21. Realities
A/N: Oh my goodness- you guys are amazing for all the sweet things you said in your reviews. I'm blown away :) Consider this your fluffy holiday present- and Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!
Edward's POV
My mind spun at the sensation of Bella's lips on my own, months of pent up desire finally turned into a reality. In comparison, my imaginations of the moment were measly.
Enraptured, we spent untold minutes wrapped together in our embrace. Yet, as all things, it came to an end when I gently pulled back. As amazing as kissing Bella was, eventually my head cleared, allowing thousands of questions and necessary discussions to surface. Above all, I needed to hear Bella's voice and see her face to convince myself that this was real.
At our separation, I received a low growl.
I chuckled in response. I knew Bella was as mighty a predator as I was, yet hearing the grumble rip from her chest in this situation was amusing. For a moment, images of a kitten trying to make its will known flashed through my mind, only making me laugh harder.
Bella, however, was not nearly as entertained. "What?" she scowled, a flash on insecurity sweeping her face.
"It's nothing love," I said, my resolution to talk shattered. " I just wanted to hear those words come from your mouth again."
She instantly brightened, smiling coyly before she defiantly closed the gap between us again, looping both her arms around my neck.
"I love you?" she questioned, pretending she didn't know what I wanted.
I nodded and sighed, my forehead leaning against hers as my body shuddered with pleasure.
"Hmm…well, then, I love you, Edward Cullen." My eyes shifted close, yet more of my resolve to have a deep meaningful discussion disappearing.
"You have no idea how utterly happy that makes me," I said, disregarding the protests against my joy I would have conjured just hours before. "I love you too."
And in an instant, we were again wrapped back up in each other, lips crashing together more fervently than before.
Eventually, day broke, and reality crashed down on us with it. The rest of the night had passed quietly in the clearing, with Bella and I lying in the grass, just talking and exchanging meaningful kisses. But slowly, the moon had set and clouds had rolled in. The sun soon took its place, shooting its first beams through the cloud cover, resulting in a dim gray light that broke the magic of the darkness.
"We should get back. They'll start to wonder where we've gone." I mumbled grudgingly into Bella's hair, inhaling her sweet smell.
She lay with her head on my chest, arm resting over my stomach.
"Uh-uh." She muttered into my black button-up, shaking her head and tightening her grip.
I smiled, my fingers tracing lazy patterns between her should blades, over the knit blue fabric of her sweater.
"Love," I began, glorying in so freely expressing the depth of my feelings. "Its alright. I don't plan on leaving your side for a very long time. I just don't want them thinking anything has gone wrong."
She stopped burrowing into my chest, opting to rest her chin on it instead. I assumed she was ready to acquiesce at my reasoning, but her eyes were playful when they met mine.
"What if I'm not ready to share you yet?"
I rolled my eyes, though internally I was a warm mushy mess. I would never get over the fact that she wanted me. It was the greatest gift I could envision.
"Then I'll just have to carry you back."
Her eyes narrowed, becoming little slits. "You wouldn't." she protested and pulled back a little, raising herself up on her hands, seeing the hint of mock danger in my face. The tips of her hair brushed against my face, curtaining my view so that she was all I saw. She was perfectly adorable.
Before, I hadn't planned on following through with my threat. However, the look on her face and the idea of her body so close to mine was suddenly too much to resist.
"You underestimate me." I stated simply, scooping her up and standing in one swift movement. I shifted her so that she was facing me, each arm hooked behind one of her knees.
"Edward!" she shrieked, genuinely surprised. Her legs locked around my waist, but her face was jubilant as she giggled. I was immediately lost to her and allowed my legs to lead us back to the house as the trees and brush whipped by.
When we arrived a few minutes later, the thoughts of my family were deafening. I stopped at the edge of our backyard, reluctantly setting Bella back on her feet while still gripping her hand, processing their internal comments as they sensed our approach.
"What is it?" she questioned, tugging on my arm.
"Just the thoughts of everyone inside- they're overwhelming."
She cocked an eyebrow at me, curious to know more.
"You'll see," I smiled in reassurance, pulling her toward the house.
She didn't protest, but followed along. Her trust was astounding.
Particularly considering that she had no idea what she was about to walk into.
