Chapter 29 – Faith Crisis

That day after work, Lily went to Father O'Callahan's church. She looked worn out.

'What are you doing here?' his tone was disapproving.

'I promised I'd stop by to help,' she shrugged and went inside.

'Ever heard of sleeping? Some people say it's great.'

'Don't know what you're talking about, sorry.'

'You could help with dinner,' he sighed, knowing that it was useless to argue with her.

After the homeless that went to the church for food left, Tom and Lily were the only ones remaining to clean up.

'I can't believe you help this many people on your own, without any volunteers,' she was awed.

'It's not that hard, I mean, I've got time …'

'You're an angel, Tom,' she caressed his chin with a smile and left a trail of soapy water from the kitchen utensils they were washing.

'And you're such a girl!' he couldn't help but smile.

'Yeah and you love me anyway,' she said playfully.

'True,' he flicked some soap at her with a grin.

'Oh, real mature!'

'You started it.'

Lily stretched to wipe his cheek (which was still covered with soap) but slipped on some of the flecks that had fallen on the floor. Tom grabbed her by the waist, stopping her fall but getting her blouse all wet.

'Good thing you have quick reflexes, thanks,' she blushed.

'No problem. Sorry for soaking your top,' he smiled apologetically.

'Easily fixed,' Lily took off her blouse, revealing a small white tank top that did a bad job of covering her body.

Tom swallowed hard at the sight. The fact that he'd taken a celibacy vow didn't mean he stopped feeling. As any other man who was faced with the woman he loved in skimpy clothes, he wanted to do something about it besides look. He might as well admit it now; he'd been in love with Lily for a while. And having her so close after so long stirred things inside him. Things he didn't want to come out, like thinking about leaving priesthood.

His demeanor changed, turning the mood darker as he threw the sponge into the sink.

'What happened, Tom? You look gloom,' Lily was worried.

'I want to stop being a priest,' he confessed.

'What? Why?'

'I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to help many people with as little money as I get. I'm tired of having to do everything on my own, I'm tired of the celibacy vow but most of all, I'm tired of the lack of freedom.'

'What about getting some volunteers or getting more funds?'

'It's not enough, I'm … worn out. There are too many restrictions, I just want to be free!' he explained.

'Aren't you anymore?'

'No,' he whispered. 'Remember those days when we were carefree? When nothing hurt us for too long and no one expected much from us? I miss that.'

'We grew up, Tommy. That's life. You have to assume responsibilities and face challenges,' she put a hand on his shoulder.

'It's too overwhelming, too exhausting. I – I can't handle it anymore,' he closed his eyes and Lily enveloped him in a hug.

'It's gonna be okay, you'll get through it,' she stroke his hair as he cried on her shoulder.

Seeing him so vulnerable made something inside of her crumble. She hated the Church now more than ever because of what it had done to her friend. More than anything, Lily wanted to fix it. She couldn't stand that such a wonderful person, such a loving man was suffering. He didn't deserve it.

'It's not too late, sweetheart. You can start again, get another job,' she kept her tight hold on him.

'What? This is the only thing I've ever been good at.'

'Not true. You're a smart, caring, dedicated man. How about working in social services or … you could become a teacher.'

'You really think I can start again? I haven't worked in anything else, I haven't dated anyone, I don't know how to live anymore without being a churchman,' he was devastated.

'You're gonna be okay, you're gonna make it. I'll help you,' she caressed his cheek. 'What do you need to do to leave?'

'I have to find a replacement and train him, that's going to take some time. I don't know if I can wait.'

'You focus on finding the right guy for the job and I'll help you with the rest, how does that sound?'

'Thanks, I appreciate it. I think I know who could do it, I'll give him a call tomorrow.'

'That's good,' she smiled encouragingly and kissed the top of his head.

'Sorry for this outburst, I just can't handle it anymore,' he apologized, blushing slightly as he did.

'Don't worry, that's what friends are for,' Lily ruffled his hair.

'It's amazing how after all this time we're still friends.'

'You're too good a guy to lose, Tom. I'll never stop being your friend.'

'Likewise, Lily. I missed you when we were out of touch,' he admitted.

'Sorry about that. Sometimes things get in the way and we forget what is truly important. But I promise it won't happen again.'

Three days later, Tom O'Callahan had found his replacement and showed him the ropes so he was officially out of the game.

'C'mon, Tom, let's go for a celebratory drink,' Lily urged him. 'You can do that now.'

'Sure.'

