Disclaimer: I own Naruto. Now excuse me while some men in white coats interrupt me to give me my medicine.
Author's Note: This was the last chapter I had pre-written, but like most of them, I had to rewrite a lot of it. I also want to address something a reviewer told me. Someone said that it's a little weird that Sasuke isn't upset about killing Itachi, even though in the canon he is. Well, there's a slight difference because in canon, Itachi didn't try to kill him…twice. They redeemed Itachi by making him the good guy in the Uchiha massacre. I didn't, so the dynamics are totally different. Also, I'd like to apologize in advance for all the switches in POV…it starts off like usual, but it gets confusing, so sorry about that.
Chapter Fourteen:
I wouldn't have had much of a problem with what happened except for the fact that I ended it. Why did I do that exactly? I mean, I can admit to myself that I'm bi, so why does this freak me out so much? Why does the idea of Sasuke and I together freak me out so much?
I know he loves me, but do I love him? If I didn't love him, then why can't I imagine my life without him? Ever since last night when we kissed, any time I pictured my future, I pictured him right there with me. Was that love? What was love exactly?
Oh…a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. But that doesn't help me at all…who says dictionaries are useful? I still don't even know how I feel about Sasuke. I know it's more than just friendship, though. I don't feel the same way about Choji, Kiba or Shikamaru as I do about Sasuke. I almost died inside when I thought Sasuke died. Was this really love?
I needed to speak to someone. I know Iruka probably planned on hearing from me soon after what happened yesterday. And then there's Shikamaru, who probably had a little more than an inkling about my sexuality, but had no idea about Sasuke. I could probably talk to Jiraya, but he's so busy, and he'd morph my issues into some gay edition of Icha Icha Paradise. No, it was either Iruka or Shikamaru.
I sighed heavily before deciding who I needed to speak to. Obviously it was Iruka, because he was more familiar with the situation. But Ichiraku was to public…I needed him to come to me or to go to his place. Come to think of it, I didn't even know where he lived. On a regular day I'd go to the academy to find him, but the academy was off today.
Shikamaru it was.
I arrived outside the Nara residence way too nervous to even knock.
"Whatcha doin'?" a bored voice asked from behind me. I turned to see Shikamaru standing there, and I realized how stupid I looked. I was just standing in front of his door staring at it. That would look pretty strange. But I guess Shika just shrugged it off.
"Um…I came here to look for you," I said nervously. Shikamaru and I were friends, but we weren't all that close. Maybe this was a bad idea. But heck, he probably saw my gay porn, so it's a moot point.
"I figured you would at some point," he shrugged. He walked up and opened the door. "Wanna come in?" he asked. I followed him into the living room. Luckily, his parents were out, so we were all alone.
"Before I say anything, I need you to promise you won't tell anyone," I said.
He shrugged. "If I wanted to tell someone, I would have as soon as I left your apartment." I couldn't stop the tingling that I felt creeping up my cheeks. How come he had to be such a genius! Why couldn't it be Kiba? He wouldn't notice the magazine! Damn Shikamaru with his damn high IQ.
"Fine," I conceded. "I guess you guessed that I'm bi, then?" I asked. He nodded, which really pissed me off. He knew everything. At least Sasuke being gay would surprise him! Ha! "Well, I have this problem." He arched his eyebrows.
"No one's going to care," Shikamaru said. "Even a meathead like Kiba will tease you, punch your shoulder and laugh it off."
"That's not my problem," I assured him. "I found out that…someone…really likes me. I mean, like, they love me…and I don't know what to do."
"I assume you're talking about a guy, because you wouldn't nearly be this freaked out if it was a girl," he said. "And considering who you're closest with, I'm going to assume you're talking about Sasuke." He must have just washed his floor, because it wasn't the least bit dirty when my jaw hit it in that moment. "Sasuke isn't very open with his feelings, so you must have had to pull it out of him, which would mean this has been an issue for a while. Furthermore, it was probably what caused your questioning of your sexuality, and you're currently wondering if you're in love with him too." He paused. "Am I right?"