Sometime in the middle of the night, someone had noticed our absence. On its own, that might not have caused the reactions I read in their heads, as I had occasionally accompanied Bella on night hunts before. Yet, this was different, as no one had forewarning and Bella had been hunting with Alice the night before in preparation for her outing.
Thus, finding us missing had left them all with questions. Personally, the fact that they noticed at all was amazing, considering how distracted with each other they could be at night. Of course, I was beginning to understand how that could happen, given how Bella had just consumed my every thought process.
Yet, they had noticed, and concern laced all of Esme's thoughts as we approached the house. On the other hand, Carlisle was already mildly berating me for not giving some kind of warning, though he had taken Alice's assurances that we were fine to heart and wasn't all that worried.
Alice, of course, had immediately searched our futures and seen everything that had happened the night before. I wouldn't be surprised if she was the one who tipped them all off to our absence, just to turn the spotlight on us. It was not beyond her, and she had kept the details of the visions to herself. For that I was thankful, even if I wasn't attempting to keep secrets- that was impossible in my family. Instead, I just wanted a chance to handle the situation in my own way. From my family's thoughts, it didn't look like that was going to be an option.
For that reason I paused at the back door, feeling that I should give Bella a warning of the upcoming ambush.
I leaned down and prepared to whisper quietly in her ear. I had no doubt that at least a few of the hearing-gifted vampires beyond the door would comprehend every word, but I decided the effort was worth it.
"You should know they're all waiting for us." I muttered, lips brushing lightly against her ear. I noticed her shiver at the contact, and smiled to myself.
Her eyes were wide when they turned to look at me, both filled with mortification and curiosity.
"They are?" she asked.
I nodded. "Esme and Carlisle are worried something bad happened. Alice saw everything and Jasper has been feeling out our emotions since the moment we hit the tree line. They're keeping the information to themselves and no one else knows what's going on, but Emmett knows something is up and Rosalie is speculating about us." I offered apologetically, pulling info from everyone's head.
She pulled herself a little taller at my enlightenment, though her face convinced me she would be blushing if possible.
"Well we should get this over with," she said, stepping boldly up to the door handle. She pulled it open without hesitation, though I couldn't help notice her mutter something like 'stupid nosy vampire family' in the process.
The moment we stepped inside, Esme poked her head around the corner.
"You're back!" she exclaimed, her face lighting up before switching gears. "I was worried you know! You could at least have let us know you two might be going out."
Bella's façade of brazen confidence vanished, replaced by shame as she looked down at her shoes, muttering a "sorry". I smiled at Esme's mothering ability, shaking my head in disbelief.
"We're fine Esme," I said, smile replaced by grimace as not only Carlisle slipped into the entry way, but all four of my siblings tumbled down the stairs.
After a quick glimpse at their thoughts, I had never regretted belonging to such a large family more in my existence. I braced myself for what inescapable.
"Oh, I believe you're both more than fine." Alice nearly sang, leading the charge, Jasper in tow. And don't you dare look at me like that Edward Anthony Masen Cullen- I think this more than calls for an 'I told you so.'
Resigned, I sighed with the smallest iota of conviction, not even bothering with a warning glare. I just couldn't muster up much annoyance. Alice was, after all, an unstoppable force- and my emotions were much too preoccupied with the precious woman beside me.
Jasper noticed my feelings, offering a rare smile. Sorry for this- but I'm really happy for you bro.
I nodded slightly at him, taking note of the happiness he sent my way as proof before turning my attention back to the conversation at hand. During my brief exchange with Alice and Jasper, Bella had begun looking around, biting her lip nervously. As usual, she hated being the center of attention.
It wasn't helpful that Rosalie was staring both of us down, calculating and settling her piercing gaze on Bella. She squirmed momentarily until I looked down at her, offering a small smile that seemed to encourage her. She immediately drew herself up, her lip sliding out from between her teeth.
Carlisle cleared his throat, after reading each of our faces, recognizing the telltale signs of Cullen misbehavior. "Would someone mind telling me why this seems to be about something other than the two of them disappearing for a few hours?" Now please, he added for my benefit.
You or me Edward? Alice asked internally, smirking at me. Why did I have to have a sister bent on my public embarrassment? Or actually, considering everyone else's thoughts, siblings at all?
