Disclaimer: I own nothing. The bold is all Marauders-And_Lily_I-Love and the characters are J..

"Okay," said Remus clearing his throat, "This one is…"

NUMBER 14 AND 15: STEAL LILY'S BRAS... AND THEN FORCE JAMES WEAR THE SEXIEST ONE OVER HIS ROBES:

"Oh this is going to be GOOD!" sneered Sirius

Remus had an odd twinkle in his eye, "Baby back is soooo sweet…"

"Potter! Why the hell are you wearing one of my bras?"

"I hate you Pads," moaned James, "This is NOT going to end well…"

"I don't know, Lily! I just woke up this morning... and it was just there." James tugged at the lacy material atop his robes. The more he thought about it, he actually liked the way the white fabric contrasted with his black robes. It was rather flattering...

Sirius snorted, "And Moons and I are the gay ones…"

James glared.

This morning had been terrible. The young Potter had woken up to the sun filtering in through the curtains. As he stretched his long, muscled limbs, his hand had brushed across his chest... And his head had snapped down to stare. Then, there was chaos.

"Give me back my bra!" Lily screeched, hypnotic jade eyes flashing furiously.

"It's not coming off!"

"Hate. You." Snarled James

Sirius just smiled smugly

The messy haired young Gryffindor yanked the bra away from the robes, only to have it snap right back into place. A small smile played at the corner of his mouth; Lily was hot when she was mad...

"She is, she really is," sighed James, "She seems to glow and her eyes twinkle and…"

"Remus, keep reading!" cried Sirius

"You git! I can't believe you charmed my bra!" Reaching out, she snatched her stolen underwear and pulled. It was no use. The stupid thing didn't budge. Bugger.

"I didn't... By the way, it is rather sexy... Don't you think it suits me?" James flashed her a grin and then twirled elaborately, winking at the redhead.

"Why James?" asked Remus

"I think that there might be something, like her perfume, that drugs James into acting like a complete idiot," said Sirius, "It makes the most sense."

"No," said . The three boys jumped in surprise.

"Dad?' cried James, "How long have you been there?"

"The last few lines," he replied, "I wonder who wrote this, though"

"We figured it's a stalker form Hogwarts." Said Sirius.

"That makes sense," nodded Mr. Potter, "But like I was saying, James just doesn't have any skills with the ladies."

"Dad!" cried James as the other two laughed. "Ugh, just keep reading…"

"I'm going to kill you!" In a millisecond, her wand was pulled out of her pocket and pointed at James' chest.

"Oh, this is when it gets good," smirked Remus

"Come sit down. Mr. Potter," invited Sirius, "The hexes Lily throws…" He smiled evilly, "Well, you'll see."

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you," chanted James under his breath as he feared for his digital-self.

"Nah, you won't." He smirked. "You might ruin the bra. And we wouldn't want that, would we?"

"Oh, I so, so will. Just you wait." She stepped closer, the tension between them sparking and fizzing uncontrollably.

"You won't."

"Will."

"Won't, won't, won't."

"You really now haw to push her buttons," said Mr. Potter

"She's hot when she's pissed," defended James

"Ugh, stop being so childish!" Running a hand through her hair, she suppressed the desperate urge to stamp her feet and stick out her tongue. Obviously, that would completely contradict what she had just said, so she refrained from this behavior.

"Hmphf. You know, I was quite surprised at the size... I thought you'd be bigger than a-"

"YOU DARE READ OUT MY SIZE AND I WILL KILL YOU POTTER!"

"Idiot…"

"DAD. LEAVE!" cried James

"All right, all right," Mr. Potter said putting his hands in the air in mock surrender, "I'm going." Then he left the room.

"Sirius, what did you do this time? You have that look on your face." Remus looked up at his boyfriend, frowning at the smirk on his aristocratic face.

"I didn't do anything." Said his boyfriend who smoothed out his features, rearranging them into an innocent smile.

"Which even in real life I never believe," snorted Remus, "If you are one thing Sirius is NOT is innocent.

"Yes, you did. Now don't lie to me. Remember, I have yet to get revenge for the 'Squishy' episode."

"I must have something big planned," mused Remus

Sirius gulped in fear.

The werewolf shivered; that was something he never, ever wanted to go through ever again. Ever.

Remus glared at Sirius who then proceeded to make himself invisible.

"Aw come on, you were adorable as a puppy." Sirius couldn't help but plant a small kiss on the honey eyed boy's nose;

"Honey?" asked Remus

"Nah, I think this lady finally got something wrong other then the whole gay thing," said Sirius, "Your eyes are more amber then honey."

