Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the songs I make reference to. If I did own Twilight, this story would be sold in stores everywhere with less grammar/spelling mistakes and I'd be rich… Damn :(

BPOV (Bella)

"All this time I was wasting; hoping you would come around. I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down. And it's taken me this long; baby but I figured you out. And you're thinking we'll be fine again, but not this time around. You don't have to call anymore; I won't pick up the phone. This is the last straw; don't wanna hurt anymore. And you can say that you're sorry, but I don't believe you, baby, like I did before; you're not sorry, no, no, no, no."

The song was on its third rotation; it just seemed to pop back into the mix that Renesmee had selected for my cleaning streak before she insisted on heading over to see Alice prior to the torturous day of beautifying ourselves before the dance.

I wanted to shatter the damn speakers! The song was good; don't get me wrong. It was catchy and sung beautifully, but god damnit if it didn't make my silent heart want to shatter every time I heard it.

"Looking so innocent; I might believe you if I didn't know. Could've loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold."

Yup, there it was. That's the line that just seemed to bash me down each time I heard it.

The song was obviously about a man who broke a girl's heart; most likely by cheating on her or lying constantly. And I know that Edward never did cheat on me; or even would cheat on me, but the words still apply.

He looks too sweet and trustworthy every time I see him; but two minutes later when I've escaped his beauty… I remember the words he said to me in the woods. I remember him saying he didn't want me and all I hear is 'I don't love you.'

It's irrational; I know. He didn't actually say that; not in words… but his eyes said it; very convincingly.

"And you got your share of secrets and I'm tired of being last to know. And now you're asking me to listen 'cause it's worked each time before. But you don't have to call anymore; I won't pick up the phone. This is the last straw; don't wanna hurt anymore. And you can tell me that you're sorry, but I don't believe you, baby, like I did before. You're not sorry, no, no, oh; you're not sorry, no, no, oh."

I know his secrets; hell I share his secrets.

I know he's sorry; that's not what this song represents for me; no it represents trust, or lack thereof. That's the real problem; trust.

"You had me falling for you honey and it never would've gone away, no. You used to shine so bright, but I watched all of it fade. So you don't have to call anymore; I won't pick up the phone. This is the last straw; there's nothing left to beg for. And you can tell me that you're sorry, but I don't believe you, baby, like I did before. You're not sorry, no, no, oh; you're not sorry, no, no, oh."

Every time I see him… his whole body screams for me to embrace. I want his arms around my back; holding me to his chest. I want his fingers playing with ends of my hair while my lips mold to his… but they won't; not anymore. We're both stone; cold stone.

I wanted this life; I want this life, but there's always a part of me that regrets the fact that he wasn't there for the transition. He wasn't there to comfort me during the fire, or take me hunting. He wasn't there to hold me back from attacking anyone; although I did that on my own… I still wanted him there. He wasn't there to take care of me and as much as I complained about it; I wanted it more. I wanted him. I want him.

Damnit, I hate that song!

"Bella…"

I looked up; at some point I had slid down the wall, in the corner of the living room. I regained control of my body and hoisted myself up once my eyes landed on Jasper.

"Hey Jazz; what's up?" I attempted to play it off; pretending that I was just dusting under a table, but who am I kidding? I am Bella; world's worst actress trying to fool the only empath I know. That battle was already lost.

He stared at me for a minute; never attempting to speak or even break eye contact. I felt a slight pressure on my heart. "Stop, Jazz." I was breathless, and not because I was a vampire, but because he was amplifying my heartache. "Please?" It was a plea for him to stop, but he didn't.

Jasper walked a few steps over to my side and I collapsed into him. He, of course, caught me before I even tilted more than twenty degrees; no doubt falling on my ass if he hadn't been there. "You need this, Bella."

"No… I need… for you… to stop, please?" My emotions were heavy; resembling boulders striking me from all sides. I felt them ease a bit, but only barely.

"Talk through it, Bella. You know I feel it; might as well talk about it." He had a point. He knew exactly what I was feeling. What was the difference between him knowing that much and knowing all of it?

"It hurts."

"I know."

"It hurts so much, Jazz." He merely nodded that time; encouraging me to continue on to more descriptive explanations.

"I'm trying to figure it out; make… sense of it." Like there was sense where Edward and I was concerned…

"And what have to come up with so far?" I refused to answer that question. Truth was; I had no clue. I was stumped still trying to find out how I had ended up at this point. Me; with Edward's child, coming back into his life after twenty years; it was surreal.

