A/N - Thanks for all the reviews and PMs, it really is much appreciated. I guess Chapter 9 can be labelled a turning point chapter, so I am anxious to see what you guys think! Enjoy Ch 9 and thanks to Cate for suggesting the song and JoDi for wanting to know what Dave said (sorry, it's not longer:)...

My Future In Your Hands

So, if you're mad, get mad. Don't hold it all inside.

Come on and talk to me now. Hey, what you got to hide?

I get angry too. But I'm a lot like you

The Pretenders

The sunlight streams through the window and Quinn blinks against its brightness as she jerks awake in an unfamiliar room. It had been a habit once, to seek company when she wanted to forget but it never lasted and in the end, she buried herself in her work instead. She looks under the covers to find herself fully clothed and the other side of the bed completely pristine. Then it all comes rushing back, Shelby's call and her subsequent breakdown.

She scrubs her face with her hands, ashamed for showing her weakness. What she does remember though is Rachel holding her, until her tears subsided. Quinn had expected Rachel to push her about the call and who the consult was for but she just held her and then when Quinn drove her home, she insisted that Quinn stay especially since she was so exhausted. Rachel was adamant insisting that Quinn could get into an accident if she drove again.

She can hear faint noises outside and she slips out of the bedroom to see Tina and Rachel at the bar counter bordering the open kitchen. "Hey." Rachel smiles at her, her eyes bright and looking better than she did at the hospital. "Hope you had a good rest." Her wide smile and proffered cup of coffee, making Quinn feel less uncomfortable as she accepts the steaming mug.

She sees Tina glancing at her, a quizzical expression on her face as she sits on the chair next to her. Quinn knows that she does not owe Tina an explanation but she also understands that they are all really protective of Rachel and with her past history; it was only fair that Tina still didn't trust her. "Rachel, thanks for letting me crash last night. I didn't think I was that tired. Anyway, I should go." She glances at her watch, surprised to see that it was almost noon. "I need to follow up with your doctors and you need to rest as well."

Quinn sees Rachel's face fall and it hits her that she does not like to be the reason for it. "I really want to thank you." She reaches out to touch Rachel's arm, as she says the words and can see Tina's eyebrows rise in surprise.

"I'll see you at your next appointment in three days. Bye. Bye Tina" Quinn brushes Rachel's hand once more and waves goodbye to Tina before grabbing her jacket off the sofa.

#$#$#$#

For a week that started out so well, it had all suddenly gone downhill for Rachel. Her body ached, her skin felt raw and the antiemetic drugs were not working as she was throwing up even though she really hadn't been able to eat much anyway. She didn't sound or feel like herself. The last straw though came when she saw the article in the Enquirer, her full blown picture on the front, boldly stating she had turned anorexic and depressed and possibly drug addicted because Troy had left her.

She hadn't meant to read the article but someone had left it in Quinn's office and as she flipped through the pages, she saw pictures of herself, looking wan and tired. Most of them with Tina or Marcie supporting her and one with Quinn, helping her into her car. The captions highlighting her woman companions and implicitly suggesting that Rachel was trying to get over Troy with their company and more.

She knows that news of her illness would eventually leak out considering she had taken the extended leave of absence from her show citing exhaustion. However, she didn't expect the old rumors and gossip to surface. She didn't want Tina or Quinn or Marcie to have to put up with the unfair scrutiny.

Marcie had asked her if she wanted to do a press release but she didn't want to go public at least not yet and now it was too late. The story already written and despite it all being lies, it would be the prevailing theory until someone dug deeper to find out about her cancer. She crumples the paper in her hand when she hears the door open.

"Sorry I'm late. Post Op rounds took longer than I thought they would." Quinn rushes into her office, dropping the files on the table as she calls out to Rachel. "How are you feeling today?" She pulls her hair back into a ponytail as she waits for Rachel's answer only to hear nothing. She goes back to her outer office to see Rachel standing in the same spot, a crumpled newspaper in her hand. "Rach?"

Rachel sees Quinn extend her hand but she takes a step back, her skin feeling so raw and taut.

Her body seemingly unfamiliar and she's feeling so unlike herself that she cannot bear anyone to touch her. "Don't touch me. Just don't." Rachel wraps her arms around herself, her head down as she tries to stop the feelings of despair from encroaching. She does not want to give up but she's feeling so lost and she really just wants everything to stop.

"Ok." Rachel had lost about eight pounds and Quinn was beginning to get worried. She had called Tony last night and knew that she was also not sleeping or keeping much food down. The treatment was working though and she was hoping the MRI today would show improvements that would allow them to cut back on the chemo and radiation treatments. "We can go for the MRI then, Dr Drew is waiting downstairs."

"You know, I think you don't need to be there today. I think it would be good if you don't come. I don't want you there." Rachel's voice is flat, hard and it startles Quinn.

"Ok, what just happened?" Quinn tries to control her exasperation but it still comes through. The past months had been so hectic and she even missed her few scant hours at the free clinic, in order to work on Rachel's case. She had rushed through her rounds and skipped lunch to make it for Rachel's appointment knowing that Tony and Marcie wouldn't make it today. "You're tired and I know these treatments have taken a lot out of you but please don't push me away when I'm offering to help you." She reaches out only to see Rachel flinch and she pulls her hand back.

