Chapter 7 what was the question?

Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer- this is a work of fan fiction, except for the legends and histories of the Quileute which, of course, belong to them. I pay my respects to their gods.

Thanks to BanSidhe for betaing

So Leah had lots of answers but what were the questions?

What did she want?

She breathed out and she tried to collect all the thoughts that had been rushing around in her head over the last few weeks.

She wanted a home. She had a house, a place where she lived and where her stuff was stored, but it wasn't a 'home'. Her own house didn't feel like a home anymore; it just felt like the place where her father died.

She wanted a purpose. She was a werewolf; it was a calling not a job. College was out now, so what could she do to earn money? She was an adult and she did not have a job. She didn't contribute to the household expenses. She and Seth literally ate her mother out of house and home. She hadn't ever thought about it before, but the grocery bill alone must be an absolute fortune. No one else had two wolves in the house. And add in the cost of clothes. Sure they almost wore rags, but initially, she and Seth had such poor self control; they had torn apart most of their wardrobe. That shit was expensive. And the shoes? In Seth's size? Jesus.

She wanted to be free of anger. She hated Sam and Emily. And she was making herself sick with it. She could see that. Sure they betrayed her, but it was years ago and she needed to get over it. But she just didn't know how. The anger kept her warm; it kept her alive. There were so many times when she could have just given up. It wasn't healthy, but that anger had sustained her.

When she stopped to think about it, another very small voice spoke up. Leah wanted a family of her own. She wanted a life partner and just maybe if she was really honest with herself, she wanted to have kids one day.

So she wants her own family.Ouch! That actually hurt to admit it. She was so jealous of what Sam and Emily were building together. They were having a childtogether. She had never thought of it like that before. A child; a little person who would have bits of each of them. What if it was a girl with Sam's quiet intensity or a boy with Emily's joy in life? Or the other way around.

And while she was dealing with stuff that really hurt, she thought of something else she wanted.

She wanted to be free of the guilt of killing her father.

She phased; he had a heart attack; he died. It was a linear progression in her mind. It was her fault.

She sat there for a while and ran through all of that in her head.

She felt better. This shit was weird.

So she had made a start on sorting her head out, but she was still cold and tired; she was so bone weary tired.

She remembered a bit of stuff from survival training. She got to her feet and started ripping branches off the pine trees. Fuck the bad karma she might accumulate from killing a few branches in this dream world, it was her dream and they were her dream trees anyway. Bad karma my ass, she swore to herself.

She made herself a little nest out of the torn branches in a hollow on the forest floor. She wrapped herself in a few other branches and shivered.

She slept.

When Jake opened his eyes he was alone in the bed. He rolled over and stretched out his legs. He needed to go for a run or something. He always got edgy when he didn't get any exercise.

When he got to the kitchen, he saw Bella working on a laptop at the kitchen table. He leant in the doorway, "Hey," he said.

"Hey yourself. Did you sleep okay?" she pointed towards the bench. "Help yourself; the coffee's on."

"How is she?" Leah was front and centre in his thoughts.

"Still the same."

"Fuck." He poured himself a coffee; he would probably need it.

"Paul said she seemed quieter last night; maybe the bath settled her somehow." She shut the laptop. "This is pointless. I can't even concentrate on this awful manuscript and it is not good enough to read the same page five times. That is a particular torture I do not need to go through."

She held her mug out to Jake for a refill. "Charles said he would drop in later and check her vitals or whatever the medical speak is."

"Fuck, I forgot my dad!" Jake sat with a thump.

"He's okay. Sue called to say he is fine, so you don't have to worry."

"Fuck, I hate this!" He hit the table with his hand. Bella jumped. "Fuck!" He realized he had frightened her and he tried to get himself back under control. "I HATE this…I mean if it was something attacking her I could kill it… you know…but this… this metaphysical shit. I can't help her."

Bella's eyes looked tortured. "I know Jake, I know."

There was silence for a minute. "Did you want to eat?" Bella asked him.

"I'll grab some cereal if you don't mind… oh and thanks for the oatmeal at dawn or whenever it was."

She smiled, "My pleasure."

He helped himself to cereal. He spent so much time here these days, he knew where everything was. Besides, he knew Bella Swan better than anybody, and she always set up her kitchen the same way in every house she lived in. He could swear that she could move house and he could put his hand on the coffee mugs or the cereal bowls with no mistakes. It was actually one of the things he loved about her; her predictability within certain parameters. It was the reason he could say without hesitation that Bella's house was where to bring Leah. Be able to help a friend and her door was wide open. Need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, and she was right there. Leah was barely even her friend but the door was open to her simply because Jake had asked it of Bella.

