Chapter Eight
Thankfully Ron was always Ron, and my studying with Draco, and the words I had said in the Great Hall didn't seem to have bothered him at all. I don't think I can say the same for Hermione, more about that later, and definitely not for Ginny. My constant Ron corralled Neville and I Sunday afternoon to talk about what we were doing for our next DADA class.
Minerva had secured the Great Hall for us, and Ron had an idea. He wanted to divide the older group in two; Neville was still pleased with having the younger group in the classroom. He was going to work on the Riddikulus Charm with them, he had already asked about acquiring a Boggart for the class. Ron thought that he would like to have his group; mostly the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws, set up traps for my group, apparently the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins, to find and deactivate. His rationale was that the good defense required a good offense, and spells to protect yourself or your possessions would fall under the DADA hospices, and being able to detect such spells and deal with them was also DADA material. I agreed completely. He proposed that we'd switch it up for Friday and his group would become the seekers. He was so excited, and set about spreading the news quickly so that people would start brushing up on their curses and counter curses to be ready for Monday evening. I sat back in our common room, where we'd had our conversation, as he ran off to find and tell the house prefects about the game. It was hard not to think about how the Weasley family, at least the ones at Hogwarts, all seemed to have a need to compete, especially with me for some reason. I didn't think it was particularly sinister, and dismissed it as just part of growing up in a large family where you competed for everything.
It dawned on me, after talking about our DADA class, that I had neglected to ask Hermione how her first week of Potions classes had gone. I had to admit I hadn't made it to her Tuesday or Thursday class, but I was definitely going to this coming week. Potions had been hard for me, though I blamed a lot of that on the professor, and I knew I could do the job when I had to. But still, I needed to get my NEWT's there, and if anyone was going to catch me up it was going to be Hermione. After all, she'd got me through my OWL's, Ron too. I figured I had better find her and apologize for my oversight. Neville believed that he had seen her going to the Library after lunch, which would have been the first place I would have checked anyways, so I excused myself and went to find her.
The doors to the library were charmed so as to be silent, so no one looked up when I walked in, I had long ago learned how to tread very quietly when I had to, and in that place I had to. I did manage to find Hermione, at one of the far desks, surrounded by scrolls and quills. It too was a comforting sight, because she was still my Hermione, just as she had always been, and I really believed that she would always be on my side, and forgive whatever mistakes I had made, just like always.
I made just a tiny little noise so that she would look up, and smiled at her when she did. Using hand signals I asked her to come outside with me. She glanced over all her papers first, tapped at the stack with her wand, presumably to keep it in order, and then followed me out to the hall.
"Can I buy you a coffee Hermione?"
"Another Muggle expression Harry?" She didn't seem upset by it, it was sort of a matter of fact statement. But yet I felt that ever present need to apologize.
"Sorry." She shook her head at me, and tried to smile, I knew something was wrong, and I thought that maybe it had more to do than missing her Potions class.
We went to the Great Hall and got a coffee, well, she got a tea, and we sat down at the reassembled house tables.
"What's up Harry?"
"I just thought we hadn't talked for a while, and I wanted to ask how your classes went this week. I'm sorry I didn't make it, but I'm going to be there this Tuesday for sure." It was a mouthful, but I suddenly felt very anxious around her.
"They went okay, thanks for asking; mostly third and fourth years, worried about their OWL's. But it was fun."
"I bet you made a great professor."
She smiled a little shyly at me.
"Thanks. It'll be nice to see you there this week, I'll make sure to have something fun to work on. Maybe an antidote for the triple W potions." She was referring to all the pranks and potions for sale at George's shop, newly opened in Hogsmeade, and sure to be a popular stop for the students.
"A great idea, I'm sure Professor McGonagall would appreciate any help she could get in that department."
"But that isn't the reason you wanted to talk to me is it Harry?" Damn, she was too astute.
"No, not really."
"You wanted to ask me about Ginny?" I hadn't, but it seemed like a good opportunity. "She's mad at you."
"I gathered as much."
"What did you do to her?" Now that bothered me, why did Hermione assume that I was the one who had made the mistake?
"It's more what I didn't do, I think."
"You were gone for a long time this summer." Hermione had been staying with the Weasley's, since her parents were still in Australia. "She missed you an awful lot."
"I know, but I just had to get some things done by myself, to start moving past the war, and all the trouble." Her expression softened into something more like what I was used to seeing on my friend's face.
"She was looking forward to putting things behind herself too, and every time you left the Burrow, heading back to the house without her she felt abandoned."
I sighed. "I couldn't take her with me Hermione, she's under age, her parents would never have agreed to it."
"But you could have taken Ron and I along too. Molly and Arthur would have let her come then."
"I just didn't want you guys to have to relive it all again; the order, the people we lived with in that house, the people we lost."
"You thought you should deal with it all yourself?"
"I just wanted to take that burden away from you guys; you're my friends, my best friends, and I love Ginny, how could I put you through that?"
"And you are our friend too Harry, we wanted to be there for you, but you kind of isolated yourself."
"I never even thought about it that way Hermione, I didn't do it out of malice."
"I know Harry, but Ginny doesn't see it the same. She thought coming back to school would mean you would have time together finally, and then to find you with Draco. Well, that was hard to see."
"You really didn't like seeing it either, did you Hermione?"
"No, I didn't. We nearly died in his house Harry." I didn't need her words to remember the scene of Bellatrix torturing Hermione, or how strong she had been to resist. It still made me feel cold. "I can't forgive him."
"Can you forgive me?"
"That goes without saying Harry. And in time, perhaps I will come to see something good about Draco. I don't want to be ruled by hate any more than you do Harry."
"He's just so defeated Hermione."
"That may be so, but I still can't trust him, and I don't know if you should either."
"I just want to move on with my life."
"Just don't move away from us Harry, we're your family."
I reached out a hand to squeeze hers, needing to make that physical connection to her, to assure myself that I wasn't losing her like I thought I was losing Ginny. I hadn't meant to make so many mistakes in trying to put my life back together, but it appeared that I had, and at that moment I had no idea about what I was going to do about fixing them.