Yai! Imma back, with a new chappie. Yes, inspiration has returned. Thank you, O Fanfiction Gods!
Rukia: *grumbles* Took you long enough.
Me: *cries* I'M SO SORRY! I APOLOGIZE TO THE WORLD!(AND TO MY READERS)
Ichigo: …aaaaaaand she's finally gone insane.
Me: Gone? I started out this way. Now shut up and do the disclaimer.
Ichigo: Disc-
Rukia: DISCLAIMER: WATERMELONXPEACHES18 DOES NOT OWN BLEACH! PEACE OUT SUCKAS!
Ichigo: …
"Wake up, Strawberry!"
The Kuchiki princess launched a pillow at Ichigo's face. When he failed to respond, she landed a devastating kick squarely in his stomach.
"Oof! What the #$%, Rukia?"
Rukia rolled her eyes and glared at him petulantly, her hands planted firmly on her hips.
"Rise and shine! I said that we were going to Urahara's today, didn't I?" she insisted, "So get your #$ out of bed and go."
Ichigo sat up slowly, blearily blinking his eyes as they struggled to focus.
"What time is it?" he demanded groggily, "I swear it's still yesterday."
Ichigo continued grumbling to himself.
"#$% midget…unholy hour of the morning…don't know why…early…"
"You done yet?" she queried impatiently.
"Not yet. #$%. You. Now I'm done."
Chuckling, Rukia retorted, "SOMEONE'S not a morning person."
"Meh. Let's just go already."
Reluctantly defeated, Ichigo allowed himself to be hauled out of bed and half-dragged to Urahara Shoten. Urahara was predictably standing at the door, waiting for them as if he knew they would be coming.
"Fancy seeing you here," he smirked, his fan hovering innocently near his face.
"Morning, Urahara," yawned Ichigo, "We need a favor."
The fan fluttered.
"What kind of favor?" he inquired, feigning ignorance, "And what for?"
Rukia spoke up.
"We need a Senkaimon," she explained, "So that we can meet with Hitsugaya-taicho."
"Why do you need to meet with him?" asked the shopkeeper.
Rukia looked at Ichigo, who grudgingly clarified.
"We found this website called fanfiction, " he explicated, "And Rukia thinks-OOF! I mean, we think that it's a security risk. So we need to talk to someone important, i.e. Toshiro."
Urahara considered this, his #$% fan wavering thoughtfully.
"All right," he relented, "I'll do it. This should take about half an hour, though, so you can wait inside."
He held the door open for them and the two shinigami entered cautiously. Something furry rubbed against Ichigo's leg and he flinched. It was Yoruichi, in cat form.
"This way," she purred, and led them to a slightly cramped room with a computer barely visible behind the towering stacks of paper, "Make yourselves at home."
She slinked out of the room to assist Urahara with the Senkaimon. (Basically, she yells at him to hurry his $$# up.) Ichigo carefully moved a stack of research notes aside and sat on the computer chair. Rukia rested her head on his shoulder.
"You know…" she alluded, "His computer is already logged on…on his PERSONAL ACCOUNT…where he keeps his SECRET FILES and PERSONAL DIARY…and with the click of a button, we could see EVERYTHING."
At that moment, Zangetsu popped onto his shoulder in mini-size, dressed in a long white dress with angel wings and a halo.
"Don't do it, Ichigo," he preached, his hands pressed together as if he was praying, "You know that's not right."
Then Hichigo popped into existence, with bat wings, devil horns, a spiked tail and a goatee.
"Don' listen ta Old Man Zangetsu," he scoffed, "That geezer don' know what 'e's talkin' 'bout anymore. Go 'head, read it. It prob'ly reeeeeal juicy."
Ichigo, thoroughly confused, did the natural thing. He swatted Zangetsu off his shoulder and clicked on the file.
"Yeah! Screw you, old man!" cheered Hichigo.
Ichigo appraised the hollow sourly, then raised one hand and flicked him onto the ground with Zangetsu.
Rukia peered at the blank word document eagerly.
"Read it!" she encouraged.
Ichigo dutifully clicked on recent documents, and selected the first one, which was titled "LEMON" in bold letters and all caps.
While they waited for the file to load, Rukia wondered aloud, "Why is Urahara writing about fruit?"
Just then, Urahara burst into the room, slide tackled them both to the ground, and stood up, frantically blocking the screen.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" he asked, aghast.
"W-we were just l-l-looking," Ichigo stuttered, "We didn't-"
"DO YOU WANT TO BE SCARRED FOR LIFE?" the shopkeeper demanded, "THAT WAS A LEMON! A RATED M LEMON! FOR BLEACH FANFICTION!"
Seeing the shocked expressions on their faces, he calmed down a bit.
"Look, you don't want to read this," he explained, "I don't expect you to know what lemons are, . Just leave the computer alone while I finish the Senkaimon."
With that, he closed Word and exited the room, leaving Ichigo and Rukia on the floor, frozen in astonishment.
"Urahara…writes Bleach fanfiction?" Rukia said slowly, "Well, I'm not sure whether to be surprised or not. This is Urahara we're talking about."
"So…" Ichigo began, "We're still gonna read it, right?"
"Heck yeah."
…
After leaving the computer room, Urahara was greeted by a small round of applause.
"Bravo," congratulated Yoruichi, "Brilliant performance."
The merchant took of his hat and bowed.
"So they ARE going to read it, right?" Yoruichi checked.
"Of course," Urahara scoffed, "I left the computer on and everything. According to my calculations, they will have seen it in 3…2…1."
A strangled yelp reverberated from the computer room.
"THAT'S-THAT'S JUST WRONG!" Ichigo screamed.
"WHY US? WHY? DOES THE UNIVERSE HATE ME?" Rukia demanded.
"HOW DOES HE EVEN COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?"
"I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS EVEN POSSIBLE!"
"DAMN ICHIRUKI! IT SAYS THAT 45,982 PEOPLE FAVORITED THIS…NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Urahara sighed in pleasure.
"Did I call that or what?"
This chappie was sorta longish, maybe? I'm sooooooo sorry for the short chapters and long gaps between updates. SO DID'JA LIKE IT? PLEASE? Next chappie, Shiro-chan is finally here.
Random Fangirls of DOOM: *squeals* TOSHIRO! SHIRO-CHAN! WE LOVE YOU!
Me: *sigh* Eh, what the heck. *fangirl squeal* GO SHIRO-CHAN!
WHOEVER GIVES ME THE LONGEST REVIEW WILL HAVE SHIRO-CHAN AS THEIR VERY OWN PERSONAL SLAVE FOR A DAY!
Toshiro: !
Ichigo: What did I tell you?
Toshiro: Daiguren, Hyorinmaru! *attacks me*
Me: *evades bankai with epic ninja fangirl skills*
Toshiro: Meh. *attacks me AGAIN*
Me: *counters with wave of fangirls* DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE FANGIRL! GO GET EM' GIRLS!
Toshiro: Noooooooooooooo!
R&R PLEASE!