Chapter 19 – Out of business

That night when Flack entered his apartment he saw Lily was waiting for him.

'Hey, what are you doing here?' he asked, but she didn't answer.

'So you heard, huh?' his gaze on the ground, he sat down besides her.

'Oh, I heard enough,' Lily sounded upset. 'I just want to know, what were you thinking?'

'Both Danny and Adam are gonna be alright.'

'I know, I went by the hospital before coming. But you didn't answer my question, are you out of your mind?'

'I'm too tired for games, Lily, what are you talking about?' his patience was running out.

'You asked the Irish mob guy to swap Danny and Adam for you,' he froze and she gave him a sharp look. 'Should I be committing you in a mental institution or what?' now they were standing up, facing each other.

'They both were injured; Danny's my friend and hell, Adam isn't even a cop! What was I supposed to do?' he raised his voice.

'They got out okay by themselves.'

'And what if they hadn't?'

'You wouldn't have stood a chance either,' she was close to tears.

'One instead of two.'

'We aren't talking about numbers, Don! We're talking real people here,' her voice raised a few tones too.

'That's why I wanted to swap.'

'So you'd go into a building to die instead of seeing how things turned out?' he was silent and that was all the answer she needed. 'I knew you had a hero complex but this is just too much,' she was angry.

'It's my job, it's what I do, it's who I am!' he yelled.

'And what about your life? Isn't it good enough, don't you have any plans for the future?'

'I'm a cop, my life could end any day I wake up and go to work,' she clearly wasn't getting it.

'So life's just passing through until you get killed?' Lily's voice could be heard in the next apartment. 'You're out of your mind!'

'Maybe it's easy for you to say that, sitting in a comfortable chair all day long but out there …'

'No plans for you then? No ambition besides being a good cop?'

'What do you want me to say? That I want a wife, a dog and twenty kids? It's not gonna happen,' his voice was loud and harsh.

'I want you to say that you won't endanger yourself unnecessarily, that you don't want the people who love you to mourn you anytime soon, that you want something out of life that doesn't involve your badge.'

'I've had a tough day and you're here busting my balls and whining, I can't believe it! I thought you were different …' he shook his head in disappointment. 'You don't want to mourn me: get out of my life.'

'What?' she was confused and angry.

'Yeah, I'm breaking up with you. Go find someone who doesn't put his life on the line, that way you won't have to suffer,' his tone was icy.

'Maybe I will. I'll find someone who doesn't act like a jerk because I care about him,' with those words full of rage Lily left the apartment and slammed the door.

She walked home trying to get rid of her anger and sadness as Flack sat on the couch and buried his face on his hands for a very long time.

He'd been trying to hurt her and he ended up destroying their relationship. Truth was, he'd been scared too. Even if he was a seasoned cop, no one ever prepared you for dying. Flack was still scared and hearing the sadness and fear in her voice only made it worse. He wasn't going to break down and cry, that wasn't him. So he did the only thing he could to get it off his chest: scream and get mad at someone. Problem was, he'd pushed away the person he most wanted at his side.

* * *

'I'm sorry, honey,' Emily hugged Lily the following morning.

'It's okay,' she said proudly, 'I can live without him.'

'Lil, I've never seen you cry so much,' Meredith was heartbroken, she hated seeing her friend like this.

'I'm overwhelmed, that's all. He made the right decision, he clearly doesn't care about me so what's the point in being together?'

'I think he loves you but had gone through a very stressful day and burst,' said the psychologist.

'I need you to be a friend on this one, Em. Don't defend him and tell me he's a jerk.'

'Of course he's a jerk, he wouldn't have broken up with you otherwise,' Meredith was always the first to attack a man who had hurt one of her friends.

'I'm sure he'll come round soon and see what he's done,' Emily assured Lily.

'As far as I'm concerned, I hope he gets killed soon. That's what he wants, anyway.'

'You don't want that, you're just upset.'

* * *

'What have we got, Flack?' asked Danny while reaching a crime scene. 'Whoa – you look like crap, what the hell happened to you?'

'The vic's Shawn Trenti, 34 …' he gave Danny all the information he had gathered so far but said nothing else.

Truth was Flack didn't only look like crap but was feeling that way. He hadn't shaved that morning and had bags under his eyes due to the three hours of sleep he'd had that night. His shirt was wrinkled and to make things worse – if that was even possible – he'd spilled coffee all over his tie. His appearance was nice compared to what he was feeling, though.

