thank you guys for all the reviews/alerts/favorites! so sometimes i typed kill instead of kiss. sometimes i don't catch it. if i do it and you notice, please feel free to point it out!

*I don't own Twilight*

Chapter Nine

Bella Swan

I woke up early Christmas afternoon on my couch, my head pounding and eyes puffy. I struggled to remember why I was on the couch instead of in my bed and when I finally collected my thoughts, I wished I hadn't.

Edward and I fighting in the car followed by an awkward Christmas Eve without him at Alice and Jasper's. Edward showing up in the middle of the night, wasted and telling me about his adventures in almost fucking some girl named Tanya.

I got up and found my phone, seeing that I had twelve missed calls and twenty-six text messages. There was one voicemail from each Renee, Rose and Alice and six from Edward. The text messages were a few mass texts, wishing a Merry Christmas and about eighteen from Edward. They were all from this morning. I deleted everything from him, not listening to the voicemails or reading the texts. The nice thing about iPhones was that you could delete voicemails without listening to them. I only kept my phone on long enough to text Rose and Ali to wish them a Merry Christmas with a smiley face, hoping they'd think everything was alright. I told myself I'd call Renee later and turned the phone off.

I decided to take a bath. I stripped then started the water, waiting for the tub to fill up. While I waited, I looked at myself in the full length mirror on the back of the door. My face looked awful, splotchy and red. I stood sideways and looked at my stomach. It was small but there. I definitely looked pregnant now, not like I'd just eaten a big meal. It was early but I was short and skinny and I'd known I'd start to show early because of the fact. I ran my hands over the hard bump, wondering what it would look like in a few weeks. Then I wondered why I cared because no one would be seeing it but me.

I climbed carefully into the bathtub and soaked for a while, taking my time. I shaved my legs and washed my hair. I stayed in the tub until my fingers and toes were pruned then pulled on my favorite robe. I felt kind of relieved that I didn't have to meet Edward's parents today but still decided to get dressed in effort not to feel so pathetic about being alone on Christmas. I brushed my hair and straightened it with the hairdryer, something I hadn't done since I'd been pregnant.

I carefully applied make up, coving up the redness from crying. I used Visine in my eyes and vowed not to cry because it'd mess up my mascara. Then I got dressed, pulling on jeans that were a little too tight and uncomfortable but they didn't look bad and a red, short sleeved turtle neck sweater.

My stomach grumbled and I wandered into the kitchen, looking in the fridge for something to eat. Then I remembered that I hadn't been shopping because I was constantly at Edward's or ordering out and groaned. I grabbed some take out menus from the drawer and ordered from my favorite Chinese place, ordering enough for both lunch and dinner.

Five minutes later, someone buzzed my apartment and I frowned because it couldn't be the Chinese food. I walked over to my door and pushed the intercom button, "Hello?"

"Is this Bella Swan?" It was a woman's voice but I didn't recognize it. I briefly wondered if it was Jasper and Rosalie's mom but this woman didn't have a southern accent so it couldn't be.

"Yes, who is this?"

"Esme Cullen." Oh my god. Cullen? Edward's mom?

"Oh, uh, can I help you?"

Please don't expect to come up… please don't expect to come up.

"Would you mind buzzing me up, dear? I don't think this is a conversation we should have for all of Chicago to hear," she sounded nice enough but so did Edward at first. Ugh. Instead of answering, I pushed the button to let her in. Minutes later, there was a knock on my door. Standing in the hall were three people. Two I had never seen before and one was the last person in the world that I wanted to see.

The woman, Esme, who looked too young to be Edward's mother but clearly was, she had long hair, the same color as Edward's that was in a tasteful chignon. She seemed elegant and intimidating. I was seriously thankful that I'd showered. There was also a handsome man, who must have been Edward's father, he had light hair and the same jaw line and candy green eyes as Edward's. He was probably the best looking older man I'd ever seen. He definitely didn't look like he could be the father of an almost thirty year old and I wondered how old they were when they got married and had their ass of a son. Then there was the ass himself, Edward, looking miserable and hung over. His hair was messy and dirty and he was wearing a gray hoodie and jeans with holes in the knees.

I pointedly ignored him and smiled shyly at his parents, wondering why they were even here, "Hi."

"Look at you!" Esme exclaimed as she pulled me into a tight hug, "You're gorgeous!"

She let me go and held me by the shoulders, looking me over. I was never more glad that I had pulled myself together and looked way better than Edward, though that wasn't hard to accomplish today. She put her hand on my stomach and rubbed gently, "Look at her Carlisle, isn't she glowing? Oh, Edward, why didn't you tell us how precious Bella is?"

