He concentrated on a paragraph in the dimly lit office when the sudden ring of his cell shook him from his trance.
He picked up the phone absent minded, not taking his eyes off of the contract in front of him.
"Hello?" he asked confused, not having checked the caller id.
"Tristan?" he heard a shaken voice and recognized it instantly as Lorelai's. His heart nearly stopped beating in his chest as he heard her voice, small and close to breaking.
"Lorelai, what's wrong?" he asked worried, his body instantly on alert as he listened to the phone, his heart beating wildly in his chest.
"Tristan, I... don't know what to do.. she ... she was in an accident..." he heard her mumble the words frantically.
"Wow, slow down, Lor, I can't understand anything. What happened?" he asked, trying to stay calm despite the weary feeling in his chest.
"It's Rory, she was in an accident" he heard her reply and he felt a rush of adrenaline in the pit of his stomach, his heart beginning to race even faster. There was a brief moment of silence, the static of the phone line deafening in his ear as he replayed the words in his head.
"Is she okay? Is she in the hospital?" he managed to ask, his voice shaking.
"She's okay, they said she was lucky, all she had was a broken foot, but she was hysterical and crying and I was so scared..." came the rambling reply.
He let out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding, hearing that she was okay.
"They just gave her a cast and a bunch of painkillers and said she could go home... They just discharged her" Lorelai went on, her voice not calming "I don't understand, why would they just send her home like this?" she asked, her voice close to hysterical.
"Lor, calm down. They probably checked everything out at the ER and thought she was better off resting at home" he said, more to calm himself than her.
"Tristan, she kept crying" Lorelai whispered, nearly in tears.
He closed his eyes, his heart breaking, imagining her in pain and shock.
"She is probably in shock, it must have been awful for her" he replied.
"She is drowsy from all the stuff they gave her... but she keeps calling your name" Lorelai replied "Please, you gotta come here, I don't know what to do. Luke is away for the weekend and I am so scared for her and..." she whined, her voice faltering.
"Okay, okay, calm down, everything's going to be fine. I am on my way, don't worry, okay?" he said, taking deep breaths as he looked around trying frantically to locate his coat in the office.
"Okay, okay" he heard her reply, her voice slightly calmer.
He hung up the phone as he rushed out of his office, racing towards the elevator.
xxxxxxx
He pulled up at the Gilmore house as the rain hit his windshield heavily, the downpour making it nearly impossible for him to spot the well known porch. He jumped out of his car, rushing through the front yard, the rain draining him even though he only spent seconds in the raging storm. He pounded on the door and waited for an answer, his breathing laboured, and he noticed amids the rush of thoughts and anxiety that the house was dark, eerily calm despite of what had happened.
The door opened and he walked in instantly, as Lorelai moved to the side of the dark entryway to let him pass.
"How is she?" he asked taking off his soaked coat realizing his voice was louder as he intended, as his words echoed off of the warm walls of that house.
Lorelai took the coat from him as she cleared her throat slightly gathering her words.
"She's... okay... better... she's in her room" she mumbled not looking into his eyes.
"You okay?" he stopped for a second, his eyes straining to read her face in the darkness.
She looked back at him, her eyes filling with concern suddenly. He watched the blue of those eyes, so familiar and complex and he felt a pang in his chest like he always did when he encountered this particular shade, part of the Gilmore heritage.
"Yeah... I'm... just go to her" she said, pushing him gently inside the house that was so quiet it made it hard for him to breathe.
He moved towards her room, as if in a haze, his senses not quiet on full alert, the familiarity of that house enveloping him like a thick blanket and he stopped abruptly as he saw Luke in the kitchen, with his son in his hands.
"Luke" he said slightly confused "I thought you were away"
Luke looked at him, his eyes meeting his, his face grim and his eyes weary.
"I had nothing to do with this, you should know" he mumbled and Tristan just stared at him confused not understanding his apologies.
"Go inside" he was pulled back from his thoughts by Lorelai, her voice impatient, and a scolding look on her face that was directed at her husband.
Tristan looked from one to the other, not understanding, as all the emotions, fear and worry and confusion buzzed in his head. He suddenly had the feeling like he was in a surreal dream, unable to grasp the reason why he felt uneasy by the second.
He stared at Luke as Lorelai opened the door to Rory's room and gently pushed him through, then he turned around trying to see in the pitch black room.
He walked towards her bed, seeing her sleeping form on it as his brain barely registered the sound of the lock turning, his heart once again beating wildly as he neared her bed, his mouth whispering her name quietly.