Still shell shocked over his expert analysis, I dumbly nodded my head. He decided this was a perfect time to continue. "You don't want to reject him, but you don't want to give him false hope, either. If it was up to you, the situation would disappear before you had to make a choice, but life isn't like that. You must be attracted to him on some level, and you must like him at least a little if you're considering loving him. You don't want him to get his hopes up, but you don't want to let him slip away." Damn, did he take a psychology class, or am I just an open book?
"You need to just do what your gut tells you to do," the brunette concluded. "If you really like him, then ask him out. See where it goes. If it goes nowhere, then oh well…at least you tried. If you don't take a chance, you'll always wonder."
I was so sure he would be thrown off by my situation. But he completely psychoanalyzed the situation in less than fifteen minutes, managing to give me advice in the process. Was he a magician? Or maybe a wizard? He'd look bad with the Dumbledore look for sure. Maybe he was just a ghost…a figment of my imagination. That must be it. Or maybe he was just a prophet.
All I know is that I wanted to talk to Iruka before I made any drastic moves with Sasuke. He lived across the hall from me – he wasn't going anywhere. After twenty minutes of investigating, I finally found out where Iruka lived, and I was at his house. It was really a feat in and of itself.
"Naruto?" he asked. "What are you doing here?"
"Well," I said sheepishly, "Sasuke sort of interrupted our conversation yesterday, so I came over to finish it."
"This must be important if you came all the way here," he said. He led me into the den where I sat down. He got me a cup of tea, which was really weird. Although Iruka did seem like the mother hen type.
"So we were talking about love, right?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said. We were both silent for a few seconds. "Iruka-sensei, have you ever been in love?" Ha! He blushed. Okay, so that was an obvious yes, but I needed to know more. "You have! With who?"
"It doesn't matter," Iruka said, looking away. "They're dead now."
"Oh," I said. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Iruka said. "I've learned to accept it."
"How do you know when you're in love?" I asked.
Still looking away, out a window, Iruka began a long winded explanation. "You know you're in love when you can't stand to be away from a person. When, even if you're mad at them, you can't imagine your life without them. No matter how forgetful or lazy they are, you accept them.
No matter how late they are, or how many times they use the same excuse, you don't care, because at least you're with them. When, even if they want your first kiss to be with a mask between your mouth, you can only laugh it off because you can't really be mad at them. No matter how many times you tell him to put the porn away –"
"Iruka-sensei!" I yelled, snapping him out of whatever trance he seemed to be in. "Are you in love with Kakashi-sensei?"
He sighed. "Yeah," he admitted. "I am. That's why when we thought you were gay, we were both so eager to accept you."
"But that's it, Iruka," I admitted. "I'm bi."
"Really?" he asked. "I can't say I'm surprised –"
"What!" I yelled.
"– but it doesn't change my opinion of you. And I guarantee you no one who matters will care." I nodded. "Now, since you think you might be in love, can I assume that it has something to do with a certain Uchiha?" I knew my blush gave it away.
"I think I'm going to ask him out," I decided. "I want to see where this is going."
"Good for you," Iruka said. "You could do much worse than him."
OoOoOoOoO
I had gotten back from Iruka's and knocked on Sasuke's door, but either he wasn't answering me, or he was out. I decided to look for him, and I found him pretty easily. He was sitting where his house used to stand before it was burned to the ground.
"What do you want, dobe?" Sasuke asked. I continued to walk towards him and I plopped down next to him.
"I want to talk," I said.
"I don't," he said.
"We need to talk about what happened yesterday," I asserted.
"It was a mistake, okay?" he asked. "Just a simple moment of weakness, is all. It won't happen again."
"And you think I'm the idiot," I scoffed.
"What do you mean, dobe?" he asked suspiciously.
"I mean that…well…fuck this," I said, choosing to abandon words and put my mouth to better use.
I didn't give him a chance to react before his lips were covered by mine. His unique smell immediately permeated my nose and I inhaled his aroma. He tried to push me away, but I asserted myself. After a few seconds, he gave into the kiss.
