6. Hunt
A/N: I know I got some comments that Edward's POV was better, but I think it is necessary to switch back to Bella's. Maybe the difference is from the extra effort I put into the last chapter because I was so nervous about it- I'll work as hard on this one, and then we'll see.
Bella's POV
As I rocketed through the thick, jade green forest, I wanted to shriek and laugh all at once. The Washington winter air whipped against my face and curled through my hair from roots to ends, sending it streaming in long brown waves behind me. The rushing wind wasn't icy as it should have been, or harsh. Instead, it was like the light caress of a spring breeze, and the scents of pine, rich dirt, and light rain seemed to reach out and lightly brush along my skin. The pure, unadultered speed I experienced was what I imagined soaring through the clouds would feel like, and all my cares flew in the same fashion, trailing behind me on the air currents.
The only thing that could penetrate through the pure joy at all was my knowledge that this was entirely unnatural, by any standards I had ever known, and I wasn't being given the new ones that indisputably now governed my life. But Edward had promised me answers, and for whatever reason that in any probabe reality made absolutely no sense, I trusted him.
With that promise lodged in my head, I gave myself over to the action of running, trying to soak in every sensation- the colors, the sounds of trees and air whisking by, my impossibly slow and even breathing, the feel of my muscles working but not tiring, the way I saw things as if I was moving at a normal pace. It was all miraculous, and I couldn't believe such things were possible. In every sense, except in actuality, it was unreal.
As I permitted the exhilaration to preoccupy any worries, I settled into a rhythm and was finally able to process half of everything that was assaulting my newly enhanced senses. It was then that Edward chose to come to a sudden halt.
I pulled up short, just behind where he stood motionless, in deep contrast to a second before. Excitement still consuming me, I looked around, trying to see where we were. Our surroundings were not so different from before, and we stood underneath the canopy of trees, their leaves casting a dim emerald glow. Ahead, I was able to see that the light was brighter and that the trees thinned out. I was at a loss for the reason we would have stopped here, and though I tried to wait for an explanation, my curiosity bubbled over, and I couldn't stand to wait on statuesque Edward any longer.
"Why did we stop?"
Edward didn't turn around, or even move, but he answered, voice flat. "You see that light ahead? The sun is out, and there is a clearing up there."
I continued to stare at him, wondering what was important about the information he gave me. I couldn't see its relevance, but the way Edward said it let me know that this was a crucial moment.
"And that matters because?" I posed my question, before a ridiculous thought flitted through my mind and straight out my mouth, not pausing to pass through a filter. "Wait. Do vampires actually burn in the sun, or turn to stone or ash or whatever?" I asked. Perhaps there was one stereotype Hollywood had actually managed to base off of fact. Maybe that was why he had stopped. Edward chuckled darkly under his breath just once before turning around and responding, his voice as somber as ever, all humor from the previous instant vanished.
"No, that's just another silly myth. I do want to show you something though." Why didn't he answer my questions? "Please?" he asked gently, eyes beckoning and waiting for me to follow him.
I couldn't really resist when he gave me that look- it made me feel like there was no other option, because I couldn't bear the idea of disappointing a being with such gorgeous, burning eyes. Out of this compulsion, I followed him at a walking pace to the edge of the tree line. From the shade of their limbs, I took in a beautiful scene. Here, in the middle of the dense forest, it was like someone had come and swept away the trees, pulling them up like weeds, leaving nothing but tall grass in their wake, swaying in the breeze. Surprisingly, the sun shone through a break in the clouds, its picturesque beams bathing the clearing in a swath of bright sunshine. It was perfectly beautiful in its simplicity.
Only the feeling that I was being watched was able to tear me away from the glorious scene before me. I turned my head, locking eyes with his golden orbs.
"It's beautiful- what is this place?" I questioned, keeping my voice quiet out of reverence to the natural sanctuary.
He shrugged. "I found it when we moved here- I like to come here to be alone sometimes."
"Why did you bring me here?"
He took a ragged breath. "Like I said, I want to show you something. Just stand there, and watch."
He stepped forward, passing the last few trees before stepping out into the open air. I watched his back as he walked to the middle of the grass-carpeted circle, waiting.
I noticed him playing with the cuffs of his white button-up - I assumed he was rolling them up, though I couldn't see to know for sure. The sun brought out the red in his hair, and I thought about how it looked like copper pennies, while my skin nearly itched with wonder at what would happen next. Finally, he turned around, simultaneously lowering his arms to his sides.
