Chapter 27 – What are you thinking?

'You have a sibling who's always in trouble too, how do you deal with it?' Flack asked Lily one night after work.

'I haven't talked to him for a decade,' she smiled. 'What happened?'

'Sam. She hangs around the wrong people, does stupid things … and I have to fix it for her.'

'You don't have to, but you do it 'cause you're a good brother. You worry about her.'

'Yeah, but I won't always be there to protect her and my dad washed his hands off some time ago. She's bound to screw up again.'

'Well, maybe she needs to learn how to deal with the consequences of her acts. We all have to grow up at some point …' Lily put a hand on his forearm.

'Guess you're right,' he sighed. 'What if she does something so stupid there's no going back? What if she goes to jail or something?'

'What faith you have on your sister! I'm sure her rebellious streak will end soon.'

'I just wish she'd play by the rules.'

'I think that by living in a house with two cops she was too asphyxiated by them and wanted to break free.'

'We're not talking 'bout stupid rules but laws. She has to obey them whether my dad and I are strict or not,' he was harsh.

'I'm not condoning her behavior, just saying why she is that way.'

'Well, her rebellion is gonna send her to jail or six feet under. Wish I could do something …'

'She's a good kid, she'll find her way. With such a good brother, who could go wrong?' Lily kissed her boyfriend.

'She lent her car to a complete stranger who ended up on the morgue 'cause she was a criminal. That's the kind of stupid thing she's doing,' Flack massaged his temple.

'Okay, so she's careless and that was a bit stupid but I'm sure she had the best intentions …'

'The road to disaster is paved with good intentions. You know better than anybody that sometimes trying isn't enough.'

'And I also know that if you don't try you won't succeed; practice is the key to success,' she put her hand on his shoulder. 'She'll be alright, don't worry.'

'I'm not so sure about that!' he grimaced.

'Maybe we should talk about something else?' suggested Lily.

'How's being a cop?'

'It's … interesting. And rewarding.'

He laughed. 'You're hating every second of it, aren't ya?'

'No, why would you say that?' she was puzzled.

'Because you're a control freak and you can't control what happens on the streets.'

'I'm not finding it stressful, at all. I still have to get used to the craziness but that's it.'

'You like being the rookie?' he smirked.

'Yeah, it's so fun!' sarcasm dripped from her voice. 'Not only am I a girl but a lawyer; the guys are having a field day.'

'Bet they are,' he smiled. 'But you must be putting them in their place.'

'Somewhat. Steve helps me a lot.'

'Oh, I'm sure he's very helpful,' there was an acid edge to his words.

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Don't ruffle your feathers, I'm just saying he's a bit too friendly for a TO.'

'Why? 'Cause he's not old school? 'Cause he's against hazing the rookies? You don't have to be mean to teach the newbies what they need to learn.'

'The fact that they've been doing it for decades and has resulted in damn good cops is neither here nor there.'

'You don't need to be humiliated to be good, that's where you got it wrong.'

'He may be nice but he's still too friendly.'

'Why don't you just admit you're jealous of my TO and get it over with? He's not too friendly, you're just jealous I spend eight hours with him alone in a car,' she raised her eyebrow to emphasize her point. She could have used another wording but she wanted to hurt his pride, make him think his jealousy wasn't so unfounded.

'Oh, I'm sorry for being jealous of a guy who spends eight hours with you alone in a car. A guy who knows you for only three weeks and already has you falling in his arms crying. A guy who's in a power position and orders you around. A guy who defends you from the rest because he wants to be on your good side to end on your bed. A guy who you trust with your life and would die for. You're right; why should I be jealous?'

'Aww, Donny! You are the only man I trust with my life,' said Lily softly.

'That's not true.'

'Well, I trust Steve with my physical health but when it comes to both body and heart I only trust you.'

'You're just saying that to make me feel better so you can run and sleep with Steve without worrying.'

'Damn! You discovered my plan,' she said in mock defeat. 'Pray tell me: why would I sleep with him when I have a sexy stallion right here with me?'

'Flattery will get you nowhere.'

'And the truth shall set you free, I was just being honest. But it's okay, I can go knock on his door and see if he takes me …' she moved as if she was getting up from the couch.

'No way!' he grabbed his girlfriend by the waist and kept his grip on her. 'You're mine and I'm not sharing you with some pansy who doesn't know how to be a cop.'

'A little territorial, aren't we?'

'You haven't seen anything yet.'

'Oh, dark and hot caveman, what are you gonna do?'

'I'm gonna tie you to the bed and make you forget any other guy,' there was a glint in his eyes she'd never seen before.

'If you're gonna show me some police brutality, I'm game,' she licked her upper lip. Now it was his turn to be surprised but also be more than willing to please her.

After the last scream was uttered, Flack pressed his forehead against hers until their breathings got normal and then fell on the bed next to Lily.

'So how's that for police brutality?' he asked.

'Makes me wonder why people complain so much,' she put one of her hands below her navel.

'You a'right?'

'Yeah, just hurts a bit.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Don't apologize for the best sex of my life.'

'I'm flattered. Does that mean we're having rough sex more often?'

'Hell yeah. But next time I'm pushing you against a wall and having my way with you.'

'Looking forward to it,' he smiled and kissed her sweetly. 'Why do you wanna be a cop so much?'

'Don't know. I have a need to do it, as if a magnet attracted me to the shield.'

'Don't you wanna ride a desk or something? Or are you gonna be a uniform forever?' Flack wanted her to desist.

