Chapter Seven

You know, I hate feeling like I have to apologize when I'm just following my principles, or doing what I think is right. I hate getting that queasy feeling in my gut that makes me doubt myself. And I hate that I end up doubting myself based on other people's reactions.

I met up with Ginny in the common room just as I said I was going to and we headed outside with our brooms. The sky was a deep grey and the air smelled damp, like the must that tells you rain is about somewhere, but I'd flown in much worse than rain, and at least this time no one was trying to take my head off. The thing about flying on a broom is, it's not all that easy and you really have to concentrate on what you are doing or you'll find yourself upside down or flying straight into an obstacle. So it was really nice for me to be able to leave that queasy feeling behind, and all the worries about studying, and Draco and 12G, and just kick off into the air for a proper run around the sky. It felt good to be that free again. Ginny had had the summer to practice her technique, but I had been so busy at 12G I hadn't been out except the few weekends I'd gone back to visit everyone at the Burrow. My rustiness showed in those first few laps around the castle; but then it started coming back.

I have to be honest in saying that I took to the broom rather quickly in my first year. It was kind of like an innate sense of knowing how to maneuver. I was lucky; I knew that, some people never got the hang of it; like Hermione. She flew when she absolutely had to, and preferably by Thestral not broom.

Ginny was flying ahead of me, darting back and forth and testing out her broom, I'd sent her a new one at the end of August, knowing she'd prefer that to using George's hand me down one. She was beautiful to watch. Her cloak flew out from behind her as she gained speed, and her red hair swirled around her head like a halo. She held her back straight over the broom, and had looped her legs under it like a dancer, shifting her weight gracefully with her hips to turn to and fro. She was a vision in gold and scarlet and I loved to watch her.

She circled around to come up beside me as I was drifting along slowly.

"Why don't you see if you can catch me?" She asked, with a playful smile on her face. I loved that smile.

"What do I get if I do?" I asked her, wanting to play her game.

"Oh, I'll make it worth your while Harry." And with that she was off.

I have to give her credit, she was fast, though not as fast as me, and she was nimble, and that was where she had me beat. She was a lithe girl, and was able to make sharper corners than me, and she delighted in proving her skill by heading straight out toward the whomping willow on the other side of the property. It had finally and permanently been divested of its predatory instincts when the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack had been filled in after the folks of Hogsmeade burned it to the ground one beautiful summer evening. I remembered the bonfire; George had insisted we all come out; not only to see his new shop, but also to put some closure on that part of our lives. It had been a good party as I recalled, and the townsfolk, especially Rosemerta had been quite liberal with the firewhisky and the ale.

Even though the tree itself was no longer dangerous, its branches and massive trunk made for a challenging obstacle course, and Ginny, being smaller than I, flew into the tangle of limbs as if they were intangible. I knew I wasn't going to be able to follow her into the heart of the thing so I flew straight up, and waited for her to emerge so that I could pull one of my seeker dives and cut her off.

I didn't have to wait long, as she tore out like a shot, close to the place where she had gone in, likely expecting that I was caught in the web somewhere. It helped that she was wearing her Quidditch uniform; it made it much easier to see her as I began my dive. She must have heard me because she looked up, but not fast enough to pull away as I swooped in almost on top of her, and with outstretched arms, steering only with my knees I swept her off her broom and into my embrace. Before she could think to whack me with the broom she still held I kissed her hard on the mouth, remembering and loving the way it felt. She kissed me back, and I let us hover there for a few minutes; as I said, it was so easy to forget about everything else when you were in the air.

I slowly let us spiral to the ground as I felt the raindrops begin to fall, and we took shelter underneath the whomping willow as the skies opened forth. The leaves on the tree echoed the pelting rain, and the branches trembled under its force, but we sat, sheltered from all but a few drops, listening to the storm and watching the grey sheets pass by. I kept Ginny wrapped up in my arms, her back to my front, and enjoyed the closeness of her, and the way her hair smelled; right then everything seemed so peaceful.

After a few minutes she turned herself in my grasp to face me, and smiling, began to kiss me. She was so beautiful just then. I let her grind her lips against mine, and then part them with her tongue, and I tasted her, reciprocating the force. She slid about to straddle me as I sat, with my back against the tree trunk, and drew her arms down my sides to my hips where she proceeded to begin to grind herself against me, all the while still kissing me, trailing her mouth away from mine, and down onto my neck. The way she was moving her hips against me had begun to stir my passions; hers weren't difficult to ascertain, especially as she brought my hands to her uniform front, encouraging me to pull it off of her.

You may think that I must have been crazy at that point to stop her, but I had to.

"Ginny? Please, stop."

"Why Harry?" She continued kissing me, and was now moving her hands to my waistband.

"Not like this Ginny."

She stopped.

"What's wrong Harry?"

"I can't do this, not here."

"Why not? Don't you want to be with me?"

"Of course I do Ginny, but not like this, not outside, not in the wet leaves."

"But we get so little time alone Harry."

"You're worth more than this to me Ginny. I want the first time we're together like that to be perfect. I want a soft bed, and some candles and music; not a quick roll in the grass. I want to make love with you." I tried to speak slowly so she wouldn't hear my nervousness.

"But I don't mind it here, I just want to be with you."

"I know, but I don't want you to regret anything we have together. We both have enough regrets to color our memories."

She didn't have an answer for that, and I was beginning to feel sick to my stomach again. I didn't want to just take it out and pull her onto me in the woods, just for the sake of an orgasm. I was serious, about her, about doing things right, but I know she didn't see it that way. To her it felt just like rejection, and she reacted to those feelings.

"You don't really want to be with me do you Harry?"

"Of course I do Ginny, you just don't understand."

"You're right Harry, I don't understand. I don't know what's going on with you all of a sudden. It was just fine for you to be with Cho."

She thought I'd slept with Cho? "Ginny, I've never been with anyone that way." I had thought she had known me better than that. She looked at me sideways.

"But I thought?"

"No Ginny, that's why I want this to be special, I'm not just looking for sex from you. I want so much more."

"I really don't understand you Harry." She stood up and grabbed her broom, even though the rain was still pouring.

"Ginny, just wait, please."

She turned back to me. "I offer myself to you and you say no, you spend most of your summer away from all of us, by yourself in that house, you're hanging around Draco Malfoy, and even defending him against your friends. Who do you really want to be with?"

"I'm not choosing sides Ginny." I know my voice sounded desperate then. "I just want to put all the ugliness behind us."

"Maybe I'm not ready to forgive just yet Harry, maybe I'm not as noble as you."

"Ginny, stop." I reached for her.

"You should still be angry Harry, angry for everything you lost; everything we all lost."

"I don't want to be angry anymore Ginny. I just want to love you and make a life for us, the right way."

There were tears in her eyes as I spoke; I hated seeing them.

"I don't know what to do Harry." She rushed out into the rain. I thought I should go after her, apologize, but I just didn't know what for. Wasn't it better, me wanting to treat her like a lady and not a cheap fling? I felt queasy, but I got up anyways and followed her back to the castle at a run. I caught up with her at the main doors, and there, the rain soaking through our cloaks and running down our faces, I kissed her again, with all the emotion I had in me. Maybe she sensed the desperation, or the hurt, but she offered me nothing in return and ran inside, presumably to the dorms.

I didn't see her for the rest of the weekend.