She dragged herself up the stairs, her coat soaked and her body chilled to the bone. She didn't mind the storm outside, or the rain really, it's the cold she had a hard time with. The rain was fine. It cleared the city, the rest of the people just a blur of rushing figures, while she could walk the streets without concern. The rain greeted her, bathed her and covered her, soaking her evenly, coating her skin in an invisible sheet of protective armor that she could call her own.

Now inside the damp stairway, the water turned to mist, to humidity, fleeting her skin and making her feel uncomfortable, as the soaked clothes clung to her body while she climbed the stairs.

Her cell rang and she sighed, stopping in a corner, somehow not having the strength to do two things at once.

She looked at the caller i.d. and sighed flipping the phone open and lifting it to her ear.

"Hi" she said bracing herself for the conversation.

"Hey" came her mother's voice and she noted with irony that it was as apologetic as a greeting could possibly sound.

She closed her eyes, listening to her mother contemplate in silence what her next words should be.

"So the new Julia Roberts movie is crap" was the result and she smiled to herself.

"Is it?" she played along, her voice slightly exhausted.

"Yeah, I mean, she is getting old and back in the day that mouth was cute, but with age it just gets scary" she rambled, obviously trying to compensate for feeling guilty.

"Hmmm" she hummed in reply.

"Okay, stop it. Enough with the guilt trip" her mother snapped.

She laughed silently.

"So it was a mistake. I am sorry, I just wanted to help" Lorelai defended herself, her voice animated.

"Alright" Rory whispered as she ran her hand through her hair.

She couldn't really say if it was to finally move past the subject or if she really was alright with it all. It was hard to say.

Waking up that morning, in her bed alone, felt like a revelation. And a relief. It was like waking up after a night of crying yourself to sleep. With the problems haunting you not really gone, but the anxiety of it all somehow released.

"Have you heard from him?" she heard her mother ask and it pulled her back from her thoughts.

She didn't answer her. She hadn't. Heard from him. It's been 5 days.

There was not much to say about all that. But more importantly, she was done talking about this with Lorelai.

"How did she get so thin anyway after having twins?" she asked, using one of her mother's excellent techniques to change the subject and she heard her sigh at the end of the line.

"She isn't. It's CGI" Lorelai replied without missing a beat and perhaps giving up trying to have a conversation about things actually and truly weighing in on their minds. They were Gilmore girls after all.

There was a short pause on the end of the line.

"You know if you want to..." she heard her mother try one last time, but Rory felt an undeniable urge to cut her off.

"I don't" she said in finality and listened to her mother sigh at the other end of the line.

"Alright..." she said "Her hair is also laughable" she went on, seamlessly returning to their banter.

"Probably a wig" Rory replied.

"Seriously, I would be so much better at being a movie star" Lorelai went on.

"You couldn't recite the lines if your life depended on it" Rory sighed, looking up at the still long flight of stairs ahead of her.

"I would improvise! People would love that" Lorelai retorted.

"I doubt people would pay to see some crazy woman rant about poodles and fanny packs" Rory replied, her tone slightly cynical.

"Hey!" her mother scolded "you didn't complain for 26 years!"

"I'm hanging up now, mother" Rory chuckled.

"I am not finished! I have points to make about her hip size and mine!" she heard her mother go on, but she ignored it.

"Bye, mom" she laughed flipping her phone shut, cutting her mother off mid-sentence.

She sighed as she started back on the dreaded stairs.

She took only a couple of steps up as her phone ringed again.

She scoffed not bothering to stop anymore, lifting her phone to her ear without checking the caller i.d.

"Yes, I am sure your hips are far better proportioned and sway more nicely" she sighed dramatically.

There was a heavy pause at the other end of the line and she stopped her climb up the stairs once again, her heart speeding up as a strange feeling rose in her chest.

"I... uh... was always proud of my hips" she heard Tristan say as she cringed, his voice slightly taken aback.

"Oh" she managed, her cheeks flushing "I thought it was my mom calling" she explained, her words frantic as she gestured wildly with her free hand.

"No kidding" Tristan deadpanned.

She cursed silently.

"Sorry" she mumbled, not knowing what to say.

There was another heavy pause on the other end of the line and she listened holding her breath, her heart beating in her throat.