'I wanna be a Homicide detective, actually. But I've still got some time before that.'

'Trust me, you don't really want to do it,' he shook his head.

'You love it! You bitched around those months that you were on medical leave, saying you missed the dead bodies, the crazies and the long hours.'

'Yeah but that's 'cause I'm weird that way, it's the only thing I'm good at. But you? You're an amazing lawyer, you don't have to go through all this shit we endure, there's a better life for you out there. You'll see it soon,' he nodded for emphasis.

'That better life you're talking about is BS. It's frustrating and phony and plainly insignificant. It's like chasing the last train of the day; stupid, useless and painful 'cause you're gonna end up pulling a hamstring. God knows I've had my fair share of injuries.'

'It pays better, it's safe, has better hours, you don't have to suffer the weather, the results are easier to see, a good part of the community respects you …' he listed all the good aspects.

'It's unsatisfying and unfulfilling and after a while it suffocates you.'

'Everything suffocates you after a while.'

'Not true. How long have you been a cop?'

'Almost fifteen years,' he sighed. Had it actually been so long?

'Are you suffocated?' she raised an eyebrow, proving her point.

'I don't have much choice; it's either this or a job at Starbucks. And making coffee isn't really my thing.'

'You're a very smart man with an eye for detail and analytical skills, not to mention you're in great shape and are very ethical. You could do anything you wanted.'

'Got only a high school diploma.'

'It's never too late to go to college,' Lily pointed out.

'I'm not cut for that kind of thing. Plus, who would pay for it?'

'I would.'

Flack gave her a pointed look.

'It'd be a loan, no big deal,' she shrugged it off.

'I'd never be able to repay you.'

'Not true, you could repay me with services like cleaning the dishes, making the bed, fixing stuff …'

'Wouldn't be fair on you.'

'It's fair if I'm okay with it. Just think about it, a'right?'

Flack nodded and became silent, actually considering the offer. Nah, he was too old for that. Besides, he loved his job even if sometimes it got the best of him. Like a few days later when he got to his apartment almost in a state of shock.

He opened the door and gasped in surprise when he saw his girlfriend inside.

'What are you doin' here?' he asked.

'We were supposed to have dinner together. Are you okay?'

'I'm fine.'

'It was more of a rhetorical question, actually. You're clearly not okay, what happened?'

'Weird case, that's all,' he fixed himself a drink with enough vodka.

'Must be extremely weird if it got you so freaked out, wanna share?'

'I'm not freaking out!'

'Don, you're sweating, shaking and have just spilled your drink on you 'cause you weren't paying attention,' she moved in to help him clean his clothes. 'Let's talk it out.'

'I'm just being stupid, that's all,' he managed to take a sip without further spilling it on himself.

'Bet you aren't. Seeing as you're usually calm and collected this is bad.'

'A girl died from radiation poisoning and Sid is in the hospital for it,' he said shakily.

'Do you know what it was?'

'Thalium.'

'Woah! Is he being treated?' Lily was worried.

'Yeah, we'll just have to wait.'

'That's good. Prussian Blue should make him better quickly.'

'How do you know so much about it?' he was curious.

'My major was in chemistry,' she explained.

'Really? I didn't know that.' He was taken aback. 'How did you end up a lawyer?'

'My internship was with the Boston Crime Lab, so I needed to take a few classes in criminal law and … I got hooked,' she chuckled at the memory.

'Why didn't you become a C.S.I.?'

'Because I went to law school and that led me to New York,' she smiled.

'Then I'm glad you went to law school,' he smiled back. 'Ummm, is … there any chance the radiation screwed me up?'

'Where did you find the body, closed or open space?' Lily got into worry mode.

'Open. At the park.'

'The more ventilation, the better. That's probably why Sid got sick and not the people who were at the scene; no air at the morgue.'

'Oh. Okay, thanks,' he was relieved.

'What did you mean with "screw up"? Afraid of getting poisoned or something in particular?'

'Particular. You know how some kinds of radiation leave you sterile?' he looked down, embarrassed. 'You'd be a great detective, by the way.'

'If you get Thallium poisoning being sterile is the least of your problems, trust me. But no, it doesn't cause infertility. Specially not in people who haven't really been exposed to it,' she reassured him by squeezing his hand.

'Thanks. I was worried for a sec.'

'You planning to have any kids soon?'

'Well, not soon. But eventually, y'know? If I ever settle down …'

'Wow. Who'd ever thought you were gonna think 'bout settling down and having kids?' she joked but was actually unsettled by his comment.

'I think everybody wants it at some point. The thing is if you're prepared or not.'

'Are you prepared?'

'Woah – what are you tryna tell me, Lil?' he freaked out a little.

'I was just asking …' she raised her hands in mock defense.

'I'd like to first get married, y'know? Plan it. But if it happens … You?'

'I don't think you're ever prepared but I'd like to plan it too. You're not getting a pet; you're bringing a human being to the world so you should give it some thought.'

'You think it's the Catholic school upbringing?' he asked curiously.

'Don't think so. It's our job; life is important. We've seen too many people with screwed up lives because their parents didn't really care.'

'You're afraid, aren't ya?'

'Of what?'

'Screwing your kids up. You'd rather not be a mother,' he was touched.

'You should protect and love your children not make them miserable.'

'You won't, you'll make a great mom someday,' he kissed her reassuringly.

Title came from a line in 5x01 - Veritas, only one word to describe said line: amazing. Thanks, as usual, to sparkyCSI for her dedication and willingness to help.