Harry helped Snape the next morning. That is if you could call cutting the salamander skin the wrong way and shredding the lacewing flies instead of chopping them finely, helping.
After Snape had called him an imbecile with mush for brains for the third time, causing Harry to drop the jar of chattering Doxy teeth on the floor, sending them skidding around the floor in apparent delight, Harry decided he had had enough. Without even looking at the irate potions master or giving an explanation he stormed from the room, breathing heavily and anger boiling in the pit of his stomach.
He plopped himself down on the couch in the living room and just stayed that way for a few minutes, staring at the wall. He was still in a rage and still trying to get his breathing under control by the time Snape came back into the room five minutes later, robe flying out behind him.
'Come, I need your help with the last part of the procedure.' Snape said, jerking his head back towards the potions room.
Harry stared at him open mouthed for a moment, his mind whirling with thoughts as to why Snape was not at this moment shouting at him for stomping from the room. Then he realised two things, he already knew how unpredictable Snape could be and more importantly, why should he care that Snape wasn't shouting at him.
The thought of Snape's unpredictability was reinforced when, once back in the potions room Snape took hold of a knife and started advancing towards Harry with a glint in his eye Harry didn't like.
'Wh-what?' Harry took a few steps back until his back was against the wall.
'Oh stop being such a coward. Where's you sense of Griffindor bravery?' Snape said with a sneer. 'I need your blood for the potion, now hold your hand out over the cauldron.'
Harry took a deep breath and let it out in a relieved sigh. For a moment there he really had the image of Snape stabbing him. He held his hand out in a show of bravery he didn't feel.
Before he even knew it was happening Snape had made a small cut along his palm, eliciting a small gasp from Harry. Then Snape took hold of his hand and turned it over on top of the cauldron, letting three drops in, which fizzled when making contact with the liquid. Harry tried to snatch his hand back but Snape wouldn't let him, instead he took out his wand and with a quick flick healed the cut on Harry's hand.
'Now that wasn't too difficult was it?' Snape said sickly sweetly. 'Would you like a lollypop for being so very brave?'
Harry thought of telling Snape just where he could stick his lollypop but then thought he'd play along instead because, in all reality, he did rather want a lollypop. 'Oh, yes please.' He said in a very childlike voice.
The expression on Snape face made it look like he was expecting a reply more along the lines of where he could stick the lollypop than of actually wanting one.
'Can I have a cola one?' Harry carried on, now jumping up and down in excitement. 'You know, one of those chuppa-chupps?'
Snape didn't have time to reply as the potion suddenly starting spitting and the colour turned acid green before spitting even more madly. Snape quickly turned the flame down underneath it.
'What actually is it?' Harry said, finally paying attention to the potion but keeping well out of its firing range.
'It's Aperire Facere Ostentare.'
'You what?'
'You asked.'
'Yes, but what does it actually do? Do I have to drink it? It looks disgusting.'
'Of course you don't have to drink it, what would be the point of putting your blood in if you were just going to drink it anyway?'
'But then how would it change my appearance if I don't do anything with it except give it blood?'
Oh for Merlin's sake Potter, if you'd bothered to learn your Latin you'd know that it wouldn't change anything. If I knew what to make that would remove the glamour I would have done so a while ago.'
'Then what the hell is it?'
'It's a reavealo potion. If done right this should hopefully tell me what spell was used on you in the first place, then I can find out how to reverse it.'
'Oh. And I thought we were nearly there.' Harry looked despondent but still glanced in at the frothy, bubbling green potion in expectation.
It's not going to reveal the spell in big flashing letters if you stare at it long enough.' Snape said. 'We need to leave it for an hour or two and then come back and see if it has changed at all. Come on, let's have lunch.'
'What will happen to it then?' Harry asked as he followed Snape out of the potions lab.
'If I knew that I wouldn't have made it, would I?' Snape said in irritation.