Hmmm… Emmett thought, looking at Bella's slightly chagrined face and our entangled hands. This could be fun…
Rosalie was beginning to click the pieces together as well, though her thoughts were much more disinterested. About time, she mused, smiling at me with falsified innocence. Only Esme was still in the dark, too caught up in observing her children's knowing, mischievous expressions to notice Bella's or my own body language.
I cleared my throat, deciding I needed to take care of this as quickly as possible and stop the jokes for Bella's sake. My family really needed to find better forms of entertainment.
"Bella and I left the house last night because we need some privacy to…discuss some things. We lost track of time and I'm sorry for worrying you Esme and Carlisle," I stated, utilizing my most respectful tone and squeezing Bella's hand. It wasn't beyond my notice that I sounded a bit like a teenager caught after curfew, and I blamed the utter ridiculousness on Alice's conniving schemes. At the sound of my voice, Esme's eyes finally came to rest on us, a flash of knowledge inhabiting her gaze.
"Oh," she said quietly, before happily smiling at us. Her thoughts became instantaneously content, not questioning the relationship I had just covertly admitted to. Look how happy he is. He's never looked this way before…
Carlisle's eyes flicked to our hands as well, but he maintained his composure. Congratulations son, he thought mildly, guarding any other thoughts carefully.
Alice, on the other hand was not faring so well on the self-control front, bouncing on her toes excitedly.
"Don't forget the kissing!" she exclaimed, suddenly, the words bursting forth.
I hissed in her direction, scowling. Could she act more like a four-year-old? What? It's true- don't be a prude Edward.
Unfortunately, Emmett broke down my intent to stare holes into Alice, guffawing loudly.
"Oh my. Edward and Bella sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g…" he crowed.
Rosalie smirked, but elbowed him in the ribs.
"Ow Rosie- that hurt."
Carlisle cleared his throat, interrupting the scene that was quickly spiraling out of control. Briefly, I wondered if he ever regretted forming this ragtag group of insolent, immature 'children'.
"That's enough- thank you for explaining Edward. You, of course understood our concern last night, with Bella being so young…" he trailed off.
I nodded, images of red irises from his mind's eye flooding my own. "Certainly. Are we free to go now?"
"Always." Carlisle said, while Esme beamed with pride and relief. I shook my head at her thoughts of elation, but was warmed none the less by her intense concern for not only me, but Bella as well.
At Carlisle's cue, I pulled Bella upstairs, eager to get her away from Emmett's wisecracks and my family's stares.
I closed the door behind us when we arrived in my room, dimming the sound of more taunts.
"Sorry about that." I offered, leaning against the door and truly repentant. While I had read all their thoughts, I hadn't expected such a scene.
She shook her head, a look of amused embarrassment still on her face.
"At least it's over now."
"You obviously don't know my family." I retorted, thinking of the months of obnoxious remarks that were coming. She groaned, understanding the connotation.
"Well, then at least I have you to endure the torture with me."
My face softened at her words. "Now that is most definitely true. You have me forever."
She grinned. "Mmm…well, since you have so willingly given yourself up to me- what were we doing before this all got in the way?" she questioned teasingly, her free hand swinging up around my neck, pulling my lips to hers.
The next several months were lived in pure and complete bliss, with Bella by my side. True to my word in the clearing, I stopped keeping my distance during the day and never left Bella longer than was necessary. As a result, following the process of my first kiss imaginations, Alice's visions slowly became realities. Each once-blurry image turned into a crystal clear experience, a beautiful piece of my relationship with Bella.
Visits to the park were a necessity to Bella's conditioning, and came frequently. The trip was made several times a week before quickly escalating into a near daily occurrence that put us in the thick of human families. True to the visions, we spent each day walking hand in hand, observing those around us and laughing when Bella insisted I tell her what people around us were thinking. Some afternoons were spent in more silence, some in more intense conversations, but they were all passed together.
However, there were bits of our days that we were pried apart. Eventually, Bella became capable of making trips into town, seemingly fully acclimated to human blood. She accomplished the feat much more quickly than any newborn we had ever seen or known of before, and it opened up a whole other world to her. Soon enough, she was accompanying Esme to the hardware or antique shops, or begrudgingly drug off by Alice on shopping trips. It was a struggle for her, but she became stronger every day. She even inspired Jasper, who began intensely working on his own self-control.