I licked his bottom lick tentatively to request access to his mouth. He accepted, and before I knew it, I was lying on top of him, kissing him with my whole soul. I noticed that it seemed he had his own unique flavor…a sort of mix of chocolate, cinnamon, apple and mint. It was a great sensation.
My hands instinctively crawled up his abs under his shirt. He definitely had an eight pack…how was he so fit? Part of me wanted to take things further, but I didn't want to freak Sasuke ou– WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!
While I was immersed in my thoughts, Sasuke had taken the opportunity to pull my shirt off and roll over so that he was on top. He bent down and sucked on the nape of my neck. When he finally stopped, he moved to my nipples that were hard as hell. He bit my left one while he played with my right with his finger.
More importantly than that was the hardness I was feeling against my arousal. He was grinding into me! It was as if he needed it. "S-Sasuke," I panted, arching my back when his mouth returned to my neck.
It was too bad. It seemed my outburst snapped him out of the animalistic need he had to find release with me. He had a mixture of mortification, embarrassment and regret plastered all over his face.
"I-I'm sorry," he said, not looking me in the eye. "I shouldn't have –" he was cut off (again) by my lips against his. This kiss was much shorter, however, because I pulled away.
"I'm not sorry," I said. "Will you go out with me tonight?" I asked.
"W-What?" he asked, beginning to regain his composure.
"Will. You. Go. Out. With. Me. Tonight." I said.
"L-like on a date?" he asked.
"Yes, like on a date," I said. "Jeez, are you slow?"
"If this is some kind of joke, then you can just –" he was interrupted a third time. No, don't have another nosebleed you perverts, I shut him up by putting my hand over his mouth.
"I want to go out on a date with you," I said. "You can pick me up tonight at eight. We'll go to Ichiraku, your treat." He made no movements or sounds. "Bring a lot of money." He nodded and I unclamped my hand from his mouth. "See ya later, Sasuke!"
OoOoOoOoO
Normal POV
Sakura was sitting at Ino's grave for a long time already. She didn't know when she got there, but she knew that she had been there for hours, at least. When she first got there, she was really quiet, just sitting next to it. But Sakura needed to talk to a friend…her best friend. Whether or not she could talk back.
"I think I really love Naruto," Sakura told the gravestone. "When we were looking for Sasuke together, it felt so right. I wonder if we'd have stayed together had I gotten my head out of my ass and asked him out sooner.
"I was so caught up in my fantasies about Sasuke that I didn't notice Naruto standing right in front of me. But I think I really lost him now."
She was so caught up in confessing her love for Naruto that she didn't even notice the figure of a certain brunette ninja standing behind her. He had actually been there since before she started talking, but he wasn't going to interrupt her. He was actually almost amused by the fact that she was in love with Naruto, who was going on a date with Sasuke in a few hours.
Almost being the key word.
"I don't think you should keep your hopes up," Shikamaru said, alerting the pink-haired kunoichi to his presence.
"Shikamaru!" Sakura yelled, rising to her feet. "What are you doing here? How much did you hear?"
"I heard it all," he said solemnly. "As for what I'm doing here – I've been coming here every day since Ino died."
"Oh," Sakura said, looking down. "You're welcome to sit with me then. Maybe you can tell me why you told me not to keep my hopes up."
Shikamaru shrugged and sank to the ground beside Ino's grave. Sakura carefully and gracefully sat down beside him. They were quiet for a few seconds before he began to speak.
"Naruto came by my house earlier," he said. "I think he has his eyes set on someone else."
"Who?" she asked.
"You'd have to ask Naruto," he shrugged, not willing to reveal too much. After all, his sexual orientation and relationship with Sasuke was his business, not anyone else's.
"So why do you come here every day?" she asked him. He sighed and looked up at the clouds.
"It's peaceful here," he said. "There are no trees around, so you can see the clouds clearly." He rested his head on the tombstone over Ino's grave.