For lunch they started with melon balls dipped in some kind of alcohol and then had Tagliatelle in a creamy mushroom sauce, with garlic bread. Again it was extremely nice but Harry simply could not find a way of eating it without it going everywhere. Snape would neatly wrap his around his spoon and eat it sensibly while Harry couldn't get the whole thing in his mouth without bits of it dropping off and he always had to slurp a bit up at the end.
Snape kept on sending Harry dirty looks throughout and commenting on what a slob he was being. By the time Snape had finished his Harry had had enough, He left the rest of his pasta and just ate the garlic bread, which he thought was a shame as it was very nice. Snape still managed to comment harshly on the way he was eating the bread.
Afterwards they had Crème Brule, which Harry managed to eat with a little more manners but he still found he couldn't eat it all. He ended up pushing the rest of it around with his fork.
'How many times have I told you not to play with your food?' Snape snapped.'
'Sorry.' Harry said a little wistfully and he pushed his bowl away only to start fiddling with the edge of his napkin.
Okay, what is it?' Snape asked, throwing his own napkin down on the table.
'What?' Harry asked, looking up for the first time.
'You've been moody throughout lunch and I don't think it was because you had no idea how to eat Tagliatelle properly. So out with it. What's on your pretty little mind?'
Harry sighed. 'Well just … I was wondering why … why can't I go back to school as Harry Potter?'
'There are a lot of reasons for that but the main one and the only one that matters is that the Dark Lord does not want you to and what the Dark Lord wants or doesn't want goes.'
'But why?' Harry said, trying to find any way out of never being with his friends again.
'Because as Harry Potter you have every dark wizard in the country after you and it would seem a bit strange when they do not appear to be after you anymore. The Death Eater children- well most of Slytherin actually- will want to and be told to befriend you and we cannot have Harry Potter befriending Slytherins because it will again seem suspicious.
'You will have to leave everything at a moments notice if you are called by the Dark Lord and be able to leave to go to any functions you are asked. This will not be possible as Harry Potter as you would be watched closely and be protected fiercely from anything outside Hogwarts by Minnerva and all the rest of the staff. Unlike other people it will be noticed if Harry Potter isn't around. You won't be able to move or breathe without someone on the staff knowing about it.
'It may seem a bit backwards but it would be a lot harder to hide from the side of the light as the Golden Boy then it has been to hide form the side of the dark because you would be in the most dangerous position anyone could be- pretending to be dark pretending to be light. Is that enough information for you?
Harry let out a long breath and tried to think it over, staring at Snape a moment. 'You're in the same position, aren't you?' He finally said.
'No.' Snape replied. 'I am only pretending to be dark. And even before then when I was a spy for both sides it was easier because both sides knew I was pretending- or at least thought they knew. With you the light side can't have a clue what is going on.'
Harry's head was spinning widely by then. 'Can't I be an in between shade? You know, like grey or something?' Snape just looked at him with a raised eyebrow. 'Okay, okay. But Professor McGonnagal knows anyway, doesn't she?'
'She only knows that I am not a loyal Death Eater. She knows nothing about you and nor can she because even once you are able to occlude your mind from the Dark Lord he will still be able to see what you are doing and hear what you are saying. Telling anyone at all what is going on will be signing both of our death warrants.'
Harry shivered. To put it lightly he was fucked!
This is why you really need to trust me now.' Snape said, starting to clear up from lunch.
'I do trust you. Really, I do. I don't know how it happened, probably after seeing all that stuff in your pensieve. I guess a few things occurred to me that I'd never thought of before.'
'Like what?' Snape asked, looking quite curious despite himself.
'Like why Professor Dumbledore gave you the Dark Arts job when he knew that it was cursed. He must have known already that you were only going to last the one year.'
'You're not quite as stupid as you pretend to be.' Snape said and Harry furrowed his brow, trying to work out if that was an insult or a compliment.'
