Chapter Seventeen

Everywhere I looked was a reminder of him. I ran straight up to my room, planning on throwing myself into homework and never looking back, but, from the moment I crossed the threshold, I saw him everywhere. I sat down on my bed but got right back up again when I remembered how he had looked there, holding me and talking. I dragged my backpack to my desk, but couldn't bring myself to actually sit there, thinking only of the way he had occupied my chair so casually, had confided in me so selflessly.

Well, maybe not selflessly. There was still a great deal I didn't know, a great deal that I felt I deserved to know. Like why being away from him was so physically uncomfortable. Like how he really felt about me. Like what in the hell my dream meant...

Edward Cullen is such an asshole.

What was that tantrum in the woods supposed to prove to me? That he was big and strong and fast? Alice had moved too quickly in front of me several times. I may not have known the full extent of their abilities, but I had certainly known enough to realize that they were different. Very different. And then I bring up a dream, a vision that I was powerless to stop, and Edward freaks out?

I retrieved a sheet of blank paper from my bag and uncapped a pen, draping myself gracelessly across the floor of my bedroom. I was going to make a list.

fast

strong

But was the strength thing just Edward? Alice had never exhibited any super strength with me... though she did hug me a little too tightly sometimes... and there was her admittance that she tries not to sit on furniture because she breaks it. Yeah... Alice was probably strong, too.

Beautiful

pale

cold skin

The cold skin thing had never bothered me, though. I mean, I'd never really thought about it, I guess, but it just seemed so integral a part of... who they are. I liked the feeling of Edward's hands, regardless of the temperature, but it occurred to me that part of the reason Mike Newton's touch had squicked me so much was because of the temperature. They had been hot and a little sweaty and just... wrong.

drinkseatsdrinks animal strange eating habits

strange eyes

A door slammed downstairs and I jumped about a foot. Charlie was home.

I scrambled to my feet, grateful for the distraction, and bounded downstairs, meeting my father in the living room.

My father. Huh. I didn't think of him in those terms that often. Maybe my reality was shifting.

"Hey, Bells," he said, patting me on my shoulder. "How was your day? Anything interesting happen?"

"Ummmm... not really," I lied, smacking my forehead when I realized just how much of the day I had lost to dealing with Edward and thinking about Edward. "I'm so sorry, Dad. I didn't realize what time it was. I'll go get started on dinner now."

"Don't worry about it, kid. Why don't we order a pizza?"

Pizza. Charlie's solution to every problem.

"Sounds great, Dad. You want me to call it in?"

"I think I can handle it. Go finish up your homework, and maybe we can watch a movie with dinner."

It was the best idea I'd heard all night.

Dragging myself back up to my room, I mentally ticked through my classes, trying to think of anything that needed to be done, laughing when I realized that, unless I wanted to get even further ahead than I already was, I wouldn't have been able to find anything to distract me earlier anyway. Sometimes, I supposed there were advantages to being a nerd.

Finally reaching my room, I walked inside, took one look around, and walked right back downstairs.

"You good, Bella bear?" Charlie asked, dropping onto his favorite chair in the living room.

"Everything's done," I replied, settling myself on the worn sofa. Somehow, in a very short period of time, this room felt like home to me.

"Great. What d'you wanna watch?"

"Your pick," I said, smiling as I watched my father flip through channel after channel, completely ignoring the digital menu that would have just told him what was on.

He settled on a "Seinfeld" rerun, much to my surprise, and we watched for about twenty minutes as Elaine extolled the virtues of the "big salad." It was comfortable and nice and something I wouldn't mind doing more often.

"We should hang out more," I said idly during a commercial break. Charlie looked over at me in shock.

"I'd really like that, Bells," he replied, smiling.

"Me, too."

A knock at the door interrupted our love-fest, and I jumped up before Charlie could.

"I'll get it," I offered, taking the cash Charlie handed me and heading for the door. The pizza delivery guy looked familiar and I wondered if he went to my school.

"Isabella, right?" he asked after reading me my total and handing over the pie.

"Yeah."

"I'm Chris," he said, smiling and offering me his hand.

"Nice to meet you," I replied, holding up the pizza box to explain why I wasn't offering my hand in return.

"Sorry," he laughed, nodding at the box. "Anyway, you go to Forks High, right?"

"I do," I confirmed, glancing back over my shoulder. I didn't know what this guy wanted, but I was hoping Charlie would interrupt us before I found out.

"Yeah, I'm a senior there," he continued, puffing out his chest a bit and adjusting the cap on his head.

"Junior," I returned.

"I know," he smiled, shaking his head. "You're big news around here."

"Huh."

"Have you gotten to see much of the town?"

"Is there really that much to see?" I countered, flinching when I realized that it sounded like I was flirting.