Jasper attempted to crack through my wall again; adding more weight to my emotions. "What needs to be figured out, Bella? What questions are at the top of the list?"

I took a few steadying, yet unnecessary, breaths. "I need to figure out what I am to him and what he's to me. I need to figure out how this affects Renesmee and I need to figure out what I…" I couldn't continue. That statement was so ludicrous. It was easy to answer, which was why I made it difficult to state. If I couldn't say it, or think it, then I could deny it.

Unfortunately, for me, Jasper understood all too well. "You need to figure out what you want, right?" Although he formed it as a question, I knew he knew the answer. Hell, if I knew it, then the empath sure as hell did.

I nodded once, hoping for him to drop it. If he sensed my hope, he either misinterpreted it, or ignored it. "Bella, you know what you want; him. Just tell him; he'll never let you go."

"But he did once…" It came out in a whisper, barely audible to my own ears.

"He learned his lesson the hard way; trust me." Jasper's voice was fierce. "His conviction to be with you is strong, but you pushing him away is causing his hope to waiver. He's scared to death that he hurt you too much, Bella. But you're strong and you have already forgiven him; why can't you let yourself try?" The question was gentle, as if he really wanted to help. And with it being Jasper, I knew he did.

"Because I'm scared too, but not just for me." I was scared for Renesmee; what if she lost her Dad because of our relationship, or if I lost her? I couldn't lose her; she was the only other thing that held that amount of importance along with Edward.

"I wouldn't worry about your daughter too much; I think she can… take care of herself." He laughed, no doubt thinking of her standing up to several members of the family over the last few days concerning the dance. He had raced for a video camera when she had taken Alice on.

"I'm not worried about her getting hurt as much as Edward or me getting hurt because we hurt her… did that make sense?" My brain was jumbled from the emotions.

"You're afraid she'll choose one of you over the other if it ends badly." It wasn't a question, but I nodded anyways. "Give her some credit, Bella, Renesmee is capable of a lot of things and trust me… she forgives everyone… for everything. Is that all that worries you when it comes to you and Edward?"

"No, it's everything, Jazz." I leaned into his chest, tucking my head under his chin, seeking the brotherly embrace and advice. "I don't know how to go back…"

"What do you mean?"

I shrugged, not quite sure how to form my answer. "When we were together, I was human and fragile and naïve…"

"Yeah, we all remember that."

I smacked his chest and with my strength, he actually winced. "Let me finish; he was the dominant personality. He took charge of us; he took care of me because I needed him too. And while I need him still in that way… somehow; he needs to be with the present-me now, as well. And I don't know if he'll want that… I'm different, Jazz. I'm not the same Bella that I was twenty years ago… but he's the same Edward." It sounded stupid; I knew that the minute I uttered the explanation. It was pure crap. What it all came down to was that I was afraid that we weren't compatible anymore; that we just didn't belong together anymore. My sugarcoating was my attempt at deflecting that fear.

Jasper squeezed my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. "You may be an immortal mother now, but you're still Bella. Just… stronger; more independent, but that's because you had to be. Trust me when I say, Edward is even more in love with you now. His emotions go into overload when he sees you standing up for yourself or Renesmee. He nearly jumped you in the department store last weekend, you know? He's ready to just kiss you; he can't hold out much longer, Bella. You need to make a decision, and soon."

I nodded. I knew a decision was undeniable, but I was hoping to put it off for a few weeks, or months, or years. Whatever.

"Want to go for a hunt? Big dance tonight; lots of tempting humans; might as well take the edge off…" Jasper laughed to lighten the mood. How strange that I would find it a bit funny even without his laughter?

"Are you sure it's fair to take out my emotions on the poor, unsuspecting animals?" I laughed as we walked out the door.

"They'd die by the hands of one of our family members anyways… at least you'll make it quick with your frustration." I laughed as I smacked the side of his head.

We ran for a minute before I realized this whole afternoon was supposed to be me cleaning and stalling; completely avoiding Alice and Renesmee prior to the dance for as long as possible. "Hey Jazz, what brought you over?" I smell a scheme.

"Alice wanted me out of the house; Renesmee was driving everyone crazy and I might have had a bit to do with that." I looked over at him with a raised eyebrow. "I just heighted her emotions a bit; made her feel out of control. She was ordering everyone around, barking orders and demands, even to Esme…" He laughed loudly then; truly enjoying messing with his niece to annoy his siblings. "Alice told me I'd be better off messing with your emotions, so here I am." I took off after him again before I lost myself in the hunt; Jasper following soon after.

