8. Enemies

A/N: So, I know this one took a bit longer to post- I'm sorry- I know it's annoying. School is consuming my life, I've been feeling uninspired, and I was having trouble with this chapter. I came back to it after two weeks, erased the whole thing, and re-wrote it. Hopefully, it turned out okay, and the next one will be quicker!

Bella's POV

My first night spent as a vampire was entirely uneventful. Without the rest of the Cullens around, my body finally shut itself down and went into a sort of shock. I had felt the sensation seeping into my limbs a few times today, but for the first time, I let the locking feeling of stillness overtake me instead of stifling it and forcing myself to relax. I spent the entire night, head resting on my forearms unnecessarily, at the table. I wished with all my might I could cry, overwhelmed by the emotions I felt. All I could manage was some prickling in my eyes, and I breathed heavily but quietly, gagging back sobs. There was no way anyone else in the house was going to hear my cries- I didn't want to worry any of them. I had pushed up the façade of being entirely okay, and I planned to keep that image up. Fake it till' you make it, right?

Truth was, it wasn't entirely an act. For the most part, I was doing alright, all things considered. Naturally, I grieved my old life. Despite that, I knew that in a few days, I wouldn't miss most of my human experience. For one, I couldn't really remember it. I knew there were differences, obviously, but most of them seemed like a step up to me. After all, hadn't I always wished to be strong, fast, and graceful- exactly all the things I never was? It was hard to fathom my newfound immortality as well, but I decided that was something that I could think about later. Alternatively, my new fascination with blood was a more grisly issue, and a bit more bothersome.

On some level, I was disgusted by my desire for the viscous red liquid. Especially when I considered that the deeply manifested need wasn't for the blood I had tasted already, but for human blood. The thought was repellant, and I understood how easy it would be to see myself as a monster, as Edward viewed himself. However, at the same time, I didn't really see how anyone could call the Cullens monsters- not harmless Carlisle, kind Esme, goofy Emmett, little Alice, and calm Jasper. I couldn't imagine Rosalie hurting anyone either- honestly, she may be shallow, but I saw the deeper instinct to protect her loved ones in her as well. And then there was the logical view too. Edward obviously felt remorse and didn't want to hurt others, thus he wasn't a heinous creature. The two couldn't co-exist in one person. All of these observations outweighed my horror over the deep want I felt, and I made peace with my new nature.

Therefore, I had no qualms with my lost humanity. Yet some things transcended my humanity and would always be a part of me, and my grieving for them would not be completed tonight. The vague few memories of Renee and Charlie ate away at me now that I let them, and I searched deep and hard for the smallest glimpses of them in my memories.

The act steeped me in frustration, but the little clips I conjured up were worth it. Of course, I had known that before I had dove inside my own mind. Edward had told me enough earlier in the meadow to assure me that anything I managed to remember from my human life would have to be very important. Considering all I could remember was who I was, my last day as a human, starting from my first glimpse of Edward, and shots of my parents, there was no question of how much I had loved Charlie and Renee. Perhaps if I hadn't been drowning in grief I would have stopped to consider why all my other human memories involved Edward or why movie-clip quality shots from the meadow earlier in the day kept coming up at the same time. As that wasn't the case, I forced myself to re-focus quickly- now was not the time to review and analyze the recent and current events in my life. I was coming to terms with my lost past.

In the end, I came up with about four fragments from years gone by. Most of them were extremely recent, and I supposed that made sense. The first image was of Charlie's face in the cruiser as we pulled up in front of what I knew was his house. From the perspective, I understood that I was in the passenger seat, looking at him. Other than that, all I could salvage was a feeling of awkwardness all mixed up with love. I smiled at that strange concoction, savoring the feeling of a father-daughter relationship.

The next couple of shots were both with Renee, the first a mostly indistinguishable picture of being in the desert with her. She was smiling and laughing, and happiness was apparent. The next was of her telling me goodbye in an airport, hugging me entirely too tightly as she crooned "my baby" into my ear. Though annoyance was in that memory, love and a light sadness were too.

