Chapter Seven
Alice crossed the room, gently taking my elbow and guiding me back down onto the couch. Rather than sitting next to me, she dropped gracefully onto the floor in front of me, folding her legs beneath her and wrapping one of her small hands around my injured ankle.
"Does that feel better?" Alice asked quietly, watching my face.
"Y-yes. It does."
And it did. It felt surprisingly better...
"Alice, why are your hands so cold?"
"Not yet, Bella. Let's talk about you first."
She stared at me and I stared at her. Outside the room, rain began to spatter across the glass of the windows. Inside the room, the fire popped and crackled. A clock ticked loudly from somewhere in the house. Down the hall, a floorboard creaked. And then Alice spoke.
"What do you dream about, Isabella Swan?"
"Oh... you know... the usual," I deflected, cringing at the tremble that permeated my voice. "What do you dream about?"
"I don't dream, Bella. I never have. But we're not talking about me right now."
"Look, Alice, I don't know what you're-"
"Did you have a bad dream last night? A nightmare?" she interrupted, refusing to break eye contact. Her tone was almost confrontational, but her expression was understanding.
"So what if I did?" I asked defensively. "And what do you mean you don't dream? Everybody dreams."
"What was your nightmare about?"
"Alice, I-"
"Look, Isabella, I know how this conversation plays out. I've seen it a million different ways, but the end result is always the same. And if you want information from me then you'll have to give me some reciprocity here. I'll tell you what happened today. But you need to tell me why you already know what happened."
I stared at her stubbornly, but she didn't blink. She straightened her spine, elongating her neck, rolling her shoulders back, and suddenly she seemed a lot older than a high school student. Suddenly she occupied all the space in the room. Suddenly she exuded authority.
"You're going to tell me, Isabella. You know that," she began more gently. And I nodded. Because she was right. "I wasn't lying when I said we'd be friends. And I wasn't lying when I said I'd be there for you. That's what I'm trying to do. Right now. But I need your help."
I dropped her gaze, concentrating on the wood grains of the floor.
"It's... I'm not... My dream. It wasn't a nightmare." I felt my shoulders begin to shake and my eyes begin to fill with tears. I would tell her this and she would hate me. All the Cullens would hate me. And they'd tell Charlie what a freak I am. And he'd send me back to Renee...
"Whatever it was, Bella, we'll deal with it together."
"You don't understand-"
"I could if you'd let me."
She let go of my ankle and rose from the floor, gripping the edge of one of the massive glass panels and sliding it open to the forest outside. Grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch, she wrapped it around my shoulders before guiding me to sit next to her at the edge of the window, our feet dangling in the lush greenery outside. The rain had dissipated into a mist, and the damp air felt cool and refreshing across my face.
"When I was a little girl, I saw my parents break up," I began. "My Mom took me, and she moved me around the country with her. Every few years, it was a new school, new apartment, new job, new man... but then I'd see the men upset her. I'd see Mom feel betrayed. And we'd move again. And again. And again..."
I glanced over at Alice and she nodded encouragingly, staring out into the trees.
"Finally, we moved to Arizona. And Mom got a decent job... a job she seemed to like. I made some friends. I met Mark. Life was... it wasn't great, but it was so much better than it used to be. And then I saw Mom meet Phil. And they were together constantly. And when she was with him, she was away from me... but it was OK... because I had Mark, you know? We took care of each other, Mark and I. And Mom... Mom was happy, I think. And then I saw Phil propose. And they got married. And Phil moved in. And Mom got quieter. And I saw Mom pregnant. And Phil was so happy. And Mom stopped talking to me. And I saw Phil tell Mom he didn't want me around anymore... and Mom just nodded. She agreed. That's when I called Charlie. That's when I knew I had to leave. And I never told anyone that I know... Mark didn't even know all of it... because if people knew what I was seeing... I mean... what if there's something wrong with me, you know?"
I paused for a few minutes, just breathing, watching the trees. Alice didn't make a sound, didn't move a muscle. I heard the bedroom door open and close behind me, and from the corner of my eye watched Edward come in and sit down on the couch, watching me warily. I just kept watching the trees, collecting my thoughts.
"Mark wanted us to stay together. He told me he loved me. He put together this romantic last night, with a nice dinner and a nice hotel... and that night, after we made love, I saw this boy. This man. We were sitting together in this tall grass, and there were wildflowers everywhere. And he was telling me about his family. He was telling me about his life. And he was just... he was just so beautiful. More beautiful than anything I'd ever seen before. And he was talking to me like there was no one else in the world he'd rather talk to. And when I woke up, I knew that I couldn't stay with Mark. If this person was in my future, I could never stay with Mark. And Mark cried... when I told him goodbye for the last time, he was so sad... and I felt so sad for him... but I didn't feel sad for myself, because I knew there was this boy somewhere..."
Edward shifted on the couch behind me, and I turned my head, just slightly, and caught his gaze. His eyes were molten, blazing with something that I didn't quite understand... but I knew that in that moment my eyes contained the same fire. I hadn't described him, but Edward knew he was the one I had left Mark for. A lifetime of communication passed between us just then, silent, smoldering, all in a look. The rushing feeling in my chest became overpowering, and I reached into my shirt, retrieving my locket, holding it close when all I wanted to do was hold Edward instead.
"When you say you 'saw' these things... what do you mean by that, Bella?" Alice prompted softly, gently pulling me away from Edward's magnetic stare.
"I have journals... well, I have composition books anyway. I keep them by my bed. And when I wake up... when I wake up, I write down everything I see. Everything I saw. I started when I was a freshman. And I have so many filled-up books now..."
"So these visions come in dream form?" Alice asked.