Flack was mad at himself, hurt, sad and completely frustrated. The night before had been horrible. He'd made a huge mistake by breaking up with Lily and he'd known it from the moment she turned around and left his apartment. It was too late now. He couldn't take back the things he'd said although he would do it in a heartbeat if given the chance. She was never going to forgive him so he had to move on. The question was: how would he do that? He'd think about that later, he had a job to do now.

* * *

A frustrated Lily was screaming in front of the mirror when her phone rang.

'Good morning, how are you?' asked Lisa on the other side of the phone.

'I'm hating life right now,' Lily frowned.

'Why?'

'Well, you know I eat a lot of chocolate and sugar when I'm upset to make me feel better, right? After a whole week of doing it my clothes don't fit.'

'I can lend you some if you want, I'll go by in a bit.'

'No, it's okay. I can still put them on, they're just tighter and make me look fatter.'

'You'll lose it quickly.'

'How? It's only been a week, I'm not feeling better.'

'I know it's too soon but there's a guy at work who wants to meet you.'

'Like in a date?'

'That's right.'

'No way!'

'Okay but you'll have to get back on the dating pool eventually.'

'Eventually, not now.'

* * *

The alarm rang at six and Flack cursed. He wanted to sleep for a whole day and instead got seven hours. It had been better than the previous days but it wasn't enough. He and Lily had broken up a week ago and he still couldn't get a decent eight hours of sleep. He had given up on them, hadn't even tried to talk to her or get back together. That made him feel a bit guilty but it was a decision he'd made; fighting wasn't worth it and he was going to get over Lily. He had to.

* * *

After going through the chocolate eating phase Lily had stopped eating altogether. She was sinking into depression and it was something totally new to her and out of character. She was the kind of woman who faced everything that came her way and never gave up but this time it was different. It was as if a piece of her had died when Flack said those five little words: get out of my life. She didn't understand how such a short sentence could have changed her life so much. But it had and she had to deal with it.

Lily felt like she was drowning in the middle of the sea; she couldn't swim or get a hold of anything, it was just water around her. Miles and miles of water and she was alone. She shook her head as those thoughts entered her mind; what a drama queen! Her boyfriend had dumped her, she'd live. Still, the emptiness didn't go away. She wasn't feeling better because truth is, mind and rationality can never rule a heart. Her feelings couldn't go away in a couple of hours, she needed time. Time to realize there was a man out there who could love her unconditionally and that she could feel the same about him. Time to let go all the sadness and pain and heal the wounds.

* * *

Flack was finding this harder than he thought. Apparently Lily had a strong hold on his heart and it wasn't so easy to forget her. But he would soon enough, he was sure of it. Didn't know how, at least not yet but he had the confidence of a man who had gone through a lot of things and remained unscathed.

* * *

Lily was getting better. Two weeks and a half after breaking up with Flack she was feeling like herself again. She was still sad and heartbroken but the pain was slowly going away. It had to, there was no other option. It was clear he didn't want her back and that hurt. Because Lily said she loved him and meant it. Obviously he hadn't. One part of her believed she'd love him forever, that Don Flack owned a piece of her heart. That he didn't want it didn't change the fact that it was his and a part of her heart would always have his name. It was the pure and simple truth.

* * *

That night was the police/fire hockey game and as usual, he was playing. Hanging out with other cops, playing hockey and giving to charity was the mix of three things he really enjoyed. Beating the fire department guys was an added bonus. In that same charity event, life was going to throw Don Flack a snap shot.

A girl younger than him approached Flack and started talking to him. Somehow, without him realizing what he was doing, he ended on a date with her a couple of days later.

She wasn't the smartest bulb on the Christmas tree but she was pretty and liked going to charity events. The fact that she did it for the party itself and not because she wanted to help was neither here nor there. They looked good together as pretty people always do but it wasn't only that. She was carefree, you could even say irresponsible and that was exactly what he needed: someone who didn't make a fuss out of his job or his way of living. It was one of Lily's flaws – she took everything too seriously. But he wasn't making a comparison, not at all. They were two completely different women who happened to be part of his life at different moments.

This relationship with Devon wasn't going to last forever and they both knew it. It wasn't what they wanted anyway. They had fun together, they shared a few things and although they became a couple, it was free from the burden of 'I love yous' and sharing a place and all the other things that usually came with this kind of commitment. That was what Flack wanted at the moment and he guessed what she wanted for her life but he couldn't be so sure of that. Sometimes people grow up.

Ah, Snow Day! What a good episode, not one of my favorites but still. Thanks to those of you who are reading. I'd like to know your opinion so leave a review with comments, suggestions, criticism, praise (why not?) or anything else you want to say. By the way, brace yourselves for the next chapter because the plot is going to thicken.

A very special thanks to sparkyCSI; you're the best!