Disclaimer: I own nothing when it comes to Twilight or the songs I make reference to. I know… I'm sad too!

BPOV

I rethought my decision over and over again. It had started to become a question in my mind, instead of a conclusion.

Should I really go back to Forks? There's nothing left there for me.

I couldn't see Charlie, although I'm sure he would love to see me. I couldn't visit any of my friends, although I'm sure Angela would love to see Renesmee again. I couldn't decide if she would freak out or just be unfazed by Renesmee's growth. I guess, I couldn't really decide how I felt about her growth either.

I had started packing up the possessions that we had, which wasn't much. Clothes, some books and music, and then things that Renesmee needed were about all we really had. Everything else we ever needed we either brought, when we had to, or just borrowed from the abandoned houses we lived in.

I had been sending e-mails to Charlie and Renee from libraries, so I didn't need a computer. I called them as well, but e-mails were easier since I didn't have to worry about unexpected questions, or Renesmee saying something to me. Nothing would freak them out more than if Renesmee called me 'momma' too close to the receiver.

She knew not to talk while I was on the phone with them, but she also loved to listen and insisted on being in my lap when we talked so she could hear them.

Both Charlie and Renee thought I was in Alaska. Somehow they figured out that I lied to them and that I had basically "ran away," as they had put it. I hadn't planned on telling them for a few more months. I figured best case scenario, I would tell them I moved out before they discovered my lie. But that wasn't the case.

I told them that I moved to Alaska and was taking virtual online courses to earn my GED and then I was going to start taking a few classes a semester for college, University of Alaska. I was surprised that neither of them even thought of asking about what I was doing for money.

Yet, they certainly had enough other things to grill me about. How could lie to us? Does this have to do with that boy? Where are you living? Are you alone? Who are you with? Can't you come back? Can I come see you, see how you're doing? Are you staying healthy? The questions ranged from my personal safety, to my mental well-being, to my vacation schedule.

There was no way that either of them would actually be able to visit me. Renee would hate the weather in Alaska and Charlie wouldn't be able to get that much time off. Then there was the added point that I wasn't actually in Alaska. I had stayed there for a few months in a town called Gambell. It was on one of the islands off the coast. We only stayed three months because Renesmee grew so quickly, but it was gorgeous.

I liked Gambell and so did Renesmee. Moving from there was the first time I had ever seen her cry. My heart shattered when she cried then and I figured she'd cry today when we left Odessa. She liked Odessa but was actually more fascinated with the snow and forests surrounding the area than the town itself.

Maybe, we'll stay for a while longer. Forks will always be there…

I had everything packed but I just wasn't sure what to do next. I stared at the bags warring with myself whether to pack up Renesmee's things or to unpack my own.

I stood for a long time until I felt a warm, little hand on my hip.

"Why are you up?" I thought about the "disapproving mother-tone" I was using and tried to not laugh at myself.

"Nighttime's over, it's seven." I looked at my watch and it was. Holy crow, I've been standing here for hours. "What are you doing, Momma? Are we moving again?"

I reached down and embraced Renesmee into my arms. "Yeah. We're moving." I couldn't really deny it. The people were getting suspicious and I knew she would want the pictures that were in Forks. The whole reason for going to Forks wasn't for me, it was for her. And I'd do anything for her.

"Why?" She looked down and I saw the tears starting to gather in her eyes.

"Oh honey. You know we can't stay too long anywhere. It's time for us to move somewhere new. I promise someday we will stay in a place a lot longer; just not yet."

"Okay. Are we leaving today?"

"No, we're leaving tonight, so today we can do whatever you want to do." She smiled at me then.

It was seven hours to Forks from Odessa and it would only take me about four in my Audi. I had to leave my truck in Oregon when it finally died on us about seven months back. We found a house about ten miles away in Portland to stay at for a few days while I looked for another car. I didn't want to use Alice's money but I didn't really have a choice.

I went to six different car dealerships and couldn't get over the prices. I started looking into the car ads and found a 2003 midnight blue Audi A4 Cabriolet Compact that some soccer mom wanted to sell because her son kept getting speeding tickets.

Apparently the boy's father brought it for him when they divorced and now the mother had the pleasure of paying all the additional expenses. She couldn't deal with the insurance, maintenance, and the forty two speeding tickets he had accumulated so she decided to sell it to teach her son a lesson. I ended up paying her ten-thousand cash for the car. She only wanted enough to pay the bills but I felt bad, so I gave her more. I couldn't believe that both her ex-husband and son were making her deal with this. I hadn't planned on spending that much but for a fast car, I figured why not. I had grown accustomed to "fast things" since becoming a vampire.

