Warning: Contains non-sexual spanking. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.
Disclaimer: Do not own Twilight in any way shape or form.
A/N: You guys all rock my world! Your reviews always make me smile, to the point my family gives me weird looks as they walk by me, haha! ENJOY!
Chapter 10: You Are Not Alone
I opened my eyes to find myself in the familiar comforting arms of my father. Sighing contently, I looked up into my father's dark eyes feeling more refreshed than I had in a while. Another night with no nightmares, I thought ecstatically.
My father gave me a brilliant smile before wishing me a good morning and asking me how I felt.
"I feel pretty good", I told him. "Not perfect, but I feel more refreshed than I have in a while, that's for sure. I sort of feel like I'm getting over being sick, still tired, but not crummy," I explained honestly.
My father nodded before pulling me to my feet. "I expect you will feel like this for a few more days at most, but it should get better each day if you continue to eat right and get a full night's sleep," he said while gazing at me sternly.
I nodded back at him, getting the hint.
"Well then, I will let you get ready. Anything particular you would like for breakfast?" he asked while heading towards the door.
I frowned, not feeling hungry at all. My lack of response caused my father to turn around and stare at me. His brow creased slightly before he smiled and said, "Very well, I'll see what I can come up with". He then walked out, closing the door behind himself.
I sighed softly before grabbing some clothes and heading into the shower. While getting dressed I glanced into the mirror and grimaced slightly. I still looked pale and had bags under my eyes; not as bad as two days ago, at least. I quickly dried my hair before carefully making my way into the kitchen.
As I entered, I found a plate with a ham and cheese omelet, a small bowl of mixed fruits, and a large glass of orange juice. I groaned and then heard a soft chuckle from behind me. I turned to see my father leaning against the entryway with his arms crossed. "Surely my cooking is not that bad", he joked with a mock hurt expression.
"Horrendous", I remarked sarcastically before making my way to the table.
"You wound me Bella", he replied as I began to eat. I laughed and then groaned again when he placed a glass of water and a few vitamins on the table. Shooting my father a long suffering look, I swallowed the pills, and then began to eat my food with an expression of utmost distaste.
My father laughed loudly before sitting himself on the opposite side of the table. "I apologize for caring so much about your health Bella. I am a horrible father to make sure you eat correctly and stay healthy", he told me humorously.
I rolled my eyes at him, while choking back a laugh. Swallowing, I then replied, "I'm glad you agree with me. Does that mean I don't have to eat anymore of this?" I asked hopefully.
My father responded with a brilliant smile before raising his eyebrows and shaking his head. "No, I'm afraid I still expect you to finish everything, my dear."
I sighed once more before forcing down the omelet, fruit, and juice. I felt ready to burst as I pushed the empty plates away.
"Good job Bella", Dad praised me causing me to glare at him. As if I had a choice, I thought.
After quickly washing the dishes, Carlisle put his arms on my shoulders and guided me back to the living room. "We still have much to discuss Bella, so let us get under way", he told me.
My shoulders slumped and my heart began to pound. What more is there to talk about, I thought confused. We already went over my dreams, and he already convinced me that Victoria and the Volturi are not my fault.
Carlisle massaged my shoulders gently before we took our seats. I peered at him nervously, wondering why he looked so serious all of a sudden.
"First off Bella," he began, "I want to make sure you completely understand that you are not to blame for the hardships we have faced. I want you to be completely honest with me sweetheart. Do you believe me when I say you are not at fault? Do you believe me when I say that this family, our family loves you dearly and would never ask you to leave?" he asked me.
I thought the questions over, and going over yesterday's conversation, looked my father in the eyes while nodding. "Yes, I believe you," I told him sincerely.
My father gazed at me intently, looking for any sign that I was unsure or lying. Finding none, he nodded to himself before gracing me with a smile. "Good", he said with relief.
"Now that we have that settled Bella, I would like to discuss your actions these past few weeks", he said while staring at me intently.
I frowned before staring at him perplexedly. "What do you mean?" I asked somewhat confused. I quickly glossed over the events of the past two weeks, and barring two days ago, I hadn't really done anything. What could he want to talk about, I thought nervously, rubbing my sweaty palms on my jeans.
"Relax sweetheart", my father replied, "I just want to know what you have been doing to have gotten yourself into such a state. It's obvious you haven't been sleeping or eating well, but I would like to know details. I want to know what you have done to try and cope with these nightmares".
Mind racing, I nodded to him. "Uh, well, as I told you before my nightmares started a few weeks ago. Right from the get-go they affected my sleeping. I'd wake up multiple times, and then I'd be too scared to go back to sleep". I bit my lip while looking at my father nervously.
