Chapter 22 – What's your problem?

A couple of days later Flack met Hawkes at the currently empty break room.

'The killer confessed,' said the detective while leaning against a counter.

'Mac told me it was fast.'

'Yeah,' Flack nodded and waited a few seconds until he spoke again. 'So … how's Lily?'

'Why don't you ask her?'

'I just thought you two …'

'We're hooking up, in case you were wondering,' Hawkes spoke curtly.

'Really?' he raised his eyebrows. 'Weird. 'Cause, you know, she's more of a relationship woman.'

'Yeah, well, maybe I'm giving her something else.'

Hawkes was challenging him and Flack wasn't going to back down.

'What? Something I couldn't? Don't flatter yourself,' the taller man finished with a teasing smile.

'As if you'd know what she needs,' the doctor shook his head in disbelief.

'I could always keep her happy, don't know about you.'

'I've got everything under control.'

'That you got Lily into your bed doesn't mean you know her. But I give you points for that. Either you're good or you weren't a bad option.'

'What are you trying to say, Flack?'

'Sounds like rebound to me …'

'Uh-huh. Whatever makes you sleep at night,' his tone was harsh and it contrasted a lot with his usual soft and calm demeanor.

'Don't feel bad, someone like her choosing you as a rebound is nothing to be ashamed of,' Flack spoke confidently, almost gloating. He'd been her first option. Emphasis on first.

'Rebound or no rebound, we're having fun,' Hawkes raised his eyebrows.

'I'm sure you are. Quite the screamer, ain't she?' the detective smirked. Or at least that was with me.

Hawkes nodded, taking the bait.

'She loves playing games, that much I can tell you,' said Hawkes coolly while Flack tried not to look surprised. They had never played any games, it had all been quite traditional and straightforward with them. The detective's cell phone rang, giving him the perfect excuse to get away without saying a word.

Later that day, Lily Stewart knocked on Sheldon's door. She came in and they sat on the couch.

'So … how was work?' she asked.

'Nothing new. I had an interesting conversation with Flack, though.'

'Really? What about?' she asked reluctantly, knowing that she probably wasn't going to like the answer.

'You,' he gave her a sharp look and she rubbed her eyes, anticipating the content. 'He said I was a rebound for you.'

'Sheldon, you do know that we aren't actually together, right? I mean, we have sex, share a few conversations but that's it.'

'It works for me. I just don't think he gets it.'

'I'm sure he doesn't. Didn't you invite him over for a threesome? It would be interesting, no doubt about it …' sarcasm was present in her voice and betrayed the fact that she hated Flack's involvement in their 'relationship'.

'Great idea, I should have come up with it sooner. Maybe we can call him,' he smiled and made a weak attempt to grab the phone.

Lily didn't say a word but closed the distance between them with a kiss while one of her hands unbuckled his belt.

A couple of days later Lily was working late when a secretary interrupted her from the speakerphone.

'There's a gentleman here who wants to see you, Ms. Stewart.'

'Send him in, Clarissa and then you can go home,' she put all the papers that were scattered around her desk in their appropriate folders and looked up when the door shut behind the visitor.

'Nice office you've got,' said Flack as he sat opposite her.

'What are you doing here?'

'Just wanted to talk to you, see how life's been treating you …' he sounded casual.

'I'm alright, thanks for your concern,' she gave him a smile that clearly said 'you can go away now'.

'Good, that's good,' he cleared his throat, 'so … any new men in your life?'

'That's something that keeps growing at the speed of light. I'm surrounded by too many Y chromosomes,' she smiled in spite of herself.

'You sleeping with any of them?'

'Sheldon warned me this was going to happen,' she said quietly but not enough so that he didn't hear it.

'That a yes?'

'That's none of your business,' her tone was icy.

'If one of my co-workers is screwing you, I could at least get a heads up.'

'What Sheldon and I do in our spare time doesn't concern you.'

'It does when I have to work with the guy who's sleeping with my ex.'