They got to Lily's favorite bar and took a seat in those metal stools in front of the barman. She asked for their drinks, which were ready in two minutes.

'For a new life,' she lifted her Cosmo.

'Cheers,' they clinked glasses.

'So, Tom, you like any of the women in the room?' she asked playfully.

'Um, sure.' You.

'Because that brunette over there hasn't stopped looking at you.'

'Oh,' this whole situation felt so weird to him. It was a new experience and made him feel very insecure.

Lily sauntered to that woman and talked to her. The stranger came to where he was and introduced herself while the lawyer took up another stool far from them.

'Haven't seen you here before,' the woman took a seat next to Tom.

'It's my first time here,' he was embarrassed and uncomfortable.

'Oh, I'm Clarisse,' she extended her hand.

'Tom,' they shook hands.

'So what do you do for a living, Tom?'

'I'm a priest. Well, was. I'm currently unemployed,' it broke his heart to utter those words. His life had lost all meaning.

Clarisse engaged him in conversation and he tried to answer and talk back to the best of his abilities. Truth was, he was uncomfortable with women flirting and hated to do it himself. Besides, the one woman he'd be willing to flirt with was a few feet away, being chatted up by a strong, handsome guy. Tom kept talking with the woman next to him, he clearly had no chance with Lily.

Lily had given Tom some space so that he could experience this situation by himself. Sitting on another stool a couple of feet away, she asked for a drink.

'What is such a beautiful woman doing alone?' asked a big, burly and handsome guy with a charming smile.

'Drowning her sorrows,' she took a sip of her drink.

'Too bad. Mind if I drown them with you?' he asked the bartender for a beer and sat next to her.

'Knock yourself out.'

'So what's troubling that pretty head of yours?'

'Ex-boyfriend,' she answered truthfully.

'What a jerk!' he shook his head.

'You don't even know him, how can you say that?'

'He left you, that's enough for me to know he's a moron.'

'I left him, actually,' Lily pointed out.

'He lost you, didn't he? It's probably a good thing, though. You're too good for him.'

'And you're too kind. May I ask your name?'

'Rick.'

'Well, thanks Rick,' she gave him a small smile.

'Whatever it takes to make you smile … I didn't catch your name.'

'I'm Lily. And I'm guessing your goal's not to make me smile but get me into bed.'

'You're better than that. But maybe I misjudged you.'

'Then if you know that, why did you approach me?' she was curious.

'Because you looked sad,' he answered.

'Great! Look, the last thing I need is charity so just leave,' she was upset.

'It's not charity, I hate to see pretty women sad. You don't deserve whatever it was that he did to you,' the man spoke nonchalantly.

'How do you know I didn't do something to him?'

'Because you don't sound guilty, you sound ashamed. He probably cheated on you.'

'Yeah, he kissed another woman.'

'Well, it could have been worse …'

'But that act as simple or stupid as it looks, meant he didn't love me anymore, he didn't respect me and he didn't have the guts to break up with me,' she asked for another drink.

Rick told the bartender to hold that drink and gave him a bill. 'You're not used to drinking. C'mon, I'll take you home.'

'Better make it your place,' Lily stood up.

'Thought you weren't the type,' he retorted with a sharp look.

'There's always a first time. Now, are you coming or not?' she asked and he … he followed. How could he reject her?

They got to his apartment in ten minutes.

'Sorry for the mess but I wasn't expecting …'

'I don't care,' she interrupted before kissing him and taking him to the bedroom.

Two hours later Lily was putting her clothes back on.

'Why don't you stay the night?' Rick pleaded with a kiss.

'Can't, sorry. Left my card on your bedside table if you ever need legal counsel.'

'What if I call you for other reasons?'

'Look, tonight was amazing and I appreciate it but I'm not gonna be your booty call,' she wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

'That's not what I meant, I …' he saw she was eager to leave. 'Okay, I get it, this was just a one night stand. Go home.'

Once on the street, Lily breathed deeply. The cold air hitting her face made her reflect on what had just happened. The night had turned out unexpectedly, that was for sure.

She knew she'd been stupid and reckless but had really needed it. Lily needed someone to restore her self-confidence, to make her feel wanted. Flack's rejection had hit her hard. So she found comfort in this random stranger who'd been extremely nice towards her. Up to some point her actions made her feel ashamed of herself. Where's your self-respect, Lily? You lost that when he disrespected you.

So here goes a filler chapter. Do leave a review with comments, suggestions, etc. Thanks to sparkyCSI for being such an awesome beta and to all of those wonderful people who have reviewed!