17. Time

A/N: Thanks so much for the exceptional reviews for the last chapter!

Bella's POV

Time passed, and I settled into a steady rhythm of existence. Typically, it wasn't terribly exciting. My days were only slightly different than they had been in Forks. I tired of occupying myself with mind-numbing versions of entertainment, and eventually asked- or rather, begged- Esme to assist with her interior design work. Even though it wasn't my thing, it was nice to have something purposeful to do. With quite a bit of guidance, I was beginning to feel that I was making some sort of contribution. Even better, I enjoyed getting to know Esme and I could tell she reciprocated the sentiments. She was constantly pleasant, and her motherly attention was comforting, even if it was simultaneously a painful reminder of Renee. I still mourned the loss of my parents, though the stabbing had subsided into a dull, persistent ache. Yet, the grief would occasionally flare up all over again. This happened most often when Esme did something that alluded to some memory I couldn't quite grasp, like déjà vu.

Mercifully, the distractions were plentiful, and easy to get caught up in. Since no one was going to school, the house was almost never empty. That led to more eventful days than I had become accustomed to. Even with my newly enhanced memory, I couldn't count the number of times that Emmett challenged someone to a wrestling match or some other feat of strength. Most of those were posed to me, as Emmett had a hard time finding other takers willing to face his considerable strength. Our vast difference in size led to comical displays the few times I indulged him, particularly because I always won, thanks to my newborn strength. When I refused to participate, Emmett easily found other sources of entertainment, often playing some practical joke or another. Jasper had no shame encouraging and joining him, to Rosalie's and Alice's disdain.

Yet, though most often someone else was around, there were times when it was only Esme and I. Jasper and Alice had a tendency to disappear together for hours at a time, as did Rosalie and Emmett. It didn't take me long to realize that though a deep love united the Cullens together as a family, and in times that demanded it Carlisle and Esme played the role of mother and father, the group was largely egalitarian. Even Edward took to leaving the house for large chunks of the mornings and afternoons. In fact, of everyone, he was most often gone during the day.

However, at night, Edward was my rock again, and all remembrance of the piano incident was nearly erased. That afternoon he had come and apologized for his behavior, only offering a vague explanation. It was hardly satisfying and did nothing to appease my confusion, but I decided I would rather have his company than a confrontation- though that conclusion wasn't without reservations. I cautiously accepted his ambiguous apology, but he hadn't disappointed me since. He was my constant, without being showy. Slowly, he became my best friend, the one who was always there beside me, even when neither of us was doing more than reading, listening to music, or watching trivial television and moves. Occasionally I would look up and swear that he had just been looking at me, but I never caught him in the act. Mostly, it was his quiet faithfulness that stood out from the unremarkable backdrop it was painted on. Edward consistently brought me new books, CD's, and movies whenever I seemed to have exhausted whatever I had. Impressively, he always seemed to know which ones to choose, obviously having paid attention to my passing comments about this or that.

This was how my days and nights passed, slowly blurring together. First, days became indistinguishable from each other as they turned to weeks, then weeks turned to a month. Before I realized what had happened, five months had passed in New York.

Those five months brought change so slowly it was nearly imperceptible until I looked back on it. I was finally struck by the alterations one morning when my own reflection caught my attention. I had gone on an early morning hunt, with Edward as my company. He was also my assigned babysitter for the trip if I was honest with myself, though I didn't mind it so much. His presence was as much of a protection for myself as anyone else. We arrived back at the light blue house in the gray of daybreak, and I had wanted to wash off the grime. Though I had become significantly more skilled and rarely came close to the state I had been in after my first attempt, I still had a tendency to get a little dirty. Not to mention I enjoyed the steamy warmth of the shower. After stepping out and toweling off, I had slipped into fresh clothes, pausing for just a moment to check my reflection. For whatever reason, I instantly knew I looked different, though at first I couldn't put my finger on the change. It was enough to prompt me to look closer, and I studied my own face until I saw it.

I had no idea when the color had lightened, but my irises were noticeably less red. Unless I was insane, they were now more of a deep orange color, on their way to golden. I gasped, and could hardly contain my excitement as I ran downstairs. I must have let out a few squeals along the way, because I was met by Rosalie at the foot of the stairs, with Emmett and Edward not far behind. I knew Esme had made a run to town for some color swatches, and I assumed that Jasper and Alice were out somewhere together.