Though Bella often spent parts of the day away, the nights were ours, just as before. When the others began slowly slipping away, so Bella and I retreated up the stairs- though, admittedly, our behavior was much more PG-13 than that of the rest of the household.
This was a result of my personal upbringing and formative years spent in a Victorian world, but also of my conscience. Though I couldn't have been happier, some small part of me still niggled at the back of my mind, reminding me that I didn't deserve Bella. As a result, I felt like the best thing I could do for both of us was to move slowly. It allowed Bella the option of escape if she deemed it necessary, and in theory, preserved a piece of my heart. In truth, there was never a piece of me that didn't belong to Bella, and I was fooling myself.
Yet, I stuck to my guns, and Bella and I spent our nights curled up in her bed, trading kisses and gentle caresses, along with hushed conversations. As it had done in the clearing, darkness brought a piece of magic with it for us, and it was the time when we most opened up to each other, digging up all the issues that we needed to discuss. Often enough they were simple conversations, but other times they turned much more serious. I wanted to know every piece of her, so I insisted on talking about her human memories and her thoughts and emotions through her transformation and the subsequent time I had spent keeping my distance. I wanted to reclaim each of those precious moments, and string them together like the most valuable sort of pearls. The same conversations were often turned to my perspective, and Bella demanded to know what I had been thinking and feeling as well. Soon, we had complete disclosure with each other, working through each painful memory and issue together.
A thousand other tiny everyday events marked the passing days, and soon December snow coated the ground. The holiday season fell with it, and despite the fact that everyone but Bella had celebrated it a hundred times, Carlisle and Esme insisted on Christmas. Carlisle made the demand based somewhat on religious pretenses, but also to appease Esme, our motherly guardian of tradition.
That was how we all ended up venturing deep into the woods of Vermont on the morning of Christmas Eve, searching for the perfect tree to drag back to New York. Eventually, Alice and Esme made the decision, and we all agreeably added to the consensus. Emmet and Carlisle downed the massive chosen evergreen, and shook it of snow. A little over an hour later we were back in our living room, surrounded by both brand new ornaments and those that, with memories attached, had become part of the tradition.
"Edward, won't you play something on the piano?" Esme requested sweetly, beginning to supervise the untangling of the lights. I nodded in response, taking a seat at the piano, smiling at Esme's thoughts of how this time of year made her feel human again. I played the opening chords of Silent Night, knowing that she wasn't the only one in the room that felt that way. In many ways, I supposed she knew that as well, and it was why she advocated for the annual ordeal in the first place.
My fingers danced over the ebony and ivory, working from years of memory. I utilized my freed attention to listen to my family. They argued and bonded over the placement of ornaments and who would place the star on the top. Their thoughts were much more content than their actions or words may have revealed, and Jasper flooded the room with a sense of peace, magnified by what he felt around him. Still playing, I turned to take in the scene, hearing Bella's tinkling laugh. It melded with the sounds of the family around her, and was the result of a jab she had just taken at Emmett for some embarrassing remark he had made to her. She even provoked a laugh from Rosalie, who had melted somewhat to Bella's presence recently, seemingly forgiving her for being part of the reason she had to leave her last home. Time really does heal all wounds, even for the immortal, I suppose. Or perhaps it was just the season.
Either way, the sight of her ignited a fire in my chest that was both entirely the same and different from the one that had blazed in biology nearly a year ago. Everything about Bella still enticed me- from the way her mahogany hair glinted in the lights of the tree to the way her eyes danced as she interacted playfully with my family. The true, complete, unfathomable joy on her face was the most beautiful sight. I couldn't help to think that she now truly belonged to the family.
Except for in the most literal sense. The one way that I wanted the most.
The intensity of my desire prevented me from being surprised when Alice's mind sucked in my attention, pulling me into the vision of the event I realized my fresh decision had concretely planted in the future. I only wondered about when it would become a reality, and if anyone else would notice Alice's tiny squeak of celebration.
A/N: I know- it's cliff-esque. The next chapter is half written, because I actually started it more than a week ago, prior to realizing this one was necessary to fill the gap. It should be up a day or two after Christmas.