***

After three hours and four deer, Jasper and I started heading back to his house.

I was "told" to be in Alice's bathroom by two thirty, and not a second later. Apparently since I was a vampire, I now was not allowed the excuse to be late.

I heaved a sigh as Jasper opened the door. I wasn't looking forward to the dance, but even more than that, I wasn't looking forward to the next five hours being tortured by my sisters and daughter.

I knew it wouldn't actually be painful, but it would be horrific. Alice was right back into playing "Bella Barbie," but now she didn't even bother in feigning the kindness. She just got right down to business; disguised torture be damned.

"Be strong, Bella." Jasper whispered as he reached the couch.

I reached Alice's bathroom at exactly two thirty; I had timed it perfectly so that I wouldn't have to stand for any extra time in their confines.

They went right to work; not so much as a 'hi mom' or a 'have a seat Bella." Nope, they simply slammed me down into the seat and began to mess with my hair and face.

I tried to think of other things; things that would distract me from this fiasco.

I thought about my parents; they were in their late fifties, early sixties, now. I couldn't help but wonder what they look like.

I thought about Renesmee as a baby; she was adorable… all the cuteness of a baby with the personality of a child. She was my unique little girl… now she was my teenage captor. Ugh!

Okay, happy thoughts… happy thoughts.

I don't know what brought me to the memory, but it's like shutting the gates on a flood; it's already halfway through so you might as well let it flow.

***Flashback***

I had slept for a few hours. I knew that much. It was still dark outside and I knew Edward was there. His arms encircled me; holding me as I lay across his chest.

I refused to open my eyes; to burst my perfect bubble. But I knew that he had to know that I was awake. Even with my calmed breathing it wasn't close enough to the deep breaths I took while sleeping. He knew.

I attempted to stay still; as still as him. After a few minutes he spoke, "Bella… you know that you're a terrible actress."

I stayed still, refusing to give up so easily. "Bella, honestly, just say something." He was laughing slightly, hoping that I could be coerced into answering him. Again, I stayed as still as was possible for me.

Then he began to rub tiny circles on my hip; my bare hip.

It all rushed back to me then. We made love last night. Wow. We actually did that. I began to laugh for lack of a better reaction as I began to realize the coldness of his skin against mine was the reason that I had woken up. "What's so funny, love?"

"Nothing… everything… I don't know." I squeezed my arms around him tighter and he laughed. "I love you, Edward." I couldn't form my thoughts into actual explanations at the moment, but at least I could let him know the reason for my giggles.

"I should hope so, Bella. We did make love not five hours ago." He kept rubbing the circles on my hip; not in a lustful, 'let's go another round' way, but in an 'I'll love you forever if you let me' way.

"Yes. Yes we did." I muttered, clearly blushing. "Is Charlie here yet?" The thought came out of nowhere and now I was sitting straight up in bed praying that my father wouldn't come in to check on me and then find me naked in bed with my boyfriend of eight months. That would end beautifully.

"He's working the overnight shift, remember. He'll be back at six and it's only four thirty." Edward kissed my hair. "Don't worry, I won't let him see either of us in… this condition."

Relieved, I nuzzled back into Edward's neck. I was safe there; loved there. "I told you that you wouldn't hurt me." I spoke softly, gently.

"Yes, you did, but I do wish you wouldn't have attacked me so." He laughed to show he wasn't actually mad at me.

"Whatever, I believe I made my point. It's you and me, Edward… always." We had started last night in an argument. I know, cliché. I had attempted to seduce him; if you can even call what I did seducing; which he apparently did. I told him that if we were going to spend our lives together, however that may be, we needed to move on physically in the relationship. He was unresponsive, but the heat rose with us and somehow… we just fell into each other. Completely spontaneous; and completely amazing.

He moved his hand from my hip up to my ribcage; again in a purely loving way. I winced when he reached the midpoint between my chest and belly button. "What?!" Edward was as far away from me as the bed allowed as he pulled the quilt from my body.

He gasped as I touched the purplish bruise forming just over my ribs. Edward reached out slowly, allowing his hand to mask the mark completely. As he pulled away, without touching me, I noticed that the mark was in the shape of a hand; his hand. "Edward…" I worried that he'd feel guilty, or try and leave me.

His eyes stayed fixed on the mark for several minutes before his mouth moved. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I… I…" He couldn't finish his statement.

I tried to caress his face, but he backed away from me and was now on the floor next to the bed. "Edward, it's okay. It really doesn't-"

"It's okay that I did that to you? That I bruised you; that I hurt you?" He was calmer than I expected, but still the anger was evident.

