CHAPTER 9

I'VE JUST SEEN A FACE

"Grandma! I'm leaving . . . see you later!" Paul called out as opened the front door.

"OK, Paul. Have fun!" Ruth called back as he smiled and closed the door. He hadn't been looking forward to tonight until he spent the day with Leah. The image of her in that bikini . . . and then later, in the water . . . he couldn't get it out of his mind! That was the hottest thing he had ever done with a girl.

Since Paul was leaving his car here for his grandma, Jared had offered to stop and pick him up, so he jogged over to the car and hopped into the back. "Thanks for the ride, bro. Kim, you look gorgeous as ever."

Jared looked at Paul and asked, "You hitting on my girl?"

Kim smacked him and said, "Why thank you, Paul. You look quite handsome yourself."

Paul smiled as Jared rolled his eyes. "You're awfully chipper tonight. What's up with that?" Jared asked as he took off and drove them to the beach.

"Just had a good day, J," Paul replied cheerfully. They had started calling each other J and P when they were kids, but they hadn't used those nicknames for a long time.

Jared glanced at Paul in the rear-view mirror and smiled. He knew that Paul had gone to the beach with Leah. "Uh-huh. I know that look. You only look that smug and that happy when you've had sex. Fess up, P. You and Leah hooked up, didn't you?"

Instead of denying it, Paul just laughed then leaned back and folded his arms behind his head to say, "All I'm saying is: Best. Day. Ever."

Jared smiled and looked at Kim. "I think that was a yes." She just shook her head at him as he chuckled.

Jared parked in the lot and Paul crawled out of the back. Kim had made some food, so she loaded Jared and Paul down with all kinds of dishes and pans covered with foil. They made it to the picnic table that was set up near the bonfire and then Emily took their food and set it out, saying, "Thanks, guys."

"Sure. Wow, everything looks good," Jared said as he picked up a deviled egg and shoved into his mouth.

Emily smacked his hand as he reached for another one. "Wait until everyone is here!"

Jared grinned and stole another egg as soon as she turned her back. Paul just laughed as he walked away to see if Leah was here yet. Suddenly, he found himself excited at the thought of seeing her again. Looking around, he saw Sam putting wood on the fire, and Embry and Quil just walking up. Collin and Brady were throwing a football back and forth, but he didn't see Leah or Seth yet. Billy wasn't here yet nor was Sue. He wondered if Billy would come tonight. It was hard for him with Jake gone, even though he knew that Sam went over and looked in on him everyday, and Sue and Emily made sure he had enough food to eat. He knew Billy had to be lonely.

Paul turned away from the crowd and walked to the edge of the water to look out at the waves rolling in. It made him remember this afternoon with Leah and as his jeans started to get a little too tight, he decided maybe he should try and think of something else. Suddenly he felt a huge hand on his shoulder. "Hey, Paul. Can we talk?"

He turned to see Sam standing there. "Hey, Sam. What's up?"

"I'd like to know what the hell you think you're doing with Leah."

Paul narrowed his eyes and stared at Sam. "Why is it any of your business? If I remember, you gave up that right when you dumped her for Emily."

That got Sam's anger up. "You know I didn't dump her. I imprinted. Doesn't mean I don't still care about her. She's off limits, Paul. You got that?"

Paul got up in Sam's face. "Are you fucking serious? You can't have her so no one can, is that it? What an arrogant son of a . . . "

Sam stopped him by putting his hand on Paul's chest and giving him a little shove. "I said stay away from her." Paul snorted which pissed Sam off. "I swear Paul, if you so much as lay one finger on her . . . "

Paul grinned smugly and said, "Oh it was more than a finger. And she begged for more."

Fury burned in Sam's eyes as he threw his fist toward Paul's face. Paul ducked, but didn't expect the other fist to come up into his gut at the same time and knock the wind out of him and disgustedly he hit the sand with a thud. As Paul gasped for air, Sam spit out, "Stay away from Leah," then he walked away.

Paul rolled over onto his back as Jared ran over to look down at him and ask, "What the hell was that all about?" Throwing out his hand, he helped Paul sit up then said, "Oh, right. Leah."

Paul just glared over at Sam, hating the fact that he had gotten the best of him. "Damnit!" he wheezed. "Fucker can't even fight fair!"

Jared could see that anger building as he begged, "Paul, come on. Not here in front of everyone, OK?"

