A/N #1: The Rocket Summer rocks my world for the sound and deliciously eloquent wording of the song "Walls" which ultimately helped me extract myself from the emotional rut I was left in after drudging up memories that I'd have rather left in the past. So you should check out out because you're not a hater.

As usual, the night of Chinese take-out and Grey's Anatomy re-runs put Emily's life back into perspective. She may be lacking her best friend. She may have her boss concerned about her quality of work and commitment to the team. She may be letting a wedge creep between herself and her girlfriend; well, she could be the driving force of aforementioned wedge. She may also have an annoying and unexplained lump where lumps shouldn't be. A startling and incessant beeping of a patient's heart rate monitor caused a quick glance to the television, effectively shifting her thoughts ever so slightly. Her life may be a bit of a mess right now, but atleast she's better off than those people. Atleast she's not… dead. Right?

The next morning, Emily woke before her alarm feeling more refreshed than she had in weeks.

Taking the opportunity for self-diagnosis, Emily grabbed her laptop and walked to the kitchen. She fired the lid open to turn the power on then moved to start a pot of coffee. Once properly booted, Emily entered her password to load her desktop. Since Google knows everything, she opted to use that to search the most logical combination of words to describe her situation. 'Lump on shoulder, hmm, that should work.' Emily giggled to herself upon thinking of the strange combinations of words that people probably enter into search engines.

Ten minutes and a half cup of coffee later, Emily positioned her hands on the lip of her counter top, transferring her weight. She closed her eyes as a smile crept onto her face; the likelihood of the lump being a lipoma, or other benign cyst, mass, lump, or tumor firmly embedded in her mind. After ascertaining this knowledge, Emily moved effortlessly as though she were floating through her condo and into the bathroom to prepare for her work day. Briefly gazing at her disheveled appearance in the mirror, she turned to her right in order to see the reflection of the lump on her left shoulder in the mirror. She whispered toward it's reflection while shaking her head in disbelief, "you don't scare me."

She watched her own actions through the mirror as her right hand maneuvered the skin around the lump. To an onlooker, it would appear at times as though she was attempting to capture it between her fingernails; perhaps an attempt to free it from her body. To her, she was fascinated and wanted an understanding of what was going on underneath the surface. Emily took notice of how it seemed wholly attached, assuming this meant it had clearly been present in her body for longer than she'd originally thought, but it didn't hurt.

She then thought to herself, 'Well, "hurt" is a relative term. It doesn't hurt too much and only when pressure is applied at certain points.'

A still somewhat skeptical Emily devised, over the next several minutes of negotiating the skin around her shoulder, the explanation that her mind would require in order to allow herself to function at work without worry. Shortly thereafter, she showered and got ready as usual; arriving at work early. Upon sitting down at her desk, she found a small unmarked envelope. It looked to be the size of a thank you note. Pondering momentarily who could be sending her a thank you note, she opted for the finding out the easy way; by opening it.

Her heart sank. She'd spot those F's drawn half below the text line and curly I's, L's and T's anywhere.

I tried convincing myself that you're okay with this. Hell, maybe
you are by now, but I'm not. I'm sorry it took me so long to
apologize for walking out of your life. You'd think, given my job
that I'd do a better job of being able to communicate, but you
turn my brain to mush. It's not an excuse, it just is what it is.
I miss you and I'm lost without you. Can we fix this? This = us?
-JJ

Emily tucked the note back into its unlabeled home and held it over the garbage can for several seconds, debating on throwing it out. Opting to not do anything irrational just yet, she chose to open her desk drawer and tuck it away to address at a later date. Choosing instead to make herself a cup of coffee before addressing more 'important' things, such as catching up on the astronomical amount of paperwork she'd fallen behind on while out sick. Immediately upon opening the break room door, she silently berated herself for not checking to see if JJ was in her office.

Realizing that it'd be a real jerk move to turn around and walk out now, she did the only thing she could. She mentally prepared herself while entering slowly. 'Compartmentalize, Prentiss! You can do this.'

"Oh, hey Em. Are you feeling better?" JJ asked, genuinely concerned as she stirred her freshly poured coffee.

'God! Why does she have to be so fucking lovely? And do that cute I'm-gonna-turn-my-head-slightly-to-the-side thing?' Thrusting those thoughts to the side, Emily launched into protective mode, admonishing, "Because that's not awkward or anything, right?"

Clearly confused, JJ shook her head slightly, "What do you mean?"

Emily looked around and confirmed no one was present. "You want to do this here?"

JJ squinted slightly as she does when full comprehension is beyond her capabilities. "I'm not quite sure what it is that 'this' is, but we can go to my office if you'd prefer."

