He took a bite of his tongue and tried a second time. "I want…"
What did he want? Kazu came to an answer ridiculously fast. He wanted just what he'd always wanted.
"I want whatever you want."
And for a moment they were stuck in gravity, taking slow and almost shallow breathes before Ikki spared the door one more glance and decided that this was it. This was the moment he'd find out what he wanted from Kazu and how much, if at all. Even though they were both still clothed, when his stomach kissed Kazu's through the fabric, the crow loved it; he loved the feeling of something solid and real and receptive against him.
This time when Kazu spoke his name, Ikki didn't respond, just grunted a little; too busy, too busy. This whole thing was a new experience with new sensations – too many at once – and he needed to explore better, faster, because still he was curious and no one was telling him to stop.
He was enthralled and excited with the way the blonde allowed himself to be poked and prodded as he was. More so now than ever, Kazu's scent was radiating off of him and seeping into Ikki's nostrils so the smell was strong and dare he say, intoxicating.
He could feel it; Kazu was pressing his back harder against the wall. Trying to get away or trying to find balance and support, who knew. Ikki continued to pause before every new move he made, waiting to see if Kazu would indeed speak up or push him away. For a short moment the only sound between them after that was the sound of their unsteady breathing, mostly ragged with slight ambiguity. Kazu continued to rest against the wall in the very exact spot in which Ikki had tossed him, and Ikki remained in his place as well, arms outstretched and on the wall on either side of the blonde. He looked left, then right, then straight into Kazu's soft face, unable to verbally ask if he should continue but trying to convey it all the same.
He was almost taken aback when Kazu nodded.
He didn't know what he was doing, he really didn't. But he couldn't stop himself. Before he could think twice about it, Ikki steered his lips to Kazu's neck, hovered for an agonizing few – shit, should I actually do it – seconds before making contact. He kissed once, froze, then twice, then lingered and suckled for a moment when he discovered Kazu had a taste – something akin to vanilla – pulling away sharply when Kazu's throat gurgled with a foreign sound.
Ikki pulled back and they stared at each other, silently trying to gauge if it was good thing or bad. Kazu didn't seem like he knew where the sound came from, but Ikki strangely wanted to hear more of it.
It took Kazu a minute or two to understand that his own hands were now shakily snaked up and around Ikki's neck. In response to that, Ikki put his hands around the blonde's waist and locked his hands at the base of Kazu's back. How they'd both decided it was a good idea, he didn't know, but their foreheads touched and Ikki was cradling him in a way that made him feel safe and special.
Wanted.
Right now, he was worth something. Right now, Ikki saw him and only him and nothing else in the world mattered. That kind of importance, the kind he'd always wondered what it would be like to achieve, felt unreal. He didn't dare question it in fear of the answer. The blonde was ok with living in a dream, if that was indeed where he was. Maybe later on he would look back on this and could tell the story of how he was young and stupid and got caught up in the moment with his best friend and did some things he couldn't take back or forget, but right here… Right now…He broke out of his daze when the light from behind his lids started to burn so bright that it was starting to make him feel hot.
Ikki had always liked danger, but this was new. The crow's lips were on him again, slow and teasing and careful as they migrated from his jugular to his jaw to the lobe of his ear. He breathed lightly into the cavern, sending a massive chill through the jet's system and Kazu threw his head back. It banged loudly against the wall and he attempted to strangle the scream that tried to escape because he'd never felt this kind of pleasure before. His hands clutched desperately at the back of Ikki's shirt as Ikki roamed his jaw line with his mouth like he was already a pro.
He continued kissing. Liked how it felt and couldn't stop. Never knew something so simple could be so addicting.
Kazu whined with his next exhale of breath and when Ikki finally did pull away, he was flushed. Slowly, carefully, he let the blonde go. They hadn't gone beyond mere contact and kissing and already they were worked up. Hot and bothered.
They took a moment to catch their breaths, staring at each other in silent confirmation, to make sure that what they just did was real. Or if it meant anything or if they could just classify it as young curiosity. If in the end it wasn't the right thing, they could pretend it never happened at all.
But that didn't seem very plausible. If it felt wrong, they would have stopped right away.
…Right?
The crow opened his mouth, fingers twitching like he wanted to reach out to the other boy, but before he could voice his thoughts, there was a shift at the other side of the door that made the youthful riders whipped their heads towards that direction. Both stood perfectly still and waited for the shadow on the other side to pass by.
