three.

The tension in his body was plain as day as he turned his back on her to lean on the wooden railing, his head bowed in what she at first mistook for defeat.

Tasha chewed on her lip guiltily and sighed. "That wasn't meant to sound so melodramatic-"

"Go inside."

The words were cold, harsh. It was a tone she'd never heard from him, though she could well imagine others had been on the receiving end of it before. Never her though. Even their worst rows were all fire, the heat usually spilling over into something more and ultimately resulting in the kind of make-up sex that left them both physically incapable of continuing whatever argument they'd gotten into – loved up and, perhaps more importantly, exhausted as they were.

"Kozik ..."

"Go the fuck inside," he repeated. Hands clenched, voice hard. "Seriously, Tasha, I ain't shitting around – get outta here before I do something I fucking regret."

"Koz, please. I just-" She was cut dead, startled as he lashed out and punched the wall with one tightly curled fist.

"Goddammit, woman, do you ever fucking listen?" Kozik all but roared as he rounded on her, making her back up towards the door, her eyes wide in shock. Torn between hurt, anger and utter disbelief at the casual bombshell she had dropped on him, he couldn't hold back any longer. "What the hell, Tash? What the actual fucking hell? Are you out of your goddamn mind? I'm talking about giving up everything – for you! And it's like it don't mean shit!"

"Of course it does!" she insisted, recovering herself enough to stand up to him. Plenty of grown men bigger than the burly biker would have balked at such a move but, even now, he wasn't Tacoma's killer sergeant to her. He was still just the man she had fallen in love with. "That's why I won't let you be stupid enough to do it!"

"So I'm stupid now, am I?" he ground out as he closed in on her, catching her wrist in a vise-like grip that made her wince. "Listen, doll, I might have cut you slack when you were hurting but you need to remember your place - bitches don't call the shots."

"Can you hear yourself?" Tasha scoffed angrily, mocking him with his own words. "Bitches don't call the shots – and you really think you could stop being a Son? You sound like Tig!"

Twisting her wrist so she could see the crow tattooed there, Kozik pushed her hard against the wall and loomed over her. "If I can't quit, neither can you. You got my crow, sweetheart – your ass is mine," he growled. "So you better quit this not forever shit 'cos I'm telling you it's bull, you hear me?"

"Let go of me, Koz – you're hurting me!" Tasha gasped, trying to pull out of his grip but only succeeding in hurting herself more. Actually feeling scared of him for the first time in their relationship. "Ow! Koz, stop it!"

But blinded by rage as he was, her futile attempts to push him away only heightened his anger. And before either of them knew what had happened, the sharp crack of a slap seemed to ring out in the still night like a gunshot.

All the fight going out of him in a rush, Kozik was horrified to realise there had been tears in the frightened green eyes staring at him in the painfully long moment before Tasha turned on her heel and fled inside, leaving him to hang his head in a rare moment of shame. His cheek still stinging from the blow she had dealt him.

He'd had worse – but nothing else had ever made him feel so sick to his stomach. His girl had been scared of him.

"Fuck ..." he muttered shakily, running a hand through his hair. She was already talking about leaving him and here he was giving her yet another reason to go. But much as he wouldn't blame her, he couldn't stand the thought of going back to life without her.

Taking a deep breath, not entirely sure he wouldn't find her pointing his own Glock at his head, Kozik headed inside to face the music. Finding the couch where he'd expected she would be empty. Instead she sat on the floor at the bottom of the huge double bed in a crumpled little heap, the picture of dejection as she swiped at the tears on her cheeks.

He meant to pause in the doorway, unsure how welcome he'd be, but one look sent him hurrying to drop to his knees in front of her and had him tentatively reaching out to lay a hand on her bare leg. "Baby, I'm so sorry," he told her sincerely. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Talk to me, sweetie ..."

"I ... I hit you," Tasha whispered, not looking at him.

"I deserved it!" Kozik insisted, tilting her face up to his. "Damn, Tash – I pull a stunt like that again, you make sure you kick every inch of my dumb ass. Babe, I ... I ain't gonna give you that it's-only-because-I-love-you shit, I got no excuse – I was so far outta line. But I just ... I can't lose you, Tash. And I can't believe you're giving up on me."

Tracing gentle fingers over the place where she had slapped him, Tasha finally looked into those piercing blue eyes, hating the hurt she saw there. "I'm sorry, Koz – I shouldn't have said it like that."

"I don't care how you said it if you felt you had to say it at all," he sighed, covering her hand with his. "I think we need to talk, baby – properly."

Having noticed Tasha shivering a little in the thin cotton of his t-shirt, Kozik swiped the duvet off the bed before leading her back out of the bedroom to settle in front of the dying embers of the fire they had lit much earlier that day. He managed to get it going again and then, as an afterthought, poured them both a Jack Daniels and joined her on the battered couch.

"So ..." he tried, quickly realising there was no point in even trying to sugar coat things but trying to keep his tone light. As light as it could be when his heart felt filled with lead. "You don't wanna be with me?"

"That's not true," Tasha shook her head. "Koz, I love you so much – that's kinda why I said it."

From the look of confusion on his face, she could tell he wasn't convinced. "You couldn't just jump me like a normal chick?"

But the attempt at a joke failed to raise even a smile as his girlfriend trained her gaze on her drink. "I'm not being fair to you," she whispered finally. "I'm being selfish. If ... if you didn't have me, you could ... find someone else."

"What? Why the hell would I want someone else?" Kozik asked, genuinely mystified by her statement. "Tash, you're my old lady-"

"I don't want to stop you being a dad," she admitted, pain clear on her face. "You said it yourself – you want kids. I might never get that ..."

"Jesus, baby, that's what this is about?" His heart going out to her as he took her glass from her and set it to one side, beside his, so he could take her in his arms. "Darlin' ..." he broke off with a sigh, trying to find the right words to explain how he felt. And then it struck him.

"Koz?" This time it was Tasha's turn to be confused, feeling him pull away only to kneel in front of her, his hands taking hers. "What are you doing?"

"Marry me," Kozik said simply, looking up at her hopefully. "I know I'm an asshole sometimes and I must drive you up the fucking walls, but I love you, Tash – will you marry me?"

to be continued ...