Life simply had too many faults as did I. Life had too many quirks and what if's.. as did I. I needed a reason to live and a purpose but I didn't have one.
I didn't have a person to live for or even a reason. Sure I had hopes and dreams and goals but they weren't enough for me. I felt like a cheap person because what God gave me wasn't enough for me to live for and that alone made me a selfish prick. Still, I couldn't just hope for more. For more then school, then simple dreams, then writing novels, than finding love, than flying, then composing music, than sky diving, than travel, than simply just the world. I wanted more and I didn't want one person to mean the world to me to be my sole purpose and reason for breathing. No. I wanted a small group of things or meaningful people to be and signify the reason for my existence.
I wanted experiences but I knew they weren't enough.. They never were. I wanted to be loved by more than one person yet I wanted to love in return.
I looked upon my life and saw no meaning yet I questioned myself that if I were to die would I ask for a second chance at the same life I had or just slip away? That was the question…
I hummed along to a song I enjoyed and simply laid back on my duvet wondering what life would bring me in the future.
Yet I asked myself maybe life had already given me so much and I hadn't given anything in return.. Maybe that was why I wasn't happy? Had I to give more to receive then?
"Maybe there is a God above But all I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya, and it's not a cry you hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light, it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah…" I sang to myself.
As I finished singing that song and placed in repeat I began chopping the vegetables that I would need for dinner.
Suddenly I felt two strong arms around me and as I turned around to see who it was-
I woke up with a start with sweat covering my whole body. Was that really how I perceived life before this accident? If it was then I felt I was really missing out on something… something major. Yet who was that man that had his arms wrapped around me like I mattered?
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~themysteryofjade