"Agreed." Nodded James

he never seen such an adorable puppy in all his life until 'The Day in Which Remus Walked on All Fours'.

"That's not the point. So, tell me, what did you do?" Crap. Remus had donned the 'Stern Prefect' disposition. This was bad. The werewolf knew that Sirius would do anything when he heard the Voice. And that shameless poof was exploiting that knowledge to the fullest! Evil Prefect.

"Whipped," muttered James

Sirius rolled his eyes, "At least my story-self is whipped for someone I'm dating Mister Idiot-Who-Will-Listen-To-Anything-The-Girl-Who-Hates-Him-Says."

"That's very long," said Remus, "We should shorten it to Mister IWWLAHHS"

"I am not, EWAWHLASHS" cried James

"What?" asked Sirius.

"Ugh, never mind!"

"...IcharmedoneofLily'sbrastostickonJames'robesfortherestoftheday." The Animagus mumbled.

"I have no clue how to pronounce that," cried Remus

"Let me see," said Sirius. He took the laptop and read the line, "…Just skip it…"

"Sorry, didn't quite catch that."

"I charmed one of Lily's bras to stick on James' robes for the rest of the day."

"Oh Sirius, you didn't." Sighing, Remus shook his head, closing his book and standing up.

"Of course I did, babe." Sirius' voice grew cheerful and he wrapped an arm around his boyfriend's slim waist.

"I do not have a slim waist," cried Remus, "This author makes me look like a girl!"

"I guess we now know who tops," smirked Sirius

"On no," cried Remus who then proceeded to pin Sirius down. He smirked and lowered his head so his lips were only inches from Sirius's, "I assure you Pads that you would never top," and then he licked the top of Sirius's nose and got off.

James decided to ignore what had just happened and continued to read.

"You've just signed his death wish; you realise that don't you?" Remus leaned up slightly, his soft breath skating over the taller man's jaw. Their eyes met; Remus' resigned and yet somewhat filled with mirth, Sirius' playful and intense. They stood like that for a few long seconds, breaths mingling and hearts beating in unison, until a cheeky smile stretched across Remus' lips and he pulled away, leaving Sirius slightly dazed from that unusually strong connection.

"See," smirked Remus

Sirius didn't say anything. He just blushed.

"...Mmm-Hmmm..."

Sirius couldn't care less.

A kiss was in order.

"I can just hear the fangirls screaming," snorted James

"Moony! Save me! Lily's going to kill me! Please, hide me!"

"YAY!" cried Remus, "Now we get to the hexing!"

James charged into the dorms, eyes wide and panicked. He didn't seem to care much that he had just interrupted one of 'Moony and Padfoot's Super Duper Yummy Sex Sessions'.

"…or not…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"EWWWW!" cried three voices.

"Do you want to continue reading?" asked James who was now looking slightly green.

Remus pouted, "I want to see you hexed."

"So then…is it okay to keep reading?" asked James

"Pads?" asked Remus

"We'll finally know who tops," joked Sirius feebily. James frowned and decided to talk to Sirius after they go to bed.

"MOONY! HELP!"

The werewolf froze in his ministrations, letting his head fall on Sirius' shoulder. Sighing breathily, he unwound himself from his lover, raising a flushed face and lust-filled eyes to their best friend.

"I TOP! I TOP! I TOP! I TOP!" cried Remus who was jumping around a very red Sirius

James started to laugh and Sirius just but his face in his hands to hid his blush.

A few minutes later, Remus finally sat down.

"Remind me to tell my mom not to give you fourth helpings of desert," laughed James

"No, I won't" smirked Remus

"Get in the bathroom and stay quiet." Remus said through gritted teeth, pointing towards the door in the corner of the room, ignoring the petulant whine from his lover at the loss of contact.

"...why would the author know how you're like in bed?" mused Remus

"Probably dated her," said Sirius

"That doesn't really narrow the list down much," snorted James

"Oh, thank you, thank you." If the stag Animagus hadn't been in such a hurry, he was sure that he would have thrown himself at Moony's feet in gratitude. But Lily was on her way, and he wasn't feeling particularly suicidal. Not to mention the fact that he was pretty naked right now... on James' bed?

James started laughing evilly as Remus and Sirius quaked in fear. Oh, they still remembered the first story they had read.

