She noted him walking into the crowded coffee shop wearing his usual fitted suit with the tie conveniently gone and his shirt loosened. It was already cold outside, but Tristan didn't seem to notice. He didn't like overcoats and often walked around in his suit way into winter, as if his body was a radiating source of heat, creating a protective field around itself.
She remembered those winter mornings when she would beg him to at least put a scarf around his neck. He would oblige, amused, and she'd feel a little better about letting him out onto the cold streets. Not that it mattered much. His body was as resistant towards the cold as it was against anything new or unwelcomed.
She wondered whether it was a question of sheer will or just of receptors and genetics.
She watched as he stood in the middle of the room, scanning the inside of the shop, failing to notice her. He sat down by an empty table checking his wristwatch before absentmindedly picking up the menu. She smiled studying his gestures, noticing the pair of girls in the next booth shamelessly checking him out and giggling loudly. She was used to women trying to get his attention, he was a looker after all. But he seemed to be immune to all that stuff. She once asked him about it and he said something about not wanting what was thrown in his face anymore. He liked to work for things now, to be able to appreciate them.
She smiled and made his way to his table, still not able to get his attention.
"Good evening sir, may I take your order?" she said with a playful voice and she grinned widely as he looked up, the shock on his face evident.
She watched as he scanned her from head to toe, his eyes taking in her uniform of a black shirt and pants, the long neatly tied apron covering her legs. His eyes came to rest on her name tag and his mouth remained open in a gesture of surprise and amusement.
"Oh my god" he said, finally looking up into her face.
"We have a hot cocoa special today for only 4.99, but if you would like coffee, we have the largest selection of South American blends in the city" she proudly declared.
She watched in amusement as he blinked, still stunned by the fact that their coffee date turned out to be him seeing her new workplace for the first time.
"May I suggest the Terraza Blend? I am sure you'd love it and I can put an extra shot of caramel in it just for you." she winked.
He finally managed to compose himself, piecing the puzzle together.
"First of all" he said, catching her off guard by taking her wrist in his hand and pulling her close, giving her a thorough kiss. Suddenly store policies and managers talking about work ethic and service etiquette went out the door as she felt his still frozen lips move languidly over hers.
She smiled as he pulled away and then looked around nervously, remembering where they were. She sighed relieved to see that none of her coworkers were looking. The girls next booth probably were though, since the loud giggling turned into shocked stares. She felt a proud glow that she remembered having every time they were out with Tristan in public.
Her content thoughts were interrupted by his voice.
"You really did this? You got a job at a coffee shop?" he asked.
She smiled at him nodding. She felt surprisingly proud, even though it was a stupid afternoon shift in an average New York City coffee shop. But it was something she went and got after doing a careful research of locations and work policies.
Not to mention coffee selections. This was the winner and after an hour of trying to convince the manager that she was not way too overqualified for the job, she got herself a waitressing gig at Coffee Hut.
"Wow" he said, more to himself than to her and she could see the realization on his face, the fact that she really was at such a loss in her life that taking a job like this sounded reasonable. She watched him carefully and their worried expressions met for a second.
"Well... uhm, the Terraza Blend sounds great" he said, and she could see genuine warmth in his eyes.
She was thankful for it, because she knew it was an effort on his part, to understand or even accept her actions. But he managed to do it, even if no one else in her life did.
"I'll bring it right out, sir" she smiled and turned to walk back to the counter to pass the order to the barrister.
xxxxxxx
She hung up her apron in the changing room and sighed, noting the muscle fatigue in all parts of her body. She didn't know serving coffee could be so exhausting.
Her legs felt like stone and she felt the coffee vapor on her skin forming a thin, invisible residue, her hair sticking together in tangled locks.
She took her coat out of her locker and walked out through the back entrance thankful for the chilly night air.
She walked around the block to see him leaning against the side of the coffee shop, Blackberry in hand. He was concentrating on whatever he was reading, but looked up as soon as she approached him, slipping the shiny machine into his suit pocket.
"Ready to go, working girl?" he chuckled.
"Yeah" she whispered, smiling at him, thankful for his support during her first shift.
He sat for two and a half hours at the table, consuming four cups of coffee and two muffins.
"Wow, you look tired" he said, pulling her close as they walked on the busy sidewalks "you wanna get a cab?"
"No, let's walk, I wanna air my pores. I smell like coffee" she mumbled.
"You always smell like coffee" he smirked.
"I didn't think waitressing was this tough" she sighed "I don't know how Lane did it being pregnant".
"You did good" he said, reassuringly.
She stopped suddenly on the street and he looked back at her with a questioning expression.
"You don't think I am crazy for doing this, do you?" she said, with all honesty.
He sighed, looking around as if trying hard to be able to voice his feelings.
"No. I don't think you are crazy" he said, his voice calm, controlled.
"But you think it's odd" she replied trying to find and angle on him.
"Yes" he shrugged, not wanting to fight her.
She sighed defeated.
"But you are odd, Rory. I've known that for a while now" he smirked, his fingers brushing back a strand of hair from her face as he stepped closer.
She closed her eyes, suddenly feeling exhausted not just physically, but in every possible sense of the word.