He saw her stir and move towards him, the blue of her eyes, that blue, shining in the room despite the darkness.
"Tristan?" he heard her confused voice and saw her sit up straight in her bed, strangely awake and steady.
He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and he turned back slightly, his eyes fixed on the closed door.
"What are you doing here?" came her voice, still a bit drowsy, but very aware.
"I.." he started, still eying the closed door, a definite worry arising in his chest as he slowly started to fear the truth "your mom called... because of an accident" he went on cautiously.
"Accident?" she asked shocked and flicked the lamp on standing on her nightstand.
Light flooded the room and he could see her sitting on her bed, her eyes sleepy, but her body otherwise sound.
He sighed, realization dawning.
"I can't believe this" he said, walking towards the door, his hand reaching for the doorknob, which he found locked, to no surprise.
"What's going on?" Rory asked, getting off of her bed, her voice more steady as she seemed to now be fully awake.
"Lorelai, open the door" he shouted, his whole body tensing ignoring her questioning.
He heard no answer, but he could make out Lorelai's hushed tones as he heard something heavy being pushed against the door.
"Lorelai, open the damn door" he repeated, his anger apparent, his fists pounding on the door in frustration to stress his point.
"Would someone tell me what's going on" Rory demanded, but was left without an answer, as Tristan continued to ignore her.
"Lorelai, you either open this door or I am gonna break it down" Tristan shouted.
"I moved a kitchen cabinet against it, there is no way you can break it down" came the woman's determined voice from across the door and Tristan's eyes went wide.
"You are insane!" he shot "and I definitely know that's something she can't do on her own, Luke" he added, his voice aggravated.
He turned around suddenly, as a still shocked Rory jumped out of his way.
"And don't bother trying the window either" they heard Lorelai's voice and Tristan stopped abruptly, turning back listening to the rest of her warning.
"I broke the lock and there is barbed wire outside" she added.
"What?!" Rory exclaimed and Tristan groaned in frustration.
"What the hell is going on here?" Rory tried once again and she gasped as she saw Tristan turn around, his face distorted with anger.
"Your mother is crazy, raving mad, that's what's going on" he shot "she called me saying you were in an accident and home totally out of it and when I got here, she pushed me in here!"
Rory's eyes went wide and she turned to the door walking up to it, resuming the pounding that Tristan abandoned a couple of seconds ago.
"Mother" she yelled "open this door this instant!"
"Okay, you two obviously have some things to sort out and we are not leaving here until you do" came Lorelai's reasoning.
"Mom, you are crazy, please, just stop this" Rory pleaded, her fists going numb from all the pounding.
She stopped to listen to Lorelai's answer, but she heard nothing, the silence filling the room.
"Mom?" she asked, her voice uncertain as she waited for an answer, but there was none and she rested her head against the door sighing.
She suddenly remembered Tristan and turned around to look at him with caution.
He was standing in the middle of her small room, one hand on his hip and the other covering his eyes in exasperation. He sighed and looked up at her, their eyes locking.
She watched him, suddenly looking exhausted, his hair still wet and dripping, his muscles tensed and his breathing labored.
"I'm sorry" she whispered "I didn't know about this" she tried to explain, but his accusing stare stopped her.
He suddenly had and idea and reached to his pockets, checking all of them.
"Fuck" he cursed "my cell is in my coat" he murmured barely audible.
He started pacing up and down the room.
"I can't fucking believe this" he murmured as he looked around, like a caged animal desperately looking for a way out.
She walked back to her bed and sat down, watching him cautiously.
"I don't know what got into her" she tried again, her voice quiet.
"I know what got into her" he sighed, stopping in the middle of the room "she is trying to make up for her actions" he said and resumed walking.
Rory furrowed her brows, not understanding.
"She is trying to prove that she never tried to control your decisions or steer you to do what she wants" he murmured "by doing exactly that" he added with a wry chuckle "this woman is fucking insane" he mumbled as he continued pacing.
"Why would she think that?" she asked, her voice uneasy, trying to involve herself in his seemingly one sided conversation.
"Because it's the truth?" he scoffed, letting out another wry chuckle.
"What did you tell her when she was in New York?" Rory suddenly asked, her voice worried, an uneasy feeling taking a hold of her.
"I told her what I thought about all this crap" he mumbled, not really answering her, but rather just letting out his frustration, still not agreeing to having an actual conversation with her.
"What?" she pushed.
He stopped frustrated to finally look at her.
"I told her that she was unconsciously pushing you to make decisions that will ultimately make you unhappy" he said, his voice slightly calmer, but cold.
"What?" she asked incredulous "that's crazy" she added.