"Mom, back off," Edward mumbled, seeing how uncomfortable I was. I glared at him, not wanting him to come to my rescue, "Its fine. You're fine. It's nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen."

"Please, dear. Carlisle and Esme," Edward's father spoke softly, smiling slightly. He looked curiously around my apartment, seemingly trying to gather information. I wondered if he still thought I might be after their family fame and fortune.

"Okay, Carlisle, Esme. What can I do for you?" I tried my best to sound polite and ignore Edward. It was hard when he was staring at me like he was.

"Well, we were shocked when Edward showed up without you this morning, looking like he'd been on a weeklong bender," I tried not to laugh at this woman talking about someone being on a bender but kept quiet so she could continue, "First, he tried to say you weren't feeling well but I know my son. I know when he's lying. Then he said you broke up with him and dear, he is absolutely broken hearted."

"Excuse me?" My eyes widened, "I broke up with him?"

"You did, in the car. You know, when you said, 'I'm not sure if I ever want to see you again.'" Edward spoke up, looking like he hadn't slept at all and maybe was still a little intoxicated. Good, I hope he felt horrible.

"Ugh, Edward, do you really want to have this conversation in front of your parents?"

"No. I didn't even want to come."

"Nice to know, you can leave," I glared at him then turned to his parents, "Edward seems to be a little mixed up. You know how confusing benders can be."

"Sweetheart," Esme sighed as she put her hand on my cheek, "I'm sure this can be worked out."

My head was pounding and I felt my eyes well up with tears at her tenderness and shook my head, whispering, "I don't think it can, not after…"

"Bella," Edward interrupted, it was clear that he hadn't told his parents the full story and didn't want them to know, "nothing happened!"

I hiccupped softly, feeling lightheaded from the combination of being hungry, the pregnancy and the stress of the day. I shook my head, trying to clear it to be able to think.

"She looks pale, son," I heard Carlisle speak, but he sounded far away. I could hear the three of them talking at once but it suddenly sounded garbled. Then everything went black.

~*~

When I came to, I was staring into my favorite brilliant green eyes, but they were on a different face. I blinked a few times, confused, before I remembered that this was Edward's father. I was lying in my bed and he was leaning over me, checking my pulse.

"Ah, there you are. You gave us a scare," his voice was quiet and doctorly, it was then I remembered that he was, in fact, a doctor, "when did you eat last, Bella?"

"Umm," I struggled to remember, my brain still foggy. I felt too sick to eat at Alice's last night and I had been waiting for the Chinese food, "yesterday… around lunch."

"That explains it. You have to be careful. Your body is burning through more calories trying to support the baby. And your blood sugar must have dropped. We figured that's why you passed out when a huge amount of Chinese food was delivered right after you hit the deck," he said, chucking. He sounded calm, which in turn made me calm.

"I… after the fight… I couldn't eat," I whispered, feeling like he was going to reprimand me for not taking care of myself and by extension, my child and his grandchild, better. It was bad enough that he possibly thought I was money hungry.

"Dear, it's understandable. Edward is a stubborn man." Carlisle sounded like he was experienced in dealing with Edward's pigheadedness. He leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, "He gets it from his mother. I've had thirty-three years of marriage to learn how to deal with it. You've only had what? Three months of an off and on relationship?"

I nodded as I giggled softly, sitting up slowly, "Did he leave?"

"No. But I can ask him to. Though, I'll feel more comfortable if you let Esme or me stay until you eat so we can make sure you get your blood sugar back up before you're alone for the rest of the afternoon."

"He'll have a fit if you ask him to leave," I bit my lip, sighing heavily. I looked up when there was a knock on the door, followed by Edward's head poking in.

"You're awake," he stated and I rolled my eyes at him for stating the obvious.

"I just woke up," I laid back down, exhausted suddenly.

"Don't go to sleep just yet, let Edward get you a plate of food first," Carlisle said gently, holding up a hand to help me sit up. I decided then that I liked him. He seemed like a gentle, kind, very good looking man. I smiled and nodded. Edward disappeared and came back a few minutes later with Esme trailing behind him. He was carrying a tray with two plates filled with a little of everything I had ordered.

"I, uh, didn't know what you wanted," he placed the tray over my lap and sat at the end of my bed. Esme sat next to me on the other side and Carlisle was still sitting on the edge of my other side. I felt a little uncomfortable with all of them hanging out on my bed while I ate but didn't say anything because once I took my first bite, I couldn't stop eating.