"You think I am making a mistake, like mom" she sighed.
He raised his eyes to the sky, not annoyed, just undecided.
"What do you want me to say, Rory? I feel like I can't win with this answer" he explained.
She furrowed her brows, knowing he was right. She was trying to provoke him into saying something that she could be mad for.
"I know that this might be completely irrational..." she started her reasoning.
"It is" he replied calmly.
"And I know I might regret it..." she went on.
"You might" he echoed her words, not backing away.
"But I really think I need this" she said, closing her eyes, her voice trembling.
"Shhh" he said, stepping closer and pulling her into his arms.
"And I just want to feel like I can go and do something irrational, without everyone judging me right away" she said, her voice breaking.
"I thought I wasn't judging you" he whispered back and she could tell he was making an effort, trying to control his voice to sound as calm as possible.
"I feel like you should" she crumbled, her emotions taking over her.
He sighed, defeated stepping away to be able to look at her.
"I'm losing track here, Rory" he said with a bittersweet smile.
"God, I know" she mumbled frustrated, rubbing her eyes.
"I feel like you don't trust me being there for you" he said, his face contemplative.
"I want to" she said "but maybe I wouldn't be that understanding in your place" she said softly, self doubt taking over her.
"You would" he said "you were" he went on and she looked up confused.
He smiled.
"Remember the Wilson case?" he said, his voice suddenly stronger.
She furrowed her brows, the name ringing a distant bell in her head.
"Yeah" she mumbled, not quite understanding where he was heading with this.
"I worked on that for 6 months" he said and she remembered now, the complicated case taking up all his time and effort shortly after they had moved in together after having dated for a couple of months.
It was an unexpected bump in their relationship that seemed to be moving at lightning speed back then and she spent many nights waiting up for him until she figured out that his overzealous work ethic was a result of his first official commitment panic attack. His distant behavior, his concentration on the case became a tactic of avoidance for him. She was hurt at first, not understanding why he, after finally getting her, suddenly seemed distant and preoccupied, why he suddenly found ways to be as least present in the relationship as it would allow. It was many nights of thinking alone back at home realizing that it was fear on his part. Never having had a stable background to fall on, he fought like hell not to learn to get used to suddenly having one. It was a long and painful effort for her to make him see that trusting someone to be there for you is the only way life was worth living. But she was patient and it proved to be fruitful, her silent, non wavering support and calmness breaking down his walls, little by little, one day at a time.
"I was an asshole" he said "and you didn't mind me being completely irrational" he explained.
"Didn't mind might be a bit too strong of an expression" she remarked playfully.
"But you waited it out, until I came to my fucking senses" he pointed out.
"You..." she tried to explain "it was understandable... you had the whole family back story and all" she went on, failing to formulate an eloquent reasoning.
"I was an asshole. And when it was your turn to be the asshole... I couldn't quite do as good a job at waiting for you to come around" he went on.
"I was a much bigger asshole than you" she mumbled, not happy to be reminded of her erratic behavior.
"Whatever" he said, as if the months of cruelty, the months of uncertainty had left no damage on his soul.
She looked up to study him, knowing better.
"I don't want to be an asshole anymore" she whispered.
"You're not" he snickered.
"Just completely irrational" she groaned.
"Look, I don't care, okay? Whatever you want is fine" he said and he took her face into his hands "You can go and jump out of fucking airplanes, Rory, if you feel that is going to put things into perspective for you, okay? You don't owe anything to anyone, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. You go and do what you want to" he whispered and she felt his words warm her heart.
She watched him, his words reassuring her, her sea of emotions slowly calming as she suddenly felt safe, supported.
"I don't want to jump out of airplanes" she whispered with a small smile coyly breaking the heavy mood.
"Thank fucking god, I was worried for a second" he played along, not missing a beat as he took her hand with a relieved sigh, once again leading her down the sidewalk that seemed to be clearing thanks to the late hour.
"I might try bungee jumping though" she teased on as she followed him.
"Wow, I can really see you doing that" he replied "after about three pages worth of safety checklists" he added condescendingly.
"Hey! I've been known to do some extreme things!" she protested inducing a burst of laughter from him.
"Ladies and gentlemen: Rory "Daredevil" Gilmore" he snickered as she smacked him playfully.
xxxxxxx
He opened the door to the apartment and she felt relieved to be so close to rest. She dragged herself to the couch and fell back on it while Tristan stood in the doorway checking his mail.
She watched him from her comfortable position already knowing his next move. He had a routine, and even if it wasn't conscious, he followed it down to a blueprint when he got home. She found comfort in knowing some things never change no matter how much time had passed.
She smiled to herself as he absent mindedly hit the button on the answering machine, his eyes never leaving the letter he was scanning through.
She heard a sharp beep and then the message start.
"Hey" she heard her mother's uneasy voice and she saw Tristan's eyes dart up to the machine and subsequently to her.
"So Rory doesn't pick up her phone" the message continued and she sighed averting her eyes from Tristan, who was now studying her after dropping the letters on the small table by the door.