The final memory was surprisingly much older while simultaneously exponentially more clear. I sat in a car, seat belt buckled, and a small stuffed animal wrapped tightly in my arms. Rain coursed down the windshield and the wipers swooshed back and forth as the door was shut from the outside. My legs dangled limply over the edge of the seat, the shiny black patent-leather of my Mary Janes gleaming from the bluish-green light emanating from the dashboard. My red rubbery rain jacket squeaked as I craned my neck, looking to the porch just as Renee climbed in the driver's side and shifted gears into reverse. I hear her sniff quietly as she released the parking brake. Under the cover at the front of the house, Charlie stood stiffly, hands at his side. Between my own tears and the rain, I could never be sure if he was crying as the car backed down the driveway, leaving the little house behind. Heartbreak was the dominate emotion in that memory.

And that was all I had- a handful of memories to piece together in an attempt to understand my parents. I clung to them, unwilling to allow them to seep away into the murkiness of the rest of my vague human life. I spent the rest of the night reliving the four snippets over and over and over again, memorizing the simplest of details, silently sobbing over the loss.

__

By the time daylight broke and shades of gray began appearing, I had absorbed every bit of my most vivid human memories. As the hours had worn on, I had even considered crazy schemes for seeing my parents. Renee was in Phoenix, and that wasn't really an option. But Charlie- my dead heart ached at the knowledge that he was minutes away, and possibly less considering my new speed. It would be so simple to just sneak out and run there.

Except I knew it wouldn't be. I believed Edward when he told me about the blood-lust. I had visuals and vivid memories, including sensations, to tell me what would happen the second I was around any blood. If I had reacted in such a way to a foul-smelling deer, there was no way I would stop when confronted with the true object of my yearning. The burn in my throat intensified at the thought, and I swallowed the venom, chagrined because I knew I wouldn't even pause to think before ripping my own father's throat out.

No, I would and could not go anywhere near my parents, and other contact would attract attentions and suspicions I couldn't risk. No better than the idea I could kill my own parents was the thought of the law-enforcement of vampires, the Volturi, doing the same because I had given my parents too much information. I couldn't condemn Charlie and Renee.

This reasoning, by daylight, carried me through and I truly accepted the fact I couldn't relieve my parents' grief over my presumed death. A piece of me died with the revelation, but I knew I would bury it deep, and work through it. Who knew- maybe one day, I could do something. But in order for that to work, I had to get it together now, and pick up my pieces.

The first step to doing that was to move. I knew that the others would have to go to school today, since I was relatively sure it was Friday, despite being thrown off and slightly losing track of time already. It was nearly time to go, judging by the change from gray to brighter gray, the sign of day in this world shaded by the cloud cover filter. I didn't want anyone to find me here- I didn't want anyone to have any reason to worry about me. And there was no way I could explain away sitting here all night long, doing nothing. The Cullens were already doing so much for me- moving, picking up their lives and taking me along. The least I could do was not add more worries to the pile.

I scraped my chair back, only vaguely surprised that nothing hurt from hours of immobility in my contorted position. I stood, joints feeling no need to stretch or pop. Now that I was standing, I decided changing clothes couldn't hurt either, even though my clothes were still perfectly clean, if slightly wrinkled and creased. The act was just for the sake of normalcy.

I headed up the stairs to the second floor, not trusting myself to run inside the house without breaking anything. The stairs creaked quietly under my weight, and I turned left at the top, remembering where Alice's room was. I knocked, and took a deep breath, putting on my mask to prepare myself for a day of interacting again with others.

---

Alice was entirely too excited to dress me, and I took note to get some of my own clothes soon. I didn't want to risk this becoming a habit for her- no way was I going to let her play dress up with me. Honestly- I didn't need make-up anymore, so how had she managed to spend an entire hour and a half picking out my outfit and styling my hair?

I knew she would have taken even longer, if I hadn't protested vehemently and disengaged myself. Soon after, the five left for the school, Edward lingering for a moment at the door that led outside from the great room, his eyes looking unsure. I imagined that he felt guilty for leaving me alone, and shook my head slightly and sighed.