"Right" he scoffed and once again tore his eyes away from her.
"Why did you say that?" she asked standing up from the bed.
"Because it's the fucking truth, Rory" he shouted and she was startled by his sudden outburst.
"Wow, Tristan, you really think that I can be controlled like that? That I don't have a will of my own?" she shot back.
"That's the only example you ever saw when you were growing up. Men were something that you could toy with and go back and forth to, break them and then crawl back into their arms, without any consequences..."
"That is not true" she broke him off, her voice emotional as she felt her anger boil inside of her.
"Yes it is!" he shot back, once again staring her down "You just can't see it, but it is!"
"My mother had a tough life..." she said, her voice faltering from all the emotions.
"She made it tough herself, Rory, she had men falling all over themselves just to be with her..." he broke her off.
"This is ridiculous" she yelled incredulous "you are insane!"
"Alright" he mumbled turning away from her, giving up trying to make her see.
"You are hurt, I can understand that, but that is no reason to lash out on my mother" she went on.
"Whatever Rory" he brushed her off.
"Don't whatever me" her voice raised again and Tristan sighed exhausted, closing his eyes.
"I don't want to fight anymore" he said, his voice under control "I just want this to end" he said and Rory felt a pang of pain in her chest as she watched his face, exhausted and frustrated.
"You know, you keep saying that, and then you have the nerves to tell my mother it was all her fault" she said, her voice small but accusing at the same time.
Tristan froze and looked at her, his eyes a piercing blue, a stare that chilled her to the bone.
"Excuse me?" he asked, his voice faltering with restrain.
Her mouth went dry seeing the restrained anger in his posture, his face. She swallowed, not having the guts to repeat herself.
"Are you implying that this is my fault?" he asked, taking a step forward, his finger pointing to his chest.
She took a deep breath, her eyes looking away from his, not quite sure of her argument.
"Are you" he repeated, his words slow and filled with shock "telling me that this is my fault?"
"You gave up!" she shot, her anger finally coming out.
Tristan looked at her with pure shock on his face.
"You have got to be kidding me" he said, staring at her "I have fought for you for months, Rory!"
"Well I fought for you for years!" she shot back, her voice accusing.
His face faltered for a second, shock and hurt and guilt all flashing in his eyes in a matter of seconds.
"I fought and waited and was there for you, when you were messed up, when you weren't able to open up or trust anyone" she went on, her voice trembling as the emotions took over.
"That was different" he whispered, his eyes swirling with emotions.
"Why?" she asked "Because it was you, not me?"
"Because I had a fucking reason Rory" he spat "I was sent away and left to look after myself. I have been on my own and without guidance since I was 16, Rory, forgive me if I had a hard time opening up and letting someone in" he went on, his tone cynical.
"Yes, that is a legitimate reason. And I did figure it out eventually" she replied, her voice now calm, reflecting hurt "You see there's always a reason, Tristan" she said, her face in a wry smile "the question is if the other person is willing to stick around long enough for it to be uncovered..."
He looked at her in shock, suddenly speechless.
"Don't make this into something else Rory" he shook his head bewildered "You had a thousand chances. I would have been there for you!" he shot.
She looked away, taking a deep breath, knowing he was right.
"You never gave me the chance. You decided to flee instead" he said, his voice barely above a whisper now.
She collapsed back onto her bed, suddenly feeling tired.
He sighed, seeing there wouldn't be any resolve.
He turned towards the window, staring out into the darkness, the steady murmur of the storm filling the quiet room.
"They offered me Brussels" she said quietly and he sighed confused at the seemingly sudden switch of topic.
He turned around, leaning against the window sill, to look at her.
"Congratulations" he said, his tone indifferent, his face reflecting exhaustion "Danny didn't handle the job?" he asked trying to act civil as he asked about the job, remembering that it was her colleague, Danny, who got the position of foreign corresponding reporter in Brussels at the beginning of the year.
She shook her head, furrowing her brows as she turned to him.
"No, that's not what I meant" she said, and her voice seemed small, secretive. He noticed how she was whispering, almost as if she were afraid the walls would hear her.
"They offered me the job first, last January" she stated and the revelation hanged in the quiet of the room.
He narrowed his eyes, studying her not quite understanding.
"I don't understand" he whispered, sincerely.
She sighed, closing her eyes, as if all this took a great deal of effort.
"They offered me the job and I turned it down. So they gave it to Danny" she explained, her words drawn out, as if she were explaining it to a child.
He looked at her shocked.