He had indeed rolled the sleeves of his shirt up, and unbuttoned the front, all the way down, as well.
Though my eyes hardly noticed the shirt, and not for the reasons that I should have been distracted by the sight of Edward's perfectly sculpted bare chest and abs. I was shocked by the glint of the sunlight off of his skin, sending fractures of light off in every direction. In awe, I realized that Edward's skin was glittering, and my mouth formed a small 'o'. A few long seconds later, I was finally able to meet his gaze. His eyes pierced me, searching for my reaction.
Unable to form words, but consumed by curiosity, I slowly moved to step out of the shade. I approached the line between light and darkness, pausing for a moment, almost terrified to take the final step into the light, to join Edward. I hesitated, paralyzed, and still able to feel his stare. I had no idea where the terror that now imbued me had appeared from, but I realized I was nervous to approach the god-like creature in front of me. I bit my lip, shook my head at the absurdity of my emotions, and forced my feet to move. I chose not to look at my own skin, but approached Edward, wanting to see him closer.
With agonizingly slow steps, I made my way to the center of the clearing, feeling cautious. I moved in front of Edward, peering shyly up into his eyes, watching his sparkling chest move as he breathed heavily, obviously anxious to know how I would react.
Cautiously, and maintaining eye contact to watch for his approval, I reached for his left hand. His eyes betrayed nothing, but he didn't remove his palm from my own, and I took his inaction for permission.
Eyes still locked, I moved his hand up, held by both of my own. I considered the awkwardness of the moment and my actions, but decided I didn't care. What was awkwardness when you were holding hands with the vampire who had attempted your murder? Slowly, I slid my gaze downward, taking in a sharp breath as I saw that refracted beams of light danced across my own skin. It shouldn't have been a surprise, but the sight was foreign. It didn't make me stop pursuing my goal, and I continued to hold one of his hands in my left, tracing the lines with the fingers of my right, watching the glitters of light from my own skin intertwine with those from his, head bent over our hands. His skin felt silky smooth as the pad of my finger glided over it, and I was overwhelmed by its flawlessness. I tilted his hand in my own, fascinated by the scintillations and trying to see their source in the lines of his palm, completely without success. Finally, words came, spilling from my lips from the swell of amazement within my chest.
"It's beautiful…like diamonds." I whispered, hoping I wouldn't break the spell. Truly, I could imagine nothing more fascinating, but I regretted that my words did just what I wished they wouldn't. The moment I uttered my declaration, Edward's hand vanished, shattering my entranced reverie. My hands remained frozen in mid-air, as if his hand was still nestled between them. I caught myself longing to still be touching his palm, but forced myself to lower my arms and looked up from the empty air. Edward had taken a quick couple of steps back.
"Bella- don't you understand?" he asked, rueful. "This skin- your skin- it's the symbol of a killer." Edward's voice shook, strained with intensity and fierceness. I stared at him, unsure of how to respond to his blatant statement.
He continued on, hardly pausing to notice as I lowered my head again and bit my lip.
"Bella- we're predators. You are a predator- everything about you is different now. Even your skin. We are designed to kill- by any means necessary."
Now I was confused. "But how does our skin matter?"
He shook his head, a wry, cynical hint of a laugh emitting from his mouth.
"Don't you see? We're built to attract our prey in. You remember the parking lot?"
I nodded my head; the reality of what Edward had done hit me yet again. I did remember- I remembered his charm, the effect the simple smell of his sweet breath and a singular look in his eyes could have on me. The way I had fallen for a lie, and been lured out all alone, despite my better judgment and the fear I felt. Now that I thought about it, I knew there would have been no escape even without my mistakes. I had seen the kind of agility and strength Edward possessed- no human could stand up to that. Edward saw all these considerations written on my face, and knew that I understood.
"I was able to draw you out and corner you with such ease- and it's all part of what our kind is- you've seen it all. And now that is exactly what you are."
His body language and obvious remorse evoked pity in me, as I let the implications sink in. However, those emotions didn't course through me for long. I knew I would soon have to let go of the tiny reserve of bitterness I held, because I just couldn't imagine holding a grudge against the broken creature in front of me for an extended period. Yet, the question that had been eating me up inside finally erupted, and I forgot my attempts to retain a semblance of trying to maintain my regard for Edward's feelings. If he could be harsh, so could I.