"What is it Bella?" Rosalie asked, her tone somewhere between annoyed and genuinely concerned. This was nothing more or less than I had come to expect from Rose. Though we had certainly become sisters, rivalry characterized our relationship. Not to mention she was notably self-absorbed- endearingly, or course, now that I knew her.

Therefore, ignoring the annoyance, I said the two words that I assumed would convey all the necessary information.

"My eyes!" I exclaimed, widening them to allow a clearer view of my pupils while working hard to not jump up and down for joy.

I only realized I would obviously need to make further explanations when I received blank stares from Rosalie and Edward. Emmet's interjection further drove the proof of my mistake home.

"Ah, c'mon little sis. We've already been through this- yes, your eyes are a freaky color. No need to make a ruckus over it- again. Geez- it is only temporary." He said, guffawing the entire time.

I shook my head and laughed, not ignoring the fact that his obvious patronizing wasn't followed by my usual involuntary flare of anger. Knee-jerk emotions seemed to be becoming less and less frequent these days.

"No, Emmett, you don't understand." I replied, grinning like a fool, pausing to see if he would get it.

He didn't, and only smirked and looked at me expectantly. However, behind him, a dawning of realization broke over Edward's face.

He smiled back at me, looking almost as goofy as I was sure I did. "They're orange." He said simply. I nodded happily, not bothered by the fact that Rose just rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Is that all this is about?" she asked. "Bella, I'm happy for you, really. But…your eyes have been changing for the past couple of weeks."

I shrugged, not caring. "Well, I just noticed now."

She shook her head then turned and walked away, muttering to herself about how silly I could be. Only her smile threw her cover, and I knew she was sincerely happy for me. Emmet shrugged before following her out.

Only Edward was left behind, and we were alone- a rare occasion during the day time.

"Have they really been changing for that long?" I asked after a moment, though I couldn't care less at the moment. All that mattered to me was that they had changed.

Edward nodded, obviously amused at my expense. I laughed at my own lack of observation skills.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" I asked. Edward's bemused smile disappeared.

"I guess we didn't realize it was so important to you. I'm sorry Bella," he said, his tone serious.

I giggled, and Edward looked at me, puzzled. Now it was my turn to be amused. "Edward, I wasn't blaming anyone. I was just curious, and surprised I missed it. I mean, they are my eyes after all."

Relief swept Edward's face. As had become relatively common, I suddenly couldn't shake the feeling that he was walking on eggshells around me. Then, as quickly as the solemnity had come it was gone, replaced by good-natured humor.

"You know, you've been changing a lot lately," he said, tucking his hands into his front jean pockets and looking up at my position a couple of stairs above his place on the first floor landing.

"Really? How?" I asked, leaning my arms on the stair rail with my fists situated beneath my chin. My hair slipped forward from behind my shoulders, curtaining around my face. I was truly beginning to wonder just how oblivious I really was.

Edward raised an eyebrow at me, apparently wondering if I was seriously unaware. After a moment of consideration, he proceeded to tick off several adjustments I hadn't been aware of, leaning forward to look me in the eye. "First, you hardly ever fly off the handle anymore. And before you just say it's the self-control, I know that its more than that because Jasper tells me that you just don't feel as strongly anymore. Second, you go out to hunt less often. I also know that's more than silly stubbornness, because Jasper thinks about it all the time and can't figure out why its getting better for you so quickly. Finally, your matches with Emmett have been getting closer- your newborn strength is wearing down. You aren't faster than me anymore either. And of course, there are your eyes."

I felt my mouth form a small "o" as I realized that he was right. I had been changing, and hadn't noticed at all. It was true that my emotions were nearly in check these days- whether it was Edward's constancy or something else, I couldn't say. Still it was definitely true. So was the second piece, though I hadn't noticed ever since I had given up on trying to actively increase my endurance. I had been following my natural cycle of need, mostly because I wasn't able to convince anyone to let me do otherwise. There were no more excuses to make now that we had relocated and left the wolves behind. I only needed one escort, and the others had all taken to a rotating schedule so I couldn't accuse anyone of not needing to go and inconveniencing them. With days all folding in on themselves lately, it was no wonder I hadn't noticed the time span widening. And as for the last one- well maybe he was right. But I was definitely still as fast as Edward, and I certainly still had Emmett anytime, anywhere. Though now I wondered how long that would last…

Edward broke me out of my competitive thoughts, grinning at me. I swore he had moved back from where he had been moments before, more upright instead of leaning forward. "Though you're ability to pay attention doesn't seem to have improved," he teased.