"So you come here to…look at clouds?" she asked.
"I come here to look at clouds with Ino," he said. "Did she get a chance to talk to you before the mission she went on?"
"You mean the one where she…" Sakura began.
"The last mission she went on," Shikamaru said solemnly.
"I didn't get much of a chance to see how things were going for her," Sakura admitted. "I was so hung up on Naruto, that she didn't get to tell me what she wanted to. She said she had some great news, but I never got to hear it. I'm an awful friend," she added, guiltily.
"I'll tell you what she was going to say," Shikamaru said. Sakura looked up sharply at the brunette through the tears in her eyes. "The night before they left, I told Ino that I loved her, and I asked her out on a date."
Sakura's eyes were wide at Shikamaru's admission. He ignored her expression to continue the story. "She said yes, but that it would have to be after the mission." Sakura could swear she saw a tear fall down Shikamaru's cheek. "But she never made it back."
"Shikamaru," Sakura said. "I –"
"I know how it feels to lose the one you love," Shikamaru said. "But that doesn't mean I've given up on her."
"I'm sorry," Sakura said, standing up. "I didn't mean to upset you. You shouldn't have to deal with my dramas here of all places." She turned to leave, but Shikamaru's voice stopped her.
"Wait!" he commanded. "Sit down. I'd like you to tell me about some stories of you and Ino."
OoOoOoOoO
Naruto POV
"Right on time," I said with a smile after the Uchiha knocked on my door. He was dressed in a black button down shirt with blue accents. He was wearing dark blue jeans, and he had a black belt on, purely for looks. I don't have nice clothes, so I dressed as nice as I could – a pair of jeans with a black t-shirt that had an orange swirl on it. Hey, at least I combed my hair.
"How can I be late? There's no traffic crossing the hall," he said.
"Whatever, teme," I muttered. We walked to Ichiraku, but we didn't hold hands. We just talked. A lot like we used to, before everything got so complicated. Wouldn't you know that time flies, because it seemed like minutes later I was on my fifth bowl.
"Jeez, you're like a bulldozer," Sasuke commented when I ordered my sixth.
"Hey, I told you to bring a lot of money, didn't I?" I asked with a grin.
"Sasuke? Naruto?" a voice asked from behind us. We both turned to see Sakura standing behind us. "What are you guys doing here?"
I knew I was blushing. Hey, my ex-girlfriend finds me on a date with my very male teammate. It's embarrassing.
"Sasuke's just treating me to dinner," I said, not realizing that Sasuke's mood shifted from almost happy to pissed off in an instant.
"Do you guys mind if I joined you?" she asked.
"Not at all!" I said with a fake smile, but I can swear I heard Sasuke mutter 'yes' right next to me.
Sakura must not have heard it because she sat down right next to me.
"Naruto," she said, taking my hand in hers. "I know you broke up with me because you didn't feel anything romantic towards me, but is there any way you can give me another chance? I really do like you. As more than just a friend."
"You know what?" Sasuke asked, standing up. "I think I'll leave you two alone. I don't want to interfere with something so private." He began to walk away, but I grabbed his wrist.
"No," I commanded. "Stay." He turned to face me and glared at me. I turned to the pink haired girl. "Sakura, I think you should go. After all, you're interrupting our date."
"D-date?" she asked.
"Yes," I said. "Sasuke and I are out on a date."
"L-like –" she stuttered, her eyes going wide.
"Like I really like him," I said. "And he really likes me, so we're going out…on a date. Do..you…un…der…stand?" I asked, talking to like her like she didn't speak English.
"Is this why you broke up with me? Because you-you're…"
"I'm not gay," I said, "but I am bi, and I broke up with you because I didn't feel any romantic feelings towards you."
"But you feel them…with Sasuke?" she asked. I looked at Sasuke's hand in mine and turned back to Sakura.
"Yes, I do," I said. I stood up and faced Sasuke. "Let's go back to your apartment." He nodded and we walked away leaving a stunned Sakura behind.