"Go." I commanded, leaving no room for argument. He didn't say another word, just turning on his heel and walking out. I shook my head again, exasperated at the guilt that was tugging at him. I knew from the expression that had flitted over his face that he felt wrong about leaving me alone, and I knew that on the other hand he was afraid to return to the "scene of the crime". Guilt was the influencing factor on every side, and even though he was trying to follow my wishes and hide it, he wasn't being successful.

Just as I made this conclusion, Carlisle walked into the living room where I sat, watching television.

"Ah, Bella. Good morning- I hope you're night wasn't too boring?" he asked.

I looked up, struck again by how gentle he looked. Carlisle had a way for putting people at peace, and it didn't fail this time. Even though I had been feeling a bit uncomfortable in the house, that all vanished when his fatherly smile broke out.

"It wasn't too bad." I answered honestly- it hadn't been boring at all.

"I'm glad." He said, still rooted to his spot, obviously sorting out how to proceed with what he had come down here to say.

"I just wanted to let you know the house is your domain. Use anything you wish- this is your home now, so please, feel free."

"Thank you Carlisle." I answered, waiting for anything else he might wish to say.

"Your welcome." He said, hesitating. "There is just one more thing- most likely this is understood, but I wanted you to know its probably best if you stay in the immediate vicinity of the house. You're no prisoner of course, and may leave if you wish. But, I know you wish to avoid any potential…risks…" he trailed off, obviously feeling bad for potentially insulting me.

Which he hardly did at all. A small piece of my pride took a hit, but I was mostly grateful for the heads up. As he said, it should have been understood.

"Of course." I said, words quick, run-together, and staccato all at once. "I hadn't thought of it yet, but you're right. Its safer here." Not that I had planned on going anywhere, but I hadn't not planned to either.

"If you need to hunt or anything, which you most likely will before we all go on a larger trip, Esme is going to work from home every day. She'll be around for whatever you need- even if its just some company."

I nodded, biting my lip. I was beginning to feel like the world's most physically capable invalid. My body was vital, yet its urges entrapped me in all the ways that were meaningful.

"Alright then." He said, obviously not sure of anything else to say. "Have a good day." With that, he walked out the door, and I was left alone in the living room. I settled in to watch the morning talk show, contemplating the paradox between freedom and restriction.

--

And so my days went for the next week. Like my first night in the Cullen household, they were mostly unremarkable. I spent a lot of the first two days watching television, but without really being there. I found it was effective cover for the grieving I still needed to do, and if Esme noticed, she chose not to say anything. Considering her motherly instincts, I bet she knew everything.

Esme, for her part, had an uncanny ability to be present but leave me my space. She never really hovered after that first night, but just checked in each morning with a few pleasantries before retreating to her small in-house office. Around noon she would emerge to neaten up things around the house that had been left out of place, and she would stop by again and check in. The sweet care she showed for me was touching, without being overbearing.

On the third day, Esme accompanied me on a short hunting trip. The dull burn had begun throbbing, and I had already begun losing my grip on civility, uncharacteristically throwing a vase when Emmet had playfully tussled my hair that morning. Apparently, my endurance was non-existent, despite my advanced ability to interact with others when satiated. I had downed a few deer quickly, and upon return, Esme had suggested I explore Carlisle's library, which also housed Jasper's books. I don't know who had told her I liked to read, or if she even had any idea, but it was a fantastic gift. I hadn't been aware the library existed since I hadn't been to the third floor, but I spent most of every day and night after that in Carlisle's study. The first day there, I had left upon Carlisle's arrival, only returning that night. After that, Carlisle had insisted I could stay, and we had taken up a comfortable co-habitation of the space in the evenings. He never pressed me to talk, and for that and my refuge I was thankful.