Kazu let out a tremendous sigh just as Ikki was goaded to brush his fingers through his hair. Ikki knew people would preach to him that folly like this wasn't supposed to feel right. What he did was a sin. But Ikki was never one to let other people tell him what he should do in the name of right and wrong. But if what he did was indeed that of an evil nature, then damn, sinning never felt so good before.
"I think I… I don't care what the world thinks," Ikki spoke suddenly, mostly to himself and only partly for Kazu, yet as if he was deciding it for the both of them. Kazu had yet to peel himself from the wall, so Ikki closed in on him as he had done so before. "They're all under me, anyway. Under us."
Because it was officially decided for him then. Kazu had somehow wormed into his way into Ikki's life so far that he meant something more to the crow past what he'd originally planned. But things like touching and kissing and pinning your best friend to your bedroom wall made it hard to go back to the way things were.
"What are you saying," the blonde mentioned sloppily, arms crossing over his stomach and hugging himself loosely, shoulder rising. "Does this mean we're, uh…"
Even now words like that were hard to put into a full sentence. The very notion that if he was together with someone, it was going to be with a boy, and not just any boy but Ikki. And that meant he was a certain three letter word but then again, it would mean the same for Ikki as well. Yet Ikki didn't seem bothered by such a notion, even if Kazu himself was wary of it. After all, what a thrilling and bone-chilling thought. Even though he couldn't speak right, Ikki already knew what he was asking, mainly because his mind was buzzing with similar things. The crow nodded, closed the distance between them with a bit more confidence than before, hovering his lips just over Kazu's and staring into his eyes.
As if he was frightened to ruin anything he'd just created, instead of brushing lips, he pulled Kazu into a hug – a gesture that spoke volumes his voice could never. 'This feels unreal,' it told him. 'This feels like trouble but I kind of like it.'
Most importantly – Ikki smiled a big smile, thankful Kazu couldn't see it – this was the first but huge step in rekindling what he and Kazu had started to lose. And, as far as Ikki was concerned, perhaps gain a little something more.
The rest of the world could bend over backwards and screw itself.
"Let's go get some breakfast, err… lunch," Ikki burbled, gently squeezing Kazu's hand and pulling him to the door, dropping it only when he had to reach for the knob.
And as they accepted the fresh breeze of the hallway, it felt like a new world entirely. One that didn't know anything yet and so Kazu stuck close to the other boy. Ikki hadn't done much to him, a graze here, and peck there, but it had done a lot for him. The boy's touches still felt like they were lingering on him, and he could smell Ikki's scent even as he descended the stairs and was led into the kitchen. Carried it with him.
Distracted with newly bubbling thoughts of him and Ikki and what they were doing, what it really meant, where it was going and how they were going to get there in the world they lived in, Kazu only half paid attention when he opened the fridge. It used to be his thoughts would rotate around Ikki but now for some reason, though it was not something he really resented, those thoughts were going from him and he to us and we.
He had to stick close to Ikki now, since the crow seemed to be taking this a lot better than himself, with a lot more stride and confidence. Any lesser boy would crumble under the pressure of his sexuality. Maybe it hadn't really sunk in that spiky head of his yet. Sometimes Kazu wished he could get inside Ikki's head so he could view the crow's thoughts and not have to struggle with riddles and contradictions and words that were hard to read into. Ikki had a way of making things so clear that it confused him even more. He didn't know anyone else that could do that.
While Ikki started to rummage through the fridge, Kazu eventually noticed he was missing his hat, concluding that it must have been why he was feeling so naked and out of place. He patted his head to confirm it was bare, and looked to Ikki when he turned around. Ikki laughed a little.
"You hang here, I'll get it."
Slightly embarassed, Kazu blushed and nodded, settling in a chair and waiting for Ikki since looking for food in Ikki's house without Ikki felt strange today. He folded his hands in his lap and slouched. Today seemed to be going a lot smoother than it should, or maybe he was just expecting too much to happen. Things were never as dramatic as they portrayed on television. Ikki was acting like what they'd just done and discovered was as natural as breathing and maybe it was but Kazu knew that if it wasn't for Ikki, if he was dealing with swirling feelings like this on his own, he'd have lost it a long time ago. But no. Instead of freaking out or going into denial, Ikki wanted to get lunch together.
Which sounded really nice.
"Hey you," came a confident tone that was all too familiar but also one he didn't particularly like. Kazu froze, and forced himself to stand up and turn around. Over the past few months, Kazu had been thinking of trying something new when it came to confrontations like this and that was to never let anyone see him sweat. He cleared his face of any give-away emotions and faced the shorter boy.
"Agito," he nodded, mono-tone. How he hated when the patch was on that side. "Did you need something?"