"What if I don't want it? Maybe this was a mistake. I think I should just go home, I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't think I want to." Rachel can't seem to stop the flow of words or her defeatist tone. She knows that she should get angry at Troy or her cancer or something else and Quinn has done nothing but help and support her but she's the only one here and everything hurts so much today even as she's trying to clamp down on it.

She does not want to feel this way but her thoughts are just spiraling downwards as she takes a deep breath, clenching her jaw before she says anything else that she does not mean. Her shoulders slump and she accepts that maybe, just maybe she wasn't going to get better and everything that has happened doesn't mean anything.

Quinn has seen this before in her patients and fundamentally understands that it's tiring to keep fighting the symptoms every day and sooner or later they would feel like giving up only it was her job to ensure that they kept fighting. She needed Rachel to want to fight, to get angry and to not keep it inside because keeping it inside was not healthy as she was already battling her disease. Rachel needed an outlet, she needed to feel something and to direct her anger at someone and Quinn was the only one there. She can see Rachel giving up and she can't allow that to happen. Rachel needed to fight and she needed to release her anger.

She knows what she needs to do but she also does not want to put their new found friendship on the line. She sees Rachel clench her hands by her sides, trying so hard to keep everything in. But it's only when she sees Rachel turn to walk towards the door, does she say the words. "You know what? If you really want to get angry then do it but do it for the right reason. So here goes, Treasure Trail.." Quinn bites down on her tongue drawing blood as she turns to look away from Rachel.

She can see still see from the corner of her eye that the name causes Rachel to physically recoil. She feels so much self hatred but she pushes on. "You said you pitied me in high school but in the end, when Dave went after you because I told him to, I think everyone pitied you more." Quinn nails dig into the fleshy part of her palm, again drawing blood as she finally looks up at Rachel. She sees so much hurt and pain in her eyes that she wants to apologize, to take back the words but then she sees the hurt morph into anger and fire.

"What?" Rachel can't believe what she's hearing. The incident forever etched in her consciousness had been the worse of her life. She remembered Dave's sour breath as he whispered all the things he would do to her to prove he wasn't gay. Each word punctuated as he pressed himself against her. How his meaty hands had curled around her wrists, holding them down, bruising them. How she had wanted to tell him it wasn't her but could not get the words out. "You told Dave…."

Rachel doesn't realize she's moving until she hears the slap and feels the sting on her palm as her hand connects with Quinn's cheek. She's so taken aback by her actions that she immediately pulls back, her eyes meeting Quinn's as the doctor touches the side of her face but does not deny her words. Rachel remembered seeing the cheerleader that day, standing apart as she descended into her panic attack.

She should have expected this and in the end, she only has herself to blame. "I'm feeling like shit and for all the recommended treatments, my voice still doesn't feel like before. Maybe this is your big plan to finally take me down. Quinn Fabray wins and Rachel Berry loses her voice." Quinn does not react to her words as she just stands there.

"I don't want to see you again." It hurt so much that Quinn's surprised she's still standing. She looks at Rachel and sees her shoulders straighten as her resolve comes back. "I'm going to get better without you."

Rachel slams the door, her tears only falling when she reaches the elevator. She still feels tired but at least she knows what she wants now. She wants to get better and then she was going to refute all of Troy's claims and get back on Broadway where she belonged.

#$#$#$

Julie, her scrub nurse had been kind enough to keep tabs on Rachel for the next week, giving her updates about how she looked and how the treatment had gone yesterday. She still kept in touch with Dr Drew and Dr Bonner and reviewed all the test results and scans and worked on the plan for the last treatment round.

Quinn hadn't left the hospital either, knowing that if she did, she would end up at the bar drinking herself into a stupor because she wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise. So she worked, took up all the extra shifts until Alex cornered her this morning. He all but threatened to ban her from the operating theatre and then dropped the bombshell that Rachel had been admitted earlier that morning.

"She couldn't keep any fluids down and was too dehydrated. Mr. Llewellyn called and they brought her in a few hours ago. She's in room 410."

Quinn was glad that he didn't ask her what was wrong or demand to know why she didn't go home instead; he had pulled her into a hug and whispered in her ear. "She's sedated and won't be awake for a few hours. You should drop by, see for yourself and tell her whatever you need to. Then you should get back to being the best doctor you can be instead of this morose overworked shadow of yourself."

Quinn stands outside the door for a good five minutes before she tentatively knocks and enters before she can change her mind. Marcie's tired face looks at her and she opens her mouth but Quinn stops her.

"I just want to see that she's ok. I'll leave before she wakes up, please, just let me see that she's ok." Marcie nods and she takes the chair by the bed, her hand automatically reaching out to hold Rachel's limp one.

Her voice is low and she doesn't care that Marcie is here to hear her words; she just knows that she needs to say them once. "I'm so sorry for everything and I don't expect you to ever forgive me. I just need you to know that I think you're extraordinary and brave and you deserve to be happy and have your voice back and I hope that you know that. Your scans have been promising and soon you'll be back on stage where you belong. Where you've always belonged."

She stands, only to feel Rachel's hand tighten around hers and she sits back down holding tightly on to Rachel's hand as if her life depended on it.

End Pt 9

I am trying to go for a bit of realism so I am hoping that the fight and reasons behind it made sense so tell me if it did. As a teaser, I'm planning for the next Chapter to be entitled Taking Chances. As always, reviews feed the hungry author...