Renesmee decided she wanted to wander through the forest and enjoy the snow with me. I told her we could enjoy the snow where we were going next but she wouldn't hear of it.

"The snow is different here, Momma. It's whiter and more fluffy."

"Okay, honey." I drove up Highway 21 and then turned off onto a maintenance road. I got out at vampire speed, since I didn't have to worry about anyone seeing, and grabbed Renesmee from the car.

"Do you want ride or run?" She wasn't as fast me but she was still faster than a human. If I slowed a bit, she kept up perfectly.

"I'll ride." I lifted up and she gripped onto my back. I never could decide if she was just extremely light or if it was the vampire strength, because I could barely feel back there.

I ran for about ten minutes before I stopped. I asked her if she wanted to keep going, but she said she wanted to explore a little. I watched her as she took bouncing steps through the snow. Her shoes barely made an imprint because she was so quick to move. We ended up in a clearing that we usually visited after hunts or on sunny days when we wanted to stay out of our little house.

She didn't sparkle like I did; just glowed. I would imagine if it was dark, she'd make a pretty good night-light, but in the daytime it was just faint enough that it looked liked she had gotten into some body shimmer.

She went to sit in the middle of the clearing in her little jogging suit. If she wasn't a few degrees warmer than humans, I would have protested. But she had never even been sick and never got cold. I had a brought a change of clothes anyways since the jogging suit would end up getting soaked from the snow.

"Where are we going Momma?"

"Where we're going is surprise, but after we go there, we're moving to Bainbridge Island." I had seen it on a map and loved the location, and I couldn't bring myself to leave the state just yet.

"Where's Bainbridge Island?"

"It's in Washington, too. You'll like it."

"Why are we leaving at night this time, we always leave early in the morning?" The truth was that we were leaving at night because we needed to arrive at night. I didn't want to risk Charlie being on duty driving around or one of my old friends spotting us.

"Because I'm taking you somewhere special, and it's a surprise. We'll get there in time for you to wake up; you can sleep in the car."

We continued to talk for while. She asked me more about Bainbridge Island and subtly tried to get hints about the surprise. After a while she figured out it was a birthday surprise and got very excited. We stayed in the woods for a while and decided to hunt. She was a fierce little predator taking down a large female deer, while I took down the buck that was there also. I tried to joke with her that I would get her a cake this year for her birthday and was rewarded with a very loud "ewww."

I had gotten her a cake last year, if only for the occasion and tradition. She had tried it but the minute the icing touched her tongue she spit it out.

When we got back to the house, I changed her into her pajamas and started loading the car while she was taking pictures of the house.

The only thing I ever for myself with Alice's money, besides my new car, was a camera. I was determined to document Renesmee's life, if only for my benefit, but I knew if I ever met the Cullens again, they'd be curious to see how she was as a baby and a child. Lately she had been attached to the camera like it was another appendage. She took a picture of me loading the car and then decided we needed a picture of both of us. We set the camera on top of the car and stood in front of the house. With vampire speed, we were waiting with smiles for the auto function to go off.

***

It had only taken three hours and forty seven minutes for us to reach the Forks welcome sign. It was just after midnight and the town was silent as I passed the few houses near the hidden drive. I opened my window a bit so I could smell.

I had no reason to worry but I also had no desire to risk anything. I couldn't smell anything except trees and dirt and ferns. I took the turns in the drive with a little more force, just to experience it like I used too. Unfortunately, I woke Renesmee up with my sudden turns.

"Momma?" She lifted her head and let out a yawn. "Where are we?"

I didn't say anything. I wasn't quite sure how to explain where we were just yet. As I crossed through the final turn the large white house came into view. It looked a little worse for wear but still very majestic. Renesmee gasped when she saw it and I knew she recognized it.

"We've been here before." It wasn't a question, but I didn't think she actually knew when we were here last.

"Yes baby, we were here for a little while when you were born. I promise you can explore tomorrow, but you need sleep. Come on." I stopped the car, got out and pulled her into my arms with her blankets all within five seconds.

"But… Momma, I want-"

"No. Sleep. I promise we'll stay a bit and in the morning you can do whatever you want."

I got the spare key from the same I had left it before and flew up the stairs to Alice's old room. I had placed one of the plastic sheets back over it so time wouldn't disturb the trimness of her bedspread. I smashed a few of the oversized pillows down and tucked Renesmee in.

"Goodnight sweet girl, dream happy dreams for me." She yawned again and I knew she was losing the fight with herself to stay up. I hummed a bit and watched her eyes close. Her lips opened to form a perfect "o" and I left her be.

***

There's more dust…

I had walked around the outside of the house three times before I brought in our stuff from the car. After I set our things down, I had started walking around. It was the same except for the dust. Esme would be horrified. I couldn't help but laugh.