'We both knew Draco wouldn't complete the task.' Snape carried on. 'And we knew the Dark Lord meant for me to complete it in the very likely event of Draco failing. In a way we had always known it would come and the headmaster had already declared himself useless in the coming war, at least to me. He was slowly dying, you could see that at the end when … he couldn't even sit up straight and I knew…' He trailed off and looked into the fire with an expressionless face.
'And … that's why you got so annoyed when I called you a coward. 'Cause that must have been one of the hardest things you had to do. I do know what he can be like, he made me force him to drink that green potion in the cave. I thought I was going to kill him and I was so terrified at what I was doing.'
'The headmaster himself didn't know what he was drinking and it could have been killing him, probably was but he knew that he was going to die anyway so he didn't care.'
'Well that makes me feel so much better.' Harry said crossly.
'Well now you know how I've been feeling all this time.' Snape shot back, some of his old snarkiness coming back.
Harry only nodded slowly. 'Sorry. But there was something else I've been thinking about.'
'Oh pray do tell.' Snape said in a sarcastic voice even though Harry knew he actually did want to know.
'Well … I also wondered because I knew Dumbledore trusted you so much, so completely that I couldn't understand why he felt the need to plead with you to save him. He should have known you would have anyway.'
Snape nodded shortly.
'I guess he knew you didn't want to kill him and was only pleading because of that. Like you said he wasn't going to uncover your position as a spy just to save himself.'
'Like I said, you are more astute then I gave you credit for.' That was definitely more of a compliment. 'And I am glad that you trust me at least, because without that none of this would work.'
'And uh … there was something else.' Harry said, finally coming to the point.
'Yes.' Snape said, being extremely patient for him.
'Well, I know you said that pensieves can't lie without showing it but I know what I saw really happened for another reason.' He followed Snape into the small kitchen.
'Oh, and what is that?' Snape asked.
'Uh, Hagrid overheard you and Dumbledore talking in the forest.'
Snape stared at Harry a moment in shock. 'That time…' Harry nodded. Snape snorted. 'That great oaf couldn't keep his mouth shut if his life depended on it.'
'And it probably has sometimes.' Harry agreed.
Snape chuckled and waved his wand to start the dishes washing themselves.
'It's strange.' Harry said, helping Snape put the things away with a flick of his wand. 'Before, when I had every reason to trust you I didn't and now that you've apparently shown you're true alliance I believe you're really one of the good guys.'
'One of the good guys?' Snape asked incredulously.
'Yeah.' Harry said sincerely. 'Everyone knows that you're either a goodie or a baddie and that in the end the goodies win, which is why I chose to be a goodie.'
'You didn't have a choice.' Snape informed him.
'I could have chosen to kill V— uh, The Dark Lord and take over from him more powerful then you could ever imagine.'
'Where did you get that from?' Snape asked in amusement.
'Star Wars.' Harry admitted. 'But this is a bit like Star Wars, with the light and the dark side of the force. I'd of course be Luke Skywalker.'
Snape snorted at that.
'You Know Who will be the emperor with Lucius Malfoy as his sidekick Darth Vader.'
'Shouldn't I be Darth Vader? Seeing as I am your father Harry.' Snape said with a good imitation.
'Oh so you do watch it.' Harry said cheekily.
Snape just shrugged.
'I suppose you both wear enough black.' Harry carried on.
'Don't tell me Granger would be the princess?' Snape said, closing his eyes in apparent disgust.
'Of course she would. And Ron would be Han Solo.'
Snape snorted again and started walking out of the kitchen.
'And if this was Lord Of The Rings I'd be Frodo.' Harry said, following Snape out of the kitchen. He was really getting into this.
'You'd be small enough.' Snape muttered.
----------
After lunch they started on their Occlumency again. Or at least tried to.
'You are not concentrating.'
'Oh don't start that again. You shouted at me last time and it didn't do any good.'
'Nothing seems to do that with you.'
'Well maybe you could tell me how to do it.'