'You dumped me, remember?' she raised her voice. 'I'm a free woman, I can do anything I want now.'

'You're sleeping around and you want me to approve?' his tone showed disbelief.

'I don't care if you approve or don't. You're one of those guys that think 'if I can't have her, nobody can' and it's really pathetic. Get over yourself.'

'That's not true!'

'You slept with Devon and it was okay but I can't be with Sheldon. You're just jealous because somebody else is screwing me and I like it,' she was mad, her accent was noticeable and she had used the word 'screw'. It was the first time Flack heard her say it.

'You never complained about me,' he had to defend his pride.

'That doesn't mean he isn't better,' she was trying to hurt his ego.

'Hawkes is better than me?' he was nearly screaming.

'Yeah, he is.'

'You said you liked it with me.'

'I did, Don, but in the end we were always struggling to be in control,' her tone was softer now. 'We struggled to be on top, Sheldon lets me take the reins; he's not afraid of me taking charge of the situation.'

'Oh, c'mon! I wasn't afraid, I was trying to make things easier for you.'

'Ha ha,' she laughed sardonically. 'I'm a control freak on every aspect of my life. That includes the bed. You did it because you thought that was what I wanted, you never stopped to think that maybe I needed it.'

'Sorry for trying to take some weight off you. I thought you'd be sick of being in control all the time.'

'No, you just didn't want to lose your grip.'

'I'm not obsessed with control like you are,' he denied.

'O-kay. Anything else you want to throw on my face?'

'I heard you like playing games now. Is it because he isn't afraid too?'

'No,' she swallowed. 'I don't know if you can handle the truth but here it goes anyway: I love you. With you it was always about the emotional connection. I don't have that with Sheldon, it's just physical so I need 'games' to keep things interesting. You happy now?'

Flack was shocked and completely taken aback. That wasn't the answer he'd been expecting. His eyes were wide with surprise.

'You don't have to say it,' Lily broke the silence, 'I already know you're a jerk.'

'I … is it true?'

'Yeah,' she said reluctantly, regretting telling him.

'So it was actually better with me?'

'You're unbelievable!' she had just told Flack she loved him and he was worried about who was better in bed.

'Answer the question,' he pressed.

'You should go before I get arrested for assaulting an officer.'

Instead of leaving, Flack leaned and kissed her lips. At first she was paralyzed but then managed to push him away. When he was at a safer distance she lifted her right hand and slapped him so hard it echoed in the empty building. He stopped himself from taking a hand to his cheek but Lily knew it had hurt like a bitch.

With his cheek throbbing and his pride bruised Flack left the office in silence. Ten minutes later Lily followed, glad that this whole incident had happened when nobody was there.

It had felt so nice to tell him all those things! It was as if a weight had gotten off her chest. She was liberated. Some of her words had landed hard on him and she knew that slap had hurt more than his cheek or his ego but she didn't care. Flack couldn't come and play with her that way. If he was confused it was his problem, he didn't have to confuse her as well.

He was being completely selfish; it had been his idea to break up in the first place. Not to mention he'd been with Devon. So he could sleep with anyone but she couldn't. It wasn't strange, but it wasn't fair either. A man who had many girls was an idol, someone to look up to; a woman who had many men was considered a prostitute by society. Where's the justice? She was getting sidetracked.

Arrghh! Lily hated Flack right now. He had that way of getting under her skin and it was impossible to shake him out of her thoughts. She'd be cursing him and his actions for a least a day. Paradoxically, the last thing she wanted was to think about him. Where was the justice?

She would go back to Hawkes the following night but it wouldn't be the same. Flack had made something stir inside of her. It was something Lily thought she'd buried: the feeling that life with Don was … almost magical. If he was next to her, everything would be alright.

Lily cursed him. What right did he have to mess her up that way? She didn't know what she felt anymore and it was frustrating and scaring. She didn't want to live without Flack and him coming all full of jealousy and kissing her only made things worse. It made Lily remember how she felt when they were together. And that it wouldn't happen again. Yes, he'd kissed her but that was Don; always acting on impulse. Not to mention he probably was trying to keep his pride afloat, knowing that she still melted when they touched.

