Chapter 28 – Making memories

It wasn't raining as Flack drove that night to Lily's place but it should have been. If he had an accident because of the rain he could go into a coma and maybe when he woke up again, everything would have been fixed. Nah, the physical therapy's a bitch! Maybe he could just hit his head, have amnesia and – ta dah! – everything would be fixed. Emphasis on the everything would be fixed. But Don Flack didn't have that luck and it was a beautiful night. Any other day, he would have reveled in the quietness of the city, the glow of the moon, the breeze that came from the window. But not tonight. Because he had messed up big time and making it right meant hurting the only person he truly loved. If you really loved her you wouldn't have done what you did, that annoying voice in his head reminded him. The worst thing about that voice was that it was right. If he loved her, he wouldn't have … he parked in front of her building and pressed his forehead against the steering wheel. He had to tell her, that was the first step. He just wished he didn't have to. Because it was going to hurt both of them. Flack took a deep breath and got out of the car. On the way to her apartment he kept beating himself up mentally. Why had he been so stupid? He should stop being impulsive like that because it was clearly a problem.

There was a knock on Lily's door and after overcoming her surprise, she opened it.

'Don! What a nice surprise, wasn't expecting you,' she smiled and her eyes lightened up.

Flack groaned and almost left. He couldn't do it when she was all happy to see him. Granted, once he opened his mouth she wasn't going to be so excited. He felt like the biggest jerk for having to confess what he'd done. He massaged his temple.

'Had a rough day, I see. Want coffee or something?' she asked with concern and he shook his head. 'Talking 'bout it helps.'

'Sam screwed up again.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Not your fault. Told you it would happen,' he said acidly.

'What did she do?'

'She lost her job.'

'She can get another one.'

'She was fired because she drank on the job.'

'Don, does she have a drinking problem?' she treaded lightly.

'She's an alcoholic.'

'Don't be so harsh, maybe she just …'

'I followed her to an AA meeting,' he interrupted her.

'That's a good thing. If Sam's already seeking help, the first battle's already won.'

'It's gonna take more than a battle for her to overcome it.'

'One step at a time. I can get her a job as long as she's committed to going to the meetings and soon she'll be on the right track.'

'Thanks but don't. She has to find her own way,' and you shouldn't do me any favors after what I did.

'Only temporary, until something better comes along. I do believe in second chances,' she smiled reassuringly and put her hand on his bicep. He drew away. 'What else is wrong?'

'Mmm?' he played dumb.

'You've barely made eye contact, you've drawn away physically from me and have been acting weird since you came in. What's wrong?' she was worried and confused but the concern was what made Flack feel more guilty.

'You're gonna be a great detective.'

'It's because I know you. And not only do I realize when somebody's lying to me, I know when they're deflecting, so spill.'

'I really screwed up, Lily,' he buried his face in his hands.

'Surely there's a way to make it better? I'm listening.'

'Before I tell you, I need you to know how sorry I am. I wish it hadn't happened and if I could take it back, I'd do it in a heartbeat,' he looked straight into her eyes for the last time before hurting her.

'Okay, I'm getting worried here.'

'My car was at home so when I went to talk to my sister and I saw her going out, followed her on foot. I thought she was going to get in trouble and I called Angell in case Sam had to be booked. I didn't wanna be her arresting officer, y'know?' he paused to find the courage to actually tell her the whole story.

'I'm not gonna like the end of it, am I?' Lily braced herself for something bad.

'The door of the room where the meeting was being held was half closed and I listened to my sister say how we were the perfect family and she was the screw up,' it hurt him to repeat it, it hurt him to go on. 'So obviously, me being a good brother, went out and screwed up big time.'

'What did you do, Don?' she didn't want to ask but knew he wanted to tell her and needed a little push.

'I needed to walk it off so I told her I didn't need the ride but before she left I … I kissed her,' he looked down. 'I'm really sorry, Lily.'