"Or her cell... And I am guessing she is spending some time there and thought I'd try... you know" she heard her go on. It was her uncomfortable and undecided voice, when she talks looking at her shoes and shrugging lightly with every sentence, her eyes darting every which way.
"I just want her to know that...I didn't mean to... hurt her feelings" Lorelai's voice went on and every word seemed to be an effort "and if this... is what she wants, then I... support her... I'm just worried is all" the recording paused, static filling the room.
She felt another rush of adrenaline surge in her stomach hearing her mother's confession and she looked back up at Tristan who was studying her with a worried expression, listening to the recording motionless.
"So... there and uhm, this was Lorelai by the way" the message finished and Tristan hit the machine, silencing it.
She closed her eyes and sighed expecting the questions to start.
Instead she heard him walk to the kitchen opening the fridge.
She opened her eyes to see him come back to the living room, sitting down into the armchair next to her sipping a bottle of water.
There was a couple of seconds worth of silence before he spoke.
"You're going to have to talk to her eventually" he whispered, his voice calm, matter of fact.
She didn't reply but let another couple of seconds pass, enjoying the silence of that apartment.
"She's..." he started, but she could tell his determination to defend Lorelai fell short.
She waited to see whether he came up with a reasonable ending for that sentence.
"She's your mother" he said and it seemed to express all his hurt and frustration and admiration for Lorelai.
"She thinks I am making a mistake" she finally spoke.
"Yeah, she seems to think that a lot nowadays" he replied, perhaps a bit bitterly and she could sense the underlying tension.
"I just" she squeezed her eyes shut, feeling tears come on "think that we had this great dynamic when I was small and now that I am grown and have my own decisions and views about things, she has a hard time accepting that it doesn't necessarily meet her ones".
He listened to her in silence, sipping his water.
"She is frustrating" she groaned.
"She is worried" he defended her, albeit his voice wasn't quite as determined as you would expect a lawyer's to be.
"Doesn't she frustrate you?" she asked, her voice hitching.
A small uninhibited chuckle burst from his lips.
"That's all she's even done to me, Rory" he said, his words sarcastic.
There was another silence, as she felt ashamed for her own mother and the way she's made Tristan feel. It's not that she didn't like him, or didn't approve. She was happy that Rory found someone she liked, but she was always judgmental about every move Tristan made. It seemed to her like her mother was waiting patiently for him to screw up so she could finally speak her mind. She realized now that that seemed to influence her commitment to Tristan.
"You are very patient with her" she suddenly said, her honest confession slipping form her lips. She thought about how many times he stood and endured her mother's passive resistance.
He looked at her, amused by her declaration of admiration.
"Yeah, well there are kinks" he snickered and she smiled catching his reference.
"Anyways" he said standing up to take his suit off "I wasn't so patient with her last time" he confessed as he occupied himself in the living room.
She followed him with her gaze, curious to know what he meant.
"You two talked?" she asked.
"Yeah... After you two fought" he said curtly, seemingly not wanting to elaborate.
She sat up, suddenly interested.
He looked back at her sighing.
"I wasn't so patient" he went on, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sighed.
"What?" she laughed "You told her to shove it where the sun don't shine?" she asked, finding it hard to imagine that Tristan lost his cool. It was always a silent war between him and Lorelai, him winning by his calmness and restraint rather than witty accusations.
"I think I actually used the line I am the best thing that ever happened to her" he said wincing at the memory as he put his hands on his hips.
"No you didn't" she said shocked, unable to hold back her laughter.
"Ahhh. I'm afraid I did" he said, groaning at the memory.
"This is priceless" she said between fits of laughter.
"Yeah, well I was pissed" he said, his voice less controlled and more frustrated.
"Why?" she said, laughing.
"Because. That woman. She drives me mad" he groaned and she burst out laughing again, seeing him finally lose his front of restraint.
"Really?" she asked with a full fledged smile, enjoying the rise she got out of him.
"Seriously. Has she ever liked any of the guys you've been with?" he asked as he slumped back down into the armchair.
"Uhm. Actually. No" she chuckled as realization dawned on her, remembering that at one point in time, her mother was always against the guys she chose.
"She is so much like her mother, it's scary" he whispered and she chuckled again.
"Oh my god, don't ever tell her that or you'll never get on her good side" she said falling back into comfortable silence as the tension in her chest seemed to ease.
"She doesn't want any harm, you know?" she said quietly, realizing the fact herself.
"Yeah" he replied, eying her carefully, his voice raspy as it reverberated off the walls of the living room, filling her chest with calmness.
She realized that it had been his goal to get her to see that in the first place and she smiled at his tactic.
"You'd make a good lawyer, you know" she pointed out playfully as she stood up from her reclining position and walked over to him to be able to sit in his lap.
"Hmmm, thanks, I'll consider it" he chuckled as he welcomed her into his arms, letting her rest her head on his chest, his hand automatically going to caress her smooth hair.
She closed her eyes, enjoying the silence and the calm feeling that seeped into her, sitting there in his embrace.
"You gonna call her?" he whispered, ever so lightly.
She sighed, furrowing her brows.
"I'll consider it" she echoed his words, the meaning much more serious and disillusioned.
He hummed in affirmation as if knowing when not to push further and when to just accept.