"Sorry- did I miss something?" I asked sheepishly, wondering how long I had zoned out.

"I just said that I might talk to Alice and ask Carlisle if it's time for you to go on an outing."

At his words I froze, suddenly terrified at the thought of leaving the safety of the house and surrounding remote forest.

"An outing?" I croaked out. He must have noticed my apprehension, and his eyes softened.

"Only if you want to."

I considered this and discovered I did want to. I did. It meant If it went well, I could be less of a burden, allow them to all get on with their lives without having to worry about me. Still, my eagerness to be independent didn't counteract my fear, though the fear didn't change my mind either.

"I want to," I said, mustering every bit of courage I could scrape together. My performance was not convincing.

"But?" Edward questioned.

I sighed, standing up and leaning against the mahogany railing, crossing my arms over my chest. This was one thing that was unsettling about my relationship with Edward. The same strong tie that I had noticed months before now made us close friends- almost as close as Alice and Jasper or Emmet and Rosalie. Not in that sense of course. Just in the way that it not only allowed him to know everything I needed before I needed it, but to also know every thought and feeling I had, without the use of his gift. At times, it was just as frustrating as it was comforting. Yet, considering he probably already knew or would figure out the answer to his question, I decided that honesty was the best policy.

"I'm just worried. What if I'm not ready? What if something goes wrong, like…" I trailed off, remembering the only time I had come close to taking a human life. The only time I had smelled human blood. The memory alone was enough to make my throat hurt, and I swallowed.

Edward stepped up a step, placing his hand on the railing and closing the gap between us. He was still far enough away there was no way we could touch, though his eyes locked with mine.

"Bella, there is no way I, nor any of the others would let that happen." I started to interrupt, to question how he could make such a promise, but he put his finger to my lips before I could continue.

"Shhh Bella. Will you just listen for a minute?" he questioned, voice low and somber.

I nodded my head, and he removed his finger before looking around the room for a second and continuing, all humor and joviality returning to his demeanor.

"Bella, I think you are severely overestimating your abilities here," he said, leaning smugly beside me, elbows on the railing.

"Oh really?" Of all things, that was not what I had expected Edward to say.

"Yes. Absolutely," he said, eyes dancing.

"Please, do explain then," I replied, pretend exasperation in my voice.

"Well, Bella, really. We did just discuss that you are practically a normal vampire now. I mean, you're becoming weak just like the rest of us."

"Weak?" I scoffed, caught up in his teasing.

"Certainly, in comparison of course. And honestly, if I could stop you at just days old…well, I'm just saying I don't think you even qualify as a challenge for all seven of us."

I guffawed, thoroughly delighted by his line of reasoning, but also nearly convinced.

"In that case, there must be only one thing left to do."

Edward didn't offer a conclusion, clearly wanting me to make the decision for myself.

"What's that?"

"We should talk to Carlisle- when will he be back from work?"

"And you're absolutely certain? I don't want to push." I only nodded in response, and Edward examined my face, as if he was now the one who needed convincing. I could only imagine that he was thinking about the incident in the woods again, most likely blaming himself. The thought forced me to try to assure Edward of my whole-heartedness. It was amazing how quickly the tables could change- almost as quickly as Edward's moods.

"I promise Edward- I want to. I have to do this sometime and now is as good as any. I mean, only so many things can go wrong, like you said. And if they do…well, I would get over it."

His face was chiseled stone, full of determination, when he replied. "Nothing will go wrong."

I shrugged. I certainly wanted everything to go according to plan and would be devastated if it didn't, but I could and would recover. "Ok." I said simply, glossing over the topic. "So, like I said, when will Carlisle be back?"

Edward glanced at the clock on the opposite side of the great room. "About an hour- that's shift change."

I nodded. "Ok- I'm going to go upstairs for a bit. Want to come with me?"

He shook his head. "No, I need to go do some things. I'll come by around six."

"Ok." I was used to this by now. Edward always seemed to have "something to do", but he always kept his promises as well. His constancy made up for his vagueness.

Awkwardly, I turned and walked up the stairs, trying not to think about whether or not Edward was watching me or not. The way I always felt like his eyes were on me, I wouldn't have been surprised to have turned around and seen him there. There was no way to satisfy my need to know without being obvious, so I didn't. Instead, I went to my room, arriving without looking back. I picked up Little Women, the book I had been reading before leaving to hunt and settled into the couch for the next hour.

