Warning: Contains non-sexual spanking. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.
Disclaimer: Do not own Twilight in any way shape or form.
Chapter 2: Exhausting Nightmares
Since I didn't want to sleep, I decided that I may as well take care of some household chores. We were low on groceries, clothes needed to be washed, and the bathroom was getting pretty gross. At least it will keep me busy, and hopefully I'll be so worn out tonight I won't have any nightmares.
Fat chance of that, I thought ruefully.
I quickly showered, putting makeup on to hide the bags under my eyes before making a pot of coffee for breakfast. Since Edward wasn't here I wouldn't have to make an effort to eat. I rarely had an appetite anymore so when Edward was forcing food down my throat, it took all my willpower to keep it down and not puke in his face. Now there's a romantic thought.
After drinking down the whole pot I headed out to get groceries, which took me about an hour. After putting them away and starting the laundry my cell phone began to ring. I quickly stumbled over to the kitchen where I had left it, swearing when my shin banged into the chair. Glancing at the phone, I noticed it was Dad calling. I wasn't really in the mood for talking, but I knew better than to ignore his call, so I answered.
"Hi Dad", I greeted tiredly.
"Hello Bella" Carlisle greeted warmly. "What have you been up to since Edward left?"
"Uhh, just household chores", I replied. "Without Edward here to distract me, I figured I'd give the house a good cleaning. If I don't do it, I know Charlie never w-w-will" I continued, while trying to stifle a yawn.
"You sound exhausted Bella", Carlisle said concerned. "Perhaps you should take it easy. You don't want to run yourself down."
I smiled at his concern. "I'm fine Dad. I just didn't sleep that well last night, but it's nothing to worry about" I assured him.
"Well, if you're sure", Carlisle said. I could tell he was still concerned but he was letting it slide for now. "Why don't you spend the day me tomorrow. I would really love to see you" he asked me kindly.
I smiled again, touched by the sincerity in his words. How I loved my vampire father. "Sure Dad. I'll head over to your place round 9:30 tomorrow".
"Wonderful!" Carlisle replied excitedly. "I'll see you tomorrow then. And please don't overwork yourself Bella" he advised.
"I won't Dad" I said rolling my eyes. "Bye"
"Bye sweetheart, and don't roll your eyes at me", he responded before hanging up. I couldn't help but laugh at his parting statement; he knew me too well.
With that taken care of I continued to give the house a thorough cleaning, missing lunch, and almost missing dinner. Thankfully Charlie called to tell me he'd be late for dinner, so I had time to throw together a quick meal of spaghetti and meatballs.
"Hey Bells" he greeted me tiredly before sitting down at the table.
"Hi Dad" I greeted him before serving him a large plate, and me a small one.
He quickly wolfed down his meal, while I picked at mine. "Aren't you hungry Bella?" he asked concerned.
I smiled at him. "Not really. I had a late lunch since I lost track of time while cleaning."
He nodded, satisfied with my answer. "So, no Edwin today?" he grunted.
I cringed at the name. "His name is Edward and you know that", I snapped at him. My patience was really thin lately because of how little sleep I'd been able to get. "And no, he wasn't here today. He went camping with his brothers, and is going to be gone all week", I continued moodily. I hated it when he purposely screwed up Edward's name. I wished he would get over his little hate-fest and learn to accept that Edward was a part of my life and was never going to go away.
Charlie held his hands up in a placating manner. "Alright Bells, relax. I didn't mean anything by it". I snorted. "Thanks for the meal kid" he continued before putting his dishes in the sink. "I'm going to Billy's to watch a football game, you wanna tag along?" he asked. "I'm sure Jake would love to see you".
The thought of seeing Jacob was tempting, but in the end I shook my head. "No thanks Dad. I've got to finish cleaning the bathroom and then I'll probably start on the kitchen".
"Well don't overwork yourself Bella. You've been looking really tired lately, and the kitchen isn't going anywhere." I nodded my head at him and sighed once he left.
Great, I thought. If Charlie can see how tired I am, then how am I going to hide it from Carlisle? I considered calling and telling him I had somewhere else to be, but then thought better of it. That would be considered lying and if Carlisle found out, my butt would be toast, and there was no way I wanted that to happen.
Pushing those thoughts from my head I finished up the bathroom and was heading down the stairs when a dizzy spell hit me. I immediately gripped the rail, while trying to make the world stop spinning. Maybe I'll just leave the kitchen for tomorrow, I thought.
Shaking my head to clear it of the dizziness, I trudged back up and went to lie on my bed. I'll just rest my eyes for a few minutes, and then head back down…
Dream Sequence:
… I was in the clearing where the battle against the newborns had taken place. I could see a huge bonfire, where the pieces of the newborn vampires were being burned.
"The Volturi don't give second chances" a cruel voice said. (credit for this line goes to Eclipse movie)
I turned quickly to see Jane smirking at me evilly. "It's all your fault, you know. If it wasn't for you, they'd still be alive" she told me.
I looked at her confused. "What are you talking about?" I demanded.
She pointed to the bonfire, her smirk becoming even wider. I looked at the bonfire, and that's when I saw it; a ring, with the Cullen crest. My heart seized up and I couldn't breathe. "No", I mouthed. I turned to Jane and she burst out into laughter.
"This is what happens to those who dare defy the Volturi" she said before breaking out into fits of laughter once more.