"Mmm, oh my god, this is sooo good." I moaned softly as I ate because the food was delicious and I hadn't realized how hungry I was. Edward laughed but tried to cover it with a cough but I laughed too because I knew I was making what he referred to as my 'food sex' noises. Once I laughed, he laughed harder and I snorted softly. Carlisle and Esme looked at each other, clearly thinking we were crazy.

"I'm going to clean up the kitchen. I need help from one of you gentlemen…" she looked back and forth between her husband and son then settled on her husband, "Carlisle, come," Esme stood and gestured for him to follow her out, which he did, shutting the door behind them.

Edward scooted up the bed until he was sitting next to me, "You scared the shit out of me, Bella."

"Good," I mumbled as I took another bite of chicken and broccoli. I didn't really care if he was worried.

"I'm sorry about last night, it's not an excuse but I was drunk, completely wasted," Edward shook his head, knowing it wasn't good enough. "You broke up with me, my heart was broken. It's still broken. But I shouldn't have done it. I'm so sorry, baby."

"Edward… I didn't break up with you. We had a fight," I said around another forkful of food, "you ended our relationship when you almost did it with another woman. God, the thought of it makes me want to throw up."

"I love you," he blurted and my jaw dropped.

"What?" I eventually choked out. My heart was beating fast and my cheeks red. They were the words I'd wanted to hear up until last night. The way I'd wished he felt about me or would some day feel about me. But now, I felt like he was saying the words to try to get me to forgive him.

"I love you. I was going to tell you last night. At the red light but I got nervous, and you freaked out about me not coming to the appointments and I freaked out because I was going to tell you that I love you and you always argue with me and I should have just said it. But you said last night that you were in love with me…"

"Edward… please don't do this." I said quietly, "It's already hard enough, without this."

"It's hard enough? What does that mean, does it mean we're over?" he looked devastated and his eyes were glassy.

"I just think… I think… maybe we were meant to have this baby, but not meant to be together," I murmured, pushing the tray away.

"Please don't do this. Bella… fuck, I'll do anything, just don't do this."

"I won't keep the baby from you. We'll work out a custody agreement once it's closer to June. I don't expect you to pay child support."

"I made a mistake! Do not fucking do this, Isabella. You said just last fucking night that you fell in love with me," he shouted

I winced, my head still pounding.

"I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry. Just forgive me, please. I'll come to every appointment. I'll give you everything that you need and want. Our baby will have a mother and father. Our baby should have a mother and father. He deserves it. Please, Bella." Edward was begging and it broke my heart all over again but I swore I'd never be that girl who got cheated on then took the guy back. It didn't matter that he hadn't had sex with her. It didn't matter that maybe we were a little broken up. And while he painted a pretty picture but he'd done enough to know what she felt like… what she sounded like when he was pleasuring her.

"You can still come to every appointment," I whispered, "Our baby will have a mother and father, even if we're not together."

"Bella…"

"I think you should go. Please tell your parents it was nice to meet them," I said as I turned on my side, facing away from him and crying softly. I heard the door close and fell asleep shortly after that.

~*~

When I woke up, it was dark. I groaned softly as I sat up and walked out to the living room, stretching as I walked. I grabbed my phone off the couch and turned it on, twirling it in my hands as I waited for it to load. When it finally came on, I saw Rose had texted me a few times.

OMG, Edward called Emmett. Are you ok? – Rose

You passed out?! Do you think the baby is alright? – Rose

Edward's here now, he looks like he's been crying… – Rose

He's spending the night on our couch. Emmett let him get too drunk to go home. Does he have any other friends? – Rose

I looked at the time and noticed it was almost eleven and Rose's last text was just half an hour ago.

I'm alright. The baby is probably alright. I forgot to eat and I think my blood sugar dropped. He has other friends but I've never met them. Don't let him hook up with any sluts named Tanya while he's there. – Bella

She must have been up with the baby because she called me seconds later. She was whispering so I wasn't sure if she was near Edward or what.

"Oh my god, Bella! Tanya?! She's such a whore!"

"Ugh, apparently, she tried to sleep with my boyfriend."

"I'm making Emmett fire her."

"Excuse me? She works at Twilight? What, is that his spot to go when he wants to get laid? I bet that's what he went there for," I let out a quiet sob that I'd been trying really hard to hold in.

"Oh, Bella. Do you want me to make him leave?"

"No. That's not fair, he's known Emmett forever," I wiped my eyes, "I think I'm going to ask Alice to go shopping in the morning."

"You're voluntarily going shopping? I'm coming too! Emmett can watch Henry and Jax with his hung over BFF."