I ended up in Carlisle's study. His room seemed to hold a lot of significance for me since I burned here. You could still faintly smell my human blood. I spent a few hours there just looking and seeing.

Sometime around five, I ended up in the living room, removing the plastic sheets so Renesmee could sit when she woke up. I didn't have to wait long; she was up by six fifteen.

"Momma?" I heard her call from upstairs but she hadn't moved from the bed. I ran up the stairs, just out of habit to be with her.

"Good morning baby! How'd you sleep?" She scurried into my lap and yawned a "good." We sat there for a few minutes while I ran my fingers threw her hair.

"Momma, why are we here?"

"We're here… because this used to be your Daddy's house. And I thought you'd like to see it now that you can appreciate it. Happy Birthday Renesmee."

"But my birthday isn't for a few more days…" She giggled and I knew she wanted to just run around the house and explore, but she wanted to gauge my reaction as well.

"Doesn't matter. Guess whose room we're in?" I figured she would guess Edward's, but she did tend to surprise me. She looked around at the colors and pillows and sighed.

"I don't know… it's not Daddy's." I nodded my head to encourage her to guess. "Is it Aunt Alice's or Aunt Rosalie's?"

"It's your Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper's room, yes. And look over there; see the picture." She was off my lap before I even finished the sentence and back in my arms with the picture.

"It's them, all of them, isn't it?" I nodded again, her excitement made my heart grow twice its size. "It's you, you just look… different." She pointed to me in the picture and I explained that that's what I used to look like.

"You still look pretty, Momma. Which one's Daddy?"

"Guess." I knew she could do it from what I had told her about him. Emmett and Jasper certainly didn't have her hair color.

"Hmmm, this one. That's Daddy!" She pointed to Edward and I smiled back at her. I pointed and named the rest of the Cullens for her. She stared at the picture for a long time noting each facial flaw; although they were anything but flawed. She commented on how the couples went together, and that I was right to say Rosalie was very pretty and that Emmett was a little scary looking. But she wasn't scared of him.

"I bet he gives good hugs."

"Yes, he does." I thought about Emmett hugging me. He always squeezed the breath out of me, but now it wouldn't matter. I'd kill for an Emmett hug.

After about an hour of staring at the picture, Renesmee looked up at me. "Can I… Is it okay… if I take this?"

"Yes baby, that's why I brought you here. You can have whatever you want. I figured a picture would be best since you could see them everyday then." She squeezed the picture and hugged me tightly. I sighed knowing that a picture may be the closest she would come to them anytime soon. At least she can see them all happy.

***

Renesmee had spent the day in the house going from room to room. She took all the family pictures she could find and insisted on taking a few of Edward's books and CDs as well. I told her we could stay through her birthday and then we'd move to Bainbridge Island. She was really excited.

That night, I decided to go off while she slept. She was perfectly safe there. I wandered around through the woods till I reached the meadow. It was serene, a little over grown but the snow had taken it to a completely different level of beautiful.

I thought about going to see Charlie, even if I just was going to see him sleeping. I decided I couldn't. If I saw him… I would want to hug him and apologize and explain; and I couldn't.

I thought about going to see Angela. I even came as close to going to her house. Her car was gone and there were no new cars. She probably moved; college for something… maybe she got married…

I smiled for Angela, but I was heartbroken for myself. I couldn't go to college. Sure I had enough time to do so; I had forever. But I refused to use Alice's money for myself.

And, if she was married… I'd never be married. There was no one else for me and I'd never be with him. He didn't want me.

I ran back to the house and laid next to Renesmee. I didn't have the desire to explore without her now. I'd rather watch her see everything for the first time.

The next day I let her explore the meadow and told her stories of my time there. The next day we celebrated her birthday.

We didn't leave the house during the day because I didn't want to risk coming across anyone, but we played games and I read her one of Edward's books. She picked it out and as I read to her, she sighed and giggled and whispered things that she didn't mean for me hear. She wanted to meet him so badly and was truly sad he didn't still live here. I read till she fell asleep and then loaded up the car. When she woke up we left for Bainbridge Island. She cried the whole car ride, and I felt like I wanted to as well.

A/N: Sorry it took a little longer than I said to update but I had a lot of things to get done yesterday. For some reason it also took longer than I thought to write the chapter. It was kind of a set-up but also had Bella and Renesmee back in Forks for bit. I hoped you all liked it.

Next chapter should be up by Friday, sorry I have a full day tomorrow but should start writing soon. Next chapter will be another time-jump, we're getting closer to the 20 year mark!

As always, Read, Review, and Ask! I love your comments, keep them coming!

~kmwhyte