Note: Half of this chapter is unbeta'ed. I'm sorry, but it was really difficult to write. And since I exceeded my update for a whole week, I just had to upload it like this. I apologize for any mistakes or if you don't like it.

Chapter 30 – I want you

Lily and Steve were responding to a detective's call for back up. He had to serve an arrest warrant on a perp and called for a patrol; standard procedure. They got to the location and entered the building where the suspect lived. They climbed the stairs to the fifth floor where he resided and after knocking and announcing it was the NYPD, went in.

All the rooms were clear so the detective started looking for something that might tell him where to find the perp. He was rummaging through the hundreds of bills on the table, facing the door, when the suspect came in through the kitchen window and started firing at them.

He dropped the papers in his hands and tried to draw his gun but Lily tackled him. They watched as two bullets went over their bodies, knowing that they would have hit him in the leg and neck. Lily sat up and shot the perp in the hand, forcing him to drop the gun as the detective ran to the shooter and cuffed him. Steve was lying on the ground, blood gushing from his leg. As the detective called for a bus, his partner rushed to him.

'It's gonna be okay, Steve. Just stay with me,' she put pressure on the wound.

Two minutes later the paramedics barged into the apartment and took the officer to the hospital. Three minutes had passed when Mac came in, very worried.

'Flack! Is everything okay?' he demanded as severe as usual even though he was worried about the younger detective.

'A uni's at the hospital but he's gonna be fine and the suspect's under custody,' he was calm, considering what had just happened.

'You want me to take your statement first or should I start with the other officer?'

'She's pretty shaken up,' he pointed at the woman. 'I'll go first.'

After Flack was done, Mac processed the scene before talking to the other cop.

'Officer Stewart, I have to take your statement before you can go see your partner,' he approached her.

'It started as a customary arrest but the suspect wasn't home. Detective Flack was going through his things to find a secondary location when the perp came through the kitchen window and started shooting at us,' she stopped and Mac cut in.

'That was when you tackled Detective Flack to the ground?'

'Yes, sir. Then I shot the suspect and Detective Flack secured him while we waited for the bus,' she stared at her hands which were covered in her partner's blood. 'Is that all?'

'Yes, you can go now,' Mac nodded and watched the woman leave.

On the ride to the hospital she relived that situation in her head over and over again. Finding that Flack had been the detective asking for back up had been awkward. She didn't know how to act around him and she hadn't had the chance to do it before. Which was good, Lily didn't really want to see him. But she had to be professional; they were on the job. So after that minor setback, they went in; standard procedure, nothing out of the ordinary. Until that psycho had started firing at them. Her instincts kicked in and she managed to tackle Flack before he got hurt. The bullets flew over their bodies, making it even more real. She'd never been in a shootout and it was scary. The chaos was what frightened her the most, not knowing if the three of them were going to get out of there alive, not knowing what to do. Because in the academy they didn't prepare you for this kind of thing.

In a sudden adrenaline rush, she un-holstered her gun – which she hadn't had time to do before – and after getting her mark for about three seconds, shot at the perp. The bullet hit his hand, making him drop the weapon he was firing. Flack ran to him and cuffed him; everything was going to be alright now, the chaos had stopped. And that was when she saw it.

Steve was lying on the floor, clutching his leg. Her whole world came crushing down. If something happened to him … she would never forgive herself if he died while she was protecting Flack. Lily didn't want Flack to die either, but her partner was her partner and she was supposed to have his back. Always. But when this whole thing came down she was a couple of feet away and she hadn't even realized he was hurt. What a good job she'd done! As she walked to her partner's room she shook her head, trying to get that memory out of her mind. Steve covered in blood and in pain was an image she wasn't likely to forget anytime soon.

Two hours later Flack went to the hospital to visit the wounded officer.

'How is he?' the detective asked Lily, who was sitting at his side.

'He's gonna be okay,' she nodded and went outside, so as not to bother her partner.

