The Legend of Elita

by Cydra

The Decepticon army has invaded Cybertron and a mech from every family must serve in the army. To save her aged and wounded father, Elita impersonates a mech to take his place. Will she bring honor to her family or face her doom? Based on Disney's Mulan.

4. I'll Make a Bot Out of You

The Legend of Elita

Chapter 4: I'll Make a Bot Out of You

Elita and Snarl were able to find the Elite Guard training camp quite easily. However, they didn't go in quite yet. Elita knew she'd have to blend in with the other bots to have a chance of surviving the war, much less be recognized as a girl. Currently, she and Snarl were in a small bamboo grove where Elita was practicing in front of Snarl.

"Ok, how about this?" asked Elita before putting on her best man's voice, "Excuse me, where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a sword. I have one too. They're very manly and tough." She attempted to pull her sword out, but it slipped out of her hands and dropped onto the ground. Snarl rolled on the ground, making a soft bellowing sound that was clearly laughter. His laughing stopped when a boot clunked against his head. Elita stomped over and snapped, "I'm working on it!" She sighed and put her book back on. "Who am I kidding? It's going to take a miracle for me to get into the army."

Suddenly, an echoing voice cried, "Did I hear someone ask for a miracle?" She spun around to see a serpentine shadow illuminated against a rock by flames and the same voice cried out, "Let me hear you go 'Awwwww…'!"

"Ah!" screamed Elita and hid behind a rock with Snarl.

"That's close enough!" said the shadow.

Elita peeked out from behind the rock and whispered, "A ghost."

"Get ready, Eltia, cause your 17th salvation's at hand. For I have been sent by your ancestors…" The shadow paused when a small shadow appeared and started imitating him with shadow puppets. The shadow kicked the smaller one and continued, "To guide you through your masquerade." Then the shadow ducked down for a moment and Elita could have swore she heard the voice whisper, "C'mon, if you're gonna stay, you're gonna work." Then the flames flared up higher and the shadow rose up again. "So head my word, for if the army finds out you're a girl, the penalty is death!"

"Who are you?" asked Elita.

"Who am I? Who am I? I am the Guardian of Lost Souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Draco." Elita's high expectations plummeted significantly when a small green creature stepped out from behind the rock was the shadow was projecting from. "Heh, not bad, huh?" said Draco Snarl disagreed and attempted to trample Draco under his front hooves. Elita quickly pulled him back. Surprisingly, Draco wasn't hurt at all. Although he did look pretty dazed. "Someone get the license plate of that dump truck?" he groaned.

Elita picked Draco up and said, "Uh, my ancestors send a little lizard to help me?"

Draco squirmed out of her grip and said, "Hey, dragon, dragon, not lizard. I don't do that fly-catching thing." He stuck out his forked tongue at Elita and hissed.

"You're, um, er…" started Elita.

Draco climbed a nearby bamboo and asked, "Intimidating? Awe-inspiring?"

"Tiny," said Elita.

Draco looked annoyed for a second before saying, "Of course. I'm travel-sized for your convenience. If I were my real size, your cow hear would die of fright." He patted Snarl on his front horn, only for the Dinobot to snap at his hand. "Down, Bessie," said Draco. He turned back to Elita and added, "And my powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor."

Elia's cheeks flushed as she covered her upper chest with one arm and slapped Draco with the other. Draco yipped and fell onto the ground. He sat up and said, "Alright, that's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family!" He pointed at Chip and said make a note of this. Chip nodded and started writing on a leaf. Draco continued with his rant, "Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow…"

"Stop, stop," said Elita, "I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I never done anything like this before."

"Then you're going to have to trust me," said Draco, "And don't you slap me no more. You clear on that?" Elita nodded. "Alright…" Draco's expression lightened up and he said, "Okey-dokey, let's get this show on the road. Chip, get the bags. Let's move it, heifer." Snarl growled at Draco. Clearly the Dinobot was not impressed with the so-called 'guardian'.

Elita walked to the outside of the camp and looked inside. She could see several mechs doing different things from sharpening swords to fixing small firearms. Elita gulped nervously and backed away a bit. Draco popped out of the backpack of her armor and said, "Hey, hey, there's nothing to worry about. You just listen to me and you'll fit right in. Ok, this is it. Let's show them how mech you are. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up, and strut!" Elita awkwardly walked into the camp, trying to follow Draco's instruction. Several bots stopped what they were doing and stared at the odd way that Elita was walking.

