I sure hope you like this scene, it's another ne that has been swirling in my head for weeks, just waiting for the story to catch up to its place.

And thank you for all the reviews and alerts and favs. You really make me feel loved.

Merick

Chapter Twenty-Three

What the hell was I doing? I must have asked myself that question a dozen times as I crept down the passageways back to Snape's quarters, hearing the pounding of my own heart echoing in my ears under the cloak. I was going because Draco didn't want to be alone, I was going because I didn't want him to be alone, but I was also going because I needed to know what was going to happen, scared as I was, I needed to know. I knew what fear was; I know what fear is, I've felt it too many times; fear for my life, fear for the lives of my friends, an all-encompassing blackness that makes it hard to move and hard to breathe. I'm not saying that I was feeling that type of terror, more a fear of the unknown, more a fear of not knowing what I was going to do when I got to Snape's. I didn't know if Draco would be waiting for me at the desk, or in the hall, if he would have the Port out again, or if he would be by the fire; or if he would be in the bedroom waiting for me. Every image flashed in front of my eyes; and apprehension gripped at my chest. Would he be lying there, in the bed, waiting for me, waiting for some type of intimacy that I didn't know if I could give him? Fear, excitement, apprehension, they all made my mouth dry and my heart race, but they did not stop my feet from moving.

After checking the hall to make sure no one was there I opened the door and slipped inside, scanning quickly for the presence of life. He was there, at the desk, almost as he had been before and I called out his name as he looked curiously at the door, which had opened and closed itself. I lowered the hood of the cloak so that he could see that it was I. And a small smile replaced the look of confusion and concern. I slipped off the rest of the cloak, bundling it into my arms.

"Nice trick."

"Comes in handy."

"I can well imagine." I joined him at the desk, which I now noted, had a covered tray on it, and a flask. And how could I have missed it before you might ask, well, my focus wasn't on the desk, but the man behind it, I say this in my defense.

"What's all this?" I asked as I sat.

"I hope you don't mind Harry, I went by the kitchen and asked your man Kreacher if I might be able to have a flask of coffee and a few sandwiches. I missed dinner after all." He smiled feebly at me. "As soon as he found out it was for you and I to share he insisted on putting together something fancy." Draco lifted the cover on the tray to reveal a monstrous stack of sandwiches, garnished with fresh vegetables and pickles, each with a fancy little pick holding it all together. As always, Kreacher had outdone himself. "He seemed so pleased, went on mumbling about how wonderful it was, and that he was going to make us lovely meals like this every time I came to visit."

"He's agreed to come back to 12 G with me after the school year. To look after me." I revealed as Draco poured me a coffee from the flask. The steam swirled upwards in spirals, as only magical hot brews seemed to do.

"I wondered what he was about as he kept going on about his room."

"I've given him some catalogues to have a look through, to pick some furniture for himself."

"You certainly are a champion for the underdog Harry; but I suppose that works to my benefit too."

"I guess that means you'll be wanting to look at the catalogues too, for your room when you come to visit?" The question had rolled off my tongue with a happy familiarity before I had realized what I was actually saying. It was exactly the sort of thing I would have said to Ron or Hermione had it been them I had been sharing the conversation and coffee with. Draco looked at me with softened eyes, and a voice to match them as he responded.

"You'd really want me to come out and visit?"

"Yes Draco, I really would." I had thought about the answer for a split second before deciding that I would like to see Draco after school ended. It was that whole living in the moment thing taking over again. Sometimes when I opened my mouth the things that came out of it weren't really well thought out, but this time it had worked out okay.

"I'd really like that Harry."

I smiled at him and took a sip of my coffee. He filled the silence rather quickly.

"So you said Ginny broke up with you?"

"Yes I did."

"What happened, if you don't mind me asking?" Part of me didn't really want to get into it, but considering the things Draco had told me, I didn't feel right shutting down his line of questioning.

"Umm, you know Draco, I didn't really know initially, but a few sleepless nights opened my eyes, if you'll pardon the terrible pun. Ginny and I didn't really know each other I think. I know she kind of had a crush on me, when she was younger, but we didn't really spend much time together then, and when the whole thing came to a head with Voldemort and we had to face him and the Death Eaters, I think she got an image of me stuck in her brain as some kind of hero."