Paul pulled against Jared's hold on him. "Let me go, Jared! I need to show him he can't kick my ass in front of everyone and get away with it. It's none of his business WHO Leah sleeps with! It's hers and mine."

Jared refused to let up on his hold until Paul finally relented and calmed down. "You OK?"

Paul looked at him and nodded then got up and dusted himself off. "I've had enough of his shit. I'm going home."

"Aw, come, on, Paul. At least have something to eat first. Leah's not even here yet. Wait for her, OK?"

Leah. Paul sighed, "Fine. Let's get some food."

Jared patted his shoulder and they walked together to the food table. Paul filled a plate and walked over to an old log and sat down on it to eat. Taking a huge bite of hot dog, he looked around again for Leah. Where the hell is she?

Just then he noticed that Billy had decided to come after all. Sam and Quil were carrying his chair through the sand to sit him near the bonfire. Huh, good for him, Paul thought. Then he noticed a girl that he had never seen before walk up and lean down to say something to Billy. She smiled and then straightened to gaze out at the water. All of a sudden, everyone disappeared and all he could see was her. She was tall, dark-skinned and thin, but with curves in all the right places, wearing a yellow sundress that showed off her long legs and he watched in awe as a few strands of her long black hair blew across her face and she moved her hand up to brush it away. Paul felt as if the earth moved, and he was left shaken to the core.

After awhile, Paul felt someone shaking him, but it took him awhile to come back to earth and respond. "Paul. Paul. Hey!" Finally he blinked and turned his head to look at Jared. "What?" he asked foggily.

"What's with you, man? Did you hit your head when you hit the sand, or what? I asked you if you wanted this Mt. Dew."

"Oh, uh, yeah, sure." Paul shook his head to clear it and then looked over at Billy again, but there was no girl there now. What the hell had just happened to him? Did he just imagine seeing her? Popping the top of the Mt. Dew, he took a long swig and begged his body to calm the fuck down.

"Hey did you see Rachel was here? She's home from college," Kim said as she sat down next to Jared.

"Oh yeah. I saw her come in with Billy," Jared answered as he bit off half of his hot dog.

Hearing their conversation, Paul turned toward Kim and said, "There was a girl with Billy?"

"Yes, she's getting some food," Kim replied.

"And who is she?"

"It's Rachel. She's one of Jake's older sisters. She's been at Washington State for the last four years and she just graduated. I guess she's home for a visit before she goes out into the world on her own. His other sister lives in Hawaii, I think. They're twins."

Paul just nodded, his food totally forgotten. Rachel. Her name was Rachel. "Paul? You look sick. Are you feeling alright?" Kim asked as she touched his arm.

"Yeah, um, I feel weird. A little dizzy."

Jared looked at him and asked, "Paul? Talk to me, dude. Tell me what happened." Kim shot him a look. She knew where he was going with this, but she stayed quiet.

"I have no fucking idea. I mean, I looked up and saw her and . . . it was like everyone else just disappeared and all I could see was her . . . her eyes, her hair, her body . . . I felt like the earth moved . . . I don't know, it was all so fucking weird."

Jared broke out a laugh. "Oh man. I've been waiting for this day for so long!"

Paul whipped his head around and said, "What? Why?"

"You imprinted, bro! Finally!" Jared kept laughing as Paul felt like his whole world had just shattered. Imprinted . . . Imprinted . . . Imprinted . . . that word just kept echoing inside his head. Paul stood up, letting his plate fall into the sand as he looked around in a daze wondering what to do, where to go. Suddenly, he couldn't breathe . . . his chest was so tight. His mind was filled with the vision of Rachel . . . his body was telling him to find her, but his brain was shouting at him to run.

"Hey, dude." Jared stood up and grabbed Paul's shoulders. "It's OK. I'll help you through this. Come on, we'll go talk to her."

"NO! No. I don't want this, Jared. I don't fucking want it!" Paul jerked away from him then yelled, "Damnit, Jared. If you had let me leave when I wanted to, this wouldn't have happened. Don't you get it? For the first time in my life, I was FINALLY happy. And now . . . it's all gone." His voice faded, "It's all gone."

"Paul, look, I'm sorry. I should have, I guess . . . " Jared started, but Paul didn't want to hear it.