"I was uh... wondering if you'd like some coffee" he finally said and she could practically picture him squeezing his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose, his sentence coming out rushed but seemingly calm.

She let out the air she was holding as silently as possible.

"Coffee is good" she lamely replied.

"Wow, that's shocker coming from you" he chuckled and she cringed again realizing how lame that really did sound coming from her.

"Anyway..." he went on "I'll be done at the office in an hour or so... you could meet me at the coffee shop..." he paused "if you're not busy, that is" he added slightly uncomfortable.

Rory listened in silence in the dark stairway, thoughts rushing in her head about their talk in her bedroom, about their last couple of encounters, about how it used to feel meeting him at the coffee shop at the bottom of his office building every night after work. And about how weird but still comforting it felt to be talking to him in a civil way again.

"But if you don't want..." he started and she realized how her silence must have sounded to him.

"No, no" she cut him off "I'll be there. Let me just change, I am soaked"

"Yeah, it's coming down pretty hard out there, huh?" he replied, without a trace of relief.

"Yeah" she confirmed and she wondered for a second, where years of college education went when it came to her ability to use a decent vocabulary.

"I'll see you there then" he said hanging up without waiting for her reply.

She listened to the beep of the phone as it went dead and sighed suddenly feeling anxious and excited at the same time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She excited the subway noting with annoyance that it was still raining cats and dogs. She looked around carefully before crossing the street, her steps speeding up, eager to get out of the rain.

She spotted him sitting at a table by a window inside the café concentrating on the paper folded out in front of him as he sipped a cup of coffee.

She stopped for a second, suddenly forgetting about the rain, watching his calm face and messed up locks, his shirt clinging to his body as his business suit lay folded across the chair next to him.

He looked up, perhaps feeling her eyes on him, and held her gaze for a long second and she felt a rush of blood surging through her body. His eyes icy blue and searching, seemed to take her back to a different time, back where everything seemed more certain and less confusing.

He motioned for her to come in and she blushed realizing how silly it must have looked as she stood out there on the pavement, letting the rain once again soak her to the bone.

She walked around to the entrance and shook the water off, taking her coat off as she walked towards his table.

"Hey" she said and watched as he got up from his seat, making the whole scene slightly more formal and less comfortable.

"Hey" he returned her greeting and took her coat from her busying himself with folding it across the designated wardrobe chair as she sat down from across from him.

"You've been here long?" she asked sitting down and studying the menu as a distraction, not entirely trusting herself with looking into his eyes again.

"No, not long" he replied, his tone amused and she looked up to see the reason. He was smirking as he watched her hold the menu in her hand.

"They don't really have a new line-up" he quietly remarked and she placed the menu back on the table blushing, once again feeling like a stupid schoolgirl for the silly things she managed to do when it came to talking to him. Of course she knew that menu by heart. He knew she knew.

A waiter approached them with her not even yet placed order and she looked on surprised as she was presented her usual order.

"I ordered for you" he explained and she smiled uncomfortably.

"Thanks" she whispered as she lifted the cup to her mouth, gulping hungrily and wincing as the hot liquid burned her mouth.

She placed the cup back on the table and sighed trying to calm herself.

She looked up an noticed thankfully that Tristan didn't see her last embarrassing deed because he was rearranging the contents of the table absent minded.

The fact that he seemed to build quite a wall from the sugar bowl and the napkin holder didn't go unnoticed by her.

"How have you been?" he asked finally looking up to meet her eyes.

"I've been fine" she replied uneasily "what about you?"

"Fine" he replied and they settled into another uncomfortable silence.

She watched as he rubbed his chin with is hand, slightly furrowing his brows, a gesture of contemplation, she knew.

"I'm sorry about my mother..."

"About last weekend..." he started but stopped hearing her starting to talk at the same time.

She chuckled nervously and he sighed smiling slightly, once again dropping his gaze.

"She was out of line" she added quietly.

"She's Lorelai. Out of line is her middle name" Tristan replied and he leaned forward on the table, resting his face on a propped up elbow.

She smirked silently, admitting he was right.

"I didn't mind that we talked" he said suddenly, his voice low and quiet and she looked up surprised, seeing him once again avoiding her gaze.

Her heartbeat sped up.

"I wish we would have talked sooner" he added and she felt a weight on her chest as she dropped her own gaze, her hands folded in her lap.