"Rose, you gave birth to a ten pound baby a few days ago. You feel up to it?" I laughed, feeling a little better.

"Please, I need to go shopping tomorrow. I need to get out!"

She laughed and the sound made me relax more.

"Alright, I'm calling Ali now. Let's say… eight o'clock, we'll meet at your place?"

"Perfect, see you then!"

We hung up after saying goodbye. I sat back in the couch and composed a text message to Alice.

Ali: you, Rose, me. Shopping. Eight AM. Meeting at Rose's. Leave C with Jazz. – Bella

I snuggled back into the couch and pulled a blanket over myself, turning on the television. I stayed up until four in the morning, watching bad television before I fell asleep, still in my outfit from the day before.

When I woke up, I felt stiff and uncomfortable. I took a quick shower, not washing my hair, and dressed comfortably in jeans that actually fit and a Kings of Leon long sleeved t-shirt and Converse. I brushed my hair into a ponytail, grabbing my jacket and purse and heading down to my car. I got in and upon having to adjust the seat, I realized it'd been a while since I'd driven myself anywhere and it felt weird for the first few minutes then I got more comfortable, liking being in control of myself for once.

I got to Rose's and knocked on the door, thrown off when Edward opened it.

"Oh, fuck," he said, his eyes widening. Emmett came up behind him, shaking his head and holding Jax.

"Told you not to open it, man."

I silently moved past Edward and smiled at Emmett, leaning in and kissing him then Jax on the cheeks, "You all set to have both kids alone for the first time?"

"I have help," Emmett shrugged and gestured toward Edward. I made a face because I doubted Edward could really be considered help.

"Is Alice here yet?" Emmett shook his head so I took my jacket off and held my hands out to take Jax, figuring I had a few minutes. Edward mumbled something and ducked out of the hallway. Emmett handed me his swaddled son carefully and awkwardly, making me realize he'd probably not spent much time holding Jax or Henry when he was a newborn, for that matter. I wondered what kind of father Edward will be. Would he constantly hold our child? Would he pass him or her off to me all the time? I snuggled the small bundle close and inhaled his sweet baby scent.

"Bells… you know I don't usually get in the middle of shit like this, right?" Emmett asked. I nodded, biting my lip. "Then you'll know I'm only saying this cause I think it's true. The guy's fucking in love with you. He was crying last night. Tanya, she probably preyed on his depression and desperation and made him some strong drinks and kept them coming. You don't know her. He didn't go through with it, he made one mistake. Give him another chance. No one's going to think any less of you."

Edward came back out carrying Henry, who'd apparently taken quiet a liking to him. He was chanting, "Eh-wa," over and over. I bit my lip to keep from smiling at the fact that he was playing with a kid without being forced.

"Uh, sorry. He needs a diaper change and I didn't sign up for that," Edward said as he handed Henry to Emmett.

"Trust me, buddy. No one thinks about that part while they're making the baby," Emmett said as he walked up the stairs, leaving me alone with Edward and Jax in the hallway. I rocked the baby as he fussed softly. Jax's eyes were half open and his little round face scrunched up. He looked like Henry when he was born but at the same time, he looked more like the pictures of newborn Rosalie and Jasper, who had been almost identical when they were first born, despite being boy-girl twins.

"Do you know where Rose is?" I avoided his eyes, peeking into the dining room. I saw him nod and point toward the ceiling out of the corner of my eye. I looked back down at Jax so I didn't have to look at him and smiled when he yawned. It was so sweet and his hands were balled up in little fists. I gently stroked one with my finger and he stretched out his hand before wrapping it around my pinkie.

"Shower. She's running a little late, that one cried all night," he said, pointing to Jax.

"And Ali's not here yet?" I finally looked at him and my heart broke a little more. His eyes looked so flat, not the vibrant green that I'd grown to love over the past two months. He shook his head. I walked to the living room and he followed me, sighing loudly as he nervously ran his fingers through his hair.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" I shrugged, not knowing the answer to the question. "Did you eat breakfast?"

"I had eggs."

"No bacon?"

"No bacon."

Jax fussed louder and I bounced him gently, kissing the top of his head, which was covered in a knitted green cap. I knew that Jasper and Rose's mom had made it. She was big into knitting and crocheting booties, blankets, hats and sweaters for her grandbabies.

"Henry seems taken with you," I said softly, trying to keep my voice calm for Jax's sake. Trying not to get upset and trying not to let my emotions get the better of me. I'd been doing that for far too long and it had driven Edward away.