'Please tell me this is a very, very bad joke,' she couldn't believe her ears.

'I wish it was,' he said with a pained expression and tried to hug her.

'Don't touch me, just … don't!' she moved away from him.

'I'm so sorry, I wish it …'

'Stop it with the excuses and fake apologies, I need to process this,' she shut him up and ran her hand through her hair.

'If I could go back in time …'

'You'd do it again. I should've known. There was something between you two when you were together, guess I just chose to ignore it 'cause you were with me.'

'No, there's nothing between us, just a stupid kiss which was a mistake.'

'If it'd been just a stupid kiss you wouldn't have told me. You're not here because of honesty or morality but because of guilt. You want absolution and Don, I can't give you that, I'm sorry,' tears started streaming down her face.

'I'm asking you to forgive me.'

'Go to a priest. Maybe a couple Hail Mary's will ease your conscience.'

'Lily, please! I'm sorry,' his eyes were welling up with tears.

'Saying sorry isn't gonna change the fact that you cheated on me.'

'It was a stupid kiss!'

'Yeah, with another woman! You know what hurts the most?' she asked and Flack shook his head. 'If she'd kissed you and you'd kissed her back, I could have lived with that. Painful but I would have forgiven you. Knowing that you initiated it; that's devastating.'

Tears were flowing freely down both of their faces.

'Is there anything I can do to make it better? Maybe not to forgive me but to make you feel better,' he offered.

'Oh no, you've done enough! Weird thing is the thought of you cheating on me never even crossed my mind. You were so righteous and … I never even considered that possibility.'

'I didn't sleep with her!'

'Yet. Don't worry, I'll stay out of your way so you can do it without feeling guilty.'

'I don't want to, I just want you. I love you.'

'Funny. Thought that if you loved someone you didn't think of other people.'

'I just think of you babe, please.'

'Don't give me that crap! Tell me, how long have you been thinking 'bout her?'

'A couple of months,' he admitted ashamedly after a pause.

'And you come and tell me you just think of me? What a hypocrite! But since we're obviously over, now you can go with her,' she stood up and grabbed her purse.

'Where you goin'?' he asked.

'I need to clear my head. Leave the doorman my spare key when you leave,' she opened the door and spoke before leaving, 'hope you're really happy together and that she was worth it.'

Flack didn't want her wandering through the streets at night but realized she needed her space so he didn't follow. He just buried his head in his hands and hoped it was a nightmare he was going to wake up from in some minutes, with his girlfriend holding him and telling him it was gonna be okay. That was all he wished.

Lily took the L train and since it was empty, used the ride to cry her heart out. She then ran to her destination and knocked on the door.

'What are you doing here this late? What happened?' she was ushered inside.

'I'm sorry, I … didn't know where else to go.'

'You'll always have a place here, everyone does.'

'I know, that's why I came. Do you need any help? Is there anything I could do?'

'Why don't you to talk to me first?'

'You should go back to sleep not hear some stupid story,' she explained.

'I'm already awake so you might as well …'

'I feel like a moron. My boyfriend cheated on me and seeing as I'm not gonna get any sleep tonight, thought I could help you; do something nice, I don't know.'

'"Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone" – Galatians 6:10. I could use another person tomorrow.'

'Thanks. But is there something I can do now? Like clean or something?' she pleaded.

'Sure. You could start with the floors, I guess. The mop's over there,' he pointed at a cupboard and turned to leave.

'Thanks Tom,' Lily grabbed what she needed and started scrubbing the church's floors.

It took her three hours and a half to get to the altar. Once there, she spent forty minutes trying to clean the same spot. When Father Tom O'Callahan walked in, he found her still scrubbing that place, crying.

'Did the brush say something mean? Why are you crying?' he joked.

'It's just that … no matter how hard I try, I can't clean it,' she brushed some tears from her face and kept scrubbing.