'I have been.'
'You have not. All you've been doing is telling me to fucking clear my mind.'
Snape laughed. 'Now who has the foul mouth?'
'Well, like father like son.'
Snape sighed. 'Okay, sit down.'
Harry sat, or more like fell into a chair, breathing heavily. 'Last time was good.' He said. 'You know when you told me to picture the dementor and—'
'That would do no good now.' Snape interrupted. Sitting down himself. 'That was to show what you could do, what you are capable of doing on your own, and more importantly what you will be doing once you have mastered this very simple concept.'
'What, clear your mind?' Harry barked in a good imitation of Snape.
'Perhaps I have been doing this wrong.' Snape admitted.
'Perhaps?'
'Ssh. I have been trying to show you how it feels when your mind is clear, you went to sleep in a cloud of pain and had a dreamless sleep because you weren't actually thinking of anything.'
'I was feeling pain.' Harry muttered sulkily.
'And what will the Dark Lord care if he finds out you are in pain?'
'It'll make him happy.' Harry replied.
'And what if he finds out I am a spy?'
'He'll probably kill us.' Harry admitted.
'No probably about it.' Snape said. 'Now I'm going to try something else. Close your eyes.'
'Oh God, not again.' Harry mumbled but at Snape's glare he did as he was told. 'Now, where do you feel the most safe?'
'Where?' Harry opened his eyes again and looked at Snape in confusion.
'It was a very simple question.' Snape replied calmly.
'Well, I…' Harry floundered for a while. 'I don't know where.' He finally said, looking down at his shoes.
'For Merlin's sake Potter, there must be somewhere. Your cupboard under the stairs, Gryffindor common room, astronomy tower, the Burrow, the bog. Where?' By this point Snape was almost shouting.
'I-I don't know where. I don't feel safe anywhere. The only place Voldemort hasn't been able to get to me is at the Dursleys and I certainly don't feel safe there.'
'How many times have I told you not to say his name?' Snape snapped.
'Sorry.' Harry muttered.
'No, forget the Dark Lord for a moment—'
'I wish.' Harry interrupted.
'—And think of this in another way.' Snape carried on regardless. 'I'm not asking where you feel safe from the dark lord or your darling relatives, only where you feel the most at ease, the most relaxed where you can let your thoughts flow easily.'
'I never let my thoughts flow easily. They flow when I'm asleep but that's usually in the form of nightmares and I wouldn't call that relaxing.'
'Well no wonder you can't learn Occlumency.' Snape said, jumping up from the couch in what Harry supposed might be fury. 'I can't believe all this time we've wasted.' Snape carried on, slapping himself on the forehead. 'You've never had a safe place to collect your thoughts, store your memories?'
Harry shook his head slowly, worried Snape might slap him again.
'Not even in bed.'
'No. I have all these thoughts but none of them safe. Last night was the most peaceful night I'd ever had.'
'Pain then. We'll have to settle with pain.' Snape said finally.
'I don't want more pain.' Harry said.
'I don't mean it in that way.' Snape sat back down again and thought about it for a while. 'How do you feel when you're in the hospital wing?' He finally asked.
'I'd feel a lot better if Madame Pomfrey wasn't fawning all over me.'
'Okay, how do you feel when you're in the hospital wing without Madame Pomfrey fawning all over you?' Snape amended.
'Alright, I guess.' Harry shrugged. He wasn't sure where this was leading too.
'And when you're given dreamless sleep and left alone do you feel relaxed?'
'Yeah, I guess.' He replied, relieved at least to be able to give a positive answer.
'Good, we'll start with that then.' Snape said, giving a sigh if relief. 'Close your eyes.'
'Oh, not again.' Harry said in irritation but he still did as he was told.
'What do you see when you're in the hospital wing?' Snape asked.
'White.' Harry said stupidly.
'Well this whiteness Harry, is where you're going to store your memories.'