He grabbed my hands and rubbed them soothingly. He looked at me concernedly while nodding his head in encouragement.
Taking a breath, I continued. "After a couple nights, my eating started to suffer. I couldn't get the images out of my head, and they made me sick to my stomach". I looked at my father earnestly before continuing. "It's not that I didn't want to eat, it's just that anytime I tried I'd get nauseous, and as the days turned into weeks, my body got used to eating less and less", I explained to him.
My father nodded his head in understanding before asking another question. "What about Edward Bella? He must know of these nightmares. Has he not helped you at all?" he asked astounded.
"It's not his fault, so don't you dare blame him!" I cried out angrily. No way was I going to allow him to blame Edward. He had done his best to help me, but I had refused him at every turn.
My father's eyebrows rose before he said quietly, "I was not blaming him Bella, and what have I told you about screaming at me?"
I blushed before mumbling an apology. He pierced me with a stern gaze before motioning for me to continue.
"Edward did know, and he was worried sick about me. At least three times a day we would argue about them, or my eating, or my lack of sleep," I said somewhat exasperated.
My father's eyebrows knitted together in confusion, and I answered his unspoken question.
"I refused to tell Edward anything, and I forbade him from telling anyone else", I told Carlisle softly. "I told him I could handle it on my own", I said somewhat bitterly. "I guess Edward got his wish in the end", I finished, chuckling humorlessly.
"What do you mean by that?" my father asked curiously.
"Edward didn't want to go on the hunting trip with Emmett and Jasper", I explained. "To convince him to go, I had to promise him that I would talk to someone about my nightmares…", I trailed off guiltily.
"You lied to him", my father stated simply.
Blushing to the roots of my hair, I nodded while looking down at my hands. "Yes", I admitted, ashamed with myself. It hadn't sounded so bad at the time.
"It was the only way I could get him to go, and I thought with him gone I would be able to deal with the nightmares once and for all. If I did that, then I wouldn't have to talk to anybody", I mumbled softly.
"Exactly how did you plan on dealing with these nightmares Bella?" my father questioned me.
I grimaced before shrugging my shoulders slightly. .
I heard a soft sigh, and looked up to see my father shaking his head at me. "And what exactly were you planning on doing when the week ended and you still had not dealt with the nightmares?" he asked me seriously.
I chewed on my bottom lip, wondering the same thing. I hadn't really gotten that far in my planning before everything had gone to hell. In fact, if I couldn't have gotten rid of them, I had been planning on figuring out how to better hide them, but I wasn't going to tell that to Dad.
I looked at my father, unsure of how to respond. He nodded to himself before saying, "It does not matter. What I would like to know now is why you did not tell Edward, or anyone else for that matter? Did you not realize you needed help?"
I sighed, while thinking of how to respond. "I just- I mean", I stammered, unsure of what to say. Swallowing nervously, I looked down at my hands before speaking once more. "I didn't tell him or any of you guys because I was ashamed," I admitted softly. Clenching my fits, I continued on; best to get it all out now.
"I was ashamed that you would all think me weak and pathetic. I'm tired of you guys always having to protect me, and worry about me. I'm not used to it!" I exclaimed emotionally. "I'm used to always being able to take care of things myself, I was ashamed to admit that some stupid nightmares were too much for me to handle. And I was scared," I continued more quietly. "I was scared that if you guys knew the contents of my dreams, you would believe them, and not want me anymore. And I was scared," I continued even quieter, "that Edward would never agree to change me if he thought I was weak".
I looked up at my father mournfully, who held open his arms to me. I gladly jumped into them and wrapped my arms around his waist. I took in all the love and comfort he was giving me, and pushed away the negative emotions brought on by my confession.
When I had pulled away, my father cupped my face with his hands. He smiled at me gently before speaking. "Bella, my darling angel, weak and pathetic are two words that I would never think of associating with you. You are one of the bravest people, vampire, werewolf or human that I have ever met. How many other humans do you know that would willingly walk into a houseful of vampires and barely bat an eyelash?" he asked amused, letting go of my face.
Continuing to look me in the eye, he continued more seriously. "Don't ever think you are weak for needing help or protection from something Bella. Don't ever feel that you are a burden to for needing us. We are your family, and you can always turn to us for help; that's what we're here for. You are not alone anymore. You don't have to be strong all the time, and hear me when I say it is not a sign of weakness to cry or ask for help," he told me passionately and sincerely.