"Why did you do it?"
His jaw clenched suddenly, his fist balled up by his sides. I was reminded of the murky memory I had from earlier on that fateful day in Biology, his posture eerily similar to what I could recall seeing as I had innocently and clumsily moved down the aisle to my seat.
"The burn in your throat, it's still there?"
I nodded, though I had nearly forgotten the scorching pain while I had been wrapped up in the vision of Edward's shimmering skin. And my own, though that was more of an afterthought. I wondered if he was going to evade my question by diverting my attention. If that was his plan, I imagined it would work. The burn was now more biting than before, and I felt that it would soon spread from my throat and consume me completely all over again.
"That's your thirst for blood- human blood." At the mention of blood, I felt my body physically react, and I knew that his words were true. Instinctively, a hand went to my parched throat.
"What you feel now is hardly a hundredth of what I felt when you walked into that lab three days ago. I've never wanted to drink a human's blood more than I wanted to taste yours. I tried to restrain myself, but you know how well I succeeded." He paused there for a moment, smirking sadly, lost in his recollection. "I couldn't resist the scent of it pulsing through your veins, and for the first time in over eighty years, I departed from the way of life Carlisle has taught us all."
A thousand questions coursed through me at his assertion, but I chose the one that occurred to me first.
"Why me?"
"Like I said- no one else's blood has ever been so potent. Usually, its only a small exercise in discipline to resist attacking the humans we intermingle with each day. You, clearly, were different."
I mulled that over, not missing the way he used the past tense to make it clear that I was no longer human. I supposed that was the point he was trying to send home. Frustrating, considering I understood that already. To prove that I did, I asked my next question, moving on from the past.
"Why do you drink from animals- because of Carlisle? How does it work?"
Again, there was another pause from him. "Carlisle is part of the reason- he's the one who changed me, but he only gave me options. He was the first of our kind, which any of us know of, to come up with his way of life. But I chose it because I don't want to be a monster."
I understood his aversion to what was supposedly his- our- nature. Though my body had reacted with such desire to the thought of human blood, I couldn't imagine taking a life.
"Carlisle changed you? When?" It seemed my questions were never-ending, but the more explanations I was given, the less I realized I knew.
This time, his explanation came quickly, though a thoughtful look took over his face, as if he was trying to recall a long lost memory. "1918. The Spanish Influenza had struck Chicago, and my entire family fell ill. I don't remember much else, except what Carlisle has told me. I'm sure you've noticed human memories are harder to remember?"
I nodded, and he continued. "Well, according to the story, my mother died, but before she did, she ordered Carlisle to do everything he could to save me."
"She loved you very much." I said, not asking. It was strange to think of the human Edward, with parents and fragile enough to be susceptible to illness. Honestly, it shouldn't have been, considering my own humanity wasn't so far in the past.
"Yes- with passion, apparently. Carlisle took her words to heart. My own death was coming quickly, and Carlisle did the last thing he could think of to save me, fulfilling my mother's, Elizabeth's order. He bit me, and the venom, another of our weapons, spread. You know what happens from there."
He looked at me then, far off in his sea of in his sea of anguish.
"Carlisle's part was much more difficult of course- it's not easy to taste human blood and then stop."
"So he did it willingly?"
"Yes. First with me, then with Esme."
"What about Alice and the rest?" Edward visually shook himself at the next in my string of questions, moving his hands to button his shirt up again and rolling down his sleeves.
"You are full of questions. I think maybe you should let them tell you their stories. For now, I should probably answer the one question I ignored."
I looked at him frustrated, and puzzled as I ran back over the past couple of minutes, trying to remember which question he had skipped.
"The burning?" He hinted.
Oh- that was what he had meant. He'd never told me how hunting worked. I gulped, nervously.
Sympathy flashed in his eyes- an emotion that seemed to be entirely caught up with his own remorse. I wish he would stop being sorry and just start taking action- this was getting extremely old.
"Come on. Don't worry, I promise, this part will be easier than trying to understand everything else."
Again, for what felt like the millionth time that afternoon, I just wordlessly nodded, doubting his assurances. I wondered aimlessly if I was becoming a mute, incapable of responding with words.
Edward took off for the second time in the past hour, and we ran northward for several minutes. The action was exhilarating, but the nervousness I was beginning to feel, mixed with the growing burn and desire tainted any enjoyment I could have felt.