"I need to get the hell away from here." And with that, Paul gave into his urge to flee and turned and bolted for the woods. He ran as hard and as fast as he could to get away, all the time this pain in his chest getting stronger and stronger. Finally he fell onto the ground and just lay there gasping for air before he rolled over and puked his guts out. As he lay there heaving, and crying, he wished with everything he had that he could die right now and end this nightmare.

"Jared? Where's Paul? Have you seen him?" Leah asked. They had been late getting here because she and her mom had to pack up all the food she had spent the day making. After carrying it all down from the car, she finally had a chance to look around for Paul.

Kim gave Jared a look as he took a deep breath . . . he had no idea how to tell her. He didn't want to be the one to drive the stake through her heart . . . again. "What?" Leah prompted. "Is something wrong? It's not his grandma is it? Or his brothers?"

"Just tell her," Kim whispered.

Jared shook his head as he took another deep breath then said as fast as he could, "He was here, Sam hit him, he imprinted then he left. Can I get anyone something to drink?" He jumped up to leave and Kim grabbed his arm and jerked him back down.

Leah squinted at Jared. "What? You want to say that a little slower this time?"

Looking over at Kim, then back to Leah, Jared finally said, "He rode here with us. Um, Sam confronted him about you, and what's going on between you and Paul."

"That's none of his damn business," Leah spouted.

"That's pretty much what Paul told him, I guess, because Sam punched him in the gut and knocked the wind out of him. Then he told him to stay away from you and walked away. I helped Paul up and told him to cool down. I didn't think he should go after him in front of everyone."

Leah was boring holes into Sam with her glare as Jared talked. He was standing near the water with Emily, just talking and smiling at her. Her anger was building near the breaking point. How dare he tell ANYONE to stay away from her? He had NO fucking right!

Turning away from Jared and Kim, Leah marched straight over to Sam, where she grabbed his arm and jerked him around to face her. "Who the hell do you think you are telling someone to stay away from me? Why do think you have the right to be in charge of who I'm friends with and who I spend my time with?" Leah shouted at him.

"Hello, Leah. Can we maybe have this conversation in private?" Sam said in a lower even tone.

Leah did lower her voice just a touch as she replied, "No, Sam. We will have it right here and right now. HOW DARE YOU! I will spend time with whoever I want and you have NOTHING to say about it. Do you get that? Nothing!" Leah shouted as she shoved her finger into his chest for emphasis.

"Look, Leah, I don't think its a good idea for you two to . . . " Sam lowered his voice, "to have relations. It's not good for the pack. That's all."

Leah's mouth fell open as she stared at Sam. "Oh my God, did you just use the word . . . 'relations?' Really, Sam? Are you that embarrassed to say sex?" Leah said in awe. "And for the record, I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with what's good for the pack."

Sam grabbed her arm as she turned to go. "Leah, wait. We need to talk about this."

Jerking her arm away, Leah hissed, "Don't you dare touch me. You gave up your right to touch me a long time ago." Leah turned again to leave and at the last minute, whipped around and threw her fist into Sam's jaw then watched with satisfaction as he hit the ground. Leaning over him, she said, "THAT was for what you did to Paul." Then she straightened up and walked back toward the bonfire shaking her now throbbing hand.

Emily immediately bent down to tend to Sam and helped him up as everyone else just stared in disbelief. Seth met Leah halfway, his eyes practically bugging out of his head. "Are you fucking crazy? You hit Sam!"

"Step aside, little brother, or you'll be next."

"Shit, Leah. What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong is everyone trying to run my life. It's MY life, damnit, and I will live it like I want to."

"This has to do with Paul, doesn't it? Sam found out about you two."

Leah stopped and looked him in the eye. "Did you tell him?" Seth wouldn't look at her, his classic sign for trying to hide something. "Oh my God, Seth, you did, didn't you?"

"I didn't mean to! We were on patrol and I was pissed, and I let it slip. I'm sorry, Leah."

Leah sighed and tried to stay calm. This was her little brother . . . she needed to cut him some slack. Just not right now. She pushed past him and made her way back to Jared and Kim.

"Oh my God, Leah! That was fucking awesome!" Jared exclaimed.

"Don't think I've forgotten our conversation, Jared. I know that's not why Paul left. So, why did he leave?"

Jared smiled quickly disappeared as he looked at Kim. "I can't do it. I can't tell her."