'Look, Lily, I came here to say thanks. I'd probably be dead if it wasn't for you,' Flack was really grateful.

'That's why we were there, remember? To have your back,' she shrugged it off.

'Yeah, but after everything we've been through …'

'Don, I'm a good cop. When I'm on the job it doesn't matter if I love you, hate you, if you cheated on me or if we had a life together; my job is to protect you and that's what I'll do. I would've tackled anyone,' she was a bit offended by his words.

'I know you are but sometimes feelings get in the way …' he tried to explain.

'Not while I'm wearing this uniform.'

'Well, I appreciate your quick reflexes,' he emphasized his words with a nod.

'And I appreciate your appreciation, sir,' she'd distanced herself from him with one simple word.

'I was wrong, you know?' he admitted with a small smile.

'About what?'

'You're good at this.'

'It took me saving your ass for you to finally realize it?' she half-joked.

'I should've seen it sooner, I know,' his phone rang. 'Umm, gotta go.'

'Of course. Go save the world,' she turned around to go back into the room but he grabbed her hand to stop her.

'I'm sorry for everything but there was a reason I didn't want you on the job: I couldn't face seeing you covered in blood, trembling, like you did today,' he said softly, letting go of her hand.

'Good thing you aren't home when I get back, then,' she answered acidly. 'Funny thing is you chose another cop so maybe you're masochistic or something.'

'Or maybe seeing Jess doesn't hurt that much …'

'Don't give me that crap, a'right? Just go …' she was upset.

And he left, unable to put into words what he wanted to say, sad that he couldn't get his message across. And she sat next to her partner, angry at herself for being upset at his words, after promising that Flack wouldn't hurt her again.

Two days later Lily was doing some paperwork in the precinct when someone sat in the chair on the other side of her desk.

'Excuse me, can I have word with you?'

'Detective Taylor, of course, what can I do for you today?' she left the pen on top of the papers and listened intently.

'What you did the other day was quite impressive,' he raised his eyebrows.

'Thank you, sir.'

'I heard you got a commendation for that great shot.'

She nodded. So it wasn't really easy to shoot a moving target in the hand, but it wasn't impossible either.

'I'm gonna cut straight to the point, come to work in the lab,' Mac never wasted any time.

'Ummm, I'm sorry sir but I can't,' she was taken aback by the offer.

'Why? You've got the qualifications, some experience, I'm recruiting you personally – that doesn't happen every day …'

'I understand all that and I'm flattered, sir. But you need someone to work at the lab and I still want to be a cop.'

'You would also have to go out on the field and you'd get a detective shield,' he was hoping she didn't refuse.

'I wanna earn it pounding the streets.'

'You'd rather be on the streets for at least two more years instead of becoming a detective right now?' Mac couldn't understand the logic behind that.

'I wanna go into Homicide and I know that if I take the job you're offering me, I'll be in the lab forever. That's okay, don't get me wrong, I just want to experience the cop side of things a bit more,' Lily tried to explain.

'Are you sure? 'Cause when I get up and leave the offer goes too.'

'I am,' she said firmly. 'I appreciate it, sir but I can't. Besides, you can't hire more people.'

'It'd be a transfer, I already talked to your supervisor. Do you change your mind?'

'No.'

Mac stood up and shook her hand before leaving. He didn't fully understand her motivations but respected her firmness; at least she knew what she wanted.

Lily was completely flabbergasted. She hadn't really seen that coming. And although she regretted her choice a little bit, she knew it was the right thing. Seeing Flack and Angell every day wasn't going to do much wonders for her ego or her mental health and it would be terribly awkward. Besides, she wanted to be a cop for as long as she could.

Despite all these arguments that had popped up in her head, a small piece of her regretted having said no to an offer by Mac Taylor himself. She knew those things didn't happen often and was really flattered. But that was life, when you made a choice you had to live with it. And she'd decided not to take the job. The furthest away she was from Flack, the better. She had a heart to fix back again and his presence would only make it worse.