"Nah, not really," he smiled wider. "But there's Port Angeles, plenty of stuff to do up there. I could show you around some time. You know, since you're new and all."

"Bells?" Charlie called from the living room, and I turned towards his voice to mask my relieved smile.

"Coming, Dad!" I yelled before turning back to... shit... what was his name? "Look, it was really nice meeting you. Maybe I'll see you around school."

"You can count on it, Isabella. You have a nice night, now," he said, winking.

I cringed and closed the door before he'd even turned to walk away.

"Everything alright, Bella? What took so long?" Charlie grunted, his eyes fixed to whatever was happening on the television screen.

"Everything's fine. The delivery guy goes to my school... he was just making small talk. I'm gonna grab a Coke. You want anything?" I asked, dropping the pizza on the coffee table before heading into the kitchen.

"I'm good," he replied, holding up his beer.

I grabbed a drink out of the fridge and scared up some napkins and paper plates. Back in the living room, I filled Charlie's plate with greasy, cheesy goodness before doing the same for myself and sinking back into the couch.

"What're we watching?" I asked through a mouthful of pepperoni.

"Some movie," he answered, nodding towards the screen. "It just started."

I settled back to watch, wondering what I would be stuck with for the next two hours, smiling as a young Brad Pitt filled the screen, followed by an equally young Christian Slater. It all looked terribly familiar. I was sure I'd seen this before.

"Can I see the remote for a second?" I asked, reaching blindly towards Charlie's chair and accepting the block of plastic into my hand. By the time I pressed the info button to learn the title of the film, Brad had moved too quickly to a light switch and back, scaring Christian Slater and illuminating a very pale face with very inhuman eyes. My hand was shaking.

Interview with the Vampire.

I dropped the remote on the floor, but Charlie didn't seem to notice.

"You seen this before, Bells?" he asked, his eyes never leaving the screen.

"Mom loves this movie," I replied, riveted as the film played out, feeling like something terribly important was about to happen. "I think you'll like it."

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By the time the credits rolled, I felt like I'd run a marathon. Charlie was asleep beside me, snoring away on his recliner, but I was wide awake, my breath coming in pants and my skin damp with sweat.

It was all too familiar. Every person bitten in the film brought me back to my dream in the woods, to Edward's form in the dark as he took down that animal. This shouldn't be right. It couldn't be right. But it... was. I was sure of it.

Edward Cullen was a vampire.

I felt like an idiot.

Somehow the truth was easier to take in drips and drops. It was easy to shrug off the sight of him attacking that animal. Well, not easy, but... justifiable? I now lived in a state with an alarming amount of hunters. Was what I had seen him doing any different than that? I ate meat on a daily basis. Could I fault him for... well, he hadn't been tucking into a cheeseburger or anything, but I could still draw a parallel, as bizarre as it was.

I was reluctant to think about what he could be eating. Every bleeding person in that movie had sent chills down my spine. The idea of him doing to another human being what he did to that mountain lion was... too terrible for words. But in the movie, Louis was able to survive off of animal blood. Was that was Edward was doing? And what about Alice and the rest of his family? Surely they were all the same, but... it was too much to consider. Too much for now.

My chest felt constricted, that ever-present anxious feeling multiplying within me. I needed a change of scenery, needed to get away from the damn television. I secured a flannel blanket around him, smiling as I watched his mustache twitch with every snore, and switched off the television before feeling my way up the dark stairs.

In my room, I turned on the lamp next to my bed and grabbed a pillow, spreading out across my desk and resting my forehead on the glass of the window, gazing into the night outside.

"What's happening to me?" I whispered into the dark, my breath fogging up the glass. "Am I going crazy?"

A sudden vibration in my pocket startled me, and I laughed quietly at myself as I reached into my jeans and pulled out my iPhone to find I had a text message. From Edward.

You're not crazy, Isabella.

I shot upright, glancing frantically around my room only to find it empty. Confused, I turned back to the window, my eyes suddenly drawn to the tree in front of my window, swaying in the breeze. Crawling onto my knees, I flicked the latch on top of the pane and force the glass upwards, feeling the cool night air wash over me.

I leaned forward, sticking my head outside, looking down until I saw the grass directly below me... but there was nothing. No one. I wondered where this feeling was coming from. My chest began to ache. Something was happening. He was here. I knew he was here.

I squinted into the woods, looking for any sign of movement. The trees were stock still for once, with nary a branch moving... but the tree by my window was still swaying. I leaned further out, lying across the desk for support and moving until the majority of my torso was dangling in mid-air. I waited to feel the breeze that was manipulating my tree, but nothing came. The night was still as death. I shuddered at my own analogy.

"I really am crazy," I muttered, wrapping my fingers around the window sill and pushing myself back inside.