He must have been staring at her because she gave him an odd look. "What's the matter?"

"I love you," he said.

"Yeah I know," she told him back without hesitation. "I love you, too."

They were still staring at each other when Paul walked in. He just looked at the two of them and helped himself to coffee. "I just let Charles in. He's checking Leah and he will be out in a minute I suppose." He sipped his coffee and gave them another look.

"Are you two okay? You both look kind of serious."

Bella inhaled audibly. "Jake is just wishing he could kill whatever is hurting Leah."

"Yeah maybe… but generally the only thing that hurts Leah is… Leah," said Paul sagely.

Charles entered just in time to hear what Paul had said. "Ain't that the truth," he agreed. "She is still out. Paul couldn't tell me what happened last night."

"Hey," he complained, "When I sleep… I sleep."

Bella grinned at him; she knew that wasn't strictly true.

Jake smiled. "Her temperature dropped, we put her in a hot bath and after an hour or so it came back up. Then we put her back to bed. I know you said to call you Charles, but you seemed so tired the other day and the bath worked."

"She didn't seem to move at all when I slept with her," put in Paul. "She appeared calmer somehow."

"You slept with her?" Charles queried.

"Hey! Next to her. I was not sleeping on the floor when there was a big old half empty bed right there." He looked offended at the accusation. Bella giggled at him. He leant over and gave her a big smacking kiss on the lips. "I have prime rib at home… I don't do cheap takeout anymore." He paused. "Not that I was implying Leah is cheap; she's more like too zesty. That woman would be stomach ulcer inducing to me."

Jake just shook his head. Charles looked confused.

In a desperate attempt to change the subject, Jake said "Where's Seth?"

Bella answered him. "He headed home to check in with Sue and to eat out his own fridge I assume. He said he would be back later this afternoon." She frowned, "It's odd, but he doesn't seem particularly worried about her. He had his little panic attack and then he handed it off to you, Jake. I guess it is that Teflon thing Seth has, where he firmly believes it will all work out, and usually it does for him. He's unsinkable." She shrugged, "Sometimes I wish I was the same way, but I am just not wired like that."

"No, me either," said Jake.

"I am now," Paul put in, "everything in my life is working out just fine." He looked inordinately pleased with himself. "Now we just have to get Leah back in the here and now."

"Easier said than done," Charles commented. "She is just not responding. Her pupillary light reflex is diminished too."

Everyone looked blank.

"Sorry," said Charles, "if you shine a light in her eyes, the pupil contracts. It is an automatic response. She is not reacting at a normal speed; it is very slow almost like a patient on barbiturates or some other kind of depressant drug. I mean, if I didn't have such faith that it is a vision quest, I might be booking her into the hospital. I am not sure how much longer she can go without a catheter or a drip to keep her fluids up."

"Should we do that?" asked Jake.

Charles sighed. "Look… give her another twenty four hours and then I will seriously consider it. Sue for one, doesn't need to lose another member of her family."

Jake got to his feet. "Thanks Charles, we will look after her now."

He left the kitchen and went to check her out for himself. As he left he heard Bella say, "He didn't eat nearly enough for Jake."

"Yeah, I know, baby," agreed Paul.

Back in the bedroom Jake sat cross legged on the floor next to the bed. He held Leah's hand and he talked to her. He rubbed over the back of her knuckles with his fingers and he talked to her. He reminded her of all the stupid pranks she and Quil had played on each other over the years. He reminded her of the slumber parties with his sisters Rachel and Rebecca. How they would sit around for hours reading teen magazines, painting each others nails and braiding their hair. He reminded her of that time they had done all of that to him and his father had just smiled at him. He didn't mean to, but he told her how sad he was that she had cut her hair off. He had loved her hair. How sad he had been that her phasing had ultimately led to her own father's death. He told her that he would never have wished that on her.

And he also told her that she was the best beta in his pack. She was the finest scent tracker. She had the greatest head for strategy. She knew the lay of their land better than anybody. She made up for her smaller size with speed. He told her how much he depended upon her. She was reliable, tenacious and she never gave up.

So he was not going to give up on her now. He promised her that he would not leave her now.

She didn't seem to react to anything; not even an eyelash flutter.

He leant his forehead against the side of the bed and for the first time in a very long time; he prayed.

FF_2154210_ - 21/11/2010 03:08:00 AM