"Visions... I've never really thought about them like that... but... yes... they're dreams. Sometimes they're things that are happening at that moment, while I'm sleeping. I'm pretty sure the first one, the one of Renee leaving Charlie, had happened that night while I was in bed. Others... they're of the future. Sometimes they're just people, flashes of faces or conversations. Other times, they play out like movies."
"And when you came to Forks? What did you see?"
"I saw different things... random kids at school, sitting with your family at lunch... I saw my new desk... I saw the locket hidden inside it..."
"That locket," Alice asked, gesturing towards the metal clutched between my fingers.
"Yes," I replied, handing it to her so she could examine it. "My first night, I dreamed about my desk. I saw it sitting in front of the window in my bedroom, saw myself admiring it. The next day, it was there, delivered while I was at the grocery store. And then, that night, I dreamed about finding my locket in a hidden compartment in the back."
"Really, now," Alice murmured, shooting her brother a glance. The action confused me, but I let it go, nodding. "And last night? Tell me what you dreamed about last night?"
"I saw myself getting hit by a car," I stated, rather calmly. Of all the things I'd shared, all the history I'd laid out on the table... the thing I was the most terrified of seemed to be the easiest for me to say.
Alice had frozen next to me, and Edward had stopped moving as well. Time seemed to have stopped since my admission, and though my chest felt lighter for finally saying it out loud to another person, my admission seemed to have shocked the Cullen siblings.
"That's why I thought I was dead," I explained, turning to Edward and trying to fill the silence. "I'd seen it happen. It was supposed to happen."
"Why do you say that?" Alice asked.
"Because I can't change my destiny. I've tried before... I had lots of dreams in Arizona about seniors playing cruel pranks on me, tormenting me in the halls, and every time I tried to avoid them, they happened to me anyway, just in a different time and place. Things that are supposed to happen happen. My trying to change them doesn't fix anything."
"So you believe you were supposed to die?" Edward asked sharply, contributing to the conversation for the first time since he'd re-entered the room. "You were just going to accept it?"
"I tried to avoid it, Edward, and it happened anyway," I began, motioning to Alice to help me stand again.
"Well, you should've tried harder," he all but screamed at me, stomping towards me, his face contorted by anger. "Jesus Christ, Isabella, do you want to die?"
I looked to Alice, but she only shrugged her shoulders, offering me a sympathetic smile. Apparently, I was on my own here.
"Yes, Edward, I wanted to die. In fact, I threw myself in front of that van. I figured it was bound to happen anyway, so I might as well take control. Didn't you see the target on my back? Or did that wash off in the puddle?"
"You're not funny, Isabella," Edward hissed, seething.
"Neither are you, asshole," I hissed back, building up my own healthy dose of rage and indignation. "How dare you ask me those things? How dare you accuse me of not trying hard enough? Who the fuck do you think you are?"
"Who am I? Who are you? I saved your life today! Do you have any idea how terrified I was? All I could see was your fragile little body and that monstrosity of a fucking car and I was terrified that you would be taken away from me! It was so close, Isabella! Do you have any idea? Any clue at all as to what I went through in that moment? No! You don't! And now you're going to sit there and joke about having a death wish? Do you have any fucking clue how important you are to me?"
"How the fuck am I supposed to know that you saved my life, Edward? I asked you about it and you lied! How do you think I felt waking up in the middle of the night, knowing I was probably going to die today? I didn't even let myself go back to sleep! I stayed up all night, panicking, begging the universe not to take me away now that I had finally found someplace I belonged, someplace I wanted to be, someone I wanted to be with. And I tried to avoid it! I thought the parking lot was empty enough! I thought I had killed enough time! Don't question my will to live, asshole. You know nothing about me. Nothing."
We stared at each other, chests heaving, nostrils flared, fingers curled into fists. I looked around and noticed that Alice had snuck out in the midst of one of our tirades. It was just me and him now, the fire popping in the grate and the wind blowing in from outside. He was hypnotic in his anger, beautiful, deadly. I took it all in, but I couldn't find the energy or the will to care.
"Isabella," he said quietly, after an age, stretching his fingers across the room towards my own. But I had had enough. Enough of this room. Enough of his self-righteous behavior. And I wanted out.
"No, Edward," I replied, holding his eyes as I shook my head at his gesture, his tone. "I've had enough."
"I didn't... I was upset. Please, Isabella," he implored, moving to stand in front of me, moving to cup my cheek in his palm. I ducked his hand and strode across the room to the door.
"I'm tired, Edward," I said, my fingers clutching at the door knob. "I didn't get much sleep last night," I added bitterly.
"Isabella," he tried one more time, his eyes wide, his posture broken.
"Goodbye, Edward," I murmured, stepping out into the hallway and closing the door behind me.
Alice drove me to my car and followed me home after that, telling Charlie that we'd been studying and she hoped he wasn't too upset with her for stealing me. She was charming and bouncy, and Charlie was immediately under her spell.
She stayed for dinner, but didn't eat anything. Afterwards, she followed me up to my room, and we listened to music while she rifled through my wardrobe, planning our weekend shopping trip. She left me soon after, wrapping me in her cool arms and whispering me that everything would be alright again. I wanted to believe her, but it was difficult. Too much had happened. Too much had been revealed. And I missed the blind innocence and anticipation of the day before. The first day.
I went to bed early, wrapping myself in my comforter and stretching out in front of my window, watching my tree dance in the wind. As my mind finally cleared and my eyes drifted shut, I heard myself utter the words I'd been meaning to say since I'd first woken up in the Cullen house. Since I'd first felt the leather of the couch, heard the crackling of the fire.
"Thank you, Edward."
And then I slept.
A/N: Hey, guys! Long time no update. Sorry. I have good news, though... In Dreams is now on Twilighted! Hooray!
Help me celebrate by reviewing. A lot happened here. Lemme know if you think it happened too soon... or too much... lol