That man destroyed all her defenses, the ones she put up to keep him at a distance and there was nothing more frustrating than that. She wanted so bad to be away from him and yet she yearned for his touch, the smoothness of his skin, the softness of his lips on hers. Lily wanted what she couldn't have. And it hurt so much it was tearing a hole in her heart. Seeing him again only deepened the wound.

Memories of them together invaded her brain. Their first kiss and how forbidden it had felt, the first time they had made love instead of just having sex, the way their fingers entwined so often, that weekend alone in the woods ... it had all been wonderful. But there had also been a fight and it had destroyed their relationship. Lily's feet had to get back to the ground; it'd been beautiful yes, and it had ended.

* * *

Once outside the building Flack lifted his hand to his still aching cheek. If he was honest, the physical pain wasn't half as bad as the emotional one. Because his cheek would stop throbbing eventually but her rejection had cut him deep.

Flack hadn't been rejected that many times. His looks and his charm usually saved him from that awful blow to the ego. But this time it hadn't. Lily had always been different to the rest of the women and he'd always found it a good thing until that night. He knew she'd melted with his kiss and yet she'd pulled away and slapped him. It felt as if a dozen bullets had gone through his heart.

He tried to focus on the good things. Like when Lily confessed she loved him or that brief moment when she had kissed him back, before pulling away. They hadn't shared a kiss in what felt like a lifetime so those seconds had sent sparks down their bodies. Their connection had been re-established and now Flack couldn't get her out of his head. He had the overwhelming need to kiss her again and it was very frustrating to know she was pushing him away. The fact that she was going back to Hawkes made it even worse. He had never been more jealous in his life. What Flack didn't know was that the plot was going to thicken.

* * *

'Don!' she screamed before collapsing into the bed next to Hawkes.

The couple was silent while their breathing became normal again.

'You screamed Don,' said Hawkes noncommittally.

'I said Sheldon.'

'No, you said Don.'

'You didn't hear the first part.'

'There wasn't a first part, you said his name.'

Lily swallowed and kept her gaze on the ceiling.

'I just want you to admit it.'

'What do you want me to say? That in my mind he was screwing me, not you?' she was agitated and it was noticeable in her tone and her use of the word 'screwing'.

'Yeah,' was his simple answer.

Lily covered her face with her hands and muttered a soft 'I'm sorry'.

'You can't keep doing this. Either you go back to him or you stay.'

'It was a one time thing, Sheldon …'

'It wasn't and we both know it. I won't get mad but you have to choose.' Hawkes was a bit hurt. Your lover screaming somebody else's name wasn't exactly nice.

She took a deep breath and sat on the bed, a sheet covering her naked chest.

'You were really nice to me and you don't deserve this. I'm sorry.'

Hawkes smiled sadly; he was hoping she'd stay. But of course, no one ever chose him.

'I'm sorry Sheldon,' Lily kissed his lips tenderly for the last time before she got dressed and left the apartment.

She felt like the worst person in the planet. Hawkes had been kind and sweet and she had repaid him by screaming Flack's name. He didn't deserve it. But she couldn't be with him if she was imagining it was someone else. She mentally beat herself up for doing that. It had never happened before, she'd never thought of somebody else while having sex with a guy. She guessed it was true, there was a first time for everything.

Her life was beginning to resemble a soap opera and Lily hated every minute of it. She wanted things to be simple, uncomplicated. She found a little voice in her head quoting Thoreau: 'simplify, simplify!' She needed to straighten things out as soon as possible and to decide what she was going to do with her love life. Something told her it wasn't going to be easy.

So here we go, another chapter's up. Leave reviews with comments, suggestions, ideas, opinions, etc.

A special thanks to BlueEyedAuthor for being an amazing reviewer and of course, to sparkyCSI (my wonderful beta).