--

Exactly sixty minutes later, there was a knock at my door. I smiled at Edward's precision, and slipped my bookmark in between the pages, leaving Jo and the other girls to wait.

"Come in," I called, setting the old, tattered hardback on the table. Though not a first edition, the copy's once golden gilded edges were dirtied and worn despite the volume's overall good shape. Needless to say, Edward had found it for me, adding to my now nearly-full shelves. Indeed, at this rate, in no more than two months there wouldn't be room for another book.

Edward opened the door, slipping into the room, just as I sat up.

"Ready?" he questioned, leaning against the wall by the oversized closet.

"I suppose," I answered noncommittally, but smiling. Though I was nervous about the implications of Carlisle agreeing to the proposal we were about to make, I did realize that Edward had made a good point earlier. Not to mention, Edward's presence helped to ease my uneasiness.

Edward, knowing I was determined and he could say nothing more to help, only offered a small reassuring smile and gestured for me to exit the room ahead of him. We made the extremely short journey to the end of the hall, and I paused to knock.

"Mmhmmm?" was the only response given, and Edward shrugged before turning the knob. Again, I stepped in first, and was greeted by Carlisle's surprised but pleased expression.

"Come in!" he exclaimed, waving us in and pulling three chairs together. As usual, like every other time I had ever been in his office, Carlisle sat on our side of the desk, with us rather than opposite of us.

We all took our seats, and after a moment of silence, Carlisle jumped in. Characteristically, he knew exactly how and when to put anyone at ease- I could only imagine how this contributed to his bedside manner.

"So, what has brought both of you to talk to me? I hope nothing serious? Shouldn't you both be doing something entertaining?

"Nothing like that Carlisle." Edward replied, his tone respectful.

"Of course- good. Then how may I help you?"

Edward looked to me, indicating his desire that this entire process to be my own, and not something pushed on me. I took note that Edward was fundamentally only here as moral support, and sucked in a deep breath before beginning.

"Carlisle, I don't know if you've noticed, because you are always so busy, but then again, you're also impressively observant," I began, pausing to look at Carlisle. He smiled, and like Edward, was aware I needed space to continue on my own. He said nothing to direct me one way or the other on his own foreknowledge. "The point is, it's been six months, and as has come to my attention, I've changed quite a bit."

I stopped again, looking first to Edward and then to Carlisle. Again, I received warmth and nothing more. I sighed. I was grasping for the correct words, rather than genuinely worried or nervous. Perhaps that was why both of them were so stoic, knowing I wasn't distressed. Even so, I wouldn't have minded more explicit reinforcement that they understood and agreed, particularly on Carlisle's end. Though I knew more about what Edward thought, I had no idea what was happening in Carlisle's head behind his usual peaceful mask. In the moment, I would have given anything for Edward's talent. The vexation of it all sent me into a flurried speech, my words coming quickly and without thought.

"Anyway- my eyes aren't red anymore. And I know that's not as big of deal to everyone else as it is to me, but it's just one indicator, you know? I know I'm still a newborn, but my moods and thirst seem to be moderating- according to Jasper, anyway. Basically, I think it's time I start testing myself. I need to go on an outing Carlisle- with everyone else of course."

I finished, waiting. Carlisle only nodded, quietly studying my face, serene as ever.

"Ok Bella," he replied just moments later.

"That's it? Just ok? No warnings or 'are you sure?'"

"Is there anything else? A reason for those things?"

"No, but, I just…" I trailed off, unsure of what I had really expected.

"Bella, I trust your judgment. And judging from Edward's presence, he also approves. You're also right- you have to go out eventually, and I think it may be time as well, considering. In fact, it may be good for Jasper too- I worry that he may be isolating himself too much without any obligations. I would check in with Alice of course, but I think a walk around the park this weekend would be in order."

I nodded my head, flabbergasted at the ease with which Carlisle accepted my proposal.

"Alright then," he said, standing. "Just let me know and we'll get organized."

"Thank you Carlisle." Edward said, rising from his seat. Carlisle nodded, and as I had become accustomed to, I saw a silent exchange take place between them, and did my best to disguise my curiosity as I stepped out into the hallway. Edward was just behind me, closing the door.

"To Alice?" he questioned.

"I suppose." I responded, and Edward led the way to the third floor.

A/N: Ah, the lighter side of things : ). Please review!