OoOoOoOoO
Normal POV
Sakura was left stunned at Ichiraku after her love and her former crush went off, hand in hand. She knew Shikamaru must have been right about Naruto moving on. But did Shikamaru know that Naruto was with Sasuke?
She didn't have to wait long to get her question answered, as Shikamaru was nearby when he noticed the commotion going on at the tiny ramen shop. Intrigued, he let the scene play out, and after Naruto and Sasuke were safely out of sight, he trudged up to Sakura's side.
"How are you doing?" he asked, patting her back gently.
"Well, I just found out that the love of my life and the guy who I thought was the love of my life are together," she said. "Considering I'm not bawling my eyes out, I'd say I'm doing better than could be expected."
They sat down at the counter of the ramen shop, and Shikamaru ordered a bowl of misu ramen. They were silent while Shikamaru ate. Sakura refused to eat anything, but he was sure she'd be much less depressed later.
Finally, Sakura spoke up. "Did you know?" she asked.
"Yeah," Shikamaru said. "He told me when he came to see me earlier. I told you about it at the gravesite."
She turned to face him. "You left out the part that he was gay and crushing on my old teammate!" she yelled, slapping Shikamaru across the face.
"I don't have to deal with you right now," Shikamaru said, standing up. "You're angry and hurt, but you'll realize that you have no place to expect me to betray my friend like that." He walked away, shoulders slumped and hands in his pockets.
Sakura knew she made a mistake by snapping at Shikamaru. And slapping him was completely over the top. Damn that genius and his ways of explaining the situation! She knew she had to apologize, but she didn't know how. She didn't even know where Shikamaru lived.
But she knew one thing: he'd definitely be at Ino's grave tomorrow.
OoOoOoOoO
Naruto POV
Sasuke and I were barely inside his apartment when he pulled me into a fierce, fiery, fucking fantastic kiss.
He closed the door while keeping his lips connected to mine, and pushed me up against it. He bit my lip, causing me to moan into the kiss. The bastard took advantage of my moan and shoved his tongue into my mouth.
Not that I was complaining. In fact, my body responded very positively to his moist tongue invading my mouth. I didn't even bother fighting him for dominance – I didn't mind being submissive. I don't know when I realized it, but letting Sasuke dominate the kiss – heck, actually kissing Sasuke in itself – felt completely right.
He ground his hips into mine, and I felt a very hard poking at my crotch. We rubbed our clothed erections together, getting a euphoric high off of our bodies' movements. He detached himself from my mouth, causing me to…please tell me that wasn't a whimper.
It really didn't matter whether it was a whimper, because a very audible moan escaped me when I felt Sasuke's mouth reattach itself to my neck, biting and sucking me with fervor. His hands crept underneath my shirt, feeling me abs, as mine began running through his hair.
"S-Sasuke," I moaned after he detached himself from my neck. There were definitely going to be more than a few hickeys there tomorrow.
"Shut up, dobe," he said, lifting my shirt above my head. I pushed him back towards the couch – I sure as hell wasn't doing anything against a door. I'd hope our first time would be a bit more special.
That's when it hit me – I was planning on having sex with Sasuke. And that was a big deal for me. I'd always planned on waiting till marriage to have sex, and I didn't even mind the thought that I'd lose my virginity to my best friend right now on his couch. I was planning on it! I was counting on it!
That's when I knew. I had always felt really strongly about Sasuke, whether it was hate when we first met, friendship when we grew closer, or….love? Did I love Sasuke? It all felt so right with him, like there was nothing more right in the world. I'd given up the girl of my dreams for him, and I didn't have a regret in the world.
Because…
"I-I love you," I panted as he continued to suck on one nipple, playing with the other with his hand. But as soon as the words escaped his mouth, his ministrations stopped. He removed himself from on top of me, and he got up.
He walked towards his kitchen, leaving me alone on the sofa, very confused. What. The. Hell. I just said that I loved him. I knew he loved me. Why was he so…distant.
"Don't you dare," he said, facing away from me. "Don't you dare say that unless you truly mean it."