My thoughts were a whirl as I struggled to take in what he said. I didn't know what to think anymore because it seemed as though everything I thought was wrong. However, that didn't seem like such a bad thing. I shook my head, trying to orient my thoughts.
Perhaps noticing my deep musing, my father cleared his throat unnecessarily causing me to glance up at him. "What are you thinking Bella?" he asked me curiously.
"I-I'm not sure…" I trailed off uncertainly. "What you're telling me sounds good, but I dunno. I've always taken care of myself, and dealt with my problems with myself. I'm not used to asking for help or looking to others to protect me", I said frustrated. "It kills me to have to stand on the side lines while you guys all risk your lives for me! I feel so utterly useless! Are you sure I'm not a burden? I mean, things really would be" I said pitifully before being cut off by a low growl.
"Don't you dare finish that sentence Isabella", my father warned.
Startled, I glanced at my father to see him with closed eyes taking a deep breath. When he opened them, he pierced me with a stern gaze. "What do I need to say to you-what do I need to do to make you believe that you are not a burden to this family?" he asked me rhetorically.
I stared at him with wide eyes, caught off guard by the sheer pain in my father's eyes. My words are hurting him, I realized guiltily. No matter what I do, I'm always hurting someone, I thought, looking down.
"Stop", my father commanded. "Whatever you are thinking stop thinking it right now", he said authoritatively.
Startled once more, I raised my head to look at him. Looking as serious as ever, he looked me in the eyes and said, "Listen to me Isabella, and listen closely. Don't you ever think, for even a second that you are a burden to this family." He paused, allowing the words to sink in before continuing. "Never again do I want to hear you say such utter nonsense. You are loved dearly and cherished by every member of this family, and we would all be devastated if anything were to happen to you", he said emotionally, before closing his eyes once more and taking a breath.
I could tell he was trying to control his emotions, and I felt horribly guilty and ashamed of myself for the pain I was causing him. Noticing his clenched fist, I put my hand over one, and repeated the soothing gestures he had done with me.
He abruptly opened his eyes and stared at me with an unreadable expression. He unclenched his fist and took my hand into his. Then, looking at me earnestly, he began to speak once more. "Tell me Bella, do you believe that your siblings or Edward have never asked for help? Do you believe Esme or I have never needed assistance with something?"
Caught off guard by the change in topic, I remained silent.
"Jasper has struggled the most with his thirst, as you well know. There have been times when he has slipped and we have had to uproot the entire family and move. Do you believe I should kick him out?" he questioned me.
"No!" I said abruptly.
"Why not?" my father replied. "It is such a burden having to worry about his control, and it is such a bother having to uproot the entire family when he makes a mistake. Why not just kick him out and get rid of the problem?" he asked in a sarcastic manner.
I stared at Carlisle, horrified at what he was suggesting. "It's not his fault!" I cried out. "Jasper tries the best he can to control his thirst, and you love him, I know you do, so why would you ever even consider kicking him out?"
My father nodded at me seriously. "You're absolutely right. I love Jasper dearly, and even though his lapses in control can cause problems at times, I would never consider asking him to leave the family. Do you know why?" he asked me.
I stared at him, thinking seriously before coming up with the answer. "Because he's your son and families stick together", I replied softly, as the pieces began to fall in place.
Giving me a proud smile, my father said, "Exactly. Jasper is family and we will always be here to help him. We will always be here for him in his times of need, just as we are for any other member of the family, including you, my stubborn daughter."
I stared at my Dad, finally beginning to understand. So this is what it means to be a part of a family, I thought astonished. I don't have to do everything by myself. I have people I can lean on; people I can turn to for help; people that will always have my back. I have people I can talk to without fear of being considered weak or bothersome. The more I thought, the happier I began to feel, until slowly a wide grin appeared on my face. "I get it" I said to my father happily.
My father chuckled softly at my enthusiasm before smiling at me widely and pulling me into a hug. When we parted, I could see the joy and relief on his face and in his eyes as he gazed at me lovingly.
He continued to smile at me before slowly becoming serious once more. "Bella, as happy as I am at your realization, there is more that we need to discuss, and I feel that the sooner we get through this the better it will be for the both of us", he told me, causing me to frown in concern. What more could there be to talk about, I thought starting to grow frustrated.
A/N: Hmm, sort of an abrupt ending, but it felt like the right place to end. So, Bella is slowly realizing what it means to be a part of a family. A bit sappy, but I like! Also, don't know if I made it clear, but just want to you all to know that Carlisle does not think of Jasper as a burden/bother at all. He was just using him as an example to get through Bella's stubborn head. Please REVIEW!