Kim gave him a look of disgust then looked at Leah. "Leah, there is no easy way to tell you this, so I'm just going to say it. Paul imprinted tonight. On Jake's sister, Rachel. She's home from college and she came here with Billy. When Paul saw her, he imprinted. It upset him so much that he ran out of here as fast as he could without even talking to her." Kim put her hand on Leah's arm, and added softly, "I'm so sorry."

Leah stood there in shock, not moving, not breathing. Imprinted, imprinted, imprinted . . . That word kept echoing around in her head until she thought she might pass out.

"Leah? Are you alright?" Kim asked.

"Um, I don't know," Leah finally said, her voice shaking as she tried desperately to hold on to her sanity. She had tried so hard to keep herself from loving Paul because of this very reason. She swore she would never go though the pain of losing someone ever again. And now . . . here it was, staring her in the face . . . again.

Leah closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself . . . she was shaking now and she couldn't seem to stop. Jared finally stepped up to put his arm around her and lead her over to the old log where Paul had been sitting when he imprinted and made her sit down as Kim ran to get her some water. "Leah? Paul didn't want this. I know he didn't. And he never told me in words, but I know how he feels about you. I'm really worried about him. I don't know what he'll do."

Leah looked at Jared and nodded. She wasn't sure what he would do either. Suddenly she was scared for him. "I have to find him."

"Here, Leah." Kim handed her a bottle of water. Leah unscrewed the cap and gulped some down then she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and pushed the bottle back to Kim. Sitting there, Leah finally willed her body to calm down and she began thinking about Paul. The more she worried about him, the less she cared about her own feelings.

Leah stood up and announced to them, "I'm going to find him. Did he phase?"

"No."

"Which way did he run?"

Jared stood and pointed. "That way. Want me to help you?"

Leah shook her head. "No. This is something we need to deal with alone." As Jared nodded, she touched his arm and added, "But thanks."

Then Leah turned to Kim. "Thanks for telling me."

"Sure," Kim replied with a small smile.

Leah left them and took off in the direction that Jared pointed, flying through the trees. She ran as hard as she could, fighting back the tears that threatened then slowed as she saw him. He was lying on his back on the ground in a small clearing, looking so defeated. Leah walked to him and kneeled down in front of him. "Paul . . . Paul. Look at me."

Paul finally opened his eyes and looked at Leah and she couldn't hold back the tears any longer. He looked so broken. His eyes were red and there was no light in them like there had been earlier at the beach. "Oh Paul," she said softly, her voice breaking as she lay down beside him and did her best to get her arms around him. Then she held him as her tears ran down her face and onto his arm.

Paul knew she would come. He had been laying here just waiting for her to come and find him. Laying here in Leah's arms, he tried to find solace, but there wasn't any. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was her - Rachel. Her face as she smiled and her hand brushing the hair from her face. He didn't even know her! He didn't know what her voice sounded like or how she smelled, or how soft her skin was . . . how could he love someone he knew nothing about?

He knew all of those things about Leah. Every one. And more. He knew she always picked the pepperoni off of her pizza and ate them first, then the pizza. She would say that her favorite movie was The Bourne Identity, but he really knew it was Pride and Prejudice. Her hair always smelled like flowers and sunshine and the skin right at the base of her back was soft as silk. And her laugh . . . her laugh floated on the air and always made him feel happy.

Paul had never wanted to love anyone. He didn't want to be tied down, or have one more person depend on him. Yet, here he was . . . just realizing that he was madly in love with Leah and now . . . there was Rachel. God, I want to die.

Finally forcing himself to sit up, Paul said, "Leah, I'm so sorry . . . "

Leah stopped him by putting her hand on his mouth. "Don't. Don't apologize for something you can't control." Sitting up, she looked him in the eye. "I always knew this might happen. Why do you think I told you I wouldn't love you? I told you I didn't want to think about what we had . . . I just wanted to go with the feeling. I am not going to let this kill me, Paul. I won't, I promise."

Hearing Leah say those words just ignited Paul's anger. "But what about me? You're taking this so calmly. I can't stand it!" he shouted. "I don't fucking want this. I can't do this. This is BULLSHIT!" Finally hauling himself off of the ground, he stood there, hands on his hips staring out into the forest.

Leah pushed herself to her feet to demand, "Paul, look at me." He wiped his face with his hand and then turned his head toward her as she said, "There's nothing you can do. You have to accept this. You HAVE to."