Elita passed by another pair of mechs. One of them was burnishing his olfactory receptors with his fingers while another was picking gross-looking things stuck in his foot with a pair of tweezers. "Beautiful, isn't it?" said Draco.

Elita wrinkled her newly-organic nose and said, "They're disgusting."

"No, they're mechs," said Draco, "And you're going to have act just like them, so pay attention."

Just then, Elita went around a corner and saw a small group of mechs. An orange mech with a body-design similar to Ratchet's said, "Check this out." Silver metal quickly covered his body. "This mod will protect me from harm."

The other two mechs, a short one with green and orange armor, a dome-shaped head, and one optic blackened and a leaner one wearing yellow armor and two small horns on his helmet, looked at each other for a few nanokliks. Then the shorter one punched the armored mech and sent him flying. The yellow mech laughed and said, "I hope you can get your money back."

Elita grimaced and said, "I don't think I can do this."

"Don't worry," said Draco, "It's all attitude. Be tough like this guy here."

Elita looked at the short mech who snorted loudly before spitting on the ground. He looked at Elita with his good eye and said, "What are you looking at?"

"Punch him, it's how mechs say 'hello'," whispered Draco.

Elita waited until the short mech had turned around before punching him. The short mech was knocked into a large and round green mech with large pieces of kibble on his shoulder armor and a pronounced jaw. The bigger mech picked up the short one and said, "Hey, Brawn, you made a friend. I told you it wouldn't take too long to find some new friends here."

"Good, now slap him on the behind, they like that," said Draco.

Elita shrugged and slapped Brawn on the skidplate. "Hey!" snapped Brawn before grabbed the front of Elita's collar and pulling her in close to his face, "I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy!"

Fortunately, the big green mech picked up Brawn and said, "Brawn, relax and chant with me." Brawn just growled, his face turning red. "Ya Ma Fo Du Wa Me To Wa…" chanted the big mech, causing Elita and Draco to stare at him oddly.

"Ya Mat Fo Du Wa, blah, bleh," muttered Brawn, his anger puttering out and his face going back to its normal color.

"Feel better?" asked the big mech.

"Yeah, Bulkhead…" muttered Brawn before Bulkhead put him down. Elita decided it was best to just walk away now. "Ah, you ain't worth my time, chicken boy," said Brawn dismissively.

However, Draco popped out of Elita's backpack and yelled, "Chicken boy? Say that to my face, you limp noodle!"

Draco was able to slip back into her backpack before anyone spotted him, but Brawn mistook his insult to be coming from Elita. He growled and pulled him towards her. She managed to duck just in time and his punches only hit the yellow mech behind her, blackening an optic and punching out several teeth. "Oops, sorry, Bumblebee," said Brawn.

Then Brawn noticed Elita trying to sneak away. "Hey!" he yelled before reaching for her. However, Bumblebee kicked him into Bulkhead before leaping up on top of them and stared fighting him.

While the other mechs were busy, Elita decided it would be a good time to make herself scarce. She ran away as fast as she could, but then she heard Bumblebee yell, "Look, there he goes!" She put on the speed and ran into the robot chicken hut. Brawn, Bumblebee, and Bulkhead chased after her, but somehow, they missed her and ran through the chicken hut. Just then, Brawn noticed the line of bots up ahead and quickly skidded to a stop. Bumblebee narrowly stopped in time to avoid bumping into him. But Bulkhead's brakes weren't as good and he ended up bumping into the back of the line and sending every bot forward like a chain of dominos, which culminated with the knocking over of the chef bot and upturning the big pot of fuel that was going to be their lunch.

Elita walked out of the chicken tent only to find a large group of mechs covered with fuel and angrily glaring at her. Elita grinned nervously and said, "Hey, guys…"

Inside the officers' tent, Ultra Magnus was going over the military plans. Perceptor had been assigned as his advisor until the Decepticon threat was over. The red Autobot sat at Ultra Magnus' right side. Across from the other side of the holo-map sat a younger mech with red torso armor, blue boots, gloves, and helmet, and the Elite Guard insignia emblazoned on his left shoulder.

Ultra Magnus pointed towards the mountains in the North. "The Decepticons have struck here, here, and here," he said, "As we predicted, they're making their way south towards Iacon. Fortunately, they're keeping low to the ground, which works in our advantage. From what we can tell, they'll be heading towards the Tygun Span. The weather in the mountains north of Iacon will prevent them from flying over them and Tyger Span is the safest and quickest way to cross it. I shall take the main troops there and stop Megatron before he destroys this village."