"Well you were kind of a hero Harry." He looked at me as if he expected me to agree, because it was just common sense.

"I wasn't really a hero, I just did what I had to Draco. Same as Neville would have done if Voldemort had taken the prophecy the other way."

"I don't know about that."

"I do. But anyways, I think when I had to leave the school, and Ginny had to stay behind she kind of built up the image of me, romanticized it into something I'm not. Hero on the run, the tragic warrior, some such construct. And she fell in love with that. I don't know that I did any better for her. I used her as a lifeline when I was away, imagining what she was doing, how noble she was, waiting for me, fighting the fight in her way. I put her on a pedestal, not really knowing the real her, and what she needed from me. She wanted a hero, to have on her arm, to give her the recognition and excitement she thought she deserved. I wanted a respite, someone to romance, and marry and hide away with to lead a simple life finally." I had let my gaze drift down to the table as I spoke, I felt some guilt for my part in the demise of our relationship, after I'd had the time to cool down from my initial shock and the hurt of understanding why I wasn't enough for her. I can't say anger; I don't think I ever really got angry with her, except maybe when she attacked Draco. And maybe that was telling too.

"I suppose she didn't like you defending me either?" Perceptive wizard Draco was just then.

"Draco, we don't have to go there. Your name was an excuse for her, she just used our relationship to justify sleeping with Dean."

"She slept with Dean?"

"I found them together." Draco winced at hearing that. "At least I never cheated on her, I can say that much for myself, whatever other mistakes I made." I took another sip of coffee and helped myself to a sandwich. "Should I even be talking about this with you Draco, considering everything?"

"It doesn't bother me. It makes you seem very thoughtful and honest. Does it bother you?"

I thought about that for a moment. Did I want Draco knowing how my relationship had fallen apart? Was I afraid that it would change how he saw me? 'Too late now' I guessed.

"Why are we talking about me anyways?" I dodged the question.

"I thought maybe you'd had enough of my sob stories."

"So you'd put us on a more even footing about how miserable we both are?" I laughed at him.

"Yeah, something like that."

"Eat something, you're getting all daft on me."

He helped himself to a sandwich as I watched, wondering again about the anxieties that I had felt on the way over. I had been relieved to see him in the sitting room, I had to be honest with myself about that, and it did seem only fair to share some other types of intimacies about ourselves. Perhaps it was better, to know who each of us really were right then, so I wouldn't make another mistake. And then I caught myself, thinking about Draco and I as if we were a couple already, when all we had really done was share a few moments of passion. Was I being as bad as Ginny, painting a picture without substance? I shook my head, which must have looked odd to Draco because I caught him staring at me.

"Where did you just go right then?" He asked me putting down his second sandwich.

"Just thinking Draco."

"About what?"

A feeble smile on my part, and nervous butterflies again, "about you." I stuttered.

"It's kind of easy to get caught up in dreams isn't it?"

"Yes, too easy." I admitted.

"Tell me?"

"I don't want to do anything to hurt you Draco."

"I don't want to hurt you either Harry."

"Then why me?"

"I don't know if I have a good answer for you Harry. I just wanted to share something with you. You were so nice to me, and understanding, and a friend, and I wanted to have that intimacy with you; because you're a good person."

"A connection?"

"With someone good, who wouldn't manipulate me. Was I wrong?"

"Not at all. I'm flattered." I reached out to brush the back of his hand just quickly. He had spoken of a connection, and I wanted one right then. I could feel the tremor. He was feeling the same fear I was.

"Would you do something for me Harry, because I know it's already late and we don't have much time."

"I'll try."

"Would you give me a memory, something I can take to myself when I am alone, to keep the other thoughts out of my head."

"You mean like one of my memories? That you could watch in a pensieve?" I thought back to the visions I had shared, from Dumbledore, from others, trying to unravel the puzzle that was Voldemort and his Death Eaters.

"No, not exactly." He rose and walked around the desk, offering me his hand as he stopped before me. "Something new."

I took his hand and let him lead me to the bedroom, heart pounding, body trembling, emotions overtaking my senses, fear swirling around my feet.