"Why didn't you tell me this?" he asked, suddenly feeling left out "You told me they offered Danny the job, that you didn't get it" he went on, his voice rising.
She didn't answer, staring at a spot on the bed instead.
"You turned it down, without even telling me? Why? You wanted that job, you worked for it for years" he said, his voice mirroring confusion and hurt.
"I..." she started, her voice becoming even more quiet, so that he had to concentrate on every word to make out what she was saying.
"I got the offer and I thought...I couldn't take that job... because... I didn't want to leave" she dragged out the words.
He stared at her, holding his breath as if the slightest noise would stop her talking.
"I thought about it for days and I realized that it... it was a dream that I chased for years but... that it might not be my dream anymore..." she tried to explain, carefully choosing her words.
"You stayed because of me?" he cut her off, his voice filled with amazement and fear.
She closed her eyes, sighing.
"I... didn't want it to be that reason" she finally said.
He narrowed his eyes in confusion.
"That's why I didn't tell you... I didn't want you to be the reason for me turning that job down, so that I... wouldn't hate you for turning it down" she said, struggling with the words.
His chest hurt with a strange kind of pain as she spoke and he watched her with a frown, things suddenly becoming more clear.
"I thought I would go on with life and not think of this, I thought that I could forget this and not feel like I was the girl who gave up her career for the life she didn't want to lose..." she continued, her words becoming fast, frantic almost as he looked away, not able to watch her anymore.
"And I wished that I wouldn't blame you for it, but..." she sighed, her voice faltering as tears welled up in her eyes.
"But you did" he finished her sentence looking back at her.
She looked up at him, her blue eyes full of hurt and sorrow and they stared at each other, as if seeing each other for the first time after a long time.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered, fighting back the tears, suddenly feeling cheated remembering the beginning of the year, when he still thought they were good, that everything was fine.
"I'm sorry" she replied, her eyes closing as the tears spilled out.
"I wanted to be stronger than that" she said, as if trying for the last time to explain herself, but her words were weak, hanging in the air like dancing leaves.
"I thought that this is what I wanted. That I would be happy with having chosen this... But it just all got so complicated... I didn't know what I wanted or who I was anymore" she rambled, her words rushed and quiet.
"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" he asked, his tone suddenly calm, a slight bit of hurt echoing in it.
Rory looked up to see him stare at a spot on the ground, his face confused, his hands once again resting on his hips like when he was concentrating really hard.
She thought about his question for a minute. Why hadn't she told him? She couldn't really say. All she knew at that confused and lonely time was that she had lost her goals and the only thing she had left was him. She never wanted to be that person. One defined by another. That's not what her mother raised her to be. And perhaps after all, it was her mother that influenced her to make the choices she did, just not quite the way he thought.
"You asked me to marry you" she started, not quite an answer to his question, but something she needed to say nevertheless.
She saw him tense at the memory, his jaw clenching slightly. She faltered for a second, but then went on.
"...And I was so happy in that moment, I felt so weightless, I thought I could..., that this would make me forget all that I was questioning" she tried to explain desperately.
"But I woke up the next day and felt like I was lying to myself. That I was lying to you. And that I couldn't marry you hoping it would fix my life. I couldn't be with you hoping I wouldn't hate you for the things I've given up on" she said, finishing her monologue, the words hanging heavy in the ear.
He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, as if his body had just realized the burden it was carrying. He walked to the other side of the bed, sitting down on it, his back to hers, perhaps trying to forget she was there for a second, perhaps to gain strength.
The silence settled in on them as they sat on the small bed in her childhood room, surrounded by shelves of books and herds of stuffed animals and the sounds of the raging storm outside.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"What do you think they're doing?" she whispered, even though they were a full level above them, sitting in their own bedroom.
Lorelai held her breath as if she could telepathically hear the conversation or lack thereof from down below.
"Killing each other?" Luke growled in reply as he turned to his other side on their bed trying to ignore her and fall asleep.
"They are not killing each other, okay?" she scolded.
She leaned back on their bed settling in next to him.
There was a minute of silence, before she spoke again, her voice in the characteristic feverish speculating tone.
"This is good, right? They are finally given a chance to talk" she mumbled, ignoring the startled grunt from Luke who managed to doze off to sleep in the moments of silence "I mean he seems to think that I am some evil witch of the west or whatever, trying to influence her to make decisions, but come on now, she is a grown woman, I have not fiddled in her personal life for years" she finished, laughing, hoping to lighten the mood with a joke.
The answer was only a grunt and she turned to him, frustrated.
"Luke, will you say something?" she huffed.
"I think I've said what I thought" he shot back and she rolled her eyes.