"An excellent strategy, sir," said Perceptor, "There is a high percentage of its success. I approve of it."

"You will stay and train the new recruits. When Perceptor believes you are ready, you will join us…" Ultra Magnus paused and handed a solarium axe to the young mech, "Optimus Prime."

Optimus took the axe and in surprise, "Prime?"

"This is a massive shift of responsibilities, General," said Perceptor, "It would be more logical to select a soldier who has more experience."

"Number 1 in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques," here, a little bit of pride shifted into Ultra's voice, "And impressive military lineage. I believe Optimus Prime will do an excellent job."

"Oh, I will," said Optimus excitedly, "I won't let you down. This is, I mean…" Optimus regained his composure and said, "Yes, sir."

"Very well then," said Ultra, standing up, "We shall toast Cyberton's victory at Iacon. I shall expect a full report in three weeks."

Perceptor held the flap open as Ultra walked out. Then he turned to Optimus and said, "And I won't leave anything out." He then exited the tent.

Optimus headed towards the entrance and then paused for a minute. "Optimus Prime," he said to himself while placing his axe into the clip on his back, "Leader of Cybertron's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time." He chuckled to himself before exiting the tent.

His enthusiasm quickly diminished when he saw his 'troops' engaged in a massive fist/food fight outside. The only one not seen fighting was Bulkhead, who was chowing down on some food that was being thrown. A decidedly dazed-looking Bot walked out of the brawl and paused when he saw his commanding officers. He saluted before falling onto the ground, out cold. "Most impressive," said Perceptor in a rather sarcastic tone.

Ultra Magnus stepped over the Bot and to where the Autotroopers were standing. He turned back to Optimus Prime and said, "Good luck, Captain. Autobots, transform and roll out!" He and the Autotroopers transformed to vehicle mode and drove out of the camp and up towards the mountains.

Optimus watched them go and said softly, "Good luck, father."

Then Perceptor and Optimus turned their attention back to the brawl. Perceptor has a slightly smug look on his face as he said, "Day 1…"

Optimus hardened his expression. He wasn't going to have his career as a Prime start like this. He walked forward and shouted, "SOLDIERS!"

The other bots stopped fighting and stared at Optimus. All action stopped, except for Brawl punching his opponent one last time. Then they all stood back and pointed at a curled-up Elita while shouting, "HE STARTED IT!"

Elita had decided from the start that she didn't want to get caught up in the fight and so she did the relatively-cowardly thing and just hid in the middle and hoped it would blow over. She eventually peeked out from between her arms to see the new captain standing over her with a disapproving look on his face. Elita quickly got back up onto her stabilizing servos and brushed off the dirt on her armor. Optimus glared at her and said, "I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp."

"Sorry," said Elita nervously before remembering the persona she's supposed to put on. "Uh, I mean, sorry you had to see that," said Elita with a deeper voice and softly punching Optimus' upper arm, "But you know how it is when you get those manly urges. Then you just gotta kill something, fix things, cook outdoors…"

"What's your name?" demanded Optimus.

Elita's bravado quickly deflated. 'Slag, I could I forget to think up of a name? What, did I think that I could pass off as Elita? I need to think of something fast.' "I, uh, uh…" she started.

Perceptor stepped in at that. "Your commanding officer just asked you a question," he said.

"I've got a name," said Elita, "And it's a boy's name too."

Draco quickly tried to think of something that would work. "Uh, Bumblebee, how about Bumblebee?" asked Draco.

"His name is Bumblebee," muttered Elita, nodding slightly at Bumblebee.

"I didn't asked for his name, I asked for yours," said Optimus, misinterpreting Elita's response.

"Er, Chu!" said Draco.

"Ah, Chu," said Elita.

"Ah-Chu?" asked Optimus.

"Geseundheit," whispered Draco before chuckling, "I crack myself up."

"Draco…" muttered Elita.

"Draco?" asked Optimus.

"No," said Elita.

"Then what is it?" demanded Optimus.

"Blagarak! Blagarak, he was my best friend growing up," whispered Draco.

"It's Blagarak," said Elita.

"Blagarak?" asked Optimus.