It felt like an accusation, his sentence, and she realized that she had no right to protest.

"I wish I could have helped you out" he went on and she looked up, once again surprised, seeing his eyes serious and boring into hers.

Her breathing caught in her chest, seeing the sincerity in them.

She furrowed her brows slightly, not quite understanding where he was going with this, her chest rising and falling more rapidly as the emotions started to take over.

"I wish I could have been there for you..." he went on "I wish you would have trusted me to be able to be there for you..." he paraphrased.

"Stop accusing me" she snapped and the mood suddenly chilled as she looked at him, her eyes warning.

His face faltered for a second and he took a deep breath, as if trying to calm himself.

"I am not" he said firmly.

Her hand went up to her face as she rubbed her eyes, suddenly feeling tired.

"I'm just trying to understand" he said, his voice just a murmur, hurt echoing through it.

"I'm sorry" she groaned, feeling guilty for having been impatient.

Another long silence followed and she caressed her coffee cup to distract herself.

She heard him sigh.

"How is work?" he asked and she could tell how hard he was trying.

She looked up at him, the question weighing in on her. She really didn't want to answer that, she really didn't even want to think about it.

"It's alright" she replied blankly.

"I thought you liked it" he probed, taking a sip from his own cup and she looked up at him surprised.

"I did..." she replied uneasily "I do... It's just..." her words faltered. It was hard to voice how she felt about work.

Starting out it was a wonderful opportunity, everything she'd ever worked for, everything she wanted. After all, she'd been doing this for years. Ever since Chilton, ever since Yale. It was in her blood, it was in her skin, journalism, it was something that moved her, motivated her and energized her for as long as she remembered. But the will to win, to succeed seemed at times stronger than the actual desire to be there. After a point she just couldn't distinguish anymore. Was this something she really wanted? Something she couldn't live without? Or was it something that she became good at, over time, something that she knew the ins and outs of, something that she could feel certain she would be good at, just because she'd done it as long as she could remember.

She'd had doubts. She knew that. She couldn't say for certain how long she'd had them, but she definitely did. They were guilty thoughts, shameful doubts, possibilities in her head that this is something she thought made her happy, when in reality she could be doing anything. Teaching. Wedding planing. Bartending. Anything really and it could still make her happy, if she just prove herself it was enough.

And that was the weirdest thought. Knowing this was expected of her, because she'd been telling everyone for as long as she could remember that this is what she wanted to do, this is what she was good at. But they probably would have cheered her on if it was something else she'd designated all those years ago. It felt like she was living a predestined life, predestined by none other than herself.

"Hey" his gentle voice shook her from her thoughts and she looked up with unfocused eyes, seeing his confused and slightly worried expression.

She smiled uneasily.

"You okay?" he asked, placing his cup back on the table and not leaning back into his seat, resting instead closer to her than during any time in their conversation.

"Yeah" she managed, though her voice suddenly seemed small and fragile.

"How long?" he asked and his words were so small, careful, it hardly registered in her brain.

She looked up with a questioning expression, trying to govern the haze that was suddenly settling over her eyes.

"How long have you had doubts about work?" he asked again and she felt a pang in her chest realizing he'd suddenly eased back into his habit of reading her thoughts.

She shrugged, not able to deny the allegations and a single tear escaped her eye.

"Ahh" she gritted her teeth, trying to stop herself from crying as she looked up, blinking wildly.

He waited patiently, watching her with concern.

"For a while, I guess" she scoffed, then instantly furrowed her eyes "It's silly" she stated, her voice becoming more sure.

He didn't comment, but waited for her to go on.

"I wanted this for so long and I am good at it, so I don't know why it doesn't motivate me more" she said, her voice a bit frantic.

"I mean, it just feels like I am doing it on auto-pilot, without any effort. It's not something that consumes me... god, does that even make sense?" she went on with her rant and she looked up to see his face staring ahead on the table, his eyes restrained.

She suddenly felt unsure, guilty about her outburst, insecure by his lack of response.

"Sorry if I'm boring you" she murmured, perhaps too cynically because he sighed and ran his hand through his hair frustrated.

"I can"t fucking do this" he murmured as he got up from the table and dug into his pocket to throw some money on the table.