"You didn't mean to; I know that."

"Just like I didn't mean to do that or that either, right?" He pointed to my left hip and right shoulder quickly. There were matching handprints on both spots. I looked to his face and his head hung in shame.

I pulled the quilt up and over my one shoulder to mask the marks while I spoke. "It's sore, but I only winced because it was unexpected. I didn't feel pain, Edward. I had no idea I even had bruises."

Edward scoffed at me. "Stop! Listen to me." He looked into my eyes, but I could see his reluctance. "I never felt pain last night; except for the expected. You didn't hurt me. I wanted you to hold me and you did, but it was never painful. You know me, I bruise easily. Please Edward, don't ruin this by feeling regretful. Please." He looked at me for several minutes, but never spoke. I was at a loss. "I'm sorry Edward."

He moved quickly; so quickly that I didn't see him. "Why are you sorry?"

I couldn't help the slow tears that fell as I leaned into Edward's chest. "I'm sorry I'm human. I'm sorry that I'm weak and that I bruise and that you are feeling guilty about it. I'm sorry for… I'm just sorry."

"Oh Bella…" He began to rub my back and while I felt another bruise being touched I resisted the urge to wince. Thankfully his cold touch seemed to be soothing it now. "I'm sorry that I upset you. I'm sorry I'm upset. It wasn't my intention to make you cry or feel this way. I should have known better though; I should've had more restraint." He was fierce in the end of his statement. He really was mad at himself.

"Stop it, please, Edward. Just stop blaming yourself. It was perfect. So what if I got a few bruises? It's not like it's uncommon on my body."

"True."

"Please, can we just go back to before we saw the bruises; back to that happy bubble we were in?" I was desperate to go back to then.

"No, we can't go back." I sighed, feeling the disappointment as he continued. "But I can let it go. I can push it away for the time being."

It was probably the best deal I could hope for, but still, I couldn't settle for it. I turned to face him and held his face in my hands. "I want you to push it away; all the blame, all the guilt, all the moodiness. I just want you here with me. I don't want you dwelling on it forever; I don't want you dwelling on it at all. Edward, last night was perfect and beautiful and all together mind-blowing. Please don't have second thoughts about us. You would never hurt me on purpose and you didn't. I wanted you to hold me and I was so happy when you did. Edward, I love you." I kissed his lips while he soaked up my words.

After a second, he responded and kissed me with more passion. It didn't last long, and I wasn't surprised when he broke the kiss. He tucked the quilt around my body a bit more, since I was still naked, and stroked my cheek.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I'm ruining this for you; for myself. I'm ruining the most important and most wonderful night of my existence. Forgive me, my love."

Did he just say most wonderful? "Of course."

"I won't hurt you like that again." He said it more for himself, I'm sure, but I chimed in as well.

"I know you won't, but don't think we won't be repeating last night's activities."

He laughed and pulled me closer. "I didn't even consider that, love."

"Good."

"By the way, happy birthday, Bella." He kissed my head and I fell asleep soon after.

***End Flashback***

I wasn't sure why the memory came back to me, but I was relieved when it passed. It wasn't a fond memory, mostly because it was the beginning of the end. I hadn't thought back to it in years.

I looked into the mirror that Renesmee had placed me in front of during my trip down memory lane. My hair was done, my makeup finished, and my dress hugged my skin. I looked good; fine even, but it was just a dress and some product that enhanced the vampire beauty.

Alice was getting ready, along with Renesmee, in the other room. Rose walked in as I stared into the mirror.

"You've been in here for like ten minutes, you okay?"

Ten minutes? I guess I got a little lost in my thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You look beautiful, Rose."

"You do, too, Bella." She came to stand by me and looked into the mirror with me. "It's gonna be a good night." She squeezed my shoulder and then walked back into Alice's bedroom.

"A good night…" I whispered; unsure.

A/N: I suck, I know! It was emotional and then happy bonding, then happy fluff, followed by typical brooding and then happy, and then solemn. It wasn't what I planned at all, but I can't change it… somehow it's completely perfect.

During the break, I am going to work on my extras, so keep a look out for that. I'm not going to post any new chapters in the actual story until those are done because I'm already behind.

With that being said, I'm planning on the formal to be two chapters long and it will make an appearance probably mid-December… maybe sooner, maybe later.

Thank you for your support, reviews, comments, and luck. I love my readers!!!

Keep up the comments and reviews; you know I love them :)

~kmwhyte