"I do mean it, Sasuke," I said. "I love you."
"You mean that if I kicked you out and didn't have sex with me, you'd still love me?"
"I'd be heartbroken," I admitted. "To think that you didn't want to be with me. But I'd still love you."
"Prove it," Sasuke said.
"Fine," I said, leaving his apartment with him still standing there alone. As the door closed behind me, I realized something – I didn't want to go home without him.
OoOoOoOoO
Normal POV
Sakura went to Ino's grave, thinking that Shikamaru might have gone there after their little fight. And who knew the genius of the Leaf Village was so predictable, because he was sitting right there in front of Ino's grave when she got there.
He was still as a statue, and as quiet as one, too. It seemed to Sakura it was as if he was waiting for her to find him there.
"I'm sorry," she said to him, abruptly ending the silence that haunted the graveyard.
"I know," Shikamaru said. "You didn't know how to react, so you just acted out. It's perfectly understandable."
"That doesn't excuse what I did," she said, sitting down next to him. "I should have been more understanding. I would have done the same thing as you in the situation."
"You know, you're so lucky," Shikamaru said. "If you love Naruto like you say you do, then you should be happy that he's happy. I'd give anything if I could bring Ino back, even if it meant she'd run off with Choji."
"I know," Sakura said. "I wish she was alive too. I could really use my best friend right now."
"Ino'd kill me if she thought I let you be without a friend right now," Shikamaru said. "So I guess I'll be your temporary best friend right now."
Sakura laid her head on Shikamaru's shoulder. "I know I should be happy for Naruto and Sasuke, but I can't," she admitted. "I love Naruto, and I can't stand to see him with anyone other than me."
"'If you love them, let them go,'" Shikamaru recited. "If you really did love Naruto, then you'd be able to be happy for him."
"Then I guess I don't love him," Sakura said. "But it still hurts. A lot."
"I know," Shikamaru said. "The two most prominent guys in your life suddenly leave you high and dry. It makes sense. They're the two people who you were closest with. And after Kakashi and Ino died, they were your only really close friends."
"I can't stay friends with either of them," Sakura said. "My feelings for Naruto are too strong to just watch him with Sasuke, and after asking him for another chance, I doubt I'm high up on Sasuke's list."
"Maybe you just need new friend," Shikamaru said.
"I just need one," she said. "And I think you're doing a pretty good job at it. Ino would be proud." Shikamaru looked away, and the two sat in silence until they fell asleep, her head on his shoulder, and his head resting on top of hers.
OoOoOoOoO
Sasuke POV
I really didn't expect the 'I love you', and I really didn't expect him to actually leave. Leave it to me to turn an 'I love you' into being left all alone. I sighed and got ready to take a cold shower. A really cold shower. I needed it.
So when I finally got out of my shower in my towel and saw Naruto lying in my bed, you could say I was pretty surprised. So surprised I almost dropped my towel. Almost.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I'm proving to you that I really love you," Naruto said plainly. "I don't need sex, I just need you, and I'm going to sleep over here every day until you finally believe me."
"So you're in my bed, in my apartment, and you expect me to believe you don't want to have sex with me?" I asked.
He threw off the blanket to reveal himself in atrociously orange pajamas and a black night shirt. "I'm not going to have sex with you, I just want to sleep with you." At my eyeroll, he snapped at me. "Not like that! Get your head out of your pants, you pervert!"
"Fine," I sighed. I took some sweat pants out of my drawer and changed into it. I dried my hair and upped body before crawling into bed beside the blond.
And even though I was supposed to be mad, I pulled him into me so that we were spooning. Hey, it's not like he wasn't going to take advantage of the situation.
Author's Note: Sorry I'm switching point of view so much in this, but I felt like it was necessary. For those of you who are wondering, yes I'm doing a separate storyline for Sakura and Shikamaru because I like them and don't want them to be lonely. So there will be a little bit of ShikaSaku, but nothing graphic. Thanks for reading, and please review :)