"You're not, Isabella," a voice murmured from in front of me, the voice I had been waiting to hear.

I glanced up suddenly, gasping as I was presented with the very real face of Edward Cullen, his pale, perfect features bathed in the weak moonlight.

"You're not crazy, Isabella," he repeated, reaching one long, elegant finger out to stroke my cheek. "I am."

I backed away from the window, scrambling back across my desk in order to give him space to enter. He seemed to understand my intentions, because in an instant he was there, moving too easily into my room and walking to stand before me.

"I apologize, Isabella, both for my behavior earlier and my intrusion now, but I found I simply could not stay away."

"You told me you wouldn't," I whispered. "You told me you wouldn't stay away."

"It seems I am destined to disappoint you," he replied ruefully, running a hand through his hair.

"That's an excuse if ever there was one," I spat, my voice lacking the venom the comment required. "Why did you come to me if only to disappoint? Why do you constantly seek me out if only to confuse me?"

"Alice told me you came to a realization tonight," he said, ignoring my questions.

"I did," I frowned, "on a couch in the living room, sitting next to my father. Does that seem fair to you?"

"I do not know what is fair anymore."

"Then perhaps you should leave me alone."

"Perhaps I should," he agreed quietly. "I do not think I can."

I turned away from him, moving to sit at the foot of my bed, my legs dangling off the side.

"Why are you here?" I asked finally, bringing my hands to my hair to begin dismantling Alice's elaborate hairstyle.

"She said you came to a realization," he repeated.

"And this involves you how?" I questioned coolly, removing the bobby pins and dropping them into my lap.

"Why are you behaving in this way, Isabella? You know exactly how it involves me."

"Do you think my behavior childish?" I asked, combing out my wavy tresses with my fingers, feeling around for stray pins. "I ran home, Edward. Just as you told me to."

"I apologized-"

"Oh, was that an apology before? I didn't realize. I was too focused on you watching me through my window, you deciding that you had the right to look at me without my consent."

"It wasn't... I-"

"You what, Edward? Should I be flattered? Should I be thrilled that you climbed my tree and looked through my window and listened as I talked to myself? What if I was changing my clothes? What if I was with a boy?"

"A boy?" he growled, his eyes narrowing. "What boy?"

"Any boy," I bluffed. "I met a nice one this evening. A senior. He offered to show me around Port Angeles."

"You will not-"

"I will not what, Edward? Go on a date? Why ever not?"

"You are mine, do you understand me? Mine."

His eyes were hot, his fingers curling into fists. He was beautiful in his passion, his possession, his jealousy. He made me feel alive and wanted and complete. I hated him.

"Fuck you," I spat, tired of this game. I stomped across the floor, planting my palms solidly on his chest and pushing with all my strength. He didn't budge. "Why do you do this to me, Edward? Why?"

"I do this to you?" he snarled. "You have done this! You with your beauty and your mind and your heart. You with your frailty. How can a dead man love a human, Isabella? How can a monster love an innocent?"

"You are only a monster if you paint yourself as one," I hissed, glaring at him. "I gave you so many chances, I begged you to tell me, yet you continued to lie. And now... now I have to figure it out watching a damned movie? I have to rely on a farce to realize that you're a..."

"A what?" he asked, taking a step towards me, causing me to take a step back. "A what? Say it."

I felt dizzy. I couldn't breathe.

"Say it, Isabella."

I looked at him, searching out his eyes in the dim room. His face was hard, impassive. His beautiful eyes were so cold. I knew it was a mask, the same mask he had donned in the meadow, but it hurt me all the same. He hurt me all the same.

"Get out of my house." I planted my hands on his chest once more, pushing as though the world depended on it. "Get out of my house, vampire."

He stumbled backwards, but I knew it was not because of my strength.

"Isabella," he breathed, his facade slipping away to be replaced with... something. Something miserable and broken and so not Edward.

"I told you to leave," I said coldly, looking away from his pain, unable to bear it. "Do not make me tell you again."

He turned from me, moving slowly across the floor, approaching the window as a condemned man might approach his execution. Every step he took made me want to call him back, to apologize, to beg him to stay with me, but I bit my lip and help my tongue, wrapping my arms around my torso to keep them from reaching out to him instead.

As he climbed out of my room and into the night air, I felt my heart drop from my chest, watched it shatter at my feet into too many pieces to ever be completely whole again. Unable to stand a moment longer, I crumpled to the floor, my body wracked by sobs, my eyes burning with tears that would never fall.

I had pushed away the other half of my soul, I had denied him for the sake of pride and pettiness and vanity. I would never be the same again.

A pair of cool arms wrapped around my shaking body, a familiar sweet scent invading my senses.

"Do not fear, Isabella," Alice murmured into my hair, holding me tighter. "It will be well."