It wasn't very long before we stopped, and this time we were back in the thick of a forest, having moved even further away from the house and into the wilderness.
"What now?" I asked, more boldly than anything I was actually thinking or feeling should have allowed.
"Now, you follow your instincts."
I looked at him skeptically.
"Here." He said, his hands taking my shoulders gingerly. I tingled at his touch, but didn't say a word at how close he suddenly was, though nothing but his hands made actual contact.
"Close your eyes." I did as he said, trying to ignore the fact that I could feel his breath through the hair at the crown of my head. "Ok, you need to focus. What do you hear?"
I listened, willing my ears to hear and trying to single out only audible forms of perception. I was overwhelmed at the sounds that greeted me as I placed all my attention on them. I heard birds chirping, the leaves rustling, and the howl of wind. But in addition to ordinary things, I could pick up the sounds of squirrels nibbling on acorns, the nearby stream, and other minute rustlings that should have been inaudible.
"Everything." I answered truthfully.
"Closer. Try and single out what's most important."
"How am I supposed to know what's most important?" I objected.
"You will. Just try Bella." I sighed but I followed his instructions, though I wasn't convinced by his answer and I was slightly distracted by the way my name sounded when he said it, this time one of the few instances he had done so without projecting his inner turmoil onto it.
I focused intently, trying to single out what was "most important". That's when I heard it- lapping of tongues, so suddenly and blatantly obvious, standing out from the other woodland noises for reasons I couldn't describe. I gasped lightly, and focused even harder on those sounds, now picking up on a low, quick thrum. I had no idea what I was listening to, but I knew it was what I was looking for.
"Where?" I asked, urgently, my throat set freshly ablaze at the sound I didn't even know how to identify.
"Use your sense of smell." Though part of my brain rebelled at the ridiculousness of his suggestion, I took a deep breath, trying to find the scent that matched the sound.
With the influx of air through my nose and into my lungs, I smelled it- soft and woodsy in an unappealing way, but retaining enough of a savory quality to cause me to yearn for it. My body tensed, desire flooding me as I felt a tightening in my stomach, coupled with a flood of what I now knew to be venom into my mouth.
Edward's hands dropped from my shoulders, sensing the reaction my body betrayed. For an instant, I missed the light pressure, but the distraction of wanting to find my prey overpowered any other thoughts or chance to question the feeling.
"Go." He said. I did, not questioning what to do anymore, allowing my body to take over. I sprinted quickly to the southeast, following the only scent and sound that mattered to me anymore.
As I neared the stream, the beat became louder, and the scent stronger. I stopped, crouching behind a large tree trunk. I watched as five deer grazed by the water's edge and took the occasional drink. Any thought of disgust was erased as my mind was overcome by the idea of anything warm and liquid coating my throat. Following Edward's earlier advice, I gave in to my instincts.
I pounced on the nearest deer, tackling it to the ground and sinking my teeth into its pulse point at the base of its neck. The spot naturally pulled me in as the source of the rapid pounding I had heard. The doe struggled beneath me, kicking its legs wildly, but I felt nothing but light taps as my teeth sliced through soft fur, delicate skin, tough flesh, and finally, into the artery. I heard a small moan, and couldn't even be surprised that I was the one who made the noise, or at the sharpness of my teeth. That did explain the absence of fangs.
Warm liquid poured into my mouth, and without thought, I drank deeply, feeling more rush down my throat. I relished the gliding of liquid downward, welcoming the slightest alleviation of pain. All too quickly, the deer's kicks slowed before its entire body went limp, and the flow of blood stopped, running dry.
I heard myself emit a small growl of anger, incensed that my source of the warm liquid relief had been drained so quickly, and I immediately leaped up, following the sound of the retreating herd. My actions were feral, and wild, but I wasn't concerned with appearances, overtaken by thirst that had surpassed desire and transformed into a keen need.
In moments, I caught my next prey, a much larger buck. Its struggle was no more than a nuisance either, but it lasted longer, as did the flow of its life source. After draining the carcass, I began to feel the burn in my throat lessen slightly, though far from enough to stop my hunt.
A third, fourth, and fifth time, I captured my prey, finally pausing after the last deer. I straightened myself up into a standing position, the excited frenzy slowly ebbing away. I wiped the back of my hand over my mouth, pulling away with a scarlet streak tracing a line from my wrist to the knuckle behind my index finger.