Draco suddenly paused and muttered, "Of course, Blagarak did steal my girl-" Elita reached behind and shoved Draco back into her backpack.

"Yes, my name is Blagarak," said 'Blagarak '.

"Let me see your conscription notice," said Optimus. 'Blagarak' quickly pulled out the draft card and handed it to Optimus. Optimus read and said, "Ratchet-One? The Ratchet-One?"

"I was not aware that Ratchet-One had a son," said Perceptor.

"Uh, he doesn't talk about me much," said Blagarak before snorting and trying to spit, but due to a great lack of experience, the spittle was left dangling from 'his' lips.

"I can see why," whispered Perceptor to Optimus, "The boy's an absolute lunatic." The other recruits just snickered at Blagarak's pitiful attempt.

Then Optimus addressed the rest of them, "Ok, gentlemen, thanks to your new friend, Blagarak, you'll spend tonight cleaning up every drop of oil. And tomorrow, the real work again." The other recruits, particularly the trio that Elita just met just grumbled and gave annoyed glares at Blagarak.

"Hmm… we're gonna have to work on your people skills," said Draco. Elita sighed, this was only the first day and she was already miserable.

The next morning, Elita was still asleep in her personal cabin. She decided to get one apart from the others both to get some privacy and to avoid her irked platoonmates. Chip was sleeping on a corner of her cushion, deeply asleep. Just then, Draco picked him up and tapping on his digital screen before pressing down on his head, causing him to produce a sound like an electric alarm clock, waking both him and Elita up.

The first thing Elita saw was Draco's face. "Alright, rise and shine, sleeping beauty. C'mon, up, up, up!" Elita groaned and laid back down on her bed. Draco yanked her covers off, causing her to wince from the abrupt chilliness. "Get your clothes on, get ready, got breakfast for you," called Draco. She slowly sat up and stretched. Draco jumped up onto her lap with a bowl. "Look, you get porridge and it's happy to see you," said Draco.

Chip popped out of the porridge about where the nose would be in the face made of fried eggs for eyes and bacon for a smile. "And it's nice and warm too," he said.

"Hey, get out of there!" snapped Draco, tossing Chip out, "You're gonna make people sick!"

"Am I late?" asked a groggy Elita.

However, Draco started shoveling spoonfuls into Elita's mouth. "No time to talk," he said, "Now remember, it's your first day of training so listen to your teacher and no fighting. Play nice with other kids, unless, of course, when other kids want to fight, then you gotta kick the other kid's butt."

"But I don't want to kick the other kid's butt," said Elita, though it was bit hard to tell since she hasn't swallowed yet.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," said Draco, "Now let's see your war face." Elita just stared at him with her cheeks bulging with porridge. "Oh, sure, that'll scare the wrath of Primus into Decepticon sparks," said Draco sarcastically, "I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. C'mon, scare me, girl!"

Elita swallowed her food and snarled at Draco, knocking him off her lap. "There, that's my tough-looking warrior! That's what I'm talking about! Now get out there and make me proud!" Just then, Snarl just started snorted and grunting frantically. Draco looked at him and asked, "What do you mean 'the troops just left'?"

"They what?" asked Elita before quickly getting her light armor on and rushing out.

Draco ran to the doorway, dragging her spiral sword and shouted, "Wait, you forgot your sword!" Then he sniffed and said, "My little baby's off to destroy people."

Chip patted him on the back and said, "They grow up so fast."

Meanwhile, the troops had all assembled at the main training ground. After their breakfast, they were engaging in a little horseplay. "Order, order!" snapped Perceptor.

"Oh, I'd like some fried aluminum noodles!" called one soldier.

"And I'll have the energon farmer's platter!" called Bulkhead.

Perceptor's expression soured and said, "The obvious nature of that pun is entirely demeaning."

Just then, Bumblebee noticed 'Blagarak' running up to them. "Looks like our new friend slept in this morning," he said before Blagarak stopped besides them. "Morning, Blagarak," said Bumblebee, "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah…" said Brawn before grabbing Blagarak's front, "Because I owe you a knuckle sandwich."

Elita winced and prepared for the punch but it was stopped by a cry of 'SOLDIERS!' The troops quickly fell into line. Optimus stepped in front of them, wearing a light jacket. "You will assemble swiftly and silently every morning," said Optimus before taking off his jacket and picking up an energy arrow, "Anyone who acts otherwise will answer to me."