What was it with those two and fucking on his bed? Oh he was going to-

"JAMES POTTER-"

Fuck! James sprinted into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Lily froze when she saw the two boys on the bed.

Whoa…

They were hot.

"WHAT?"

Really hot.

"So Lily's into porn?" said Sirius

"Interesting…"

Her jaw dropped... What was Sirius doing? Was that his hand? What on earth? What was it doing there?

"I am so glad she is being so vague…" said James

"Us too."

Oh… Right…

It was crazy, she had never, ever seen Remus so... dominant. Lily was looking at Remus in a completely different light; forget sweet, innocent Remus... that image had been totally shattered.

"Remus is not sweet and innocent." Snorted James

"It's amazing how well you have everyone at Hogwarts fooled," said Sirius

"Thank you."

Get back on track, Lily. You're here to kill James! Not to ogle Black and Remus while they... do 'it'.

"…The mental images,"

"Remus! Tell me where Potter is!" She strode to the two boys, blushing furiously and trying desperately to keep her eyes trained on their faces. Without even looking up, he pointed to the bathroom.

"Thank you." Turning to march towards it, she stopped when Remus said in a throaty voice:

"It wasn't - Ack... Ngh... Pads - his fault. Sirius – hmmm... again!... - was just having a bit of a laugh."

"EWWW!"

"Black?"

"I...Er... H-hey Evans... Um... Remus! I c-can't concentrate!"

"Padfoot, apologise." Remus stopped sucking on Sirius' pale neck and smirked down at him, his tawny locks sticking to his forehead. Shivering delightfully at the tone of his lover's voice, Sirius shook his head, pouting slightly.

"I don't want to read this," groaned Sirius.

"Stop being so prude," joked Remus

"No!"

"Padfoot, apologise now." Leaning down, Remus bit down Sirius' bottom lip roughly, drawing out another soft moan. The werewolf sat up straight, slapping his boyfriend's hair-sprinkled thigh lightly. A warning.

Do as I say, Mr Padfoot. Or else.

"Wait, so, Black stole my bra?"

"Yup."

"L-L-Lily... S-sorry...Please don't...don't kill me! Remus, s-stop tha-"

"SHUT UP BLACK! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT-" All of a sudden, she couldn't bring herself to care that she was they were having sex. How dare they have sex? Black had stolen her bra! He shouldn't be allowed to have sex!

"Lily, if I ...er... punish him sufficiently, will you forgive him?"

"…"

"…"

"Wait, are you offering punishment sex?" asked Sirius

"Apparently," said Remus

"My, my," said Sirius, "I didn't know you liked it like that Moons…"

Sirius gulped.

"So this isn't a first time either…"

Amber eyes met emerald, reassuring her that everything would be taken care of. Maybe not in the way she liked (Punishment sex?), but she trusted Remus would sort him out. After all, Sirius was a wimp when it came to his lover.

"HAH!" cried James

"At least I'm getting some," snapped Sirius

"You can go and kill James if you like. I just thought I'd let you know who was really responsible."

"Thanks, Remus! Carry on, you guys. I need to pay a visit to the bathroom." Eyes glinting, she strode to the door, pushing it open and stalking inside.

"You're so mean, Moony."

"Hey! You should be happy, you ungrateful git. You're only getting punishment sex and maybe a spanking, James is getting murdered."

"Eh."

"HOW COME HE GETS PUNISHMENT SEX?"

"BECAUSE!"

"CAN I HAVE PUNISHMENT SEX TOO? WITH YOU?"

"NEVER!"

"Oh how I wish," joked James

"Did not need that image," said Sirius with a shiver.

"Do you want to finish this story or move on because…" asked Remus

"The last chapter was kinda scarring," finished James

"We can go back if we want," said Sirius.

The other two nodded and James clicked the back button until they were at the homepage for Harry Potter fanfiction.

"What next?" he asked

"Now we do some slashy for Jamsie boy," smirked Sirius, "How about…"

Author Note:

Hi,

So I'm leaving the 50 things Sirius Black Is Not Allowed To Do and will be starting a new story reading for the Marauders. Not that I don't adore this story, but I think that I've done enough commentary for it and there are so many stories to chose from that I really do want to move on.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't finish it. It really is hilarious. In fact, I encourage you to finish it because Marauders-And—Lily-I-Love is a truly talented right. I 3 everything she does! The link is www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/5224717/1/50_Things_Sirius_Black_Is_Not_Allowed_To_Do.

If you have any suggestions on what they should read next then please tell me in your review.

Thanks

HM