Turning back to the fire, I ran towards it looking for some way to put it out. Tears were pouring down my face and I was sobbing as I looked around me. There was nothing, nothing I could do. I stared once more at the fire willing it to not be true when I saw his face; Edwards dead eyes stared up at me accusingly. I stared horrified when his mouth opened and he said, "This is all your fault Bella! Look what you've done to us!" he raged at me.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Please Edward, forgive me!" I cried to him. As I pleaded his face morphed into Rosalie's, then Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Esme, and finally Carlisle. All of them stared at me with accusing eyes. "We should never have let you into our family! It's your fault we're dead!" they shouted at me.
I covered my ears, while sobbing my heart out. "Please! I'm sorry! I never meant for this to happen! I'm sorry! I'm sorry…I'm sorry….
End Dream
I abruptly woke up, tears streaming down my face before bolting to the bathroom to remove what little content there was in my stomach. When I finished I rinsed my mouth out with mouthwash and headed back to my room.
I listened intently to check if Charlie had been woken, but there was no sound from his room. I had finally mastered keeping quiet while I slept, so that even with the worst of nightmares, I wouldn't bother anyone with my screams. Edward had found this extremely annoying since my sleep-talking had been one of his favorite forms of amusement, and because it always informed him of what was bothering me. He really hated that I wasn't talking to him.
I glanced at the clock, noting it was 4 AM. I sighed, knowing I would get no more sleep tonight. This nightmare had been worse than usual, and the Cullens' accusing glares were imprinted on my mind. I shuddered and pulled my blanket around me tighter.
I had nothing to be guilty about, I scolded myself. The Cullens would never regret having me in their family. These dreams are just stupid.
But what if they do blame you for all the trouble? a little voice in the back of my head questioned. Life would be much simpler for the Cullens without them having to constantly protect you. They wouldn't have any reason to fear the Volturi's wrath if it wasn't for you.
"Shut up!" I told myself. Great, now I'm arguing with myself.
I couldn't help but agree with the little voice though. I had brought nothing but trouble into the Cullen's life. I shook my head of these mournful thoughts and grabbed my CD player. Turning the music full blast, I then grabbed Wuthering Heights and began reading.
Morning came quickly and after hearing Charlie shower and leave, I got up and headed for the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I couldn't help but gasp. I looked like death warmed over. My eyes were bloodshot, and I had big dark bags under them. I was also paler than usual, which was a real cause for concern as I already was nearly as pale as the Cullens.
Shit! I thought. There is no way in hell I can let Carlisle see me like this. He would freak and pester me until I told him what was wrong, and then he'd never let me out of his sight. I groaned before stepping into the shower and trying to make myself look as lively as possible. It was no use. As I looked into the mirror once more, I saw that I still resembled a walking zombie.
I was beginning to panic at this point. I can't go see him, but I don't want to come up with some lie either. My mind raced with endless excuses and solutions causing my head to ache. I'll just have to stick to half-truths. I'll call Dad and tell him I'm not feeling well, which is true, and that it will probably be best if I stay in bed today. Yeah, that should work.
Grabbing my cell, I slowly dialed Carlisle's number. Taking a deep breath, I put the phone to my ear. On the second ring, Carlisle picked up. "Good morning Bella, you're up early" he greeted me.
"Mornin' Dad, how are you?" I asked stalling for time.
"I am perfectly fine, sweetheart, thank you for asking. You, on the other hand sound as exhausted as you did yesterday, are you alright?" he asked concernedly.
"Umm, kind of. I think I may have overdone it a bit yesterday. I'm not feeling that great so I was just calling to tell you that I wouldn't be able to make it today. I think it would be best if I just rest here", I informed him. I then held my breath, anxious to hear what he had to say.
"You're not feeling well? What are your symptoms? Do you need me to come over?" he asked quickly.
"No no no Dad! Don't worry, I'm fine by myself. I'm just tired and I have a headache. I'll just take some Tylenol and get some sleep. I'll be better in no time." I tried to assure him.
"Are you sure you don't need anything Bella? I could come pick you up and bring you here", he suggested kindly.
"No Dad, you don't need to do that. I'm good here. I have everything I need, but thanks for the offer", I replied.
"Very well", he said before heaving a sigh. "I told you not to overwork yourself Bella" he chastised softly.
I winced at the rebuke. "Yeah, I'm sorry Dad."
"It's alright Bella, just take care of yourself. Eat something, drink lots of liquids, and stay in bed. I will come to check on you in the afternoon." He replied.
My eyes widened in horror and I cursed internally. "That's really not necessary Dad. Really, I can take care of myself just fine. Besides, I'll probably be sleeping most of the day. Just enjoy your time alone without kids", I quickly tried to persuade him.
"Isabella", he said sternly, "I know that you can take care of yourself, but that does not mean I will worry any less about you. I will feel much better if I can see you for myself. This is not up for discussion, so I will see you around 3 whether you are awake or not."
I groaned internally. There was no arguing with him when he used that tone. "OK Dad, I'll see you then" I responded while trying to keep the irritation out of my voice.
"Bye sweetie, get some rest", he said before we both hung up.
As touched as I was by his concern, I really didn't think I deserved it. Will I never cease to be such a bother to them, I thought miserably. This is his time to be alone, which doesn't happen often, and he's spending it worried about me. Maybe my nightmares are trying to tell me something.
I sighed before rubbing a hand over my face. Walking into the kitchen, I fixed myself a pot of coffee and poured myself some cereal. Forcing both the cereal and coffee down my throat, I started cleaning the kitchen to occupy myself. However, as I was scrubbing down the countertops, I quickly became dizzy and ended up slipping and banging my head on the countertop. Blackness surrounded me as I fell into unconsciousness.
A/N: So, Bella has been having these freakish guilt wracking nightmares for a while now and they have made her totally exhausted and irritable. Wonder what will happen next? Hope you're enjoying and if so, please REVIEW! they make my world go round!