"Ooh…tough guy," muttered Brawn sarcastically.

Optimus paused before saying, "Brawn." The other soldiers stepped back, leaving a surprised Brawn standing alone. Optimus fixed a metal spike to his energy bow and drew it back. Brawn's working optic widened when it appeared to be aiming at him. Then Optimus fired and the spike flew over and buried itself at the top of a pillar. "Thank you for volunteering," said Optimus to Brawn, "Retrieve the spike."

Brawn growled with annoyance and muttered, "I'll get the spike, pretty boy. And I'll do it with my shirt on." He walked over to the pillar and got ready to climb.

"Hold on a moment," said Optimus, "You seem to be missing something." He waved his hand and Perceptor walked over, straining from having to carry an apparently heavy box. Optimus opened the box and pulled out a pair of steel discs on bands. "This represents discipline," said Optimus, putting a weight in one of Brawn's hands and causing it to crash to the ground. "And this represent strength," said Optimus, putting the other weight in Brawn's other hand, causing the rest of him to crash onto the ground and making the troops snicker. "You need both to reach the spike," said Optimus.

Brawn got back onto his stabilizing servos and looked up. The spike was at the top of the pillar and was a long ways up. However, Brawn jumped up and tried to climb his way up. He got a short distance before the weight of the discs started to pull him down. He tried to hold on with his teeth, but that just caused a small gash to appear in the side of the pillar as he was pulled down.

The rest of them didn't fare much better. Bumblebee ended up crashing on his head. Bulkhead fell down with such force it caused the pillar to briefly pop out of the ground. Blagarak just landed roughly on 'his' butt. Optimus sighed with derision and muttered, "We have a long way to go." He then tossed out bo staffs for the soldiers. They all grabbed theirs, but Brawn grabbed the one meant Blagarak. 'He' glared at Brawn for a few seconds before Brawn tripped 'him' up with the staff and tossed it down to 'him' afterwards.

Optimus:
Let's get down to business
To defeat the Cons
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons?
You're the saddest bunch
I ever met
But you can bet
Before we're through
Mister, I'll make a Bot
out of you
Bulkhead:

Tranquil as a forest
But on fire within
Once you find your center
you are sure to win
You're a spineless, pale
pathetic lot
And you haven't got a clue
Somehow I'll make a Bot
out of you

Bulkhead:
I'm never gonna catch
my breath

Brawn:
Say good-bye to those
who knew me

Bumblebee:
Boy, was I a fool in school
for cutting gym

Draco:
This guy's got 'em
scared to death

Elita:
Hope he doesn't see
right through me

Bulkhead:
Now I really wish that I
knew how to swim

Optimus:
(Be a Bot)
We must be swift as
the coursing river
(Be a man)
With all the force
of a great typhoon
(Be a Bot)
With all the strength
of a raging fire
Mysterious as the
dark side of the moon

Time is racing toward us
till the Cons arrive
Heed my every order
and you might survive
You're unsuited for
the rage of war
So pack up, go home
you're through
How could I make a Bot
out of you?

(Be a Bot)
We must be swift as
the coursing river
(Be a Bot)
With all the force
of a great typhoon
(Be a Bot)
With all the strength
of a raging fire
Mysterious as the
dark side of the moon

(Be a Bot)
We must be swift as
the Coursing river
(Be a Bot)
With all the force
of a great typhoon
(Be a Bot)
With all the strength
of a raging fire
Mysterious as the
dark side of the moon

---

There's another chapter, and one I'm sure you've all been waiting for. Here we introduce the rest of the hero gang. Optimus was an easy pick for Li Shang. Sentinel had merits, but his role as the decapitated Fa ancestor worked to well, plus he's a jerk. I briefly considered Grimlock, but then I remember Grimlock's too dim to be an effective trainer. I nearly went with my OC, Scorponok, but I decided to stick with actual characters from the show. The parts for the trio virtualy filled themselves. Bumblebee and Bulkhead were naturaly choices for Ling and Chien-Po. Yao was a bit trickier, but when I first saw "Transwarped", he immediately reminded me of Yao in stockiness, strength, and attitude. There was just a matter of giving him a 'black eye'. By the way, in case you were wondering or couldn't guess, the Bot he punched was Ironhide. The Tygun Pass is an actual road to Iacon in established Transformers fiction, though it's probably not the same as in this story. The next chapter should be up in the next couple of days. Stay alert and please review.