Paul's hands shot out to grip Leah's upper arms, to give her a shake as he yelled, "No, I don't! I WILL fight this! I will NOT give in." Then he dropped his head and took a deep breath before he looked back at Leah and gently took her face into his hands to say, "If I had to imprint, why couldn't it be you? I know you, everything about you. I like hanging out with you, talking to you. You're cool and funny and beautiful, and sexy as hell. I didn't want to love ANYONE, but I finally realize . . . I already do."

Leah felt tears come to her eyes again as she shook her head slowly back and forth. "Don't, Paul."

Not letting go, Paul begged, "Help me, Leah. Help me fight this," before he crushed his lips onto hers in a fierce kiss. As Paul moved his lips over Leah's, Rachel's face floated into his mind. Suddenly, he could barely breathe as his chest tightened. Pulling away, he looked at Leah and she could see the fear in his eyes.

Paul took a deep breath and jerked Leah roughly to his chest and kissed her again . . . and again and again and again trying as hard as he could to focus on just her, but Rachel kept coming into his mind and then this pain squeezed his chest. Paul finally pushed Leah away and fell to his knees, feeling as if his chest would explode!

"Paul? Are you alright?" Leah asked anxiously as she kneeled beside him. She could tell something was very wrong.

"No, I'm not. I . . . can't. Fuck, it hurts," he managed to get out as he rubbed his chest and curled into a ball on the ground.

"I have to go, Paul. I won't hurt you like this. I won't have you be in pain because of me."

"No! Don't leave me, Leah. Don't go! Just let me catch my breath."

"I'm going to move away for a few minutes." Leah thought if she put some distance between them, the pain would go away. Walking out of the clearing, she leaned against a tree to try and collect her thoughts. So this is what Sam went through. Trying to be with me when he needed to be with Emily. She closed her eyes. All that hate I had for him and he was telling me the truth. He couldn't help it. He had no control over it. Just like Paul now.

The pain finally subsided and Paul stood up and took in a deep breath then announced, "OK. It's gone." Leah walked slowly back to him, but stayed a few feet away to hear him state evenly, "I fucking hate this."

Leah nodded, "I know. Me, too." Paul just stood there, looking so lost and for some reason, she blurted out, "I hit Sam."

It took him a few seconds for what she said to register. "What? You hit Sam. When?"

"Right before I came here. Jared told me what he said to you. He had no right to tell you to stay away from me, so, I hit him. Right in the jaw. Knocked him on his ass." Leah smiled as she saw a smile play at Paul's mouth. "Someone once told me I had a mean right hook."

That smile finally broke out as Paul said, "You do. I had a bruise for a whole day."

Leah sobered again to tell him, "Paul, I don't want you to fight it. I want you to give in to it. You have to."

Paul shot Leah a look that told her he wasn't giving up. "No. Look, I've been thinking . . . maybe I can stay away from her until she goes back to wherever it was she came from then it'll go away. Or, we can run away! You and me, we'll just get in the car and drive as far away from here as we can get."

Leah just stood there slowly shaking her head back and forth as he talked, new tears rolling down her cheeks. Paul ran to her and grabbed her shoulders. "Please, Leah! Come with me!"

"Don't do this, Paul. Please, don't do this to me."

Letting her go, Paul turned away from Leah and suddenly shouted out, "FUCK! Fuck this! Fuck it!" He stood there his whole body shaking with rage. After a minute or two, he finally calmed himself enough to turn back around and say, "Look, I'm sor . . . ", but he found himself alone. Leah was gone. Closing his eyes, he finally let his tears fall as he whispered, "I love you, Leah."

Across the rez from Paul, at the Clearwater house, Leah walked into her bedroom and closed the door then leaned back against it, determined not to give into it this time. I can't do this again. I can't. I have to be strong . . . stronger than before. The tightness in her chest was bursting to be let free and yet she kept it inside. I promised Paul I wouldn't let this kill me and I have to keep that promise . . . even though I'm not sure I can.

Leah's strength finally gave way as she slowly slid down the door to land in a heap on the floor. Closing her eyes, she saw Paul how he had been today on the beach . . . so happy and carefree . . . relaxed, then playful . . . and then in the water . . . moving together like that in the waves, and holding onto his strong body as she . . . her eyes slowly opened as she realized now, that body would belong only to Rachel. And that is when the floodgate opened and she sobbed as she emptied her heart of all her hidden feelings of love for Paul.