Before I could consider my next move, I had licked the red, wet line from the back of my hand. Immediately afterwards, tongue still in contact with my hand, I saw him, standing nearby, leaning against the trunk of the closest tree. My bestial side gave way at the sight of Edward watching me, I unsuspectingly felt shame and disbelief wash over me, and I lowered my hand, unsure what to even think.
The vacuum of cognition lasted only briefly before the safety mechanism failed and I was suddenly overwhelmed with a thousand emotions. Part of me was disgusted, while the other half was overjoyed with physical satisfaction without concern for anything else. I looked down at myself to see that the cashmere of the dark blue turtleneck sweater that I had at some point been dressed in was ripped up to the shoulder in one arm, and stained with dirt and blood all over, thread fraying in various places. My dark-wash jeans, looking suspiciously designer, had fared no better, and both knees now had holes and were stained as well. I imagined that my face must be in the same state, and that my hair was probably a tangled mess.
Suddenly, I wanted to cry more than anything in the world, but all I could manage was a stinging prickle in my eyes. Not that I felt remorse over what I had done- it was more that he was watching me. I understood that this was natural now, and while I found it strange and unnerving, I knew I would adjust. What mattered more was his opinion, though I couldn't understand why I assigned such gravity to his response. I supposed it was only because I felt a need to be accepted by someone in my new condition, and he happened to be there.
For his part, he stood there calmly, hands in his pockets as he watched me warily, looking at me in the same way he had back in the meadow as the sun had reflected off of his skin.
Unable to bear the weighty silence any longer, I mumbled the first thing that came to mind.
"Sorry…" I muttered, pulling at my non-ripped sleeve. When I looked back up at Edward, pure shock registered on his features and his hands now rested at his sides as he stood straight and rigid.
"Bella, what do you have to apologize for? Blame me- I'm the one who turned you into this!"
"I just..I didn't mean it like that. I didn't know what else to say. I was only apologizing for being such a wreck- I don't care about all the vampire stuff, and I really wish you would stop dwelling on it too. I just…I need some order and to know what I'm doing. At least now I've got some idea."
Edward shook his head.
"You don't care that I've made you into a monster?"
His words made me want to cry more, and I wished for some way to release my emotions.
"Is that how you see me?"
"I- of course not Bella. I just, I thought…" for once, he was without words or a comeback.
"Because I don't see myself that way- or you, for that matter."
Disbelief, again, reigned on his face.
"You don't?"
"No. I'm freaking out a little, but it's only because I have no way to deal with this and you aren't being helpful. So, just stop tripping over yourself with regret, please!"
"But I should regret what I've done!" he exclaimed, exasperated.
"Maybe so, but if you want to make up for it, you could start doing some more of the helpful things, and stop projecting your self-hatred and pity party on me. It's not helping, and I've already forgiven you, so get over it."
This time, I knew my words had utterly surprised him. He turned away, no longer looking at me.
"You forgive me for taking away you're humanity? For changing your life? Because you shouldn't."
"Well, that is my decision to make, now isn't it?" I retorted with more resolve than I felt. Though I had said I forgave him, I hadn't actually thought it through, but now that I had declared it, I felt the tiniest tinge of the truth in the words.
"You're utterly ridiculous, you know that?" he accused, a faint trace of humor in his voice as he turned back around.
I shrugged without answer.
"Do you need to hunt more?" he asked brusquely, signaling that the discussion was closed.
I considered that, but the burn was gone, replaced now by only the faintest scratch.
"I don't think so. Why?"
"I just think that I should take you back to the house- there are other things you need to know, but I think a meeting with the rest of the family is in order."
"There's more?"
"Yes. Are you ready to go? I think you could use a change of clothes too."
I would have blushed in embarrassment at his acknowledgment of my sorry state, but that too, like crying, seemed impossible now.
Though nervous at the prospect of facing the entire Cullen family now that I had some self-awareness, I agreed, and we sprinted back in the direction of the house.
A/N: That was difficult- there's just so much to explain to Bella, and I keep forgetting she's a newborn! So, the dialogue might be awful- I spent most of the evening trying to work with it, but I'm not sure how much it helped and I can't read through it one more time or I'll go crazy. On the other hand, I had my own stomach filled with butterflies when I wrote Bella and Edward in the sunshine. Now please, please review…please :) ? I am resorting to begging after all…