"I don't know how stupid you think I am," he said. "I'm not going to beat around the bush with you. What are you and the crow, if you had to label it?"
Ah, Kazu inwardly sneered. Just as rude and to the point as always. He didn't know he was going to have to face problems like these so soon, and in this very house! How could Agito know, anyway? It wasn't until this morning that anything had happened, unless they'd been obvious from the start and... well that would be embarassing. Then again, Akito was sure to be making comments about Ikki pushing the shark away and giving him attention instead because he was running around so much.
"What's it to you?" Kazu bit back automatically, still trying to mask his voice with indifference. Of course, Agito was a perceptive little runt, and probably wouldn't come out to confront him like this unless he already had something to say.
"Nothing. I don't really care too much for what he does or who he's with. However," he paused momentarily to meet Kazu's eyes carefully. "Akito does."
Oh damn. Well this… this was awkward.
"Huh…" he shrugged, perhaps a little too quickly. Everyone and their grandmother knew about Akito's attachment to Ikki. Hell he didn't exactly take any precautions hiding it. The blonde supposed he hadn't even considered Akito's feelings when Ikki put him to the wall and started to... well, he hadn't even remembered Akito or anyone else existed at the time.
"I can't understand what he sees in you but Akito gets upset about the attention you get and he doesn't, and I don't like when he gets like that. It's fucking annoying."
Kazu resisted the urge to agree to some level. He didn't hate the guy, but Kazu didn't exactly get along with their team's shortest rider – at least not when he was like this. He could stand Akito's obnoxious behavior when he was happy in small doses but he couldn't imagine what the kid was like when he was whiney. He almost sympathized with Agito. Almost.
"Man, look," Kazu held up his hands defensively. "I'm not trying to mess around with anyone's feelings and I'm definitely not trying to piss anyone off."
Agito just stood there with that everlasting angry glare, arms crossed and looking ready to kill. Kazu's exterior fell flat when he lowered his brows.
"Don't tell me you think it's all my fault," the blonde sparked, falling into some sort of stance. "You're angry with me because Ikki thinks I'm… Because we…"
He stopped. Just how much did Agito know, anyway? And how?
It was then he realized it really was hard to find the right words to describe them. Him and Ikki. Or maybe it wasn't so much finding the right words – 'Me and Ikki are trying to sort some things out.' 'We're trying to see if the shit we just pulled is going to take us somewhere.' 'Your leader and me are trying to cope over lunch with the fact that we might be gay.' 'Ikki might be my boyfriend, but I'm not sure' – as it was saying them to outsiders. Agito, of all people. Because he and Ikki really hadn't labeled themselves just yet, only knew that it was going to be different than what it once was. Again Kazu was sure if it was with anyone else, he wouldn't be so calm about it.
"I told you, I don't care. I'm here on behalf of Akito."
"So what do you want me to do?" Kazu growled. "Seriously, I'm not trying to upset him. I'm not, but…"
Unable to decide where he was going with his words, he let his voice die out. Then, after a moment…
"You want me to back off?"
Agito lulled his head to the side. How fucking irritating, to think that the idiotic crow would allow the company of this whiney little beanpole over the company of Akito. And how embarrassing for the leader of Kogarasumaru to let himself fall into such a low place. The shark licked at his fangs and rested a majority of his weight to his left foot.
"It would make Akito stop whining."
Kazu didn't say anything. He had already lost his poker face somewhere in this confrontation and it wasn't even worth saving since Agito obvious knew more than he should have. The blonde felt stupid for not expecting him to know.
Still, now that this had been brought into light, Kazu was starting to feel less and less contented with the concept of being in the same room as Ikki, because now he was going to be wondering how Akito was feeling and Agito was dealing. Shit.
"I gotta go," Kazu said briskly, and brushed past the smaller rider with a speedy gait. Agito turned and watched the boy make a grab for his AT's and rush out the front door just as Ikki trotted back into the kitchen, white knit cap in his hands. The shark scoffed; Akito had better fucking appreciate this.
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A/N: boo footnotes!
I've yet to review the Ikkazu fics on ffnet, but I will. Also, I know there are about... 3 or 4 or you that wanted challange fics from me, or I mentioned in passing that I could/would do one for you. Well school is hectic so I'm losing track of who asked me to do what. So if you guys could mention it in a review or PM me about it, it would make it a lot easier on me. Thanks.
And umm, anything you guys would like to see in FaS? I can't promise I'll use ideas given to me but I'll certainly consider them.
...Ooops, I missed class.