She stared up at him shocked, taken aback by his sudden change of demeanor. Her words were caught in her chest and she stared helpless as he pushed his chair back to the table and put his coat on turning to walk away.

She scoffed, not quite understanding what just happened, hurt and humiliation suddenly sweeping through her veins, turning into anger
She got up following him as he excited the coffee shop, stepping out into the rain that only eased up a bit since they'd been sitting inside.

"What just happened?" she shot at him angrily and he stopped and turned around, frustrated. He opened his mouth, as if he were desperately trying to find the words, his face contorted with anger and frustration.

"I can't do this" he shot and turned back around, nervously pacing up and down the sidewalk, the drain slowly draining his hair and face and clothes.

She stared at him, not understanding.

"I can't just sit there and listen to your problems" he went on and the sentence shot to her heart, wounding her.

"Oh I am sorry if my petty little problems annoy you" she snapped wiping the lock of wet hair away from her forehead.

"Rory" he turned to face her, his voice so strong and angry, it made her gasp "I wanted to come here and be there for you and listen to you, but I can't just fucking sit here and pretend you didn't rip my heart out when you left" he shot.

Her breathing caught in her chest as she realized what he was saying.

"You fucking killed me okay? You stomped all over me, and fine, it was for a reason, I understand, you were confused, you were uncertain about your life and everything, but you still hurt me" he went on, his voice becoming calmer, reflecting his hurt.

She stood in the rain, suddenly feeling the coldness of the water that soaked her clothes and dripped down her face.

"I should have been able to help you and I couldn't. You didn't let me" he said, his voice straining "and I came here tonight swearing I would try, no matter what, but I can't just forget everything that's happened" he finished, his words now just a whisper.

She stood there, devastated by his words unable to formulate any of her own.

What could she say? He was right, he was right and she was stupid to think it could be any other way.

She took a deep breath, bracing herself and turned around, pulling the collar of her coat up as if it could guard her from anything more than the heavy rain.

She heard a heavy sigh as she walked determinedly towards the subway entrance.

"Rory, wait, stop" he heard him say and heard his steps trying to catch up with her.

She continued her march, more embarrassed than angry, resisting the urge to obey him.

She felt his arm land on hers, the strength he possessed easily stopping her and spinning her around.

She looked away not willing to admit that the droplets running down her face were not just raindrops.

"I'm sorry" he whispered as he tried to pull her closer "I'm an ass."

She resisted, slipping out of his reach, but he didn't give up trying, finally pulling her against him.

She felt him envelop her in a hug and she felt all resistance escape and her sobs break from her chest as the familiarity of his hold took over her emotions. He rocked her gently, caressing her hair and back and kissing her head gently as he repeatedly whispered his apology.

"I'm sorry, it's just so fucking hard" he murmured.

"No" she sniffed "you are right, I can't expect anything... and I understand if you want nothing to do with me, but you called and I came here thinking..." she ranted, but her words fell short as she felt him hush her.

"Let's just..." he cut her off, taking a deep breath "let's just try this again"

"Okay" she sniffed again as he eased up his hold on her, stepping away slightly, the scene once again more formal.

They stared at each other, her still trying to control her tears and him clearing his throat nervously as he placed his hands on his hips.

He took in her sight, drained to the bone and looking miserable and he sighed.

"You wanna... get some coffee?" he finally managed, chuckling lightly "or some dry clothes?"

She laughed feeling relief, wiping away the remainder of her tears.

"Coffee would be nice" she murmured.

He sighed smiling wryly and looked around, perhaps realizing going back to the coffee shop was not an option, what with their dramatic exit and all.

"Uhm... I'll walk you home and will find something on the way" he finally said.

She looked at him surprised, noting it was still raining although slightly easing up.

"O-okay" she said unsurely, not sure if he was aware that it was 8 o'clock in a rainy New York city with her apartment some twenty blocks away.

He seemed sure though as he held out his hand, taking hers in his as he started walking in the right direction, pulling her along.

She started walking after him, letting him lead her, once again, like she used to so many times when they were together and she once again admired his seeming air of confidence. The was he could lead was impressive, silencing her fears and doubts.

It helped create a finally comfortable silence around them and she realized she felt calm for the first time in a long, long while as she walked slightly behind him, their steps echoing on the surprisingly empty streets.

