12. Ride

A/N: I know- I'm a terrible author who abandoned her story. Sorry- finals threw me off, then it was summer and I've just been busy and had some serious writer's block. Anyway, thank Saturday's Dawn, StreetLightsFade, and KelseyJane whose awesome reviews guilt-tripped me into writing. And yes, this is short- but, I wanted to get you guys an update. But I do know what I'm writing for the next one, and I plan on working on it today and tomorrow, so it should be up within a few days if not tomorrow.

Bella's POV

The car ride was…quiet. From the moment we pulled away from the white Victorian house, a heavy blanket of silence had overtaken the car.

Not that I minded. I wasn't exactly in the mood for conversation. I was too busy processing the last several hours, and was grateful for the time to think.

I knew I was worrying Edward but I couldn't bring myself to pretend that everything was ok. Obviously, after my reaction to last night's events he already knew it wasn't. On top of all that, I couldn't keep myself from being a little saddened at the sight of the white house fading away as we drove down the drive one last time. I hadn't been in Forks for more than a couple of weeks but I couldn't help but feel a permanent attachment to it. The white house had become my home, as illogical as that seemed. Charlie was still in Forks, even if I wouldn't have been able to see him anyway. And Forks had been the last place I had been human- leaving felt like letting go of a piece of myself.

Because of all of this, for the first time I was beginning to understand how Edward could think of himself of a monster. Maybe I didn't quite feel that way right now, but I could see how it would be easy to believe that. I had lost complete control of myself last night- even if I had known what I had been doing, I wasn't sure I would have been able to stop myself. I was pretty sure that being unable to stop yourself from killing someone was the definition of monster. Now I stuck with how to adjust to this new me- was I still Bella the girl, or was I Bella the vampire? Could I be both, even if I didn't really remember Bella the girl? Even if I was leaving everything that physically attached me to that human past?

These were the things I contemplated for hours on end, going around in circles as I thought about it all. After a while, despite staring out the window at the roadside landscape as it whipped past, I had nearly forgotten that I was even in a car and that others were around. That's why I was so easily startled when Edward reach out and laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Bella?" he questioned as I jumped. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, its just that I've been trying to get your attention for a couple of minutes." He said, eyes searching my face, probably looking for what had been keeping me preoccupied.

"Oh…guess, I was just distracted."

"Yeah." He said, dropping his hand from my shoulder and turning his gaze back to the highway.

We sat in uneasy silence for a few moments, until he spoke again.

"Want to talk about it?"

"I don't know…" I said, glancing toward the back seat at Rosalie and Emmett. Honestly, at this point I was over keeping things from Edward, but I wasn't sure I wanted the entire family knowing about my failure.

"They aren't exactly paying attention to anyone but each other." Edward said, his voice as low and quick as possible. It was another one of those moments where I found it hard to believe his ability didn't work on me. However he knew what I was thinking, I believed him; the two were entwined with each other, too busy staring into each other's eyes to notice anything else.

"It's just…I'm starting to understand where you were coming from that first time in the forest."

He nodded, without even having to ask what I meant. I was pretty sure he winced a little to, but as quickly as I saw it, his face relaxed back into a calm mask, as if waiting to see if I would say anything else. I wondered whether or not he still thought I was a monster- that first day he had said that was what he had turned me into. The difference was that if he still believed that I wouldn't try to contradict him. But I wasn't going to ask him what he thought right now- I didn't think I wanted to know the answer.

"And leaving Forks right now isn't exactly helping." I added instead.

This time he looked confused. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. "It's just- this is the last place I've ever been human and the only place I can remember much of anything from before the change."

"And leaving those memories is making you feel even less attached to yourself and your past?" he asked.

"Exactly. I just sort of feel lost." I said.

He nodded, gripping the wheel tightly. Moments passed.

"You know, who you are is still there. I can see it, everyday, even right now. Even last night."

I scoffed involuntarily at his last few words. He glanced over at me, and I instantly quieted.

"Just listen Bella." How could I say no when he looked at me like that, eyes intense, molten gold.

"Ok."

"All you did was make a mistake- we all do it. Its easier if you realize that sooner than later. But a weakness does not and should not define you. You are still just Bella- the most compassionate, selfless, loving, ridiculous person I've ever met. And as long as you remember all of that, you always will be."

I was speechless. How could I argue with that? Especially when I was having a hard time not grinning like a fool.

I bit my lip, considering whether or not I really believed what he had said. I wasn't sure, but on the other hand, coming from Edward, I knew that he would be the one to know about this kind of thing. And that was the reason I was so happy to take the compliment- wasn't it?

"Thanks." I finally answered simply.

"You're welcome." He responded, turning to look at me, our eyes locking briefly.

"Hey, what are you two talking about up there?" Emmett suddenly asked, his face appearing between our headrests. His booming voice was shocking after so many hours of quiet and our hushed discussion.

Edward turned back to the road and I settled back down- I had nearly jumped out of my seat.

"Geez Emmett- could you be more terrifying?" I responded, deciding avoiding the question was the best choice at the moment.

"Certainly, little sister." He answered, making his most intimidating "vampire" face.

I laughed, shoving him away into the back seat. It felt strange after spending so much time sulking, but laughing was already improving my mood.

"You are so strange." I accused.

"No more than you." He taunted back. "Now, could we get some tunes? It is way too quiet in here."

I reached out to turn on the radio, landing on the first hits station I could find. The blare of guitars and drums filled the car, and I let go of everything from the past few hours as Emmett began singing along and teasing banter commenced.

A/N: Just so you all know, I love you guys! Thanks for reading, and please review : ).