----------
Occlumency was one of the most exhausting things Harry had ever done and they did it for hours with a few breaks for chocolate frogs and Firewhiskey. Harry had once commented how it was a strange combination at which Snape snatched the half eaten chocolate frog from his hand. Harry then had to apologise profusely for the next two minutes before Snape would give it back.
Snape had Harry almost cocoon himself in his room of whiteness, which had a vague resemblance of the hospital wing as he was lying on a bed. He then brought Harry to the state of mind he is in when he has just taken dreamless sleep potion and is in that dozy sate between wakefulness and unconsciousness.
Once Harry is in that situation Snape would then get him to remove some of the important memories one by one form his mind, like you would do with a pensieve. He would then have to study them for a moment before letting them go so that it would float away but still be confined to the white room.
Only then would Snape enter his mind and search through his memories. It was a long and complicated procedure but to Harry's immense surprise and exhilaration it seemed to work until Harry either eventually snapped out of the state he was in or fell too deeply into it and actually fell unconscious. It was after the latter times that he was given the chocolate frogs and firewhiskey.
'It's working isn't it?' Harry asked while munching on his bit of frog.
'Yes it is.' Snape replied, looking fairly surprised himself. 'I just wish before hand that I knew you never had anywhere you could relax.'
'Well it's pretty hard not to relax in a white room, there is absolutely nothing else there to look at or think about and you do start to doze. It's probably why hospital rooms are like that.'
'It's exactly why hospital rooms are like that.' Snape amended. We will have to keep on practising this, especially at night so that soon you will no longer need to be taken into that room, it will appear itself whenever it is needed.'
'Cool.' Harry replied. 'I have my own private room.'
'Wasn't your cupboard under the stairs your own private room?'
Harry glared at him for a moment. 'Isn't your potion ready by now?' He asked back.
'Shit!'
----------
The potion was now an almost translucent white.
'Figures. Harry said, glancing into it.
Snape seemed not to hear and looked like he was thinking hard. 'Interesting.' He mumbled, stroking his chin and looking at the liquid thoughtfully. He the picked up the ladle that was lying by the side of the cauldron and dipped it into the potion. The liquid was thick and smooth, reminding Harry of Unicorns blood except for the difference of colour.
'I'll have to look into this.' Snape finally said. 'But the whiteness showed that the charm used must be extremely potent light magic. You don't get much of that, all the strong potions are dark.'
Harry followed Snape out the room and into the lounge. Does my white room mean something about me being light too?' Harry asked as Snape starting skimming through the book titles on the shelves.
'I'm not sure but I'd much rather that then you being relaxed in a black room. That can never be good.' Then as an after thought he said. 'I used to see that.' Snape then picked up a heavy looking grey book and sat down on the sofa, settling it on his knee.
Harry walked over to join him until a piece of paper came zooming out of the fireplace to hit him straight between the eyes. He shook his head lightly and the first thing he heard was Snape laughing.
Harry turned to glare at him again as Snape snatched the small white envelope from the floor and tore it open. His grin faded though as he looked at it and he glanced solemnly at Harry over the top of his book.
Harry felt like someone had just thrown a bucket of ice water over his head as he started shaking from head to toe. 'What is it?' he asked.
'Emmanuel Nott has invited us to dine with him in three days time at his manner.'
'What, do you mean a dinner party?' Harry said, still shaking.
'That's exactly what it is.'
'But-but.' Harry stuttered. 'I'm not ready yet, my Occlumency is—'
'It will have to be.' Snape interrupted him. 'If we decline he will wonder why and it will get back to the Dark Lord. There will be questions asked and I hate questions.'
'But V- um … the Dark Lord can read my mind once I'm out of this house and I can't defend—'
'How many times do I have to tell you it is not as simple as pure mind reading? We have three days to bring your Occlumency up to scratch.'
'But I can't.'
'You'll have to.' Snape said quietly. 'We have no choice.'