They were drenched by the second block, but she didn't seem to care. Suddenly she felt the protectiveness of the rain again, and the cold that seemed to bug her all day suddenly disappeared.

He stopped suddenly and she was distracted from her thoughts, furrowing her brows as she looked around. He let her hand go, fishing out his wallet from his back pocket.

"Give us two coffees?" he addressed the man looking at them strangely from the protection of his shielded coffee cart.

"Sure" he replied, happy to be getting any business in this kind of weather, handing them the steaming cups.

Rory accepted hers happily and took a sip from the hot liquid.

"Come on" she heard as she looked up, seeing Tristan smile at her satisfied expression as the coffee warmed her insides.

"It's not as good as the one back at the coffee shop..." he started, sipping his own coffee as they resumed walking on the sidewalk.

"It's crappy" she remarked with a smirk.

He looked at her with mock hurt.

"I buy you coffee and you insult it... nice" he smirked back, but taking another sip, he had to agree, tossing the cup in the trashcan on the next corner.

"We'll find something better" he said, reaching out to toss her cup as well, but she resisted, walking on.

"Coffee is coffee. Even if it's crappy" she declared, crossing the street as he stood on the corner for a second, watching her as he chuckled.

"And a Gilmore is a Gilmore" he murmured.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So Harry actually ended up in a full body cast" he laughed "it's crazy, he came into work the next day and knocked on his chest proudly, to show it off"

"God, that must be awful" she cringed.

They were on block eighteen and the rain had stopped. She was on her third cup of crappy New York coffee and he walked next to her, with his hands in his pockets, telling her a story about his coworker who'd suffered a car accident and some mild injuries.

"He says it's not that bad and it stabilizes his spine until they decide weather he needs surgery or not" he went on, "It's crazy, the guy gets a compressed vertebra and he is in the next day, showing off his body cast."

"So can he work in it?" she asked him, still cringing at the thought of an accident.

"No" he chuckled "he can't even sit, he either lays flat on his back or stands. He says getting up, he looks like a cockroach turned on its back" he said, taking his hands out of his pockets to mimic a bug turned on its back.

She laughed wildly at his gesturing and they resumed their walking.

"He says taking a piss is a drag in the thing" he chuckled.

"I bet" she laughed.

It felt nice to be walking with him, their clothes slowly drying in the warm evening weather. They talked about random stuff, the mood being light, both of them happy to be avoiding any more heavy topics for the night. It might have been avoiding, but it felt good for a change. She couldn't remember the last time they'd talked like this, with no accusations, no fighting, no angry words of feelings of guilt.
"You must have been worried about him" she said.

"I am worried about the accounting, I gotta get someone else to fill in for him" he replied in mock seriousness.

"Ah, the loyal friend and worrying boss" she quipped.

"I probably gotta cover medical bills too" he sighed and she laughed again enjoying the lightness she felt in her chest.

She realized he stopped and she turned around seeing him look up at the building they were standing in front of. Her building.

She hadn't even realized they'd gotten there.

He placed his hands back into his pocket and looked back at her, slightly uncomfortable.

"It was good to see you Rory" he said, his voice calm, his composure becoming more confident.

She felt a bout of panic, feeling the night and their encounter end. She wasn't sure she was ready to let it all go, worried the next time, they would have to get through the awkwardness all over again.

"You wanna come up for some..." she blurted out nervously "coffee" she finished, laughing instantly as she realized how stupid it sounded.

He smiled widely.

"Nah, I think we had enough coffee for tonight" he said smirking and she agreed, nodding silently as she looked at her shoes uneasily, distracting herself with his remark instead of obsessing about the fact that he did indeed resisted her invitation.

She looked back up at him and saw him studying her silently, his eyes intense and making her heart beat faster. Her smile faltered and she took a shaky breath, suddenly not knowing what to do with herself.

"Good night, Rory" he said quietly, his hand going up to her face to brush a strand of stray hair away from her face. The nearness of his skin made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and she held her breath, fearing it would come out too ragged if she did attempt to breathe.

"I'll see you around" he said as he backed away, a smile appearing on his face as he tucked his hands back into his pockets.

She couldn't help but smile back, despite the disappointment and rejection she was feeling as she watched him turn and check for traffic before he crossed the street to wave down a cab.

He looked back up at her one last time before getting in the car and disappearing.