"The only reason you ever got me to participate in this is because you were threatening to invite your parents over for Friday night dinners from now on, instead of you going there" he stated.
"Well, I had no other choice, okay?" she said dramatically.
"You mean other than, leaving it be?" he shot back, his words cynical.
"Well what if we were never given the second chance, have you thought about that?" she asked him, her eyes beaming blue.
He sighed as he turned to look at her, his hand unconsciously going to caress her hair lightly.
"Lorelai, nobody locked us in a room. That's not how we got our second chance. Which is a pretty lucky thing, cause I probably would have killed you" he said, releasing a small chuckle.
She gasped, her face in mock shock, then sighed, giving up her argument.
Luke's face softened watching her exasperation.
"Look, there is nothing to do now. Let's see how this turns out, there is no point being up here and obsessing about this" he tried to calm her.
She sighed again.
"You're right" she said, her posture slumping in defeat for a second "I should go down there and eavesdrop" she said, already halfway out the door.
He laid back on the bed, sighing in frustration.
xxxxxxxxxxx
They laid on her small bed, as far apart as it was humanly possible without falling off of it, both of them quiet and staring at the ceiling in the dark room. Their bodies careful not to touch, they rested motionless on the bed, listening to the calming storm outside.
She sneaked a peak in his direction watching him lay there with his arms folded under his head, his blue eyes focused dedicatedly on the ceiling.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked timidly, her words barely audible, as if she were testing the waters.
He sighed, as if not wanting to answer and she didn't push, focusing back on the ceiling again.
"How we got to this point" he finally answered, his tone calm.
She let out a shaky breath, feeling like a child waiting to be scolded.
"I can't grasp is Rory" he whispered, the words reaching her ears in a rush as she held her breath to be able to decipher them in the dark room.
"One moment I had everything... perfection... calmness... trust... everything I never thought I'd be able to have" he went on "and the next minute it's all gone and I am struggling to understand why... and now you're telling me that it wasn't even true back when I thought everything was fine... that you were hiding things and not able to talk to me about this"
His rant finished and she laid there in silence, not able to deny the charges or comfort him, her guilt firing up her skin as she closed her eyes.
She could feel his closeness, the warmth of his skin radiating, making the hair stand up on the back of her neck, and she could feel the heaviness, the heaviness she thought would ease if she finally got out all these reasons all these thoughts that have been weighing down on her for so long.
"Wasn't I good enough?" she suddenly heard him ask and she turned to look at him, not quite believing she heard him right. He was staring at the ceiling, his face in a slight frown, as if his question had not really even been directed at her.
"This isn't your fault Tristan" she whispered, desperate to make hi feel better "it's mine".
He sighed, closing his eyes, perhaps not wanting to hear her words.
He opened his eyes again, his features calming, a wry smile playing on his face.
"It doesn't really matter, does it?" he murmured and the words rang oddly true to her. She turned back to stare at her own designated spot on the ceiling as his words rang in her ears.
He was right. At the point they were at now, it hardly seemed to matter how they got there.
xxxxxxxxxxx
She listened, holding her breath at the door having just pushed the kitchen cabinet far enough so the door frame would be freed.
It was morning, still quiet but light enough, despite the clouds that still covered the small town. She thought of the storm last night and wondered if this fall would be one continuous storm, never resulting in the clear skies that one welcomes after a true and raging, all-cleansing storm.
She took a deep breath and gently turned the lock, opening the door and half expecting a battlefield instead of her daughter's tidy room.
But what she saw was pretty peaceful. Nothing seemed to be broken or turned upside down. Her eyes traveled through the room and finally came to rest on an icy pair of blue eyes looking back at her. Tristan lay on the bed wide awake, propped up slightly on a pillow, his bloodshot eyes a good indication that he had not slept a wink all night long. On his chest rested Rory's head as she lay fast asleep. His arm circled her upper body loosely, a gesture of quiet restrain but also of intimacy.
Lorelai watched the scene in front of her, her eyes still locked on his, tired and accusing.
He sighed and moved quietly, careful not to wake Rory as he slipped out from beneath her, rearranging her limbs and placing her head gently on a pillow without disturbing her peaceful sleep. He rose from the bed and covered her with the blanket that lay over both of them before.
As he finished the task, he moved silently towards the door, not stopping to give Lorelai a chance to protest. She watched helplessly and in despair, her eyes mirroring guilt and sorrow as he walked past her, not even looking at her, leaving though the partially blocked doorway.
Lorelai sighed as she was left alone in the doorway, watching a lonely Rory sleep peacefully.