Emily huffed, "No thanks. I really don't have much to say. I mean, you kicked me out of your life, realized it wasn't quite working out for you so you write me a note and that's supposed to make it all better? How am I supposed to go back to telling you everything? Or anything at all for that matter? Well, maybe we can get back on track someday, but what's to stop you from doing this again? How do I know you even care how I'm feeling?"

"What happened to me being your best friend?"

Emily seethed, "Exactly! You are the best fucking friend I had. Had, JJ. You fucking abandoned me. But what do you care anyway? You didn't lose your best friend; you still have Pen." Sighing defeated, she continued, "This isn't a video game. There are no do-overs or reset buttons; and you don't just get to turn it on or off when it's convenient for you. I want nothing more than to fix things; you have no idea ho..."

Dr. Reid walked in at that moment, oblivious to the current conversation taking place. He greeted both ladies while en route to the refrigerator to drop off his limited edition Superman lunch box.

Emily's sad eyes met JJ's, a silent sign that they could continue later before her footsteps carried her out of the room, acknowledging Spencer's presence on the way.

JJ hurried out the door as well, quietly calling after Emily from several steps behind. "Emily! Please, just talk to me."

Emily kept herself several steps in front of the blonde, but veered off her traditional path and continued striding toward JJ's office. "Okay, fine. But only because you're drawing attention to us here."

JJ entered her office and closed the door quietly before taking up residence behind her desk. Looking thoughtfully upon Emily for a few brief moments, she smiled inwardly.

Staring expectantly, Emily broke the brief silence. "You wanted to talk. So, talk."

JJ began, "Look. I know I was a cunt to you; I have my reasons for that. I have tried so hard to not think about you, but it seems like all I have are constant reminders of your presence in my life."

'Not exactly how I'd have begun, but whatever.' Emily thought to herself before replying, "I didn't realize I was such a burden because we haven't even spoken. I'm not sure how I can be any less of a presence than I am now."

In an attempt to choose the proper words to avoid another communication nightmare, JJ offered "Just because we didn't speak doesn't mean I am not frequently reminded of you." JJ paused to allow Emily the opportunity to speak only to find her still waiting, clearly anticipating an explanation or further response. Continuing with the first example that came to her mind, JJ concluded while unconsciously moving her hands to her belt, "For instance when my belt buckle makes its way to being slightly off-center and I go to fix it. You've told me hundreds of times how sexy it is on me and each time I fix it; I'm reminded of you."

Emily thought back to the first time she'd noticed and mentioned it; how the clearly off-center belt buckle effortlessly contrasted JJ's dark pants and baby blue shirt. Little did she know at the time that image would be stamped as a constant fixture in her mind. Quite unsure how to respond, she settled for "I tell you that because it's true."

Feeling completely out of her element, JJ confided, "I'm truly and genuinely sorry for hurting you. I never wanted to hurt you, especially when you've been sick like you have been. You deserved a friend and I wasn't there."

"You know what really hurts me? I'm not sure how to go back to telling you the big things or even those little random things that only you would understand or care about. How do I know you're not just going to leave again?" Emily placed her hands on her hips and began pacing, "I sent you a message on Google a few weeks back. Obviously things are different now and I wouldn't exactly say it today, but I don't regret having done so."

"When I said I have my reasons; that was one of them. You had literally told me earlier in the evening that you were going to stay with Gwen. Then you tell me that you're in love with me; that it's me that you want; that you'd move across the world for me if I'd asked. What am I supposed to say or do? How am I supposed to feel? Gwen isn't just your girlfriend, she's my friend too. I mean, fuck."

"I'm not really sure, but you probably could have just brought it up with me instead of letting it fester to the point where you couldn't even be my friend anymore. Look where that's left us."

Growing angry, "It's just that..." JJ took a deep breath to calm herself, "You don't love me and you sure as fuck were never in love with me as you claim to have been. It's different already, only two weeks later. Is that right?"

"I said it's different because things are different between us and you can't tell me that they're not." The realization of what JJ had just said dawned on Emily, "God damnit, don't twist my words. We're hardly even friends anymore, so that's why I wouldn't say it now. I never said that because I won't say it that the underlying emotion is gone."

JJ countered, "God, you're so fucking selfish. Don't go all woe is me on me because I questioned the validity of your drunken admission. You can't even say it to me now so how the hell am I supposed to believe it true?"

Feeling the sting of JJ's words, Emily shut down. She knew she couldn't tell her she loved her, not right now, not this way. Not when the once surreal, dream-like sense of safety she'd felt with this woman had been shattered. Destroyed was her ability to tell even the most minuscule details of her life, how could she possibly attempt to say something so all-encompassing?

Hotch interrupted with a knock and quickly stuck his head in the door, "Conference room. Now. We have a case."

Emily thanked the powers that be for extracting her from the metaphorical train wreck between her and JJ.

A/N #2: Pssst! I heart reviews.