"Uh, yeah. We're buddies. His parents were busy with Jax so he got stuck with me but he's pretty cool," his ears turned a little red and I laughed at him being embarrassed about liking a baby. His head snapped up at the sound of my laugh and he smiled tightly at me, the set of his shoulders tense.

"I need time," I stepped closer to him, putting a hand on his arm, "I don't know if things will go back to how they were but I need time to figure it out…"

He nodded, taking a step toward me at the same time so we were almost touching, "Are there rules?"

I shook my head, still bouncing Jax. Edward leaned down and brushed his lips against mine, "So I can do that?" I bit my lip and nodded my head once, rubbing his arm gently.

He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against mine. He felt warm and safe, somehow. He stood as close as he could with the baby between us and his thumb strokd my cheek. I inhaled deeply, expecting to smell my favorite smell: Edward. But what I actually smelled made me scrunch up my face, "I don't know how to say this nicely so… I won't even try, you reek."

"Mmm, you smell good though," he murmured before leaning down and kissing me again. I just wanted to melt into him, to kiss him all day. I wanted to get into bed and lay naked with him all day. I wanted him to hold me tight in his arms, to tell me everything was alright. Most of all, I wanted to hear those words again, the three most beautiful words spilling from my favorite lips, over and over again and for the rest of our lives.

But I knew I wouldn't be able to think, to resist, if he got me in any of these places. If he spoke those words again. If he kissed me with enough passion. If he got my clothes off. If he wrapped his arms around me. And I needed to think. I needed to figure out if I could be in a relationship with someone like Edward, someone so stubborn and a little selfish and definitely immature. Someone who might not be ready for all the responsibility being thrown his way.

I shook my head and pulled away, "I'm going shopping with Alice and Rose. You're helping with the kids."

I knew when he got me alone I wouldn't be able to pull away from him. To stop him if anything started. I had to avoid being alone with him. Or, maybe, make it a rule.

The doorbell rang and I paused, "Actually, there is one rule… no sex until we figure things out," I kissed him once more time before going to let Alice in, who kept apologizing for being late.

"It's alright, Rose is still in the shower. Rough night with Jax," I said as I snuggled the now sleeping baby closer to me, sighing, "Edward's here."

"What? Why?" Alice looked about ready to kick him out but I shook my head.

"He's helping Emmett with the boys today," Alice rolled her eyes, "Emmett thinks I should forgive him…"

"Rose told me what's going on, Bell. I don't think anyone can tell you what to do. What do you think?"

"I love him…"

She nodded and peeked at her tiny nephew, "That's good. I think that means you know what you should do. Just… make sure you're sure before agreeing to anything, Bella."

Emmett came back down with Henry who went toddling off to find Edward and we walked back to the living room, I put Jax in the pack and play and sat on the floor with Edward and Henry.

"Eh-wa. Beh-wa!" he said proudly, laughing at himself.

I giggled and tickled him, making him squeal. I scooted closer to Edward, so our legs were touching as Alice and Emmett talked about the day before, how Christmas with the Whitlock family was always a crazy event and how Rose always took forever in the shower. I put my right leg over Edward's left and counted to three before lifting Henry as high in the air as I could from sitting down. He shrieked, laughing, "Mo'!" which I took to mean as more. I went to do it again but Edward put his hand on my arm, stopping me.

"Careful…" Edward warned softly.

"I am being careful, I know my limits." I said calmly and sighed, realizing that sometimes Edward made me feel stupid and incapable of taking care of myself. I knew this is why I snapped at him sometimes and why we had the majority of our fights.

"Sorry, I just get worried about the baby. When you were talking about how it's still early and things can go wrong… it scared me," he said as he rubbed my back. Henry got bored with us and toddled over to Alice and I turned to face him.

"Things can go wrong, Edward. I'm only fifteen weeks along, there's still a long way to go. It doesn't mean I can't drive myself places and pick up a twenty-five pound toddler." I kept my voice calm and quiet, not wanting Alice and Emmett to overhead.

"I'm sorry. I just… I feel like I should protect you," he reached out and touched my stomach, "I provoke you. I do it on purpose sometimes, to be honest. You're just so… feisty. But sometimes, baby, you go wild."

"I swear, I was never like that before the pregnancy. All the hormones… I know, I always blame the hormones but, that's what it is, Edward. You never knew me when I wasn't pregnant," I rubbed his arm, "what you did was wrong but I know it was a mistake. I still need time but I think I can forgive you."

Edward leaned forward and pressed his lips against my forehead, whispering, "Thank you," against my skin.

~*~

same goes as last chapter: you review, you get a teaser! have a lovely day, lovlies!