'Looks pretty clean to me,' he raised an eyebrow. 'You did a good job, thanks. Now you should get some rest.'

'I'm almost finished. What time is it, by the way?'

'5:20. What time do you have to be at work?'

'If I leave at six, I'll be there in time.'

Father O'Callahan kneeled and after grabbing a sponge started cleaning too. When they were done he told her to have breakfast with him.

'You feeling any better?' he handed her a cup of coffee.

'Yeah, thanks. I really needed that,' she yawned.

'What? The working or the coffee?'

'Both, actually. I appreciate it.'

'Don't mention it,' he smiled.

'I know I haven't been here in a long time and I'm sorry.'

'You're here now. You've found solace in the house of the Lord, that's enough.'

'I've found solace in a very good friend,' she corrected him with a smile.

'Some things never change, huh?' he grinned.

'I guess they don't. You'll always be a man of God, I'll always be a woman of science.'

'I'm fine with that, you?'

'Wouldn't have it any other way.'

'How's life, besides this boyfriend thing?' he wanted to catch up with her.

'Good. I'm working as a cop and I'm running my own law firm too, it's great.'

'I'm happy for you. Running this place is sometimes crazy; too many people and not enough funds,' he frowned.

'You're doing a great thing here, Tom. Remember that.'

'Wish I could do more, though.'

'If there's any way I can help, let me know,' she paused. 'I'd ask about your love life but there's nothing to say, is there?'

'Nope. You? Should I pray for the guy to go to hell?' he smiled.

'No, he's gonna go to Heaven,' she smiled sadly.

'I was joking Lily, sorry.'

'It's okay. He's a detective, you know? An amazing guy.'

'Who cheated on you.'

'That doesn't mean I don't love him. Or that he's not wonderful.'

'You've always loved too much, Lil.'

'Pot calling the kettle black; you're a priest for God's sake!'

'I love the Lord, not everyone.'

'I don't love everyone. Just certain people who've earned it.'

'Okay, my bad.'

'Gotta go, thanks Tom,' she hugged him.

'Don't be a stranger, a'right?'

'You can come visit too, Father.'

'I'll try. God bless you and have a nice day.'

'Bye, take care.'

Lily left more relieved than when she'd come at one in the morning. Tom had that special gift; he made everyone feel good about themselves, at ease. That's what made him a great priest. Not to mention he was dedicated and compassionate.

They'd met many years ago, at school and had become instant friends. She was drawn by his sense of humor and kindness and he liked her honesty and her mind. Together they'd spent lots of hours studying and growing up. Lily had been there when his parents died and Tom supported her throughout the difficult teenage years. Now, as adults, they'd been able to accept their differences and continue their friendship. Neither time nor God had gotten between them and that was all that mattered.

Lily found solace in his words, his company, his kind demeanor. There was something about Tom O'Callahan that made her feel at peace. Maybe it was all they'd been through, maybe it was all they shared that made their bond so special. Thing was, despite all odds they'd managed to hold on to their friendship and that itself was worth more than anything else.

Tom found a certain freshness in Lily. Her sincerity, her straight-forwardness and her big heart appealed to him. She made him feel anything could happen if he just worked for it and Tom liked that hopefulness. Sometimes naïve, yes, but always inspiring. She made him believe in miracles and even though he was a religious man, his faith sometimes slackened.

He smiled as he remembered those days as a teenager. How they were so carefree and innocent, when the only thing they worried about was getting a good grade on a paper or if this girl or that boy were interested in them. Those were good times. But now a choice he'd made hung heavy over his head like a Damocles sword. But now all she'd seen on the job had toughened her up. And there was no going back, you couldn't just rewind life and do things a different way, no matter how many times Father O'Callahan prayed for that.

So here it goes. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, please keep doing it. Sorry for taking so long but life's been crazy! I try to keep things as cannon as possible, so this had to happen; don't hate me. Things will work out in the end, don't worry - thank God for Pay Up.