Chapter 2

Screaming

It was a Friday when I was admitted into the "program". Mom thought it would be nice if she took me out for lunch before I left. That didn't go so well…

As we sat in the restaurant this is how mommy dearest began our conversation.

"You're father is the one tearing this family apart you know." She said flatly

"Didn't Dr. Kroger tell you to NOT talk about these things with me, after all I am fourteen."

"I just want to you to know how I felt." She replied with much emphasis on the 'I'.

This angered me to no end. I know exactly how she felt because she never ceased to stop telling me. I wanted to live MY life, so I stopped caring after awhile. My insides did something they never did before. I was degusted by those words. I wanted to puke, and tell her off but the eh…'puplicness' of the restaurant tamed my emotions. The fact that I couldn't go off on her made me feel sick even more. I was trapped and I could not do anything about it. So I just sat there hearing her words as they burned my ears, and choked back the hot tears that began to run down my face.

Finally I spoke in a soft voice what would seem relevant to say at the time.

"You've stopped caring about us…about ME mom. All you care about is YOURSELF." I said in an apathetic tone.

"HOW DARE YOU! I took you out to lunch and you disrespect me like this?"

"You don't deserve respect if all you want to do is complain about MY family, which a professional and many others told you to your ugly face not to do. You honestly don't care! I don't need you anyways!"

"I have to do what I have to do and if you don't like it TOUGH!"

"YOU ARE SO SELF CENTERED!" I tried lowered my voice.

"You know what I just want to get out of here, I don't want to be here with you."

"Because you'd rather spend your time away from your daughter then actually paying attention to what really going on."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means….IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT I HAVE THESE PROBLMS MOM! YOUR FAULT!"

"I don't need this abuse!"

"Who's abusing you? I'm telling you how I feel and you can't care enough to actually listen!"

It went on like that the entire time we where in the restaurant. I wanted to die…. literally. I wanted to commit suicide in front of her just to show her how desperate I was for peace, but she would most likely go off and still complain while I lie there dead. The car ride was much worse. I had my first mental breakdown, which is like the "first steps" for crazy people. I knew she would start yelling so I blasted my i-pod to drown out her voice. I played the angriest song I could think of at the time (I have many more but this one seemed to fit). So mom was screaming, I was crying and You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison was blasting in my ears. So many things were going on at once. My brain fell apart, and I didn't know what to do. I was so confused.

"YOU AND YOUR FATHER DON'T CAR ABOUT ME!" She screamed

(In the middle of a gun fight, in the center of a restaurant, they say, "Come with your arms raised high!")

"HE DISREASPECTS ME AND IM NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

(Well they're never gonna get me, like a bullet through a flock of doves

to wage this war against your faith in me)

"HE RUINED MY LIFE, THAT WHOLE FAMILY RUINED MY LIFE!"

(Your life will never be the same on your mother's eyes say a prayer,

say a prayer)

As the chorus began in the song I had no choice when it came to stopping her. I was so hurt and so scared that my mind kept telling me there's no other option, so in the heat of things I just started to scream uncontrollably. It was like it was the only thing I knew how to do, and all through it my mom did not stop screaming either. I was going to quit so why would she. It was at the point where I started pulling out my hair when she finally realized something was wrong. She parked near an office building to calm me down, at least she cared enough to do that much. I couldn't breath, my tantrum sacred me I was starting to think that I was in fact crazy. I was in that car for what seemed like ages and every time she would bring up my father I started to scream, that sounded as if I was on a rollercoaster, and occasionally I would add in "NO! NO!". Finally I calmed down and I was brought to Dr. Kroger's office.

"Welcome." He said. "Your room for the next twelve days is this way."