After several nights, I settled into a nice rhythm, and didn't mind the emptiness or the dark any more. Thankfully, the oak door to the study was thick, and muffled the sounds that became inescapable once the respect for my novelty to the house had worn off. Unfortunately, the evidence of couple-like activities wasn't entirely escapable, despite the nearly nightly piano music that wafted up from downstairs where Edward played.

Speaking of Edward, he had taken to maintaining a distance after a few days. Equal parts of me both approved of and were disappointed at this move. The side that approved felt he had paid most of his debt to me, providing the means to survive in the new circumstances he had placed me in. That side was also extremely annoyed at the constant hovering that had occurred at first, and the guilt he was unable to disguise. The other side reminisced and longed to feel again what it could only call intimate friendship and camaraderie, established that first day in the meadow. That side had no more sway than the other and a resolution to inaction was created, though the feelings of the second side were more intense, goaded on each night by the beautiful music he made. Mostly the music was full of pain, and it made me want to do something to help him, but it was full of so much horrible beauty that I couldn't imagine interrupting.

It was one night when this music stopped suddenly that my entire world was turned upside all over again.

Edward had been playing another sad but elegant piece when he had broke off in the middle, something that never happened. He never made mistakes, and though I had never seen him play, I knew that he was much too involved to pull himself out of a piece before it was complete. Already, I was alert, wondering what may have happened. I wasn't concerned, just curious.

That was before I heard his quiet voice begin calling out.

"Carlisle." He called, his steps moving up the stairs. Alarm bells sounded in my head at the tone of his voice. I rose up from the chair I sat in, tossing my book down behind me. I didn't bother sneaking into the hallway, knowing I would be heard. I walked out, remembering to gently handle the door as I had learned. Carlisle came out at the same moment, Esme trailing behind.

"What is it Edward?" he asked, serious.

"The scent doesn't carry up here, but we have company, and they intend to talk to you." He said. The words meant nothing to me, but I understood Carlisle's facial expression. There was an instant of panic, followed by anger and worry, before being replaced by rational calculation.

"Who is it?" I asked, suddenly afraid for the reasons I didn't know but could sense.

Everyone turned to look at me, as if they were just now noticing my presence.

Edward sighed loudly, before answering, if his reply could be counted as such.

"Quileutes. They…they are our enemies, werewolves."

I sucked in a breath- werewolves, enemies? Why hadn't I been warned that we had enemies? That seemed like something important to know, yet I had been kept in the dark.

I would have laughed out loud that I wasn't even concerned about the werewolf aspect, if I hadn't been so angry.

"And you didn't tell me?" I asked, obviously upset, feeling my humanity slipping away.

"There isn't time now Bella. Please, calm down." He said, edging closer to where I stood. I looked up into his eyes, struggling to maintain the tiniest iota of anger. "Trust me?" he asked quietly, reminding me exactly of what he had looked like as I had run my fingers over his sunlight palm.

Damn him, I did. The softness in his eyes forced me too. I nodded, recognizing that something important was happening and yet again I was incapable of helping. The best I could hope for was to stay out of the way, and I hated the familiar feeling of helplessness.

"Ok- I need you to stay up here in the study, door closed and silent, okay?" I nodded again, but couldn't stop my next question.

"Why?"

"Because they intend to come in the house, and I think our best bet is to lie for now about your existence. They would be angry about what's happened. If you're up here, they won't pick up your scent, as long as they are in the living room."

I was confused, but just nodded again. Why would they be angry? What did it have to do with them? These and a thousand other question battered against my mind, begging to be asked. At that moment, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmet appeared in the other end of the hall.

"What's the plan for dealing with the dogs?" Rosalie asked, spite in every word.

Carlisle took over there.

"We cover up Bella's existence, stick to the story, and make peace."

"Will that work?" I asked, worried for what I suddenly realized I considered my family.

"Only one way to find out." Edward said, and they all moved to the stairs, heading down to meet the enemy.

A/N: Yes, the beginning was slow, but it was important for Bella's character development. I was trying to respond to some reviews, explaining Bella's process with her parents, keeping her from being too suddenly okay, and then introducing the wolves and conflict. All unavoidable- next chapter should be up pretty soon.